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    (Original post by Xristina)
    Hello, I was checking this thread out of boredom and I happened to come across your question. I would say B is better, because you get to be there for the entire weekend, which is when most families get to do things together anyway. The kids have school etc during the week so you get to see them in their free time.

    To everyone saying things like "kids need their fathers" etc, you have a very idealistic view about modern households and I hope that life won't prove to you that sometimes things are not perfect. Some of you have been quite judgemental but in my opinion a parent needs to provide for their children and that entails everything from a decent house, food, a good education to a vacation once in a while. Personally, if I reached the age of 18 and wasn't able to go to a good university because my parents had decided to work less, I would feel pretty bad about it. And opportunities like that can affect someone's life forever.

    On the other hand, having a good relationship with your kids does not mean being there 24/7. It means actually communicating with them when you are there, and trying your best to be there as much as you can.

    I don't even want to imagine what some of you must think of divorced parents and of the relationship the parent living out can have with their children.
    You are absolutely right. Dave will soon be back to normal and working 5 days and the odd sat but home by 6pm, with sunday definately off, which will be a very pleasant change. Ive said all I want on the subject, but it has been interesting to learn of everyones opinions reguardless of if I agree or not.

    (Original post by Nynyflower)
    Sorry, I'd had a bit to drink last night before posting that. I was brought up on a low income with just my Dad working to start with and then my mum working as a school cook subsequently. We had 3 (sun newspaper and camping) holidays a year, and whilst we didn't have expensive clothes or anything, we ate well and having a lot of contact with my mum has meant I am very close to her now. My dad I am not so close to simply because when he wasn't at work he would be drunk, but that kind of moves away from my point. I don't think you can ever replace time spent with your children, even if this sacrifices having a high income job. I know I'm probably not qualified to comment as I'm not a parent but it's also not that long since I was a child. My parents are now divorced and I don't get to see my Dad as much as I'd like to, but we're all a bit older now.

    I think you need to do what's best given your situation (speaking to Erich now), and since you will be working away, make sure you spend as much time with your children as is possible when you are home. Don't buy guilt presents, there was a girl in my year at school who was horrendous, she was spoilt as her dad worked away and bought her things rather than spending time with her.
    Not always high income. My partner earns 16 grand a year hardly a huge sum.
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    (Original post by Nynyflower)
    I personally think kids are way more important than money, but there you go.
    I'm sure you realize by now that money doesn't grow on trees or fall from the sky.

    Kids require lots of food, shelter, heat, education and lots more which doesn't come free of charge. The money has to come from somewhere.

    (Original post by Zenobia)
    EH: if your job is so good, why can't your family come to Zurich? Germans schools are good and an international upbringing could only come with advantages.
    Oh I've no doubt about it, but the practicalities of it is not feasible.

    Wife : It was hard enough getting her to move from Wales to England, she already finds it difficult, I don't think she can handle living in Zurich especially considering the only German words she knows is Heil Hitler, in any case she has her life here, her friends, family and her studies. It's not fair for me to tell her to move to somewhere she doesn't particularly like nor enjoy being at. Sure she would love it very much if I'm home everyday after work but in order for her to be the parent at home and there for the kids I will have to be away otherwise we won't be able to afford her being home for the children.

    Children : The elder one doesn't know enough Swiss German to attend school there, I grew up a lot having to move a lot, my dad was a diplomat... I never attended any school longer than 2 years and as a result I never got to be friends with anyone in any meaningful way until I went to university, that's just not a life I want my kids to have as my posting to Zurich isn't a permanent thing, with layoffs happening in the financial services industry I can't really predict when I would be out of a job and need to relocate, hence it's easier on the family that they remain and I go on my own.

    (Original post by Xristina)
    Hello, I was checking this thread out of boredom and I happened to come across your question. I would say B is better, because you get to be there for the entire weekend, which is when most families get to do things together anyway. The kids have school etc during the week so you get to see them in their free time.

    To everyone saying things like "kids need their fathers" etc, you have a very idealistic view about modern households and I hope that life won't prove to you that sometimes things are not perfect. Some of you have been quite judgemental but in my opinion a parent needs to provide for their children and that entails everything from a decent house, food, a good education to a vacation once in a while. Personally, if I reached the age of 18 and wasn't able to go to a good university because my parents had decided to work less, I would feel pretty bad about it. And opportunities like that can affect someone's life forever.

    On the other hand, having a good relationship with your kids does not mean being there 24/7. It means actually communicating with them when you are there, and trying your best to be there as much as you can.

    I don't even want to imagine what some of you must think of divorced parents and of the relationship the parent living out can have with their children.
    Thanks for the good post.

    (Original post by alexa123)
    This is an interesting one, as i can see both sides to the discussion.

    Obviously your children are more important to you than money, but as someone has said money is needed for you all to live. To be honest i feel if you have to be away, that is just the way it has to be. My dad was around every evening and weekends and didn't really bother with us too much, although now i am older he does a lot more. I believe if you came home at weekends and the weekends were just family time, so you were there and definitely not working that this could be a good comprimise. I would much rather had a Dad that comes home at weekends and makes lots of effort. Just make sure you engage with them lots when you are around, which i am sure you do. Maybe have some kinda routine with them when you are home so it doesn't feel like a flying visit each time, not really sure what i mean, i dunno like stories or special days out. I think your children would grow up to appreciate your work ethic but also still adore you. I believe there isn't a right or wrong way to parent, everyone just has to do what is right for them, every way has negative and postive consequences.
    Your post seems like what my wife said But she did say on the weekends I'm home she doesn't want to see me doing anything at all remotely work related.

    (Original post by Nynyflower)
    Sorry, I'd had a bit to drink last night before posting that. I was brought up on a low income with just my Dad working to start with and then my mum working as a school cook subsequently. We had 3 (sun newspaper and camping) holidays a year, and whilst we didn't have expensive clothes or anything, we ate well and having a lot of contact with my mum has meant I am very close to her now. My dad I am not so close to simply because when he wasn't at work he would be drunk, but that kind of moves away from my point. I don't think you can ever replace time spent with your children, even if this sacrifices having a high income job. I know I'm probably not qualified to comment as I'm not a parent but it's also not that long since I was a child. My parents are now divorced and I don't get to see my Dad as much as I'd like to, but we're all a bit older now.

    I think you need to do what's best given your situation (speaking to Erich now), and since you will be working away, make sure you spend as much time with your children as is possible when you are home. Don't buy guilt presents, there was a girl in my year at school who was horrendous, she was spoilt as her dad worked away and bought her things rather than spending time with her.
    What is a "Sun Newspaper Holiday" ?

    That girl in your school sounded like me in my younger days
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    What is a "Sun Newspaper Holiday" ?
    you collect tokens from the Sun newspaper, and after you have the required amount of tokens, you are then eligible to get a cheap holiday (think it's something like £9 + tokens). I think they're usually UK holidays, like holiday parks or camp sites, as far as I know, though don't quote me on it, I've never been on one.
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    I have no idea why i am here but then i saw you were all having a bit of a debate and i love that

    At the end of the day as long as the time you do get with your kids is quality and as long as mum is coping without you then i don't see the problem. I was a latch key kid and so were my brothers and sisters, my childhood was pretty turbulent for other reasons (my father passed away when i was 13 in an RTA and we had to move 200 miles to live with my mother and step father) but my mother worked full time and my father did shifts when we he was alive and brought up 4, alright kids on top of it. We can all read and write, we all felt loved and although we didnt have two beans to rub together despite them both working full time, we were fed, clothed and warm.

    Yes in an ideal world everyone could stay at home to bring their kids up and yes, i suppose kids are more important then money but people need to work, kids need to be paid for and if you can get a job that pays you well and the sacrifice is a bit less time with them for a while then so be it. On another note i think its important that parents aren't made to feel guilty by others for wanting to work, it is not a bad thing to have pride in providing for your family.

    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    you collect tokens from the Sun newspaper, and after you have the required amount of tokens, you are then eligible to get a cheap holiday (think it's something like £9 + tokens). I think they're usually UK holidays, like holiday parks or camp sites, as far as I know, though don't quote me on it, I've never been on one.
    I always begin to collect them but never end up doing it as I hate The Sun!
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    (Original post by HerRoyalHighness)
    I always begin to collect them but never end up doing it as I hate The Sun!
    Money Saving Expert usually post all the voucher codes to book online with. I loved going on these holidays, we never spent all day on the caravan park and I've been all over the UK because of them.
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    I have no idea why i am here but then i saw you were all having a bit of a debate and i love that
    sure you're not just getting broody trigger?
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    sure you're not just getting broody trigger?
    Good lord no, no offence, i think you lot do a great job but i would rather eat my own head then have babies!

    I do like to have a nose through here though sometimes, i find it interesting how the other half live and all that, i hope you all don't mind that i put my 2p in (well two of you did but i think one of those neg is revenge rep), but i thought i had something to add being brought up in a family with working parents
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    Good lord no, no offence, i think you lot do a great job but i would rather eat my own head then have babies!
    lol I was joking. I know you don't like kids
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    lol I was joking. I know you don't like kids
    I do try to like them, but then something happens like i sat in the pub garden with a friend last night and then about 6 families showed with all their kids and i just get terribly cross even though i know full well they have just as much right to be there as i do!

    My poor ovaries are wasted on me :p:
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    Since we are debating this anyway, I'll just say it.

    And I KNOW this does not apply to everyone (or most people) in here and I also really want you guys to know that I am completely impressed with the way you are all raising your children, which is why I read this topic in the first place even though I am 20 years old and scared to even hold babies. It blows my mind and it warms my heart.
    And I hope you all know that I mean it. So, honest disclaimer in place:

    If you can't take care of them or spend time with them - why have children?
    (Or why not have an abortion, or if pro-life, give up for adoption.)

    There are millions of people starving in Africa, and here in Holland people are complaining because nannies are now too expensive.

    (I know I am going to regret posting this. It's only my opinion and of course everyone is entitled to disagree.)
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    (Original post by Zenobia)
    Since we are debating this anyway, I'll just say it.

    And I KNOW this does not apply to everyone (or most people) in here and I also really want you guys to know that I am completely impressed with the way you are all raising your children, which is why I read this topic in the first place even though I am 20 years old and scared to even hold babies. It blows my mind and it warms my heart.
    And I hope you all know that I mean it. So, honest disclaimer in place:

    If you can't take care of them or spend time with them - why have children?
    (Or why not have an abortion, or if pro-life, give up for adoption.)

    There are millions of people starving in Africa, and here in Holland people are complaining because nannies are now too expensive.

    (I know I am going to regret posting this. It's only my opinion and of course everyone is entitled to disagree.)
    Lol working full time doesn't mean you aren't caring for your children. What an awful and insulting thing to say!
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    Lol working full time doesn't mean you aren't caring for your children. What an awful and insulting thing to say!
    I didn't mean working full-time! Both my parents did/do.
    I mean having children and then sending them to day-care instead of working them into your own schedule.
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    (Original post by Zenobia)
    I didn't mean working full-time! Both my parents did/do.
    I mean having children and then sending them to day-care instead of working them into your own schedule.
    My mum used to say the same thing!, myself and my brother spent everyday until we went to school nursery with our mum and we loved it!.She was a stay at home mum until my brother went to school and then she got a part time job until he went to senior school.At that point she got a full time job.My dad always worked except for a few months when I was very little , after which time he worked the same job, doing 60 hours a week until he retired early at 50.My husband works 47 hours a week and the bond he has with our children is very strong.I'm a stay at home mum, but then with my husbands hours I never know when he will walk in through the door at the end of the day, which makes it so much harder for me to find a job and we cant rely on anyone else to watch the kids ( although they are getting to an age where thats not going to be a problem for much longer).

    My parents working life never caused any problems with either myself or my brother to be honest.
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    (Original post by Annie72)
    My mum used to say the same thing!, myself and my brother spent everyday until we went to school nursery with our mum and we loved it!.She was a stay at home mum until my brother went to school and then she got a part time job until he went to senior school.At that point she got a full time job.My dad always worked except for a few months when I was very little , after which time he worked the same job, doing 60 hours a week until he retired early at 50.My husband works 47 hours a week and the bond he has with our children is very strong.I'm a stay at home mum, but then with my husbands hours I never know when he will walk in through the door at the end of the day, which makes it so much harder for me to find a job and we cant rely on anyone else to watch the kids ( although they are getting to an age where thats not going to be a problem for much longer).

    My parents working life never caused any problems with either myself or my brother to be honest.
    I had a stay at home dad ^^ Very emancipated. But my dad had 3 part-time jobs at home, and my mum worked from home 1 or 2 days a week. I remember they put me in my basket in their office in the attic. The sound of typing is still soothing...

    I just think it is about being flexible. I am from a normal family, and we have as much/little money as anyone else around here. My mum has an MA degree in Art History and Archaeology and my dad has a BA in Art, so there's nothing that makes them particularly suitable for the job-market there either. They just worked it out, and I hope I will one day have the opportunity to do the same. It's not always easy. My mum had to commute for 2-3 hours to her job on the other side of the country (well, it's the Netherlands so it's a small country), but that's the job she could get and still work at home as well, so that's what she did when I was little.
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    I love sapphire's MEGA catch-ups lol x
    (Original post by Tufts)
    Me too
    Your both in for treat

    Pg 26
    HRH: I’ll have a check on facebook
    PMP: Enjoyed your holiday?

    Pg 27
    **CutiePie** maybe buy some nice toiletries or vouchers for when baby is born for something like topshop or another shop she likes so she has something to look forward to when she has baby as well. Maybe get older one a small pressie to
    H82Think: Rather stupid and it wont stop anyone, if they got the right contacts/money etc. Stupid to have a one size fits all rule.
    Mew_156: Can you not ask doctors to do anything to help? Sorry I don’t know much about Erythema Nodosum
    Balloon_Parade: Hope you all had a lovely cant wait to see pics. Glad course is going well and glad that Milly is enjoying nursey and Bella is enjoying school and glad to hear your both enjoying homework after you felt rather bad. Happy to hear its working well.
    Tufts: Can I get a link to your blog?
    Erich Hartmann: Glad nappy changing is going well and bonding with son is too
    HRH: Go through your choices together and work out which is better for both, i’m sure your both find the right solution, how good is your choice your booked for now?
    Tufts: I’m sure it’ll well and your wonder why you asked i’m sure it’ll go well for everyone don’t panic
    Pg28
    Tufts: I wouldn’t of thought that amy would be disturbed if she sleeps well which I’m sure she will do.
    PMP: Happy belated birthday to Jason and Lydia. Puppy looks so cute
    Anonoymous: Sorry to hear, both take comfort with each other, and go and ask if you can see a doctor or a midwife if it needs to be confirmed. Time will heal :hugs:
    Pg29
    Erich Hartmann: I would say the weekend would be slightly better as you get weekends to spend as a family together. Just remember you still got skype/writing emails/letters so you can still be in touch and also remember to take loads of photos as well. My dad worked full time and occasionally worked in the week and came back at weekends and my mum was stay at home until shortly after I turned 16 she did do some work and go back college as well though.
    Balloon_Parade: Congrats on your marriage
    HRH: Your daughter and ‘to be baby’ will value the true aspects of your hard work when they’re older and how hard you both work and therefore value the hard work and what was scarified when they was little so they could have be living where you are now.
    Zenobia: you beat me to asking the question hows uni coming along as well? Hows the masters application?
    Nynflower: Its the need for a balance between money and children.
    Erich Hartmann: Oh right (regards to why its just you on commute) it does it would be unfair and the reasons for keeping children in one place is very amicable and logical.
    Trigger: Hello would you not consider what im likely to end up doing (see comments below)

    Hehehe another huge catch up. Had an awesome placement it’s just a shame the mice didn’t behave so couldn’t to an extent finish the project! Got a lovely surprise on last day flapjacks and a gorgeous lil mouse of my mine (i’ll upload a small pic) Saw supervisor and miss dated an appointment with him so think i’ve slightly annoyed my supervisor as I didn’t turn up to a meeting I thought was the following week so sent a huge email apologising back to him. Its slightly bad as he is head of biology as well. I’ll apologise again on Tuesday when I have a lecture with him.

    Hope everyone loved the warm weather, i’ve been stuck in my room trying to play catch up with work, its getting there VERY SLOWLY. Got loads to do.
    My cousin has finally set a date on his wedding June 23rd cant wait I think i’ll be dropping hints to bf it’ll be over 5 years together at that point.
    Same month my friend is having her daughter christened don’t know date but loads of photos.
    On the debate of working/children me and my bf got it sorted for when we decide to have kids and grow up i’ll be the one working hard (makes sense with me wanting to work in a potential career in research) and exploiting the use out of my degree and a potential MSc and PhD as much as possible whilst he’ll have a part time job/house husband work plus he has health issues so he wont be able to work as long. What are your views on this? Be nice to hear some sort of feedback.
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    (Original post by Sapphire_Eyes)
    Hope everyone loved the warm weather, i’ve been stuck in my room trying to play catch up with work, its getting there VERY SLOWLY. Got loads to do.
    My cousin has finally set a date on his wedding June 23rd cant wait I think i’ll be dropping hints to bf it’ll be over 5 years together at that point.
    Same month my friend is having her daughter christened don’t know date but loads of photos.
    On the debate of working/children me and my bf got it sorted for when we decide to have kids and grow up i’ll be the one working hard (makes sense with me wanting to work in a potential career in research) and exploiting the use out of my degree and a potential MSc and PhD as much as possible whilst he’ll have a part time job/house husband work plus he has health issues so he wont be able to work as long. What are your views on this? Be nice to hear some sort of feedback.
    Thank you!

    That's what I plan on doing too SE, once I've become a fully qualified teacher I plan on working as hard as I can to rise up the ranks! And he will be happy doing part time work (or work round the girls) I don't think there is anything wrong with that, I think my husband (still weird!) actually enjoys it more than work! , like I said earlier, you do what's best for you as a family and who cares what anyone else thinks! I'm much more ambitious than he is and also I have the potential to earn more so it makes sense to me. I have a friend who is a nurse and she is going to do the same when they have a baby.
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    (Original post by Zenobia)
    If you can't take care of them or spend time with them - why have children?
    (Or why not have an abortion, or if pro-life, give up for adoption.)

    There are millions of people starving in Africa, and here in Holland people are complaining because nannies are now too expensive.

    (I know I am going to regret posting this. It's only my opinion and of course everyone is entitled to disagree.)
    Like I mentioned earlier circumstances do change in life, people have kids and choose to fund them differently, not everyone will have such an opportunity to work around their children, in fact very few professions would allow such a thing.

    Not sure if you've worked anywhere before, but you'll come to realize that if you don't work and build up your career in your 20s and 30s then you'll be nowhere career wise.

    I'm not surprised people are complaining about the cost of a nanny, they do cost a lot of money and keep going up each year.


    (Original post by Zenobia)
    I didn't mean working full-time! Both my parents did/do.
    I mean having children and then sending them to day-care instead of working them into your own schedule.
    Tell me something, I'm presuming you went to school and wasn't home-schooled by your parents. How many of your classmates and friends did you know off that had parents who were there when they were at home?

    Tell me another thing, each year my family will cost me around £48,000 to shelter, educate, transport, feed and clothe, this goes up every year as well. I could probably bring it down to £30,000 per year or so. Can you tell me where I could find a job which allowed me to do the same as your parents? I would love to have one of those as well... I have a BSc in Finance and Marketing and a LL.B, will have an MBA too if that helps.

    (Original post by Zenobia)
    I had a stay at home dad ^^ Very emancipated. But my dad had 3 part-time jobs at home, and my mum worked from home 1 or 2 days a week. I remember they put me in my basket in their office in the attic. The sound of typing is still soothing...

    I just think it is about being flexible. I am from a normal family, and we have as much/little money as anyone else around here. My mum has an MA degree in Art History and Archaeology and my dad has a BA in Art, so there's nothing that makes them particularly suitable for the job-market there either. They just worked it out, and I hope I will one day have the opportunity to do the same. It's not always easy. My mum had to commute for 2-3 hours to her job on the other side of the country (well, it's the Netherlands so it's a small country), but that's the job she could get and still work at home as well, so that's what she did when I was little.
    I do quite a bit of work at home, even when I'm in Zurich usually in the mornings till about lunch time. After that I need to be out meeting clients or at office. My son will start screaming if he is in his cradle and knows someone is in the room, so I can't really do much work with him around. His mam will ignore him, but I can't really tolerate his crying so will go carry him or play with him. My daughter can't sit in the study where I do any work without asking me more questions than my manager Then comes my wife who thinks she is the big boss of the house

    Hence usually it doesn't work out well for me to work at home as very little gets done.

    But if you know of a part time job I could have, do let us know
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    Lol working full time doesn't mean you aren't caring for your children. What an awful and insulting thing to say!
    A lot of people do think that way. Either through upbringing or convictions.
 
 
 
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