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    Hi guys

    So I posted a while back about being nervous about my mum and the kid, and it's come up again recently in some arguments with her, and I suppose I'm having to think more carefully now about what to do. I just made a MN post this morning, which you can see here: http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relation...n-baby-arrives

    (It's quite long.)

    Anyway, just poking around for more ideas. I don't want to cut all contact with her if at all possible, but I'm really struggling to find a suitable path of action on this one.
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    Feeling a bit poop about the whole baby thing now. I was offered a very very exciting job out of the blue last week working in the nursing development team, one which I wasn't expecting to get- and did! It's fixed term for a year and we had a chat and realistically I could do the job whilst pregnant as it would time nicely as it's only for a year and when my contract is up I could just go on and have baby. However financially there is no way we could afford me being off work without maternity pay. Plus the job will be involving a fair bit of travel- for example i'm off to the USA for a week in october and I'm not 100% sure I want to be travelling around the country and getting to grips with a new job whilst pregnant!

    So we decided last night to hold off TTC for a year and see what happens with my job- it could very well be extended after a year, it all depends on finances and if it does- fab, as it's very good hours (9-5, mon-fri..woo!). However I'm not frilled about potentially being unemployed whilst on mat leave!

    I feel quite pathetic about how gutted I feel about it, and i can tell OH does aswell as we were really excited. We started clearing out our spare room a few weeks ago and started a 'baby savings' account, which we will still pay in too. However I feel a bit disappointed in myself that i'm choosing career over family, despite knowing it's the right thing to do and an opportunity like this will not come around again. Plus I'm only 24 (almost 25) and still have time yet. We had a moment last week on holiday- I was 2 days late and we drove 15miles to go get a pregnancy test for it to be negative.

    My cousin has just announced her pregnancy, she's 13/14 weeks now and has always been the 'first' in the family to do things such as move in with boyfriend, first to get married, first to get pregnant. We're a very small and close family, she's also a nurse and I'm always feeling like I'm following in what she does and no one ever seems to get AS excited for me than they do for her. She announced her pregnancy on fathers day and my mum started crying about how MY DAD won't be here to see his great nephew being born a 'new generation' and it just made me feel rubbish. I don't know why as this is a decision we've both made together but I feel sad as I was so excited about something.

    Sorry for the rant...!
    • #14
    #14

    (Original post by Subcutaneous)
    Feeling a bit poop about the whole baby thing now. I was offered a very very exciting job out of the blue last week working in the nursing development team, one which I wasn't expecting to get- and did! It's fixed term for a year and we had a chat and realistically I could do the job whilst pregnant as it would time nicely as it's only for a year and when my contract is up I could just go on and have baby. However financially there is no way we could afford me being off work without maternity pay. Plus the job will be involving a fair bit of travel- for example i'm off to the USA for a week in october and I'm not 100% sure I want to be travelling around the country and getting to grips with a new job whilst pregnant!

    Sorry for the rant...!
    Just to point out - while you wouldn't be eligible for maternity pay you would be eligible for maternity allowance. This is based on the fact that you would be working and paying NI contributions in through work; it's not quite as much as maternity pay but it's not that far off. Basically while pay is 90% of your income for the first... 6 weeks? and then drops to £136 or so for the rest of maternity leave, maternity allowance is simply that £136 figure for the whole 39 weeks. So there will maybe be a £1-3k disparity or so depending on your income, but you will still get in the region of £5k for the maternity leave period. Not bad.
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    Oh bloody anonymous! Sorry, that was me. I'm claiming for maternity allowance at the moment.
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    Maternity allowance info: https://www.gov.uk/maternity-allowance/overview
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    Wait a minute...
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    Yeah, that's fine. Sorry, I got thrown by that whole 'if your baby is born on or after July 2014' thing, but that's something else. It doesn't mean you will get the lower rate just for being due after that date. (Phew.)

    I just used the calculator thing and I suspect you, like me, would be eligible for around £5.3k over the course of the 39 weeks in total.
    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by Kater Murr)
    Hi guys

    So I posted a while back about being nervous about my mum and the kid, and it's come up again recently in some arguments with her, and I suppose I'm having to think more carefully now about what to do. I just made a MN post this morning, which you can see here: http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relation...n-baby-arrives

    (It's quite long.)

    Anyway, just poking around for more ideas. I don't want to cut all contact with her if at all possible, but I'm really struggling to find a suitable path of action on this one.
    Ah it's a difficult one! My mum is an alcoholic but luckily never ever lashed out, however neither of us are comfortable with her looking after baby alone. We sat down in a neutal place a few weeks back and said what we were worried about and she's so desperate to have a good relationship with baby and in a sense make amends for the childhood I had that it's done the world of good. She's currently on a week long detox to get herself sober. Perhaps sitting down somewhere public and saying what you are worried about will help? she has plenty of time to fix things or to make a start on fixing things and if she doesn't then I wouldn't be worried about cutting ties. She will know what the score is and what she needs to do but it is up to her to do it!



    Heard peanuts heartbeat today, so much less worried than I was now I know there is actually something beating away in me! Been hard to get my head around until now.
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    That was me!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah it's a difficult one! My mum is an alcoholic but luckily never ever lashed out, however neither of us are comfortable with her looking after baby alone. We sat down in a neutal place a few weeks back and said what we were worried about and she's so desperate to have a good relationship with baby and in a sense make amends for the childhood I had that it's done the world of good. She's currently on a week long detox to get herself sober. Perhaps sitting down somewhere public and saying what you are worried about will help? she has plenty of time to fix things or to make a start on fixing things and if she doesn't then I wouldn't be worried about cutting ties. She will know what the score is and what she needs to do but it is up to her to do it!

    Heard peanuts heartbeat today, so much less worried than I was now I know there is actually something beating away in me! Been hard to get my head around until now.
    Yeah, this wouldn't work - alcoholism is far from her biggest problem. She's a textbook narcissist, so not only does she not see any fault in her alcoholism but she also sees no fault in any of her behaviour, even that which is clearly emotionally or physically abusive. It's not really a case of not trusting her because she might slip up when drunk; it's a case of not trusting her because she is just not a very nice person. What I'm worried about is that even if I am always there with her and the baby, when he's older and understands things I am just not OK with her saying the kinds of things she thinks it's OK to say around people or children in general. This isn't going to change but I don't want to cut her out.
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by randdom)
    Baby Isaac was born on the 9/6/14 10 days overdue by emergency c-section weighing 9lbs.

    I am still very sore but he is lovely. Will try and post a picture soon

    Big congratulations!

    So, ahem, I got a BFP this week - back to work broodiness or something?! Potentially 2 definitely under 2 years old if it's going to go the distance :eek: Super early days though...


    Yep, MA exists - but compared to Occupational Maternity Pay if you're entitled to the NHS scheme (8 weeks full pay then 18 weeks half pay + SMP then SMP for the rest that it lasts for) it's sub-optimal!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Big congratulations!

    So, ahem, I got a BFP this week - back to work broodiness or something?! Potentially 2 definitely under 2 years old if it's going to go the distance :eek: Super early days though...


    Yep, MA exists - but compared to Occupational Maternity Pay if you're entitled to the NHS scheme (8 weeks full pay then 18 weeks half pay + SMP then SMP for the rest that it lasts for) it's sub-optimal!
    Wow! Congratulations!

    Are you at the 4-5 week mark or further. Must be quite exciting but I can also imagine a bit scary?
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by randdom)
    Wow! Congratulations!

    Are you at the 4-5 week mark or further. Must be quite exciting but I can also imagine a bit scary?
    How are things going for you now? I remember about week 3-4 life started getting tougher as she woke up from newborn sleepy mode, colic kicked in, feeding issues continued & the high started to give way to 'what have I done?!'

    Thank you - probably 5-6/40 now... Not the first from my NCT group - someone is looking at an 18 month gap!
    But yes - if this one goes the distance then it is a smidgen earlier than 'ideal' timing which is a tad scary - but only by a few months & we had 'planned' to start TTC that cycle but thought it might take a little longer - fingers crossed anyway!
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    Welcome Squad
    There are so many people flitting in and out of anonymous, I'm not sure who anybody is any more!!

    Anon 8, I haven't a clue who you were but congratulations I had a 22 month gap between my first and second and it was fine.
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    Don't get why I still can't relax. Heard the perfectly healthy heartbeat on thursday and 20 week scan is in 16 days yet just can not relax or believe body is actually capable of doing it!
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    Callie will be 11 weeks old tomorrow!!!

    Here's my gorgeous girl -
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    timewarp - our bodies are amazing it's true. Don't doubt yourself x

    madders - awww she's so cute!


    As for moi - In 2 days time it would have been my due date last year! Here I am now waiting for Nathan's 1st birthday in a couple of weeks time.
    I'm getting old. My kids are growing. *sniffle*

    June last year :

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.n...17883441_n.jpg

    vs June this year :

    https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/...16310423_o.jpg

    A year can make such a huge difference! lol! Words can't describe how much I DIDN'T want a fourth child last year... and words can't describe how much I love the little bugger now that he's here. <3


    In other news, my eldest son lost his first tooth the other day, at the (fairly late!) age of 6 years 10 months old. He was so excited to get his first visit from the tooth fairy!

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.n...80036668_o.jpg

    and I'm on proud mama mode as well because he came home from school a few days ago with a trophy and bear to keep for the night for having done great work

    https://scontent-b-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/...65326450_n.jpg

    he struggles a lot academically so it was really special.


    Also, another proud mama moment (though I have yet to take photos), is that both my eldest son, and my daughter (she's 8), got their 5 metre swimming badges & certificates today.


    I have no news about my other lad though, my 4 year old. Poor thing he's left out lol. Erm... he's doing a little better with eating vegetables. That's about it. Haha!
    • #10
    #10

    Aww cute : Can't believe how fast they are growing. Will be glad when the teeth stop falling out, 6 year old niece takes great pleasure in knowing how squeamish I am and wobbling her teeth :yucky:

    I think I will relax after 20 week scan, just hard to believe it is all happening aha. Think I'm feeling little kicks now
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    Whoops, that was me


    My heart just melted, first proper kicks :
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    Can I ask a bit of advice?

    I seem to have upset OH a little bit and I think he's just misunderstood more than anything but wanted a second opinion.

    Obviously I'm nearly 20 weeks pregnant, work full time and he has a 6 YO girl who I love to pieces. We have her twice a week and recently I've noticed she is struggling with being jealous of me and doesn't understand about the baby. So I suggested to him that on one of his days with her that they go out and do something without me, some dad and daughter time for her as I think she really needs it. Made the mistake of also mentioning it would help me just get a half day just to sit down, relax and unwind a bit. So now he thinks I don't want her around and is upset that I seem to have made it look like I don't want her around. I do want her around, I adore them both, but I'm exhausted and she needs some time with daddy without me and baby there.

    She's only started getting jealous since I've been struggling with sciatica and migraines so a lot of the time is focused on what I need/can do but I don't want that for her, I want time that she can really enjoy with her daddy.

    Am I in the wrong?
 
 
 
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