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Know any dirty jokes? watch

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    Like the title says! The dirtier and funnier the better :P
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    Why do blonde girls like convertibles? They have more space for legs
    P.S. No offence to the blondes
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    (Original post by Djordje)
    Why do blonde girls like convertibles? They have more space for legs
    P.S. No offence to the blondes
    S'ok, i'm blonde and i need the jokes :P

    Is this all though people? I mean TSR is home to some of the craziest people in England I'm sure you lot can come up with lots!
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    (Original post by mabelbarc)
    S'ok, i'm blonde and i need the jokes :P

    Is this all though people? I mean TSR is home to some of the craziest people in England I'm sure you lot can come up with lots!
    Another about blondes:
    Why doesn't a blonde have pube hair (pubes)? -Grass doesn't grow on a highway
    good?
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    (Original post by mabelbarc)
    S'ok, i'm blonde and i need the jokes :P

    Is this all though people? I mean TSR is home to some of the craziest people in England I'm sure you lot can come up with lots!
    OI!!! There are other folks in the UK other than the english...

    Anyhoo.. am Scottish, and I have the dirtiest joke in the world...
    So learn this one good, send it to all your pals wie kids...

    What is the dirtiest joke in the world!!
    Jock the coalman!!!

    and now for some more .....

    What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
    Sexual harassment.

    What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
    £3.99 a minute.

    What is the definition of a perfect lover?
    A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

    What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
    About three inches.

    What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
    Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

    and lastly...

    What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
    At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

    just one more... are you ready!!!!

    What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
    You can eat your mom’s apple pie. :eek:
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    A man finds out his wife's cheatin' on him. He hires a hitman and stands beside him as hitman looks at their house with a sniper scope. He asks the hitman 'what are they doing?'. Hitman replies 'She's with your brother, they're getting undressed'. The man takes out two bullets and gives them to hitman and says 'I have kept these for this occasion. Shoot him in the **** and shoot her in the head!'. Hitman takes the bullets, aims carefuly, shoots one bullet and says 'Done!'.
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    I read this grafitti on a bathroom stall door one time when I was haven a poop.
    I suck c*ck for bus fare and then I walk home.
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    on facebook chat:
    me: dude, you were in my dream last night!
    friend: really? What did I do?
    Me: you saved my life bro!
    Friend: you know i'd do anything for you! And how did I save you?
    Me: a snake had bitten my c*ck and you sucked the venom out
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    haa those crack me up :') thanks all! but keep 'em coming
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    Why does a blonde prostitute get angry after 1 year of working as a prostitute?
    She found out that the other girls were actualy getting money.
    Sorry again for the whole blonde thing
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    here we go:
    Perica, a student(male), goes to his insanely hot teacher(female) and says: I wanna see your t*ts. I'll give you 50€. Teacher shows him her t*ts. Perica: I wanna see your a*s and p**sy. I'll give you 150€. Teacher shows him what he wanted. Perica: I wanna f**k you - I'll give you 250€! Teacher says 'Ok' and they f**k. Teacher, being happy cause she got that much money on the day she gets her sallary, cheerfuly goes to school secretary to get it and secretary says 'You didn't get it? Then you didn't see Perica I suppose? I sent him an hour ago to give your paycheck!'
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    -Do you know that 10% of girls are virgins?
    -Other 90% are in the other zodiac signs!
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    (Original post by mabelbarc)
    haa those crack me up :') thanks all! but keep 'em coming
    And my favorite:
    Young man entered the pharmacy and asks:
    - "Do you have preservatives?"
    Pharmacist says:
    - "We have, of course."
    The young man says:
    - "Give me one then."
    He gives him that, and just to charge him a young man says:
    - "You know, I'm going to dinner with at my girlfriend's house to meet her parents. She has one sister, too and her sister somewhat expected from me."
    And so his pharmacist to another preservative, and just to charge him for a young man says:
    - "You know, I think that her mother expects something from me. Give me the whole package then."
    Pharmacist gives him the package, he pays and exits the pharmacy.

    Dinner:
    All sat down and prayed before dinner. But after all the girl's family prayed the young man still prays. The main course arrived, and went, and boy is still praying. Girl noticed this and the nonchalantly struck young man's foot under the table and says:
    - "You never said you were so religious?"
    The young man replied:
    - "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist." :P
    Man, I deserve rep for all this typing Just kidding
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    Want to hear a funny joke?
    Women's Rights

    Q: Why did God make women?
    A: You think he's gonna wash the dishes? Aw HAYELL Naw!

    Q: What do you call a woman with pigtails?
    A: A ******* with handlebars!
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    My friend sent me this one on Facebook (Apologies for the length):


    On his way home from work, Harry noticed a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb.

    Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud. She spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing.

    He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before. She also spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb.

    He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.



    Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
    Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"
    The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
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    One day, at a holiday resort in Jamaica, an american woman was talking to one pf the pools boys. The boy asked:
    "If you were going to marry a man, what would he have to have?"
    The woman replied, "Well, he'd have to have a million dollars, a pink cadillac and a ten-inch d**k."
    Now, the Jamaican boy really liked this lady, and wanted to marry her, but after this he didn't think he was good enough anymore. So he worked and worked and worked for years and years, until he had climbed the ranks of that holiday resort so high that he owned the place. Then the day came when he had psyched himself up enough to go to America and ask this woman to marry him.
    So; the very second he stepped off the plane he went to the bank and got a statement to prove he had a million dollars, went to a car showroom and bought a pink cadillac and drove it to this womans house. He walked up to the door, statement in hand, and rang the bell.
    The woman answered the door, and instantly recognised him and invited him inside, and they talked for hours, just catching up. Eventually the Jamaican boy (now a Jamaican man) said:
    "Remember when you were at that resort and i asked you what you would want in a future husband?"
    The woman nodded.
    "Well," he said, proffering the bank statement, "I have a million dollars, and if you look through that window you can see my pink cadillac, but I aint cutting two inches off my d**k for anyone!"

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    Seeing as we're warming up, how about an actual dirty joke ^^

    How do you know when your sister is on her period?

    Your dad's **** tastes funny.
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    A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'

    The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

    Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

    Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

    We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

    There your mother agreed to a download from my memory stick.

    As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

    you got male!
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    Another one!

    There once was a man, who loved a woman very much. One day he proposed to her, but she was hesitant about accepting, saying "I need to know you'll be able to commit to me."
    This man was slightly upset by this, so he went out to try and think of some symbolic act that would make her realise how committed he was. Three hours later, still without an idea, he gave up and decided to go to the pub to drown his sorrows. Halfway through pint number four, he looked out of the window and noticed a tattoo parlour across the street, and a crazy idea came into his head. So, he finished his beer and staggered over. H walked up to the counter and said:
    "I want a tattoo, please."
    The tattoo artist said "What kind of tattoo?"
    "A name. Wendy." The man replied (for the womans name was Wendy)
    "OK" said the artist, "Where do you want it?"
    "On my c**k."
    "OK then" said the artist, stifling a laugh. "But I have to warn you, it will only say Wendy when it is fully erect, when in its normal position it will only say WY."
    "I don't mind at all" said the man.

    A little while later he exited the parlour, limping a bit, he went off to Wendy the girlfriends house and showed her his little commitment. She was stunned, and agreed to marry him instantly.
    A little while later they were on their honeymoon in Jamaica. One day, the newly appointed husband went to the toilet. As he stood at the urinal, he glanced over at the man next to him, and almost fainted with shock, for the man had the letters WY tattooed on his p*nis.
    He looked at the (massive) Jamaican and asked "Is your wife called Wendy too?"
    The Jamaican looked puzzled
    The man gestured at the tattoed letters.
    The Jamaican laughed loudly and said: "Na man, mine doesn't say Wendy, man. Mine sez 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day!"
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    I don't know any dirty jokes personally, but I have heard about Katie Price.

    What's a rapist's favorite food? Blue Waffles.
 
 
 
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