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    Anon or delete please.

    If you manage to read this, well done, I dont expect anyone to be bothered.

    Starting off, please no nasty comments I feel awful as it is.

    A bit of background... I used to be so feeble before, and cry all the time (im a girl), just depressed with life. When I say with life, I mean alot of things, im a 21 year old woman so it's not me having a tantrum. Getting used by people, family issues, health and finance issues, basically alot. Recently, I became tough, blocked everyone out, dont care anymore. But all of a sudden, it's come back to me.

    Bear with me please, kind of a long list of what im feeling right now.

    My mum is physically and mentally disabled, and so is my younger sister (she's in a wheel chair, born with several complications), so my father has to look after all the household, the children and my mum. It's not easy for him, as a full time carer of both he gets benifits and the house survives on that. As you can imagine, my dad is so stressed, he suffers from heart problems and anxiety, that's how stressed he is. He can't juggle the finance, his health, family everything, he can't do it, and I can see it in his face. I can honestly say he has not smiled or laughed whole heartedly once over the past 5-6 years. I think he's losing hope, I cannot bear to see him in this way, he looks so ill, he's so weak and has the body of a teenager from all the weight loss.

    I feel as if im to blame somehow, I cant help him, I want to when I graduate this summer and hopefully find a job, I dont care what it is, how low the salary im willing to work anywhere. I want to make his life even a little more easier, just ease his worries somehow, I feel worthless at the moment, Im seeing my dad suffer can't even do anything about it.

    On top of that, my dad's family "borrow" (take and never return) money from him all the time, he has about 4 brothers who scrounge off him all the time it ranges from borrowing £10 to £300 and him never seeing that money again. Do they think he's a money machine? How can he give them money when he cant afford it himself, the problem with dad is he cant say no to his brothers. This makes me so angry, because I know they're using him and when i tell him, he wont listen he'll get upset and tell me to be quiet. Recently one of his brothers asked for about £600 casually as if its a small amount of money, and my dad really can not afford it, so he said no. That brother of his has not spoken to him for weeks now, and this has affected my dad so much, he's realised his family arent really family, they're there only when they need stuff from him.

    Moving on to me, Im in my final year of uni, and ive learnt so much, i wish i hadnt. I became close to a few girls, and they all used and abused me, every single one. I literally stayed late awake with them helping them complete their coursework, even typing some up for them on several occasions and even checked over their entire dissertations. And on the day we had to hand in our disertations, they abandoned me, I panicked, trying to print so many sheets, and they quietly left the librry and left me alone. Ive been so upset since that day. I feel as if, wehn i needed there help, they cud have atleast said, ill print from another printer for u, or anything. but nothing. I swear to god, i cared about them so much, and put them before everyone. How can people hurt u so bad?

    Then I finnaly acceptd my best friend, was not really a friend at all to me over the years, more like an enemy in disguise. Shes been borrowowing money off me, and her household is VERY well off. She borrowed hundreds, and every time i brang it up she changd the topic. Also, used me for my car (rides) didnt pay for petrol, used my weaknesses all against me. She has never once listened to me in our relationship, its always about her and her problems. Shes always saying "it will be fine", yea for her, her house has problems okay, but nothing compared to mine. Ive always wanted the best for her, ill go to her at 3:00am if necessary, but she'd never do that for me. She remarks about my looks all the time, and embarasses me in front of everyone. She knows my insecurities and instead of re-assuring me, she targets me.


    SUMMARY: I feel like it's me against the world, there is not one person on this whole planet who understands me or even wnts to understand. Feel like a waste of space, over my life ive been constantly used and abused and those are the people who i cared most about, when i needed them they left me in the middle of nowhere. I feel heartbroken with everything, and my dad's state is making me worse.

    Can someone say something, anything, that will give me hope. Even if youve read this, thats alot in itself.
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    Hey, im sorry to hear about your family, My sister is disabled too so i understand how it can affect you,

    its really easy to say i know but you need to keep your chin up! try to find an hour or so a day where you can unwind and forget about all of lifes problems! Iv been in situations before in which iv wanted to give up and crawl into a hole never to return, but hiding yourself away doesn't make things any better (I Learnt the hard way)

    If you want someone to talk to then dont hesitate to PM me,
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    I've read it Right, with regard to your dads health, is it possible for you to go to the GP and get advice with regard to helping him cope? How to get him to eat properly etc? Deal with his anxiety and give him extra help in being able to do everyday things?

    Is there any way in which you could get extra funding to get a carer in for a couple of days a week or a period of time a day to give your dad a break? Or is it possible for you to come home every so often and care for your mum and sister so your dad can have a break , like a proper relaxing him time break?

    There are many finance charities which your dad can contact to help him get on top of his finance. With regard to his brothers scrounging, its a hard thing to accept but hes better off not having them in his life if they cause him all that stress. He needs help with just being strong, blocking them out, and trying to not get emotional about it. Doctors can help with that. (I say this because the Doctors have given me 10mg of citalopram and this helps me cope with day to day stuff and stops my panic attacks and helps me see things in perspective).

    Is there anyway that you can say once a month cook him a batch of meals and freeze them so that when he doesnt have time/is too tired he can just shove one of them in the oven and he has a nutritious meal to eat?

    With regards to friends, I read somewhere a good quote that 'friends are an illusion'. People are only in it for their self-satisfaction. In life you only have yourself to depend on. So if I were you I would try be as strong as possible, move on, and really REALLY focus on myself. What do you want to do with your life? Postgrad? Job? Travelling? You will meet new people all the time in life, whether its in a new job, on a new course, in a social environment, in a hobby, through other friends etc etc. Self accomplishment is a great feeling and everything else will fall into place.
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    I read it because I'm bored, usually I would say tl/dr.

    On topic I think you're a tad melodramatic, at least on the issue with your dad. There's nothing wrong with having empathy, but I don't see why his situation should affect your mental state like this over a long term.

    In regards to your friends, you're a push over. People will walk ovee you if you let them, you need stand your ground, develop a bit of a back bone.

    In the end it's all part of a learning curve. With time you'll hopefully realise things could be a lot worse, and focus on the positive aspects of your life.
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    (Original post by MrMan0504)
    Hey, im sorry to hear about your family, My sister is disabled too so i understand how it can affect you,

    its really easy to say i know but you need to keep your chin up! try to find an hour or so a day where you can unwind and forget about all of lifes problems! Iv been in situations before in which iv wanted to give up and crawl into a hole never to return, but hiding yourself away doesn't make things any better (I Learnt the hard way)

    If you want someone to talk to then dont hesitate to PM me,
    Thanks, it's hard, but I guess you're right I need to keep my focus on the future and aim towards that, and really be positive, but I don't know right now it's hard with so many things going on.


    (Original post by insignificant)
    I've read it Right, with regard to your dads health, is it possible for you to go to the GP and get advice with regard to helping him cope? How to get him to eat properly etc? Deal with his anxiety and give him extra help in being able to do everyday things?

    Is there any way in which you could get extra funding to get a carer in for a couple of days a week or a period of time a day to give your dad a break? Or is it possible for you to come home every so often and care for your mum and sister so your dad can have a break , like a proper relaxing him time break?

    There are many finance charities which your dad can contact to help him get on top of his finance. With regard to his brothers scrounging, its a hard thing to accept but hes better off not having them in his life if they cause him all that stress. He needs help with just being strong, blocking them out, and trying to not get emotional about it. Doctors can help with that. (I say this because the Doctors have given me 10mg of citalopram and this helps me cope with day to day stuff and stops my panic attacks and helps me see things in perspective).

    Is there anyway that you can say once a month cook him a batch of meals and freeze them so that when he doesnt have time/is too tired he can just shove one of them in the oven and he has a nutritious meal to eat?

    With regards to friends, I read somewhere a good quote that 'friends are an illusion'. People are only in it for their self-satisfaction. In life you only have yourself to depend on. So if I were you I would try be as strong as possible, move on, and really REALLY focus on myself. What do you want to do with your life? Postgrad? Job? Travelling? You will meet new people all the time in life, whether its in a new job, on a new course, in a social environment, in a hobby, through other friends etc etc. Self accomplishment is a great feeling and everything else will fall into place.
    He's been to the GP, and they say there's nothing wrong with him, when there obviously is, or he wouldnt be so weak. He's getting some tests done now - he doesnt take care of himself, I have to push him. I will defo talk to the docs about his anxiety and helping him cope with stress. Thanks =)

    And I guess at the moment I have exams, so even in my spare time I revise, after this, i'll be able to help around the house more hopefully.

    I am trying at the moment to focus on myself, make myself better, taken up gym to let it all go, and just working towards achieveing the best I can atm! Later on, few years down the line I want to travel if possible

    Thanks for the advice =)

    Thank you to both of you for reading and understanding me for once!
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    "A bit of background... I used to be so feeble before, and cry all the time (im a girl)".......

    tl;dr
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    (Original post by Yawn11)
    I read it because I'm bored, usually I would say tl/dr.

    On topic I think you're a tad melodramatic, at least on the issue with your dad. There's nothing wrong with having empathy, but I don't see why his situation should affect your mental state like this over a long term.

    In regards to your friends, you're a push over. People will walk ovee you if you let them, you need stand your ground, develop a bit of a back bone.

    In the end it's all part of a learning curve. With time you'll hopefully realise things could be a lot worse, and focus on the positive aspects of your life.
    Someone whose been my mother AND father since childhood... even a little bit of stress affecting him will affect me. He's done so much to give me what he couldnt have and has never let me feel the stress or let on any problems he has, i've only realised myself with time, and you're asking me why it affects my mental state? I guess you'll never know until you're experience it (I hope you never do).

    Yes, I realise I am a pushover, I think I gained that trait from my dad.

    Thanks for reading.
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    you need to realise that you have taken the first and best step towards helping yourself and your family, openly talking about things or even writing them down helps to organise your thoughts, you can see which would be easiest to fix first and then go from there. Having been through my fair share of tough times you need to ride it out, once your thinking straight and more clearly you will amaze yourself at how well you will cope.

    Regarding your father. be there for him, this will mean more to him than anything else, next time you go back home sit and have a good chat with him, make sure he knows how much you care and love him and the rest of your family.

    I sincerely hope that things begin to improve for you and your family.

    all the best in your exams!
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    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...1910819125.jpg

    I will get hate for my impending reply. I don't care.

    Consider the lives of billions of human beings, living in squalor, living with AIDS, living with children who have malaria, living with no food and/or water. You do have it bad, but as I've seen first hand the pueblos jovenes in Peru, the shanty towns in sub-continal Africa, I do not have the sympathy others here do.

    You do have it bad, but it could be much worse. You live (I presume) in a developed nation. You are in the perfect position to help yourself. A degree (to be), economic benefits (you can find alot if you look hard enough, and make your case strongly enough), and a father that obviously loves you and his family.

    Those in the slums have no way of helping themselves. Remember that. We can do nothing here on this forum. Only you can do something about the situation you are in.
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    Also good thing to do to keep you positive is write down 5 positive things that happened that day, whiter they are really small such as having a nice shower or the bus coming on time or having neat notes or whatever, it helps to keep you positive and motivated because before you can help anyone else you need to help yourself first
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    OP, I wouldn't treat you like that. You're a strong person, just keep your chin up.
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    You just need a penis inside you, then you won't feel empty.
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    i read it... ignore all the nasty comments, i dont think you're being melodramatic at all. you're really sweet to care about your dad's welfare so much, he sounds pretty selfless himself so it's nice that he's got you looking out for him maybe you could do something really small like cook him a meal or give him a day off from looking after the family, book him a spa day or something more manly lol.

    regarding your friends.... i think everyone can feel neglected by friends at some point. however, in my experience, if you tell them that you need to talk to them... they might surprise you and show you that they do care. some of my friends have been a bit self-involved lately, however once i opened up about how stressed ive been getting..they were really supportive and kind towards me. im not saying your friends will be the same... but maybe they dont know how badly you're feeling. it's worth a shot id say

    you sound like a really nice girl, so im sure things will turn around and get better someday. look for ways to meet new people (maybe a carer support group for young people, or something more generic like taking up a new hobby/sport in a society) and do little things to change your life for the better.

    and dont give up hope, you seem too lovely hope things get better soon!
 
 
 
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