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    (Original post by itsamemario666)
    Really? it has always worked well for me, at least 90%. I've changed it a bit so it's shorter though. Gives them less time to run.
    It must be in the delivery... back to the mirror to practice
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by jumpingjesusholycow)
    Oh god...you're one of those guys who feels it's his entitled right to have girls just approach him.

    :facepalm:
    Uh, when did I ever say that? I don't expect girls to approach me, that's the problem, as I'm too scared to approach them. If I thought they'd approach me, then I wouldn't be *****ing about how I can't go up to girls and would instead be *****ing about why they never come to me. I know why I don't get girls, it's because I'm not confident and no one likes a guy who is consistently negative about themselves, that's what I want to change.


    (Original post by Alexisonfire)
    Man up ffs.
    Go to the gym.
    (Original post by Rhiannon7666)
    I wouldn't worry to much because there's alot of people out there that feel the same way, what you got to remember is that there's alot of girls out there that like guys that are sensitive and with no confidence.

    Don't try and rush to get into a relationship becuase without a doubt, they would be the wrong person to be with, so let nature take its course. You'll will find the right person and be happy soon.
    If you feel really bad about the way yours body looks then why don't you go to a gym or just a different look, trust me it will help.

    Hope this helps x
    Not entirely sure why you guys think I'm not comfortable with my body, as I said in my post, I would say I'm average/slight above average in terms of looks and I don't think my body is that bad. I'm a skinny guy, I don't have much muscle and I don't go to the gym but I don't really want to either, I have no desire to get buff and know that, while a lot of girls dig the buff guy, most don't really care. It's more my personality that I ****ing hate, I'm boring, I'm too nice, I'm too shy, and then when I find a girl, I'm needy and clingy because I want someone to be with so much, which obviously is a total turn off.

    I don't know.. A lot of people are saying I need to become comfortable with myself, but how? How do I go from a person who used to have social anxiety (Was a few years ago, it's not as bad now but obviously I'm still very shy), who has no confidence and is boring, awkward to talk to, not very good at many things etc etc to someone confident, funny and interesting, someone who people (more importantly women) want to be with?
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    Not entirely sure why you guys think I'm not comfortable with my body
    Only tried to help.

    Tbh it seems that this is a problem you need to figure out for yourself becuase people have gave you advice and its not right so it looks like you need to figure it out yourself.
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    (Original post by turn and fall)
    like being fit,
    Confidence stemming from the subjective is an act.
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    (Original post by Ich Dien)
    Confidence stemming from the subjective is an act.
    :rolleyes:

    How subjective is a six pack?
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Rhiannon7666)
    Only tried to help.

    Tbh it seems that this is a problem you need to figure out for yourself becuase people have gave you advice and its not right so it looks like you need to figure it out yourself.
    Ah I know you only tried to help and I do appreciate it.
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    There are a lot of girls who hate themselves too!! Try using that as an ice-breaker!
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    Im the exact same as u man socially defective and for all the gym comments i do go the gym it does actually help a little to cheer u up
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    just remember when you go out that you will probably never see this people ever again so behave as stupid as you can
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's more my personality that I ****ing hate, I'm boring, I'm too nice, I'm too shy, and then when I find a girl, I'm needy and clingy because I want someone to be with so much, which obviously is a total turn off.


    I think you should know that your personality is amazing, you just need to actually believe that! You also need to stop worrying that people will hate you. They might, they might not! It's pretty unlikely someone will hate you for just talking to them, but if they do, then **** them, they're not worth it. I know it's hard to do, but you really do need to have a '**** it' attitude like everyone else.

    Ah, I wish so much I could help you x
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    I'm a girl and I used to have this problem a few years back. I've learnt that it'll take time to develop the confidence, it doesn't happen overnight. Try taking about general things to girls, like the music and films they're into?
    Anyway, PM me because I really would love to help you :] xxxxx
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    'It's more my personality that I ****ing hate, I'm boring, I'm too nice, I'm too shy, and then when I find a girl, I'm needy and clingy because I want someone to be with so much, which obviously is a total turn off'

    Believe it or not, there will be many girls out there who would like that kind of personality. Probabally not the boring part, but then again that's just how 'you' see yourself, others may not, no matter how conviced you are that you're dull.

    If i met a guy who was very nice and very shy, id feel more comfortable around him, because id interperate him as not being judgemental. When a guy is confident, it's good to have in a friend, and also in a boyfriend i guess but theres always the chance that it can turn into arrogance.

    I find moderate confidence attractive but any more than that would put me off approaching the guy.

    Just to point out i consider myself confident. There has been a time when that certainly wasnt the case, but over time it has developed, and i cant pinpoint what it was that did the trick. As a confident girl i am not put off by unconfident guys, unless the guy complains about it alot, or about himself alot, to the point where it would bring me down aswell.

    you may not feel this post has helped, but i tried
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by chippednails)
    I'm a girl and I used to have this problem a few years back. I've learnt that it'll take time to develop the confidence, it doesn't happen overnight. Try taking about general things to girls, like the music and films they're into?
    Anyway, PM me because I really would love to help you :] xxxxx
    How did you manage to become more confident?

    Isn't the sort of "So what music do you like?", "What type of films do you like" etc conversation, the kind of conversation that should be avoided if possible? I can't imagine it being very interesting, it's sort of like, saftey conversation, like talking about uni or the weather. I do try though, just, I don't know... I can't do it in a way that's engaging or funny, I just end up being boring, not unpleasant but just not someone you'd really care about talking to again

    (Original post by Lunalocket)
    'It's more my personality that I ****ing hate, I'm boring, I'm too nice, I'm too shy, and then when I find a girl, I'm needy and clingy because I want someone to be with so much, which obviously is a total turn off'

    Believe it or not, there will be many girls out there who would like that kind of personality. Probabally not the boring part, but then again that's just how 'you' see yourself, others may not, no matter how conviced you are that you're dull.

    If i met a guy who was very nice and very shy, id feel more comfortable around him, because id interperate him as not being judgemental. When a guy is confident, it's good to have in a friend, and also in a boyfriend i guess but theres always the chance that it can turn into arrogance.

    I find moderate confidence attractive but any more than that would put me off approaching the guy.

    Just to point out i consider myself confident. There has been a time when that certainly wasnt the case, but over time it has developed, and i cant pinpoint what it was that did the trick. As a confident girl i am not put off by unconfident guys, unless the guy complains about it alot, or about himself alot, to the point where it would bring me down aswell.

    you may not feel this post has helped, but i tried
    It's nice to know that it's not just the outgoing confident guys that get all the girls, it does give some hope that someone will actually like me, even if I'm not as confident as I'd like to be. That being said though, I would still prefer to change rather than waiting for someone who does like guys who are a bit shy etc because I don't like being like this, I'm just not sure how to go about it... How do you actually become confident with who you are? I just don't know how I can stop overanalysing everything and stop caring so much >.<
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    (Original post by jumpingjesusholycow)
    Oh god...you're one of those guys who feels it's his entitled right to have girls just approach him.

    :facepalm:
    He didn't say that. Or imply it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How did you manage to become more confident?

    Isn't the sort of &quot;So what music do you like?&quot;, &quot;What type of films do you like&quot; etc conversation, the kind of conversation that should be avoided if possible? I can't imagine it being very interesting, it's sort of like, saftey conversation, like talking about uni or the weather. I do try though, just, I don't know... I can't do it in a way that's engaging or funny, I just end up being boring, not unpleasant but just not someone you'd really care about talking to again
    There's a lot I can tell you, message me I cba to do it all on here.
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    (Original post by mynameisq)
    Buy a chimpanzee and use it as your wingman/loveable sidekick
    I want one of these...
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    It all comes down to you careing what people think mostly and prob not knowing what to say. You have a live just like everyone else why should you let them stop you living you're live the way you want to.
    Though i do think shyness is in the genes do you have anyone in your family who is like this?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate myslef too, and I'm a girl.

    start bumping uglies the two of you quick
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How can I stop this? I'm not a very confident guy, obviously, and I absolutely despise how I can never pull up the confidence to actually approach women. In clubs, even when I'm drunk, I find it hard to approach anyone and dance with them which ultimately ends up with me being lonely for the night. I met the girl of my dreams online and after talking to her for a month or so, was too scared to meet her in real life for fear of her hating me and losing someone I enjoyed talking to. I still talk to her but now she has a BF and not meeting her is currently the biggest regret of my life... I know girls like confidence but I just can't do it. I view myself as a failure, no matter what I achieve because there is always someone better.

    I'm sick of being single, I'm sick of not being able to approach girls but most of all, I'm sick of just not having the confidence in myself to take advantage of situations when they present themselves and all these things just end up combining to make me hate myself even more, creating a never ending circle of self-loathing.


    I should mention too, I don't think "Just try being confident for a day" comments are very helpful. While being confident is solely based on your personality and how you perceive the world, it's not as easy as just 'becoming confident'. Take for example someone who isn't funny, you wouldn't just say to them "Try being funny for a day". Even though being funny is a personality trait and how funny you are, is entirely based upon yourself, does not mean you can instantaneously switch from being unfunny to funny.

    Anyway, help and advice is much appreciated. Thanks
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidan...ality_disorder ?
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    #1

    (Original post by ihatebrownbread)
    It all comes down to you careing what people think mostly and prob not knowing what to say. You have a live just like everyone else why should you let them stop you living you're live the way you want to.
    Though i do think shyness is in the genes do you have anyone in your family who is like this?
    Mm, yeah, I care far too much about how others perceive me. It's hard not to though and it's hard to just completely change your perspective and attitude towards things but I'm going to have to try, I'm sick of this and there's no easy way out of it! I'm not so sure about it being in the genes or whatever, I know that introversion and extroversion are personality traits your born with but if you're introverted you're not necessarily shy. My mum used to be quite shy although she's not anymore but my brother and sister are both fairly outgoing by the seems of it and my dad is very outgoing.

    Yeah, I pretty much tick all the boxes on that list of symptoms, think there's only one I wouldn't say applies. I went to the doctors a while ago about social anxiety and she said I should go for CBT and I got some beta blockers but after some complications, it turned out I had to organise the CBT myself, I was nervous about it in the first place and so when it turned out I had to do it myself, I didn't do it. You know, telling someone with social anxiety, an avoidant disorder in the first place that they have to go and organise a one to one with a stranger and talk about everything was never really going to happen and also I kept thinking, maybe I'm just making excuses and I was scared that the counsellor would just think I'm wasting my time and that there was nothing actually wrong with me, other than just being a wuss. The beta blockers never really did much either and after about 2 months I stopped going back to the doctors and haven't spoken to them about it since.
 
 
 
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