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    (Original post by littlemissworry)
    Hi My problem is that he watches porn mainly ameteur porn..ive had a hard time with this as everytime i find out i end up in a state crying and hating myself.Hes promised to stop many times because of how i feel but ive always found out hes looked at it again.Well just recently he had stopped for a year and a half and our relationship has been the best ever.We hardly argued and my self esteem was getting better i started to trust him but the other day i found out hed started looking at it again and had been for weeks...Before you all start accussing me of being a bunny bolier im asking for help on how to let this not bother me because it does too much i feel depressed.Im a genuinely nice person who would do anything for anyone and im sick to death of being accussed of being controlling.I cant seem to find help with this because people seem to think i want to control everything he does.I dont ...i just find him watching ameteur porn extremely upsetting and dont know how to deal with it. I feel ugly and not good enough.This isnt just a thing thats happened in this relationship previous boyfriends have done the same and more tbh oogled other women in front of me even cheated i cant help but think its me.I love my current bf to bits but this is really killing me inside.

    can you please help on how i can stop being so hurt?..please dont be nasty im really upset and theres no need for it..thankyou
    Accept the fact that every guy watches porn with or without a girlfriend....
    Tell him how you feel,,,, should give him a messasge...
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    I used to be a little bothered that my boyfriend watched porn but it was more an ego thing :P I got over it, would much rather he watch porn and masturbate than go out and get other girls to do it for him!
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    I dont understand why i get like this either which is why im going to seek counselling. I have told him how i feel about it and he tries to understand but he doesnt. He says actually what most of you have been saying but for some reason in my head i think its because im ugly and when ive find out he has watched it i feel unnattractive. I know to many of you this wont make sense so please dont be nasty about it because im trying my best to stop being like this
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    (Original post by littlemissworry)
    I dont understand why i get like this either which is why im going to seek counselling. I have told him how i feel about it and he tries to understand but he doesnt. He says actually what most of you have been saying but for some reason in my head i think its because im ugly and when ive find out he has watched it i feel unnattractive. I know to many of you this wont make sense so please dont be nasty about it because im trying my best to stop being like this
    If he found you unattractive why would he be with you?
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    I think you know, you have a problem here. And you want to get past it. In relationships in this day and age people watch porn. It is something that is accepted, it is the social norm, and it's hard to make an argument for someone to stop.
    Moreover, a lot of this seems tied up in emotional and self esteem issues you have.
    Have you considered seeing a therapist of some kind? Just because it's the sort of thing that will help you to understand your actions, his actions, and maybe more what you want.
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    (Original post by littlemissworry)
    I dont understand why i get like this either which is why im going to seek counselling. I have told him how i feel about it and he tries to understand but he doesnt. He says actually what most of you have been saying but for some reason in my head i think its because im ugly and when ive find out he has watched it i feel unnattractive. I know to many of you this wont make sense so please dont be nasty about it because im trying my best to stop being like this
    I once dated a 9 (she was amazing as a person too, but whatever) and I still watched porn.

    I actually watched it with her. It's not about you, unless he no longer shows interest in you. I haven't found that watching it decreases my attraction to women, or makes me more likely to have thoughts about other women.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    I think you know, you have a problem here. And you want to get past it. In relationships in this day and age people watch porn. It is something that is accepted, it is the social norm, and it's hard to make an argument for someone to stop.
    Moreover, a lot of this seems tied up in emotional and self esteem issues you have.
    Have you considered seeing a therapist of some kind? Just because it's the sort of thing that will help you to understand your actions, his actions, and maybe more what you want.

    im going to see a counsellor soon so hopefully that will help.I know its me with the problem its just tearing me up inside though. I hope the counselling works
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    I once dated a 9 (she was amazing as a person too, but whatever) and I still watched porn.

    I actually watched it with her. It's not about you, unless he no longer shows interest in you. I haven't found that watching it decreases my attraction to women, or makes me more likely to have thoughts about other women.
    thanks the strange thing is i do actually realise this i just cant get my feelings to stop when i find out.
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    (Original post by littlemissworry)
    im going to see a counsellor soon so hopefully that will help.I know its me with the problem its just tearing me up inside though. I hope the counselling works

    It isn't as simple as saying it's just you with a problem, it's a few things, don't go putting everything onto yourself.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    It isn't as simple as saying it's just you with a problem, it's a few things, don't go putting everything onto yourself.
    Thanks ..from what people have said it just seems to be me with the problem. Im sure the counsellor will help though because my self esteem isnt too good
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    (Original post by littlemissworry)
    Thanks ..from what people have said it just seems to be me with the problem. Im sure the counsellor will help though because my self esteem isnt too good
    If your councillor mentions TA at all, then read "I'm okay and you're okay" and "staying okay".
    Also, if this is a frequent thing you often think about, ask them if they think CBT might be a good idea.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    If your councillor mentions TA at all, then read "I'm okay and you're okay" and "staying okay".
    Also, if this is a frequent thing you often think about, ask them if they think CBT might be a good idea.

    Thankyou. I think the counsellor mentioned CBT.I have had it before but because of other things i didnt go back.Hes explained that for it to work properly i have to finish the whole course. TBH maybe im worse aswell because i have quite alot of stress going on at the minute.
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    (Original post by littlemissworry)
    Thankyou. I think the counsellor mentioned CBT.I have had it before but because of other things i didnt go back.Hes explained that for it to work properly i have to finish the whole course. TBH maybe im worse aswell because i have quite alot of stress going on at the minute.
    Well, as long as you're willing to see things through to the end, it should all be fine. I've had CBT, and for my problems it's helped heaps. That's not to say it's universally amazing, but I can't see it doing any harm. I think one thing that's important with all forms of therapy is, you have to be willing to do them. And you have to view it as a positive process, admit to yourself that by going, you can sort through issues, and recognise that that's a positive step, and a really strong thing to do. Something that requires a lot of conviction and courage.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Well, as long as you're willing to see things through to the end, it should all be fine. I've had CBT, and for my problems it's helped heaps. That's not to say it's universally amazing, but I can't see it doing any harm. I think one thing that's important with all forms of therapy is, you have to be willing to do them. And you have to view it as a positive process, admit to yourself that by going, you can sort through issues, and recognise that that's a positive step, and a really strong thing to do. Something that requires a lot of conviction and courage.
    yer im definatley going to see it through im feeling quite positive about it actually
 
 
 
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