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    Hey I've written this essay for the AQA English Literature exam. I will be grateful if you can mark it and give me your feed back.

    What do you think is the importance of the 'beast' in Lord of the Flies?

    The beast in Lord of the flies could be argued to a metaphorical embodiment of all dictators and totalitarians that William Golding has seen. It could also be an accumulation of the corrupt world we live in and of one that Golding envisages. Therefore the beast is a tool in which Golding can allegorically teach us a lesson of mankind and of humans as a race too.

    At first, the boys are innocent and enjoy the constant ripened adventure that the 'paradise' has to offer. The boys enjoy the fact that "no grown-ups" are on the island. The use of the words " no grown-ups" hints at Golding's tactical choice of trying to make the boys as innocent and as normal as he can. This is done so that he can use the boys on the unspoilt 'paradise to tell us of his ideas and findings of human physiology.

    The first hint of the beast emanates when one of the 'little-uns' starts crying and says he has seen a "snake-thingy". However the other boys are quick in dismissing it and say there is no "beastie" on the island. Secondly, the parachutist that fell from the sky is described as " dropping swiftly" causing a "bright explosion". This is the first outside world interaction the boys have had, yet they automatically assume that this is the "beastie". The young and youthful language that Golding uses, informs us of how young minded the boys are and how frightened they are of the beast. Though they've had many ideas of what the beast maybe, the prominent idea is that the beast is in fact the pig's head that hung deceitfully on a stick. Simon first learns knowledge of the fact that this is not the beast and that the beast may be some innate possession that is inside them all. When the beast says : " you knew didn't you? I'm part of you?", this opens to us a whole new world of what si going on in the island and the fact that the boys kept saying " this head is for the beast" implies that perceivably they have built up their own fear; fed, grew and honed it so much so, that the beast has come to bloom inside them and turn the paradise they once craved for into a hellish hunt down.

    According to Golding, the beast symbolizes the evil human instincts that is inside us all. Even though we may not know it. I also symbolizes what we as humans are capable of. Killing each other. Lord of the Flies was written in 1945. during the aftermath of the systematic destruction of the Jewish race and the arms race for power, money and greed. Golding cleverly integrates this and thus makes a metaphorical beast to teach us and in a way change us of the traits that could lead to our downfall. My own interpretation of the beast is that i believe that the beast is us. We are able to turn to the beast. Hurt others, ourselves, our families and our people. The beast is nothing but a mere manifestation of ourselves and one which we must look out for and hopefully not become.
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    It's a bit short.
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    The grammar nazi's will have a field day!
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    You need to read that over again to correct all the little spelling/grammar mistakes. There's a non capital "i" somewhere. Things like spaces after " when quoting - there shouldn't be. Capital letters. Etc etc. Really obvious stuff that'll lose you loads of marks!!
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    (Original post by lazy smurf)
    The grammar nazi's will have a field day!
    En garde.
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    (Original post by nnnomi)
    You need to read that over again to correct all the little spelling/grammar mistakes. There's a non capital "i" somewhere. Things like spaces after " when quoting - there shouldn't be. Capital letters. Etc etc. Really obvious stuff that'll lose you loads of marks!!
    Yes, will do. I wrote it out on paper first then copied it on TSR. That's why there is some punctuation mistakes
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    1) Font size. Please, please, please dont use anything other than the actual font for walls of text. It's just annoying. Sorry.

    2) Spelling etc, which has been mentioned.

    3) Try make your paragraphs a little more fluid, and better connected.

    4) In the language of the internet, [citation needed] in paragraph 4, though it's very similar to number 3.

    _Kar.
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    (Original post by lazy smurf)
    The grammar nazi's will have a field day!
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    (Original post by intellect212)
    Hey I've written this essay for the AQA English Literature exam. I will be grateful if you can mark it and give me your feed back.

    What do you think is the importance of the 'beast' in Lord of the Flies?

    The beast in Lord of the flies could be argued to a metaphorical embodiment of all dictators and totalitarians that William Golding has seen. It could also be an accumulation of the corrupt world we live in and of one that Golding envisages. Therefore the beast is a tool in which Golding can allegorically teach us a lesson of mankind and of humans as a race too.

    At first, the boys are innocent and enjoy the constant ripened adventure that the 'paradise' has to offer. The boys enjoy the fact that "no grown-ups" are on the island. The use of the words " no grown-ups" hints at Golding's tactical choice of trying to make the boys as innocent and as normal as he can. This is done so that he can use the boys on the unspoilt 'paradise to tell us of his ideas and findings of human physiology.

    The first hint of the beast emanates when one of the 'little-uns' starts crying and says he has seen a "snake-thingy". However the other boys are quick in dismissing it and say there is no "beastie" on the island. Secondly, the parachutist that fell from the sky is described as " dropping swiftly" causing a "bright explosion". This is the first outside world interaction the boys have had, yet they automatically assume that this is the "beastie". The young and youthful language that Golding uses, informs us of how young minded the boys are and how frightened they are of the beast. Though they've had many ideas of what the beast maybe, the prominent idea is that the beast is in fact the pig's head that hung deceitfully on a stick. Simon first learns knowledge of the fact that this is not the beast and that the beast may be some innate possession that is inside them all. When the beast says : " you knew didn't you? I'm part of you?", this opens to us a whole new world of what si going on in the island and the fact that the boys kept saying " this head is for the beast" implies that perceivably they have built up their own fear; fed, grew and honed it so much so, that the beast has come to bloom inside them and turn the paradise they once craved for into a hellish hunt down.

    According to Golding, the beast symbolizes the evil human instincts that is inside us all. Even though we may not know it. I also symbolizes what we as humans are capable of. Killing each other. Lord of the Flies was written in 1945. during the aftermath of the systematic destruction of the Jewish race and the arms race for power, money and greed. Golding cleverly integrates this and thus makes a metaphorical beast to teach us and in a way change us of the traits that could lead to our downfall. My own interpretation of the beast is that i believe that the beast is us. We are able to turn to the beast. Hurt others, ourselves, our families and our people. The beast is nothing but a mere manifestation of ourselves and one which we must look out for and hopefully not become.
    too short for a essay, a typical essay is around 1500-2500 words long even in GCSE. All essays needs a introduction explaining what the essay is going to be about, you simply jumped straight into the topic.
    "According to Golding, the beast symbolize the evil instincts" where is the reference? you'll need to quote what golding said and refer to it
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    I don't mean to be rude, but it seems like you've used certain buzz words and phrases that don't really fit in with your writing style.

    Equally, I agree with others, it's a bit short.

    I'd include something about how the fear of the Beast divides the group. And perhaps a little hit on the use of the Beast metaphjor as regards Simon, his epiphany with the Pig's Head and how the Simon could be seen in the role of a 'Jeusus' or messiah figure. It's been a while, sorry I can't help much more than that
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    (Original post by ily_em)
    :aetsch:
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    Yeah, i understand. Maybe i need time planning the essays and use the right quotes properly.
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    I may be a science/maths guy now, but what I remember from GCSE is ALWAYS (and that cannot be stressed enough) always plan your essay, plan up to the extent that the only way to improve your plan is to write your essay in full.

    This will save time not waste it, and, at the end of your exam, if you have no time, you can put bullet points in of the things you were going to say, if you're desperate, you can still get marks for this.
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    if it's foundation level I'd say it's OK

    for Higher level though you need to brush up a bit

    for the first "no grown ups" I would put 'no adult influence' instead, sounds better and clarifies it more. After that go into how the book shows that without Civilization we would all eventually become savages and die out, as evidenced by piggies and Simon's death, the attempted murder of Ralph, and the conversion to uncivilized methods of living by Jack and co.

    for the parachutist you could say that despite the short length of time between their old civilization and the new society, their values have changed considerably in that they now fear all aliens (outsiders may be a better word for clarity's sake)

    When Simon encounters the beast, and taking roger into account, it shows that being thrown into emotionally barren and unknown lands amplifies personality, in that the evil of everyone is released.

    The head as a present to the beast could be compared to ancient religions, and how we see them as less advanced beings.

    Don't use 'posh' vocab if it doesn't fit your writing style, it can get marks deducted as it ruins clarity.
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    Just gonna agree with a lot of the above posts really!

    It seems like you're just placing in words for the sake of it, purely because they 'sound fancy.' Whether you think it'll get your grade up or not, don't do it unless it is intergrated in a more fluent way. Comes across as if it's just been prodded in there.
    Also, don't use 'this could symbolise...' be certain and say, 'This DOES symbolise...'
    Content seems a bit wishy-washy. Try and link it together more...Plan plan plan plan!
 
 
 
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