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My Dad died...What should I do? watch

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    My Dad died a month ago and my whole life is changing, but the person I feel the worst for is my mum. She is a housewife and has three children, we have no income now, but that is the least of my problems because my Dad had life insurance and stuff.

    But I was talking to her and she told me that her life was over and she is only 42, she said that she thought he would be with her forever and when I told her that we would be there she said only for a few years.

    She feels as though her whole life has ended and that when we leave she will be all alone, with no goals or anything to look forward to. She is going to go back to school and do some training to get a job, but she won't get very far after not working for twenty years

    What can I do to make her feel better, I can look at the positives for me, but what are they for her?
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    Take her on an amazing holiday somewhere beautiful to show her that there's still something to live for. Perhaps a cruise around the Fjords of Norway for a week or two? See the Northern Lights?
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    :console:
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    Nothing can make her feel truly positive I'm afraid.

    A sort of scarred normality will return after a long time, but only patience will bring that

    Sorry about that, but this is just from my own personal experience.
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    Oh, I am soo sorry.

    I think your mum is just really really upset about your dad just passed away.

    I can understand why she would think she has lost everything.

    All you can really do now is to be strong and be there for your mum when she needs someone.

    Taking care of her and make her happy whenever you can. It is really a general advice, I know.

    But I really think time will heal everything. A month is not very long. Try cheer her up so she can get up and move on with life again.

    I really hope thigns get sorted out soon. I am very sorry if I am not helpful.

    PS* I really dont know why I got negged. What is so wrong with trying to help and giving general advice?
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    Take her on an amazing holiday somewhere beautiful to show her that there's still something to live for. Perhaps a cruise around the Fjords of Norway for a week or two? See the Northern Lights?
    I would love to, but we don't have the money for that anymore, but that was a really lovely idea
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    I'm so sorry to hear about that my dear.

    Just be there for her I guess, as much as you can. I guess the positives for her is that she can learn to be more self sufficient and independent and you two can become a strong bond together. She still has you too, which is the best positive since you are the reminder of your dad.

    I hope it works out for the best.
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    Really sorry to hear that OP Maybe she's worried that stuff will get harder not just money wise but by making sure chores and stuff get done...she'd probably appreciate all the support she can get with brothers/sisters etc. or cooking dinner for her every once in a while. Just to take the pressure off her grieving and still trying to manage the household. But as others have said, time is a healer, it doesnt solve everything but itll help. Feel free to PM if you ever need to
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    (Original post by purplebelette)
    My Dad died a month ago and my whole life is changing, but the person I feel the worst for is my mum. She is a housewife and has three children, we have no income now, but that is the least of my problems because my Dad had life insurance and stuff.

    But I was talking to her and she told me that her life was over and she is only 42, she said that she thought he would be with her forever and when I told her that we would be there she said only for a few years.

    She feels as though her whole life has ended and that when we leave she will be all alone, with no goals or anything to look forward to. She is going to go back to school and do some training to get a job, but she won't get very far after not working for twenty years

    What can I do to make her feel better, I can look at the positives for me, but what are they for her?
    I'm sorry to hear that.

    My dad died a while ago and I'm still not over it, unfortunately it seems that time is important and there is no quick fix. The pain may never go away, but she will learn to ignore it and eventually realise that life is worth living. She may go downhill very fast, as I did, but as she has a sense of purpose - her children - this is thankfully less likely.

    I found out a few days ago that my mums bf has cancer and not long to live and she will be alone again, with two young children. I know how you feel and it is hard, and I don't have any answers, all you can do is be as supportive as you can and hope that things work themselves out.

    I don't want to be negative but I don't think token gestures will achieve much other than a short term cover-up.

    I hope it works out for you. x
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    Maybe just little things to show that you care? Making her breakfast in bed, doing the chores, and just reminding her how much you love her.
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    Haec olim meminisse ivvabit. (Latin - Time heals all things.)
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    this is awful i'm sorry, but the best thing you can do, is in time encourage her to get out there, try get a job like she will. but also encourage her to meet people, she's scared of growing old alone so encourage her to find someone, as hard as it may be for you to see xxx
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    Thats really awful I'm sorry I don't really know what to say that anyone else hasn't :/ But it will deffinately get better over time...
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    Sorry to hear that. Do what you can to comfort her.

    A word of warning, though.

    Be careful if she wants to remarry. Widowed parents can make some very bad choices of spouse, as I learned the hard way :sadnod:
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    (Original post by purplebelette)
    My Dad died a month ago and my whole life is changing, but the person I feel the worst for is my mum. She is a housewife and has three children, we have no income now, but that is the least of my problems because my Dad had life insurance and stuff.

    But I was talking to her and she told me that her life was over and she is only 42, she said that she thought he would be with her forever and when I told her that we would be there she said only for a few years.

    She feels as though her whole life has ended and that when we leave she will be all alone, with no goals or anything to look forward to. She is going to go back to school and do some training to get a job, but she won't get very far after not working for twenty years

    What can I do to make her feel better, I can look at the positives for me, but what are they for her?
    You could tell her that even though you may be leaving home soon, you will never be leaving her. She will always be your mum and you'll always love her and want to see her and talk to her. I think she may need to hear that she still matters to someone and that people care about her and will want to be with her.

    I am so sorry for your loss
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    You can't really do anything. My Uncle died 2 years ago and my Auntie was just the same, she had been a housewife for years, or rather a 'kept woman' who held down a small job for her own satisfaction.

    It took a while but she's a lot better now, she's started thinking about dating again and trying to find someone else to share her life with. I know that would seem horribly soon to say to your Mum only a few months on, but after a little while things will get better.
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    I feel sorry for your loss OP.My condolences to you and your family.The only thing you could so is try to keep her away from isolation,spend a little more time with her.
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    (Original post by purplebelette)
    My Dad died a month ago and my whole life is changing, but the person I feel the worst for is my mum. She is a housewife and has three children, we have no income now, but that is the least of my problems because my Dad had life insurance and stuff.

    But I was talking to her and she told me that her life was over and she is only 42, she said that she thought he would be with her forever and when I told her that we would be there she said only for a few years.

    She feels as though her whole life has ended and that when we leave she will be all alone, with no goals or anything to look forward to. (*)She is going to go back to school and do some training to get a job, but she won't get very far after not working for twenty years

    What can I do to make her feel better, I can look at the positives for me, but what are they for her?
    I am very sorry to hear that. I was in a very similar situation (a bit worse though, there was no insurance for us) ~1.5 years ago. In these situations ..you should talk to her everyday! make sure she doesn't go into depression! Do all you/your siblings can to avoid depression, it's very important!

    To avoid "(*)"...you HAVE to assure her everything is going to be well. The best way to do this is....get a pt. job, get good grades....& show her that you have great potential in you (I know this can take some time, but I will assure you it's a permanent /long-term solution)....& tell her in the near future (~5yrs or so) you'd be totally independent by getting a well paying job & be fully capable of supporting yourself! aka in some form or the other you have to show her everything is going to be ok! if you do that, she won't go into depression & she'll have her hopes up once again, then after a while ...things will get a lot better !

    I wish your situation gets better ASAP!
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    It's sad to hear that your dad has passed away, but, try to remind your mum of the positive side. If you follow a religion, I'm sure you believe in the afterlife, and, eternity life would be granted then, so your mum would remember that she would reunite with your dad one day, as you know, life in this world is temporary, it can be said that living in this world is like an 'afternoon' compared to enternal life! The ratio is out of hand. So, if you remind your mum of this, she might be encouraged to make the best of life. It wouldn't be nice having to see your mum grieving for the rest of her life, when it's so short! So...hopefully my advice helps.
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    Sorry to hear that...
 
 
 
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