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Mourning strangers - respectful or disrespectful? watch

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  • View Poll Results: Is mourning a stranger respectful or disrespectful?
    Respectful
    8
    50.00%
    The intentions are respectful but it is quite a disrespectful thing to do.
    8
    50.00%

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    I was interested to hear what other people thought about this: We've all seen it before, whether it was the thousands crying at Diana's funeral, or when you see flowers by the road or on an RIP online group - and you see a message that starts:

    "Although I never actually met you..."

    When you see this kind of thing, how does it make you feel?

    If I died in tragic conditions, and some total stranger came to my funeral/grave crying and mourning me, it would really anger me.

    I feel like it cheapens the greif of the actual friends and family, who loved and cared for that person - they are grieving because they've lost someone they have loved. If a stranger does the same thing then it's basically saying "yeah but your relationship didn't mean that much because I can show just as much emotion as you can"

    Or maybe it's just me: I'm can be quite a curmudgeon and misanthropic towards other people (ironic considering my degree choice) so I might take it differently to others - but then surely that strengthens my argument - if you didn't know the person, how can you assume that your grieving is what the victim would have wanted?

    I can understand if you feel shocked at someone's sudden death, but it's different to actually grieving for them, and when it's a stranger I think it should be kept private.

    Public grief to me seems phatic and self-serving - it isn't genuine emotion, it's making a display of yourself. Someone convince me that it's a good thing and restore my faith in humanity
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    Somebody I know stabbed a girl in the face and within hours of the story breaking groups condemning him and supporting her were both up within hours. Fair enough if 99% of the members weren't complete and utter strangers saying things like 'I've never met you but I know that you're so brave and such a lovely girl' or whatever or 'I don't know who he is but that sick psycho deserves to rot in hell'. We live in a media-infested culture where people think everything is their business and they always need an opinion.
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    I don't think that's true. At all.

    I'm being cremated, but even still, if someone who didn't know me gave their condolences to my family if they heard I'd died in a Newspaper article or something, then if I was aware, I'd be much happier. I'm sure my family would appreciate it too. In fact, I know they would.

    No, I completely disagree. I believe that even if they are total strangers, I'd still be happy they took the time to visit, send their condolences, etc.
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    was really awkward at work this morning (i work in a golf club so generally older people)
    and someone had collapsed and died on the course
    was quite awkward didnt quite know what to do :/
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    (Original post by JCC-MGS)
    Somebody I know stabbed a girl in the face and within hours of the story breaking groups condemning him and supporting her were both up within hours. Fair enough if 99% of the members weren't complete and utter strangers saying things like 'I've never met you but I know that you're so brave and such a lovely girl' or whatever or 'I don't know who he is but that sick psycho deserves to rot in hell'. We live in a media-infested culture where people think everything is their business and they always need an opinion.
    Confirming your own point I see
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    (Original post by DH-Biker)
    I don't think that's true. At all.

    I'm being cremated, but even still, if someone who didn't know me gave their condolences to my family if they heard I'd died in a Newspaper article or something, then if I was aware, I'd be much happier. I'm sure my family would appreciate it too. In fact, I know they would.

    No, I completely disagree. I believe that even if they are total strangers, I'd still be happy they took the time to visit, send their condolences, etc.
    I do actually agree with you there - paying respects to the family is very respectful and I'm sure my family would appreciate it if someone came and politely said "I'm sorry for your loss" etc.

    I think condolences are fine, it's just... emotive public displays seem a bit weird.
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    (Original post by Zakky)
    Confirming your own point I see
    Dude, it is my business when someone I know is in that situation, and when complete strangers are harrassing my friends for knowing him. What is there about what I said which is not my business? And I didn't express any opinion other than that people who aren't involved shouldn't express theirs either, which really isn't much of an opinion. If you're going to be flippant at least do it properly.
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    I was interested to hear what other people thought about this: We've all seen it before, whether it was the thousands crying at Diana's funeral, or when you see flowers by the road or on an RIP online group - and you see a message that starts:

    "Although I never actually met you..."

    When you see this kind of thing, how does it make you feel?

    If I died in tragic conditions, and some total stranger came to my funeral/grave crying and mourning me, it would really anger me.

    I feel like it cheapens the greif of the actual friends and family, who loved and cared for that person - they are grieving because they've lost someone they have loved. If a stranger does the same thing then it's basically saying "yeah but your relationship didn't mean that much because I can show just as much emotion as you can"

    Or maybe it's just me: I'm can be quite a curmudgeon and misanthropic towards other people (ironic considering my degree choice) so I might take it differently to others - but then surely that strengthens my argument - if you didn't know the person, how can you assume that your grieving is what the victim would have wanted?

    I can understand if you feel shocked at someone's sudden death, but it's different to actually grieving for them, and when it's a stranger I think it should be kept private.

    Public grief to me seems phatic and self-serving - it isn't genuine emotion, it's making a display of yourself. Someone convince me that it's a good thing and restore my faith in humanity
    caring for the life and death of a stranger shows respect to human kind instead of the individual but is still respectful.
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    I think its different for people like Diana who were constantly in the public eye, so in a way, it felt like you knew her to some extent. Different if it was some girl you didnt know knocked over in a hit & run by a drunk.
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    Self-indulgent, look-at-me, whinging nonsense. The Diana thing was just so... un-British. If someone you feel did something exceptionally worthy in life but did not know personally has died, by all means pay your respects, but crying and stuff? Eurgh.
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    Depends I'd say respectful mostly.

    Unless your do a Johnny English and get the wrong coffin .
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    I think it's quite strange.
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    I do actually agree with you there - paying respects to the family is very respectful and I'm sure my family would appreciate it if someone came and politely said "I'm sorry for your loss" etc.

    I think condolences are fine, it's just... emotive public displays seem a bit weird.
    That would, I guess, be a bit odd.

    :cool:

    But even still; if someone wanted to come to my Cremation, or offered their condolences to my Family, I'd be happy.
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    I would say it is respectful, and I certainly wouldn't mind it if people paid their respects to me if I lost a family member or something of the sort. Crying might be a bit too much and rather confusing if they didn't know the person.
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    (Original post by S129439)
    caring for the life and death of a stranger shows respect to human kind instead of the individual but is still respectful.
    I agree with you completely about the first part, but I think that if caring for the death of a stranger is a public display of respect to humankind rather than respect to the individual, it shouldn't be targeted publicly at the individual.

    For example, hundreds of people are killed in car accidents every year, respect to human kind would be expressing regret at the national figures, and perhaps if you wanted to get really involved you could fundraise for a car-safety charity. But going to one specific victim and grieving seems like it is making it a bit personal. I would want to be mourned for who I was, not for being another car-crash-death statistic.

    I dont think one person's death should be used as a platform to express a national sentiment
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    I was interested to hear what other people thought about this: We've all seen it before, whether it was the thousands crying at Diana's funeral, or when you see flowers by the road or on an RIP online group - and you see a message that starts:

    "Although I never actually met you..."

    When you see this kind of thing, how does it make you feel?

    If I died in tragic conditions, and some total stranger came to my funeral/grave crying and mourning me, it would really anger me.

    I feel like it cheapens the greif of the actual friends and family, who loved and cared for that person - they are grieving because they've lost someone they have loved. If a stranger does the same thing then it's basically saying "yeah but your relationship didn't mean that much because I can show just as much emotion as you can"

    Or maybe it's just me: I'm can be quite a curmudgeon and misanthropic towards other people (ironic considering my degree choice) so I might take it differently to others - but then surely that strengthens my argument - if you didn't know the person, how can you assume that your grieving is what the victim would have wanted?

    I can understand if you feel shocked at someone's sudden death, but it's different to actually grieving for them, and when it's a stranger I think it should be kept private.

    Public grief to me seems phatic and self-serving - it isn't genuine emotion, it's making a display of yourself. Someone convince me that it's a good thing and restore my faith in humanity
    Different people mourn the various facets of a person, and in different ways:

    - The mother will mourn the son for just being - because she essentially created him.

    - The friend will mourn the person they had fond times with, and whom they could speak to in times of hardship.

    - The school friend will mourn the person who they haven't seen for a number of years, but who played with them in the park in their youth.

    - The work colleague will mourn the friendly gentlemen who they didn't know much about on a personal level but worked with every day.

    There are various types of morning, and I think it is perfectly acceptable and respectful to mourn someone because you respect their work, admire their personality and so forth. That is the reason Michael Jackson, Princess Diana (and so on) receive mourning from people who they never met.

    And, people display mourning in different ways. Some will be tight-lipped and steely faced; whereas, others will descend into a fit of crying.
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    I agree with you completely about the first part, but I think that if caring for the death of a stranger is a public display of respect to humankind rather than respect to the individual, it shouldn't be targeted publicly at the individual.

    For example, hundreds of people are killed in car accidents every year, respect to human kind would be expressing regret at the national figures, and perhaps if you wanted to get really involved you could fundraise for a car-safety charity. But going to one specific victim and grieving seems like it is making it a bit personal. I would want to be mourned for who I was, not for being another car-crash-death statistic.

    I dont think one person's death should be used as a platform to express a national sentiment
    fair play. thats opinion though. I would be flattered to have strangers at my funeral (albeit nowhere near the front, that's where family and friends are).

    IMO, we are all part of human kind, all of us are related and similar. Just because I don't know someone doesn't mean I don't feel sadness for their passing as well as empathy for the friends and family of the one who was lost.

    EDIT: Someone negged my personal opinion? An opinion on a subjective issue cant be wrong you utter goon!
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    i dont think morning the life of a human who has died can ever be disrespectful.
 
 
 
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