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Virgin or non virgin, what do you want in a relationship. Watch

  • View Poll Results: Do you prefer a virgin or a non virgin
    I'm male, and I want a virgin.
    64
    15.38%
    I'm female, and I want a virgin.
    46
    11.06%
    I'm male and I want a non virgin.
    13
    3.13%
    I'm female and I want a non virgin.
    40
    9.62%
    I'm male, and I don't care.
    72
    17.31%
    I'm female, and I don't care.
    71
    17.07%
    I'm male, and I want a low number at least.
    30
    7.21%
    I'm female, and I want a low number at least.
    61
    14.66%
    Jesus is my true love.
    19
    4.57%

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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    I disagree with the findings of the study in question - I don't think having more sexual partners, makes you incapable of maintaining a civil and caring relationship, assuming that the study differentiates between the number of those slept with in a relationship as apposed to one night stands etc. Just my opinion though...
    So, sleeping with more people can't have any effect on fidelity, while one night stands can have an effect on fidelity.

    People who have more sexual partners tend to have had more one night stands and short term relationships. They had to, as otherwise they wouldn't have had time for all those sexual partners. That's part of why the issue is worrying.
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    (Original post by the realist)
    yeah but the reasons don't really matter actually. My marriage being dissolved, children torn between the parents and my money stolen hurts just as bad whether it's by a traditional or non-traditional woman.

    I guess the answer is, don't marry a non traditional woman, simples...


    Funny how a non-traditional woman is just "non-traditional" enough to get a divorce, but not to avoid marriage in the first place, interesting......
    You missed that point spectacularly. *whoooosh*
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    You don't need to control all the variables. You ask people at one point in their life how many sexual partners they have per year and if they've cheated in the last year, and then you ask them at a later point how many sexual partners they have in a year and if they've cheated in the last year. That way you see whether generally promiscuous people, people who have cheated tend to continue doing so.



    If you don't think someone having a huge urge to go out to a club and bonk people other than their partner is a ticking time bomb, I'm not sure what you would think is one.

    If you have an inherent hate of generalizations, which you seem to, we can't convince you. You should be able to see though why we might want to avoid someone who's done something that means, for whatever reasons, we've twice as likely to get cheated on.



    It's about as subjective as catching your love having sex with another man in your bed.

    So, generally you believe what happened in the past has little or no effect on the present? Interesting.

    But even the generally promiscuous people change. So that pattern, will not always be true for everyone, at least in my view.
    You are right - I don't like generalizations for several reasons, which I won't go in to now (I should be revising hehe ). I do see why you would want to avoid someone who's been around but personally, I would not.
    I believe everyone has a past to learn from and if they do, their future might be different to their past. It might have an effect but it might not. I would dismiss someone I really liked or wanted to be with because I was aware of the number of sexual partners they had.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    So, sleeping with more people can't have any effect on fidelity, while one night stands can have an effect on fidelity.

    People who have more sexual partners tend to have had more one night stands and short term relationships. They had to, as otherwise they wouldn't have had time for all those sexual partners. That's part of why the issue is worrying.
    I don't think either do. If someone is going cheat, they are going to cheat, regardless of whether they have cheated before or have had one night stands. I get why you would want to avoid a person who has cheated before or has had several one night stands, but personally, I wouldn't and you can't criticize me for having a different opinion.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    You missed that point spectacularly. *whoooosh*
    i'm sorry what point did i miss? i'll repeat....


    your question doesn't require an answer. Whether it's down to the man finding the woman lacking in some department or the woman finding him lacking, it is far more likely to happen with a slutty woman.

    I guess then the conclusion is, you are less likely to be satisfied with your wife if she is a slut, and she is less likely to be satisfied with you. Sounds like you'll both be happier if you don't marry a slut then right?

    So don't marry a slut simples....


    whats so hard to understand?
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    (Original post by the realist)
    i'm sorry what point did i miss? i'll repeat....


    your question doesn't require an answer. Whether it's down to the man finding the woman lacking in some department or the woman finding him lacking, it is far more likely to happen with a slutty woman.

    I guess then the conclusion is, you are less likely to be satisfied with your wife if she is a slut, and she is less likely to be satisfied with you. Sounds like you'll both be happier if you don't marry a slut then right?

    So don't marry a slut simples....


    whats so hard to understand?

    Let me break it down for you.

    Some people stay married because they're happy in their marriage (Category A).
    Some people stay married because they have a religious or moral objection to divorce (Category B).
    Some people get divorced when their marriages cease to be happy (Category C).

    The marriages of people in Category B are not necessarily any happier than those of people in Category C. Your problem is that you're measuring the success of a marriage by longevity only. The conclusion you should be making is, "If you want your marriage to last forever no matter how unsatisfying and unfulfilling it gets, marry someone who's opposed to divorce (which is more likely to be someone with fewer past sex partners), simples."
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    But even the generally promiscuous people change. So that pattern, will not always be true for everyone, at least in my view.
    A pattern isn't gonna be true for everyone. But it probably is true for a lot of people. Most people don't change because changing yourself is incredibly hard. You can push down a part of your nature but it's always gonna be there under the surface.

    Inevitably in a relationship there are gonna be times when one person is in a bad place and can't be as loving. You need to know that even in the bad times the other person will be there for you. They won't run off to warmer and more loving arms.

    You are right - I don't like generalizations for several reasons, which I won't go in to now (I should be revising hehe ). I do see why you would want to avoid someone who's been around but personally, I would not.
    I like generalizations. I've found them an excellent tool to challenge stereotypes and insults. I recently challenged a girl on her comment that all men want is sex with accurate statistics on what men and women want. I challenged an atheist's claim that religious people were insane and irrational and that atheists weren't with statistics on horoscope belief and mental health issues.

    I find that statistics- representing reality- are an excellent way to reduce hate in the world. Even as I too avoid revising.

    There are lots of reasons why you might want a person who's been around. You shouldn't want them because they're more likely to be faithful, though. If you were advising a friend on whether they should say yes to a guy with the argument that promiscuity increases faithfulness that would be bad advice. If she instead wanted maturity, worldliness, experience, someone good in bed, then you could advise her that promiscuity was likely to give that.

    I believe everyone has a past to learn from and if they do, their future might be different to their past. It might have an effect but it might not. I would dismiss someone I really liked or wanted to be with because I was aware of the number of sexual partners they had.
    If you had to chose between two people who you liked just as much though, if you could date either, these little things can be important. Most people repeat the mistakes of the past.

    Plus, if they've slept with 20 people and they think, the past is in the past, you can't judge me, it's doubtful if they have learnt anything from it.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Plus, if they've slept with 20 people and they think, the past is in the past, you can't judge me, it's doubtful if they have learnt anything from it.
    What should they have learnt? :curious:
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Let me break it down for you.

    Some people stay married because they're happy in their marriage (Category A).
    Some people stay married because they have a religious or moral objection to divorce (Category B).
    Some people get divorced when their marriages cease to be happy (Category C).

    The marriages of people in Category B are not necessarily any happier than those of people in Category C. Your problem is that you're measuring the success of a marriage by longevity only. The conclusion you should be making is, "If you want your marriage to last forever no matter how unsatisfying and unfulfilling it gets, marry someone who's opposed to divorce (which is more likely to be someone with fewer past sex partners), simples."
    the question then becomes why are you getting married? You are also assuming that the only consequence of getting married and then divorced is no longer being with your partner, rather than damage to your relationship with your children, losing your money/house/business/pension + child support etc

    It remains true that, in the case of getting married, A man would be better served to marry the least slutty woman possible. So that even in the case of a much less likely divorce, it will be on much more favorable terms for him. The mercenary way in which the more promiscuous women behave cannot be denied, even if you do wish to phrase things in terms of "happiness", "love" etc
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    What should they have learnt? :curious:
    (Original post by Deepstar)
    I believe everyone has a past to learn from and if they do, their future might be different to their past.
    That they shouldn't be sleeping with five people a year, that they should say no to one night stands.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    That they shouldn't be sleeping with five people a year, that they should say no to one night stands.
    Why?
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    What should they have learnt? :curious:
    That depends why the started to sleep around.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    That they shouldn't be sleeping with five people a year, that they should say no to one night stands.
    Why shouldn't if one wants to, sleep with 5 people a year or have one night stands?
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Why shouldn't if one wants to, sleep with 5 people a year or have one night stands?
    Well, that's wonderful for you, but given that attitude I don't want to marry you, or have a relationship with you.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Well, that's wonderful for you, but given that attitude I don't want to marry you, or have a relationship with you.
    What makes you think you'd have the chance?
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Why?

    no it's absolutely fine, your choice. Just like it's a mans choice to be unemployed and smoke weed and drink alcohol day in day out.


    But neither is the greatest marriage prospect. Neither do i wish to change eithers behaviour, just don't want to marry them.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    What makes you think you'd have the chance?
    When I'm not on an internet forum arguing to avoid doing mind numbing revision I hate, I'm quite seductive. I've had fairly high success rates with getting women to be attracted to me. I'm quite happy with my social skills.

    Of course, we might not click, and that's great. We both get what I want. You can sleep with lots of men till you stop being attractive enough to do so, and I can find someone reliable who I can be with for the rest of my life.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    When I'm not on an internet forum arguing to avoid doing mind numbing revision I hate, I'm quite seductive. I've had fairly high success rates with getting women to be attracted to me. I'm quite happy with my social skills.

    Of course, we might not click, and that's great. We both get what I want. You can sleep with lots of men till you stop being attractive enough to do so, and I can find someone reliable who I can be with for the rest of my life.
    So at what point in the dating process do you ask a potential wife how many sexual partners she's had before you?

    Quite frankly, I have seldom had a man ask that question of me. It's generally considered bad manners, you know.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    A pattern isn't gonna be true for everyone. But it probably is true for a lot of people. Most people don't change because changing yourself is incredibly hard. You can push down a part of your nature but it's always gonna be there under the surface.

    Inevitably in a relationship there are gonna be times when one person is in a bad place and can't be as loving. You need to know that even in the bad times the other person will be there for you. They won't run off to warmer and more loving arms.



    I like generalizations. I've found them an excellent tool to challenge stereotypes and insults. I recently challenged a girl on her comment that all men want is sex with accurate statistics on what men and women want. I challenged an atheist's claim that religious people were insane and irrational and that atheists weren't with statistics on horoscope belief and mental health issues.

    I find that statistics- representing reality- are an excellent way to reduce hate in the world. Even as I too avoid revising.

    There are lots of reasons why you might want a person who's been around. You shouldn't want them because they're more likely to be faithful, though. If you were advising a friend on whether they should say yes to a guy with the argument that promiscuity increases faithfulness that would be bad advice. If she instead wanted maturity, worldliness, experience, someone good in bed, then you could advise her that promiscuity was likely to give that.



    If you had to chose between two people who you liked just as much though, if you could date either, these little things can be important. Most people repeat the mistakes of the past.

    Plus, if they've slept with 20 people and they think, the past is in the past, you can't judge me, it's doubtful if they have learnt anything from it.
    I disagree with you. People can, do and I know, have changed. Difficult it may be but if your afraid of a challenge then thats a different problem itself. You assumed that people only cheat when things get bad, why? Some people cheat in a happy relationship/marriage for no obvious reason and with no fault in their past sexual history, what generalized explanation do you give for that?

    I don't like generalization, things like this do not come 'one size fits all'. As for statistics, then like any evidence, they also come with several methodological drawbacks and sometimes are only give a limited insight in to matters.

    I won't be judging how faithful someone is to me, based on how faithful or unfaithful they have been in the past. Others might, but thats just not me. If I were advising a friend, I would not change my opinion, if they ask for it, I will of course be honest and say judge the person on who they are now and what they believe would be best for them but ultimately, it is their decision - they can weigh up the pros and cons for themselves.

    If I liked two people equally, I may decide to spend more time with each before making my decision but finding out one had more sexual partners than the other, would not bias my decision to leaning away from that particular individual. Most people do repeat mistakes from the past but most people also learn from their mistakes and move on.

    If they chose to sleep with 20 people in the past then that was their decision then. The ripples of that decision go only as far as the other people they tell, allow them to do. Knowing someone had slept with 20 people in the past, would not encourage or discourage me from wanting a relationship with them, assuming other factors were present also.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Well, that's wonderful for you, but given that attitude I don't want to marry you, or have a relationship with you.
    And yet you assume that I'd have the slightest bit of interest in you when you use my past to decide if we have a future :rolleyes:
 
 
 
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