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Virgin or non virgin, what do you want in a relationship. Watch

  • View Poll Results: Do you prefer a virgin or a non virgin
    I'm male, and I want a virgin.
    64
    15.38%
    I'm female, and I want a virgin.
    46
    11.06%
    I'm male and I want a non virgin.
    13
    3.13%
    I'm female and I want a non virgin.
    40
    9.62%
    I'm male, and I don't care.
    72
    17.31%
    I'm female, and I don't care.
    71
    17.07%
    I'm male, and I want a low number at least.
    30
    7.21%
    I'm female, and I want a low number at least.
    61
    14.66%
    Jesus is my true love.
    19
    4.57%

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    Non-virgin. I like somebody with experience :sexface:
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    Jesus is my true love? lawlz XD
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    So at what point in the dating process do you ask a potential wife how many sexual partners she's had before you?

    Quite frankly, I have seldom had a man ask that question of me. It's generally considered bad manners, you know.
    Well, first you need a romantic place. I've done, graveyard, msn late at night, moonlit hill. Then you flirt with her for an entire evening then take her there. You then have a deep discussion on everything romantic and tell each other everything about yourself. It's generally during that point, though I normally pick up stuff before that so I know what to ask.

    (Original post by DeepStar)
    I disagree with you. People can, do and I know, have changed. Difficult it may be but if your afraid of a challenge then thats a different problem itself. You assumed that people only cheat when things get bad, why? Some people cheat in a happy relationship/marriage for no obvious reason and with no fault in their past sexual history, what generalized explanation do you give for that?
    They do change, but not often.

    I assumed that because a lack of emotional intimacy is one of the most common reasons to cheat, according to statistics. I don't know of any cases where someone had no history of being a player and had excellent emotional intimacy (or sexual intimacy, whatever is emotional for you) with their partner and cheated. You only get chances to cheat if you flirt with other people and if you have no history of that you wouldn't have many chances.

    Of course, exceptions often validate the rules more strongly. I would be quite interested to see any case histories of such.

    I don't like generalization, things like this do not come 'one size fits all'. As for statistics, then like any evidence, they also come with several methodological drawbacks and sometimes are only give a limited insight in to matters.
    The world may not be one size fits all, but you can make a pretty good guess.

    I won't be judging how faithful someone is to me, based on how faithful or unfaithful they have been in the past. Others might, but thats just not me. If I were advising a friend, I would not change my opinion, if they ask for it, I will of course be honest and say judge the person on who they are now and what they believe would be best for them but ultimately, it is their decision - they can weigh up the pros and cons for themselves.
    Yeah. So, this is why I have a strong disbelief in your argument. If you know someone has cheated in every relationship they've been in during the past you have to really, really hate generalizations to not advise your friend that he might do what he has done ten times before again. As such, I don't especially trust your opinion on promiscuity and faithfulness.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    So at what point in the dating process do you ask a potential wife how many sexual partners she's had before you?

    Quite frankly, I have seldom had a man ask that question of me. It's generally considered bad manners, you know.
    Then you have been dating pussioles lol. I don't even consider a relationship valid until i know the dealio, and guess what......a bad reaction is just as indicative of sluttery as an honest high answer. It depends on the situation but As a general rule If she refuses to tell or reacts badly, then write her off totally, shes even worse than a girl who would happily give an honest high number.

    Virgin females are surprisingly open about these things, and won't hesitate to let you know how few guys they have slept with.
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    And yet you assume that I'd have the slightest bit of interest in you when you use my past to decide if we have a future :rolleyes:
    You don't think cheating is a predictor of future cheating. Love isn't forever, herpes is. I wouldn't say why I was leaving you, but I would.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Well, first you need a romantic place. I've done, graveyard, msn late at night, moonlit hill. Then you flirt with her for an entire evening then take her there. You then have a deep discussion on everything romantic and tell each other everything about yourself. It's generally during that point, though I normally pick up stuff before that so I know what to ask.



    They do change, but not often.

    I assumed that because a lack of emotional intimacy is one of the most common reasons to cheat, according to statistics. I don't know of any cases where someone had no history of being a player and had excellent emotional intimacy (or sexual intimacy, whatever is emotional for you) with their partner and cheated. You only get chances to cheat if you flirt with other people and if you have no history of that you wouldn't have many chances.

    Of course, exceptions often validate the rules more strongly. I would be quite interested to see any case histories of such.



    The world may not be one size fits all, but you can make a pretty good guess.



    Yeah. So, this is why I have a strong disbelief in your argument. If you know someone has cheated in every relationship they've been in during the past you have to really, really hate generalizations to not advise your friend that he might do what he has done ten times before again. As such, I don't especially trust your opinion on promiscuity and faithfulness.

    Your assumption is your opinion and your experience. I know of many people that have had no history of cheating, sleeping around or intimacy problems that have cheated on their partner.
    You make those good guesses and I would be extremely interested in knowing about your partner in the future and the impeccable sexual history you both have.
    I would not need to advise caution with a person like that as I'm sure their perfectly capable of taking it in to account and making that decision on their own.
    I don't particularly care for whether you trust my opinion or not. Just because it differs from yours, does not make it invalid.
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    (Original post by the realist)
    Then you have been dating pussioles lol. I don't even consider a relationship valid until i know the dealio, and guess what......a bad reaction is just as indicative of sluttery as an honest high answer. It depends on the situation but As a general rule If she refuses to tell or reacts badly, then write her off totally, shes even worse than a girl who would happily give an honest high number.

    Virgin females are surprisingly open about these things, and won't hesitate to let you know how few guys they have slept with.
    Just the opposite. In my experience, the only men who tend to ask are men who aren't that confident sexually and they want to know that they won't be compared to many other men. The ones who are sexually confident know that they're good enough that it doesn't matter how many other men she's been with.

    Also, younger men like yourself tend to care about these things much more than older men. It goes along with the confidence thing.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    You don't think cheating is a predictor of future cheating. Love isn't forever, herpes is. I wouldn't say why I was leaving you, but I would.
    Not for everyone, no.

    Love may not be forever, but there is so much more in a stable, loving and warm relationship than sexual history. And again, something like herpes would be known before a commitment was made and can be overcome.
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Your assumption is your opinion and your experience. I know of many people that have had no history of cheating, sleeping around or intimacy problems that have cheated on their partner.
    Cite, give an example. What happened, their self confessed reasons, and the relationship status.

    I don't particularly care for whether you trust my opinion or not. Just because it differs from yours, does not make it invalid.
    It's not so much that my opinion differs from yours, it's just that your opinion makes the assumption that something is likely to happen ten times in the past and then not happen this time. It's based on assuming actions have no consequences. That is an incredibly emotional view, and while it may make you good at being a friend it's not rational.
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    Surely the obvious solution to the risk of divorce is just not to marry, particularly as there is almost no benefit to doing so.

    As for the original topic, what my partner gets up to before, after and to a certain extent, during any relationship, is not for me to judge. They are their own free person, and not my property.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Cite, give an example. What happened, their self confessed reasons, and the relationship status.



    It's not so much that my opinion differs from yours, it's just that your opinion makes the assumption that something is likely to happen ten times in the past and then not happen this time. It's based on assuming actions have no consequences. That is an incredibly emotional view, and while it may make you good at being a friend it's not rational.
    Example: Someone I know from school, went through an exteremely hard time at school and had family issues. Got kicked out of school in year 10 and went downhill from there. Sleeping around, several different boyfriends - some cheated on them, others they cheated on, moved from house to house etc. Reason = didn't know how else to live or a different way of life away from it all, they thought if they didn't hurt someone, then someone would hurt them first. Current status = in a relationship for 4 and a half years currently, living together with their fiance, with a stable job and are planning to get married.
    I get that this may not be the case for everyone, but without giving someone like them a chance to change, how can you ever know them without lifting them away from their previous lifestyle?
    My opinion is that if something has happened ten times in the past, whilst it may happen again, I choose not to let this affect my relationship with that individual. It's not so much emotional or irrational, its just about giving everyone a chance and accepting that no one is going to be perfect throughout their life.
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    I'm inexperienced so tbh I'd much rather have someone with a bit of experience to guide me through. Once that embarrassment is over tho, I couldn't care less!
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Just the opposite. In my experience, the only men who tend to ask are men who aren't that confident sexually and they want to know that they won't be compared to many other men. The ones who are sexually confident know that they're good enough that it doesn't matter how many other men she's been with.

    Also, younger men like yourself tend to care about these things much more than older men. It goes along with the confidence thing.
    Yeah but thats the official slut line on these matters......ask a virgin what she thinks and actually she'll confess she would like a man that values her chastity. Self interest rules and it is in your self interest to denigrate men who don't value sluts and it is in a virgins interest to appreciate the extra value a man might place on her. Just like it is in my self interest not to marry a slut. So once again i ask why would i be scared to offend a slut or be thought of as sexually insecure by one? I would be happy to insert my penis into a slut whilst only half flacid and ejaculate in 30 seconds and not give the slightest hoot what she thinks. I don't care if a slut percieves me as totally sexually incapable let alone "sexually insecure".

    Sounds like youv'e been going out with guys who aren't socially dominant and smart enough to lead conversations in the ways they want to. When a guy owns a girl pussy and heart hes not really scared to talk about anything, whether it could make him sound insecure or not. Frankly this is your best hope of hapiness, a weak willed man who cannot afford to have principles and is just happy to get laid basically.

    Another reason these "sexually" confident guys might not care is because they are so "sexually confident" that they are not even considering you as a marriage prospect. They are better than you, and know they will have a better woman next week/next month. The most sexually secure guys actually require a VERY GOOD reason to be in a relationship at all, rather than play the field, and are likely to pursue good girls as they are percieved as rare, a challenge and something they can own and protect.

    There is a very clear history of men suppressing female sexuality around the world, seems to me that a lot of men, insecure or otherwise are actually in agreement over this issue and think it's much more important to not marry a slut than to be percieved as "sexually secure". As iv'e demonstrated through figures my concerns are mostly familial and monetary, being "sexually secure" does not protect you from these risks. I'll risk being thought of as insecure as long as i don't marry a slut thanks!!!
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    When I'm not on an internet forum arguing to avoid doing mind numbing revision I hate, I'm quite seductive. I've had fairly high success rates with getting women to be attracted to me. I'm quite happy with my social skills.

    Of course, we might not click, and that's great. We both get what I want. You can sleep with lots of men till you stop being attractive enough to do so, and I can find someone reliable who I can be with for the rest of my life.
    :rolleyes: Want a medal?

    How old are you? You seem pretty young and naive. I never ask guys how many people they've slept with - at this age I assume pretty much every guy is a non-virgin.

    So because I've had pre-marital sex, I'm only ever gonna be good for one thing? And when I lose my looks I'm gonna be alone forever, meanwhile you with all your charm and lack of sexual experience are going to live happily ever after? Get real. When you've got a bit more life experience, you'll come to realize that there's way more important things in life than your number of sexual partners.
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Example: Someone I know from school, went through an exteremely hard time at school and had family issues. Got kicked out of school in year 10 and went downhill from there. Sleeping around, several different boyfriends - some cheated on them, others they cheated on, moved from house to house etc. Reason = didn't know how else to live or a different way of life away from it all, they thought if they didn't hurt someone, then someone would hurt them first. Current status = in a relationship for 4 and a half years currently, living together with their fiance, with a stable job and are planning to get married.
    That's the opposite of what I asked. I was asking about a person cheating with no emotional problems or past sexual history.

    The problem with that example is it's quite hard to tell if they have changed. They could secretly be cheating and you wouldn't know it.

    Do you know for sure that they have never cheated on their partner? Also, you can probably see that they were a quite risky person to date. Even if their partner did get lucky and now has a stable relationship, there's a good chance it could have gone the other way and she could have dragged him down into a similar life style of cheating and insanity.

    So, if you don't want to risk that, you can see why someone would chose to avoid such people. You can see why your parents might be worried if you dated that person. You might win, you might lose.

    I get that this may not be the case for everyone, but without giving someone like them a chance to change, how can you ever know them without lifting them away from their previous lifestyle?
    My opinion is that if something has happened ten times in the past, whilst it may happen again, I choose not to let this affect my relationship with that individual. It's not so much emotional or irrational, its just about giving everyone a chance and accepting that no one is going to be perfect throughout their life.
    And that's fine. You can do whatever you want. So can anyone else. However, in giving someone dangerous a chance you are obviously risking it failing. If someone doesn't want to risk it failing so easily they can pick someone who's less of a risk factor. Hence, why someone picking "I prefer a virgin" or "I prefer someone with fewer sexual partners" is a perfectly reasonable and considered choice. It's not your choice, but it's still reasonable.

    Plus, you chose not to let it affect your relationship, but why not try and understand the whys behind what they do? If, say, they tended to be unfaithful when drunk you could try and be with them often when they're drunk, or get them to limit their drinking to a safe level. If they tended to be promiscuous when their family was being mean to them you could spot that and be there to cuddle and kiss them at that point. By adjusting your behaviour based on the past you can be a better girlfriend.

    (Original post by Tw1x)
    :rolleyes: Want a medal?
    It's not that uncommon to have acceptable social skills.

    How old are you? You seem pretty young and naive. I never ask guys how many people they've slept with - at this age I assume pretty much every guy is a non-virgin.
    I don't see favouring less promiscuity as a sign of naiveness, but all to their own I guess.

    You sound pretty jaded.

    So because I've had pre-marital sex, I'm only ever gonna be good for one thing? And when I lose my looks I'm gonna be alone forever, meanwhile you with all your charm and lack of sexual experience are going to live happily ever after? Get real. When you've got a bit more life experience, you'll come to realize that there's way more important things in life than your number of sexual partners.
    1. No, guys will just enjoy flirting with you more and see you as less girlfriend material. Random guys will see it as more acceptable to inappropriately flirt with you. They'll view you as likely to have been emotionally unstable. Of course, there are some who like that kind of thing.

    2. If you lose your looks (around 27-35 depending on race, diet, UV damage from sun etc) and you haven't secured a long term partner you'll find it exponentially harder to do so. You'll have much smaller choice in partners and have to settle for a guy who is far less to your liking. We guys have the advantage that we can maintain attractiveness up to a much higher age as women care more about maturity, confidence, worldliness than looks, so I have a long time to continue.

    3. I already realize that. My life experiences have taught me that sexual activity is a pretty good predictor of behaviour, however. I've been with enough people to realize that. I prefer the simple life to the insanity that is highly promiscuous people.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Actually, being insecure with yourself would be a reason to accept less than they want. You may have very specific likes but unless you're very secure in your ability to convince people of that sort to be with you, you'll settle for less.

    It'll often be based on anecdotal data.

    This poll assumes you have the choice- would you then prefer to go for someone with 1 past sexual partner, or 20? Would someone telling you about their past lovers make you tingly because they had now chosen you, or would someone telling you that you were their first make you tingly because they had chosen you?
    I mean in the actual relationship stage, worrying about the amount of sexual partners your partner has had can often mean that they are insecure. I've seen loads of threads on here from girls (and boys) wondering whether their partners will cheat or not value them just because they've slept with 6+ people. Obviously there are other reasons but that seems to be it, generally.

    In answer to your second point, I can honestly say that I would feel good for neither of those reasons in particular, because it just isn't a factor that I look for in a boyfriend.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    3. I already realize that. My life experiences have taught me that sexual activity is a pretty good predictor of behaviour, however. I've been with enough people to realize that. I prefer the simple life to the insanity that is highly promiscuous people.
    Where's your sense of adventure, passion, drama, intensity? All the fun things...
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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    Where's your sense of adventure, passion, drama, intensity? All the fun things...
    Been there, got the t shirt, got the scars.

    Literally, actually. She was kinky.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Been there, got the t shirt, got the scars.

    Literally, actually. She was kinky.
    LOL.

    Meh guess it depends on different people, personally I couldn't be with someone who was very...predictable and reliable. I'd find it boring, I need someone who's creative, spontaneous, emotionally intesnse, flamboyant etc, but some people would run a mile at that.

    I don't think you'll ever get an answer to whether it's better to be a virgin or not tbh, it's going to be one of those subjective topics.
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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    Meh guess it depends on different people, personally I couldn't be with someone who was very...predictable and reliable. I'd find it boring, I need someone who's creative, spontaneous, emotionally intesnse, flamboyant etc, but some people would run a mile at that.

    I don't think you'll ever get an answer to whether it's better to be a virgin or not tbh, it's going to be one of those subjective topics.
    It's not subjective what you want. It's a pretty objective answer whether you should go for a 22 year old virgin or a 22 year old non virgin, given what you want. That's my main view of this. That there are objective advantages and disadvantages to the different choices and that people's subjective choices have decent reasons.

    I like sexy and free of complications that may or may not involve serious harm to my physical and mental health.
 
 
 
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