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Virgin or non virgin, what do you want in a relationship. Watch

  • View Poll Results: Do you prefer a virgin or a non virgin
    I'm male, and I want a virgin.
    64
    15.38%
    I'm female, and I want a virgin.
    46
    11.06%
    I'm male and I want a non virgin.
    13
    3.13%
    I'm female and I want a non virgin.
    40
    9.62%
    I'm male, and I don't care.
    72
    17.31%
    I'm female, and I don't care.
    71
    17.07%
    I'm male, and I want a low number at least.
    30
    7.21%
    I'm female, and I want a low number at least.
    61
    14.66%
    Jesus is my true love.
    19
    4.57%

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    (Original post by Nepene)
    It's not your choice, but it's still reasonable.

    Plus, you chose not to let it affect your relationship, but why not try and understand the whys behind what they do? If, say, they tended to be unfaithful when drunk you could try and be with them often when they're drunk, or get them to limit their drinking to a safe level. If they tended to be promiscuous when their family was being mean to them you could spot that and be there to cuddle and kiss them at that point. By adjusting your behaviour based on the past you can be a better girlfriend.

    Oh, in that case - plenty of people, really nice, intelligent and good looking guys and girls I know, cheat regularly on their partners. Not because they have reason to or need to, simply because they like the risk involved. Without knowing them, rarely would you pick them to be the kind to do that.
    And my choice is just as reasonable.
    The point behind choosing not to let it affect the relationship is the beginning of trying to understand their past and their reasons for the choices they made. This would be part of the process of getting to know them in the relationship rather than using it to predict future outcomes of the relationship. If they are a person I can love today, then I wouldn't want to change their past because it might change who they are.
    If that bit about being a better girlfriend was a personal remark then no need. My opinion in this matter does not come from experience in sexual encounters.
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Oh, in that case - plenty of people, really nice, intelligent and good looking guys and girls I know, cheat regularly on their partners. Not because they have reason to or need to, simply because they like the risk involved. Without knowing them, rarely would you pick them to be the kind to do that.
    Social adeptness gives more chance to cheat, good looks give more chance to cheat, intelligence statistically is correlated with less cheating.

    They sound like people with a history, thus supporting my earlier argument.

    And my choice is just as reasonable.
    In how you have relationships, yes. Not in judging others for how they chose lovers. You yourself have said that you ignore important data, people's pasts. That makes you an excellent ear for a friend to confess problems to, but comes with problems.

    The point behind choosing not to let it affect the relationship is the beginning of trying to understand their past and their reasons for the choices they made. This would be part of the process of getting to know them in the relationship rather than using it to predict future outcomes of the relationship. If they are a person I can love today, then I wouldn't want to change their past because it might change who they are.
    Good for you. A lot of people disagree, for good reasons.

    If that bit about being a better girlfriend was a personal remark then no need. My opinion in this matter does not come from experience in sexual encounters.
    For the future, though. Making predictions is very helpful in preventing bad crap from happening. Even if you chose to stick it on with the signs being against you, you'll know what to look out for to see if you're succeeding or failing.
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    non - virgin.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    It's not subjective what you want. It's a pretty objective answer whether you should go for a 22 year old virgin or a 22 year old non virgin, given what you want. That's my main view of this. That there are objective advantages and disadvantages to the different choices and that people's subjective choices have decent reasons.
    Erm, yes it is. People are attracted to different things, thus, it is subjective. :rolleyes: Like I've said before, I'd go for the one I was most attracted to, and whether or not they'd had sex wouldn't enter into it.

    I like sexy and free of complications that may or may not involve serious harm to my physical and mental health.
    So you like boring, dull and naive. That's fair enough, but stop putting down everyone who isn't into that. Unless you're really insecure, I doubt dating a non-virgin will damage your mental health.
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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    Erm, yes it is. People are attracted to different things, thus, it is subjective. :rolleyes: Like I've said before, I'd go for the one I was most attracted to, and whether or not they'd had sex wouldn't enter into it.
    Your personal desires are objectively clear, as you have said what you want. Given what you want, certain characteristics are more likely to give you what you want. Same is true for most people. They know what they want.

    So you like boring, dull and naive. That's fair enough, but stop putting down everyone who isn't into that. Unless you're really insecure, I doubt dating a non-virgin will damage your mental health.
    No, I like exciting girls, just not as exciting as certain wildly promiscuous ones.

    I'm not putting down everyone who isn't into that. I'm putting down people who think that going for someone who's cheated ten times is likely to result in him not cheating on you.

    It's more likely to. More risk.
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    (Original post by Nepene)



    For the future, though. Making predictions is very helpful in preventing bad crap from happening. Even if you chose to stick it on with the signs being against you, you'll know what to look out for to see if you're succeeding or failing.
    I'm not afraid of a challenge with someone a little different from the normal population. I appreciate your concern but I am more than capable of making my own decisions and taking full responsibility for my choices, whether their outcomes are positive or negative.
    The same good hearted advice for you too. Maybe a little less thinking with the brain and little more following of your heart, might work well for you.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Your personal desires are objectively clear, as you have said what you want. Given what you want, certain characteristics are more likely to give you what you want. Same is true for most people. They know what they want.
    I think you misunderstood my point. My point was that you're never going to get a unanimous decision. There will always be some who have strong preferences, some with mild preferences, and some who don't care.



    No, I like exciting girls, just not as exciting as certain wildly promiscuous ones.
    Fair enough really.
    I'm not putting down everyone who isn't into that. I'm putting down people who think that going for someone who's cheated ten times is likely to result in him not cheating on you.

    It's more likely to. More risk.
    Who was on about cheaters? being promiscuous doesn't mean you cheat, it just means you've had a larger than average amount of sexual partners.
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    (Original post by Nepene)

    It's more likely to. More risk.
    A bit of risk I see as healthy. Otherwise life would be as dull and boring as Brown's facial expressions.
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    A bit of risk I see as healthy. Otherwise life would be as dull and boring as Brown's facial expressions.
    :rofl:

    Reminded me of this:

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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    :rofl:

    Reminded me of this:

    That is pretty awesome
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    I'm not afraid of a challenge with someone a little different from the normal population. I appreciate your concern but I am more than capable of making my own decisions and taking full responsibility for my choices, whether their outcomes are positive or negative.
    Go for it.

    The same good hearted advice for you too. Maybe a little less thinking with the brain and little more following of your heart, might work well for you.
    God, that's a terrible idea. I'm naturally kind hearted, sweet, and attentive. Which works terribly. I have to force myself to ignore her feelings, do deliberately rude things, and avoid obeying social conventions. Works much better now I let my head plan for my heart. I get more flirting, more fun conversations, better reception from females.

    (Original post by .Ali.)
    I think you misunderstood my point. My point was that you're never going to get a unanimous decision. There will always be some who have strong preferences, some with mild preferences, and some who don't care.
    That bit will always be subjective. But, whatever preferences people have, there are objective ways to please. People normally pick what they objectively know will please them.

    Who was on about cheaters? being promiscuous doesn't mean you cheat, it just means you've had a larger than average amount of sexual partners.
    Deepstar above. I was trying to understand why she objected to people's preference for virgins as less promiscuous. It wasn't so much to do with some sense that there was an objective difference, she's just not at all judgemental. Including of people who have cheated many times before.

    Being promiscuous has a pretty strong correlation with cheating. That's a part of the fear. If they've had a load of one night stands, they might have another while they're with you.
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    i would go for the virgin one rather than a used one.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Go for it.



    God, that's a terrible idea. I'm naturally kind hearted, sweet, and attentive. Which works terribly. I have to force myself to ignore her feelings, do deliberately rude things, and avoid obeying social conventions. Works much better now I let my head plan for my heart. I get more flirting, more fun conversations, better reception from females.
    I'm I'm honest...I think you just sound really hurt. Obviously some girl you really liked hurt your feelings once in the past, and so you've allowed 'your head to rule your heart' to protect yourself from it happening again. But you know, not all people are the same. We all have knockbacks, you should use it to your advantage rather than becoming bitter about it.
    /internet psychoanalysis.


    That bit will always be subjective. But, whatever preferences people have, there are objective ways to please. People normally pick what they objectively know will please them.
    Yeah I agree.


    Deepstar above. I was trying to understand why she objected to people's preference for virgins as less promiscuous. It wasn't so much to do with some sense that there was an objective difference, she's just not at all judgemental. Including of people who have cheated many times before.
    People change. I did some crazy, messed up stuff a few years ago that I wouldn't ever do again, and I'd be really annoyed if someone judged me for it now. You have to look at the person they are, and not the person they were.

    Being promiscuous has a pretty strong correlation with cheating. That's a part of the fear. If they've had a load of one night stands, they might have another while they're with you.
    There's a difference between having a one night stand as a sexually frustrated single guy, or someone playing the field, then when you're in a loving relationship.
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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    I'm I'm honest...I think you just sound really hurt. Obviously some girl you really liked hurt your feelings once in the past, and so you've allowed 'your head to rule your heart' to protect yourself from it happening again. But you know, not all people are the same. We all have knockbacks, you should use it to your advantage rather than becoming bitter about it.
    I actually did this while in a relationship and emotionally happy and secure, because I wanted to be a better lover.

    People change. I did some crazy, messed up stuff a few years ago that I wouldn't ever do again, and I'd be really annoyed if someone judged me for it now. You have to look at the person they are, and not the person they were.
    Depending on what you did, I might use it to predict your future behaviour. If you took drugs, say, I might avoid taking you somewhere where you can easily get drugs.

    What a person was often predicts what a person is. People grow with experiences.

    There's a difference between having a one night stand as a sexually frustrated single guy, or someone playing the field, then when you're in a loving relationship.
    http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/1...048.x/abstract

    They both increase infidelity in marriage.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    I actually did this while in a relationship and emotionally happy and secure, because I wanted to be a better lover.
    What? Sorry i'm not sure I get what you mean.



    Depending on what you did, I might use it to predict your future behaviour. If you took drugs, say, I might avoid taking you somewhere where you can easily get drugs.

    What a person was often predicts what a person is. People grow with experiences.
    You see I'd find that really patronising and annoying. People change, what I thought then might not be what I think now. People also learn from things, you have to make mistakes, otherwise you never grow up.


    http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/1...048.x/abstract

    They both increase infidelity in marriage.
    How can that ever be established? There are many factors which cause infidelity. Such as uncompatible sexually and personally, not being satisfied, midlife crisis etc.
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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    What? Sorry i'm not sure I get what you mean.
    You assumed I improved my flirting because I was emotionally broken. In actuality, I improved my flirting because I was in a relationship and I wanted to be a better lover to her and make her happier.

    You see I'd find that really patronising and annoying. People change, what I thought then might not be what I think now. People also learn from things, you have to make mistakes, otherwise you never grow up.
    I find your attitude naive and annoying. If you become addicted to something it's extremely easy for you to reawaken your addiction. Also, when you make mistakes at a young age they effect your brain. You'll often face the consequences of your choices for a life time.

    How can that ever be established? There are many factors which cause infidelity. Such as uncompatible sexually and personally, not being satisfied, midlife crisis etc.
    And, more sexual partners. They accounted for a load of factors. Besides, even if people with high numbers of sexual partners don't cheat because of their past, but because say, people with high numbers of sexual partners have an incompatible sexuality, it's still perfectly reasonable to avoid sleeping with them.
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    Not bothered either way (providing they're clean), although I'd probably have a slight preference towards non-virgins.

    Not sure why it would matter if anyone I was doing was comparing me to their exs tho, given that there is a reason that they aren't with them anyway
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    You assumed I improved my flirting because I was emotionally broken. In actuality, I improved my flirting because I was in a relationship and I wanted to be a better lover to her and make her happier.
    I was on about the emotional detatchment.



    I find your attitude naive and annoying. If you become addicted to something it's extremely easy for you to reawaken your addiction. Also, when you make mistakes at a young age they effect your brain. You'll often face the consequences of your choices for a life time.
    Well I'd expect to be trusted. If someone didn't trust me, then I wouldn't enter into a relationship with them. Fyi I didn't do drugs, it was something else. And no, I won't face the consequences forever, as it's in the past.


    And, more sexual partners. They accounted for a load of factors. Besides, even if people with high numbers of sexual partners don't cheat because of their past, but because say, people with high numbers of sexual partners have an incompatible sexuality, it's still perfectly reasonable to avoid sleeping with them.
    Sexual incompatibility can happen in virgins too. This is why premarital sex is a good thing - try before you buy. :awesome:

    Seriously, what if he wants in once a month and she wants it twice a day...issues will occur.
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    (Original post by .Ali.)
    I was on about the emotional detatchment
    Well, I said that I was making my head plan for my heart, so yes, you were right because you quoted me.

    Well I'd expect to be trusted. If someone didn't trust me, then I wouldn't enter into a relationship with them. Fyi I didn't do drugs, it was something else. And no, I won't face the consequences forever, as it's in the past.
    I've dated people who I didn't trust with something or other. Or rather, knowing their nature, I trusted them to do something I wouldn't like in a certain situation. It's not their fault, drugs mess you up.

    Depends what you did. Some things follow you. What's in the past can easily come back to bite you in the present.

    Sexual incompatibility can happen in virgins too. This is why premarital sex is a good thing - try before you buy. :awesome:
    Mm, so most will allow some small amount of sex before marriage. Even if they don't morally agree they'll understand. It gets worse as the amounts of sex get greater, though.

    Seriously, what if he wants in once a month and she wants it twice a day...issues will occur.
    He will die.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Well, I said that I was making my head plan for my heart, so yes, you were right because you quoted me.



    I've dated people who I didn't trust with something or other. Or rather, knowing their nature, I trusted them to do something I wouldn't like in a certain situation. It's not their fault, drugs mess you up.
    IMO, you shouldn't date people you don't trust. It's a recepie for disaster. Yes I can see what you mean about drugs, and why you'd be worried, but you should respect your partner enough to trust them if they say "I'm clean I'm not going to take drugs again"

    Depends what you did. Some things follow you. What's in the past can easily come back to bite you in the present.
    To some extent, but a lot of people do things. People make mistakes, especially teens. But they shape you into the person you are today. You use your past to your own advantage, it doesn't have to be a problem as such.

    Mm, so most will allow some small amount of sex before marriage. Even if they don't morally agree they'll understand. It gets worse as the amounts of sex get greater, though.
    Exactly my point, most people will allow for premarital sex. Sometimes, relationships that you think will last forever don't. Hence why some people are non-virgins, but not promiscuous or not slutty.



    He will die.
    LOL. So you agree it would be better for them to find out first before getting married and being like "oh..."?
 
 
 
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