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    My mum calls them Introduced marriages.
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    (Original post by meenu89)
    My mum calls them Introduced marriages.
    Lmao at that Good one meenu!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'll try and make this as short as possible but there's a lot to fit in so please bear with me.

    Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.

    Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.

    All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.

    Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on

    -mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
    -I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
    -met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
    -her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)

    So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...

    What should I do?
    Ok... i'm bengali myself, so I have heard this stuff a lot..
    But it depends on what you want, you shouldn't make a decision when your not calm and thinking properly, soo i suggest you cool off ..
    Plus as your Muslim(guessing), have you thought about going on Islamic dates with her so you get to know her before you decide?
    The reason he's saying he'll give you his wealth is because your gonna look after her and that plus your 18 so he knows you aint got money
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    urgh, deleted cmt since no need to say more about this
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    (Original post by Wucker)
    ...and this is why religion is stupid.
    How is growing to love somebody stupid?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18. My degree is 4 years long and I'll probably be doing a Masters after that do I won't get married until 24-25.

    To the people saying meet her with people present:

    She's very shy. It took me a while to make her feel comfortable and to get her talking freely. I seriously doubt that with another person present she would utter a word that gives me a clue on how she normally is. I wouldn't feel comfortable either having people with us. After I say yes to the engagement I can spend time with her but what if then I grow to not like her? I cant just break an engagement like that.
    if you have to ask people on tsr whether to accept the engagement or not, your probably not ready to make the decision. sounds like your in a difficult situation you should be able to date and make an informed choice about who is the right person for you
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    (Original post by Iqbal007)
    Ok... i'm bengali myself, so I have heard this stuff a lot..
    But it depends on what you want, you shouldn't make a decision when your not calm and thinking properly, soo i suggest you cool off ..
    Plus as your Muslim(guessing), have you thought about going on Islamic dates with her so you get to know her before you decide?
    The reason he's saying he'll give you his wealth is because your gonna look after her and that plus your 18 so he knows you aint got money
    Yes I'm a Muslim but clearly not a very good one.

    And I'm sorry if I piss any good Muslims off but the idea of an "Islamic date" sounds very depressing to me. Idk why. :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes I'm a Muslim but clearly not a very good one.

    And I'm sorry if I piss any good Muslims off but the idea of an "Islamic date" sounds very depressing to me. Idk why. :/
    Its your life bro, its just other muslims duties to guide them So dont worry brother.

    Lol Islamic dating is a bit long, but both sides agree with it and you go out with her and someone like her dad, bro or uncle only or imam and he just watches you as you guys talk about stuff so it doesnt go all sexual and stuff. Its a good way to get to know her, but i would recommend you get an imam, so shes more open to you and you can move on from there. I would say its the best possible way, plus finding a girl like you have is hard, if her personality is very good then you hav hit the jackpot
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    I think arranged marriages are silly because both parties would most likely end up bitter towards each other and their families for putting them into a relationship from which they can't escape. Not everybody can get along just because it's an economically beneficial match. Having said that, I appreciate that, on occasion, they do work and create happy couples.
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    The Holy Prophet (saw) said that when choosing a partner you should look at three ( or four I can't remember) things: Beauty, wealth, character (and virtue) the last two/one being the most important. In the end, it's your decision however.
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    (Original post by swahmad)
    The Holy Prophet (saw) said that when choosing a partner you should look at three ( or four I can't remember) things: Beauty, wealth, character (and virtue) the last two/one being the most important. In the end, it's your decision however.
    What he said exactly was:
    The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion; choose the one who is religious, and let you be successful!" [Bukhari and Muslim]

    So pick her based on how pious she is most of all, everything else comes last
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    (Original post by Limitless)
    How is growing to love somebody stupid?
    I, for one, think you should be able to fall in love with somebody before you have marry them, instead of having to hope that you don't hate the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

    Then again, I don't feel the need to be an apologist for backward religious traditions, like so many Western people do.
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    (Original post by Iqbal007)
    What he said exactly was:
    The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion; choose the one who is religious, and let you be successful!" [Bukhari and Muslim]

    So pick her based on how pious she is most of all, everything else comes last
    Ah right thanks for reminding me
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    (Original post by Wucker)
    I, for one, think you should be able to fall in love with somebody before you have marry them, instead of having to hope that you don't hate the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

    Then again, I don't feel the need to be an apologist for backward religious traditions, like so many Western people do.
    You can call it "backward" or you can call it different. Nobody should force an arranged marriage and "love marriages" are allowed
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    Man up and remind them of the 21st century.
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    (Original post by swahmad)
    You can call it "backward" or you can call it different. Nobody should force an arranged marriage and "love marriages" are allowed
    Oh how magnanimous of Islam, just make sure you don't see the other person without the presence of adults! Should be nice and easy to get to know, like, and love your spouse when her dad is sitting across from you the entire time...
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    Get to know her :yes: honestly if you're getting the opportunity to get to know her better go for it. That way if you do like her, you're happy and so are your parents.

    Nothing to lose
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    (Original post by Wucker)
    Oh how magnanimous of Islam, just make sure you don't see the other person without the presence of adults! Should be nice and easy to get to know, like, and love your spouse when her dad is sitting across from you the entire time...
    It doesn't have to be her dad.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess that's the problem. I'm leaving for uni this year to Birmingham while they all live in London so I won't be able to see her. Even if I could I doubt her dad would let me just date her since they're also strict Muslims. :/ I'm getting the feeling that they don't want to be lead on and then risk me saying no and so want a definite answer and then to get us engaged.
    To go on a blind date is one thing but a blind marriage is a different story altogether. If you say yes you are committing yourself to living with this girl for the rest of your life and from what I understand of the Muslim community divorce will not be a very viable option. The girl you went out with was obviously a dishonest and deceitful excuse for a woman but not all girls are like that. You might want to ask your parents to introduce you to someone they would approve with but you cant commit yourself to living with someone permanently without getting to know them fully before you do so. This is not to say you should give up your family for a girl but there are ways of getting a girl who you love and are happy to live with without doing that. But if i were you i wouldnt do this arranged marriage thing.
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    (Original post by swahmad)
    It doesn't have to be her dad.
    Oh god.

    This would be funny if you weren't being dead serious.
 
 
 
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