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Advice from those who have been in a relationship? watch

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    I'm a girl, 19 and have never had a fling or a proper boyfriend. Until now. The good thing is, he's my best friend, we get along perfectly and (as far as I can see) he's pretty much everything I've ever wanted. So, I don't worry about awkwardness or not having anything to talk to each other about etc.

    I worry that one day, he might wake up and realise that he doesn't want me anymore? Or that slowly, he'll stop liking me and he'll end the relationship. This fear is kind of getting me down, this is supposed to be the "honeymoon period".

    But all I keep worrying about is if he'll suddenly stop wanting me or if we'll suddenly stop getting along so well and lose everything we have.

    I've spoken to him about this, and he's given me the standard "that's not going to happen, I promise" response but I can't help but worry....

    Advice? This is my first relationship, I dont want to ruin it already
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    3rd spoiler in sig.
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    Don't develop feelings or give your heart to anyone. People think about themselves, first and foremost.

    Yeah, that's what I've learned in my 21-year-old life.

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    Yes, sometimes that happens in relationships. In the absence of psychic powers or a time machine, there is no way of knowing whether this will happen to you. So just get over it and stop asking those kind of questions because it's really awkward. And for all you know, you may go off him one day.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a girl, 19 and have never had a fling or a proper boyfriend. Until now. The good thing is, he's my best friend, we get along perfectly and (as far as I can see) he's pretty much everything I've ever wanted. So, I don't worry about awkwardness or not having anything to talk to each other about etc.

    I worry that one day, he might wake up and realise that he doesn't want me anymore? Or that slowly, he'll stop liking me and he'll end the relationship. This fear is kind of getting me down, this is supposed to be the "honeymoon period".

    But all I keep worrying about is if he'll suddenly stop wanting me or if we'll suddenly stop getting along so well and lose everything we have.

    I've spoken to him about this, and he's given me the standard "that's not going to happen, I promise" response but I can't help but worry....

    Advice? This is my first relationship, I dont want to ruin it already
    Haha I get this too sometimes. Just random paranoid flashes that he's going to find someone else, or fall out of love or whatever.

    You just have to enjoy every day and not worry about it, sure it might happen - I've fallen out of love myself after 3 years of being with someone and he didn't see it coming - but that's the way it goes.

    Just enjoy every day you get to spend with this amazing guy for as long as it lasts. Chances are if you dwell on it, you'll become paranoid and controlling and that'll push him away really fast.

    If it's right, it'll last and if it's not right then it's not right for either of you, but that might never happen so there's no use in worrying about it
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    Most people won't 'suddenly' stop wanting to be in a relationship unless you give them a decent reason to, and even then it'll probably be more a case of things slowly going downhill than just them suddenly wanting out. If things seem to be going well, just relax and enjoy it!
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    If you're feeling this way concerning your first relationship then I dread to think what you're going to be like in the ones after this. I'm not going to give you false hope ("Aww, you'll be fine, don't worry, he won't leave you") because I'm pretty sure that that phrase stops working shortly after you turn 15 (or, at least, it should ), so I'm going to be honest instead:

    If the relationship ends then it's just part of life, and it's something that you have to deal with. It's life experience, and it's vital for understanding the "how to move on" chapter. You may feel a whole host of emotions after the end of the relationship dependant on how it ends; bitterness, sadness, envy, etc.

    On the flipside, you may never break up with him; you might be one of the lucky few that remain with their partners forever, I can't tell, I'm not Mystic Meg.

    At the moment you really need to get over any insecurities you're feeling about the relationship because if you keep telling him that you think he might end it, etc, then there's a chance that he'll get pissy with you and start to seriously contemplate ending it for fear that you're one of those ridiculously clingy girls that doesn't let their boyfriends do anything without their permission.

    Paranoia and trust issues are always prevalent at the start of a relationship (at least in my experience they are, but that could just be me ), but they fade after time. Trust me on this: you need to sort it out. Don't bother talking to him about it, there's always the chance that he won't understand and instead think you're a paranoid wreck (people seem to like extremes, I have no idea why). Look at the situation: you've got a boyfriend. He's everything that you want. You're happy.
    Focus on what you've got at the present, and deal with the future IN the future. There's no sense in worrying about something that may never happen. Wasted hours and all that.
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    I was dating a girl. I wanted her to know what I wanted. This is what I said.

    You nag and whine. When I come home you do nothing but talk about your problems and try to change me. Being with you is a drag. Not just boring, stressful. I want to be apart from you because when I'm with you I can never relax. When I flirt with you, you don't make an effort any more. You just lie there doing nothing. I find you so unattractive then.

    I don't want it to be like this. I want to come home and laugh and joke with you. I want you to be the woman I can cuddle up to relax with, make silly jokes with, play stupid games with. I want to know that when I'm with you I can trust you, that you'll always be my flirt buddy. That you'll want me as much as I want you. I can't resist you when you flirt. You're so exciting, so hot. I want you to be my lover, not my wife.

    It worked.

    Broadly speaking, don't get complacent. Keep looking hot, keep flirting. Don't try to change your man as being changed is an immense source for resentment. Don't unload your problems on him when he's stressed and expect him to like it. Don't try and get him involved in any aspects of the feminine life he hates and you love. Be extremely supportive and giving when he has joined you on feminine things he hates, and reward him.

    That avoids most of the common stressors.
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    You can't predict the future. You are happy with each other and for now, that is all that matters. You can't control how he might feel in the future or how you might feel towards him so why waste time worrying about it?
    When and if, things change between you, deal with it then. By worrying about it and being down about it will just put a downer on your relationship now and it seems you have something beautiful. Enjoy it.
 
 
 
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