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    Um, hey

    tl:dr- old friend with whom I have a romantic history wants to take me out, but he's probably lying to me about taking drugs. What do I do?

    Need some advice. I'm in Germany at the moment doing work experience in a school, and I've been friends with this German guy here since last year when he visited England. We fell for each other but never did anything about it, communicated over the internet until he got a girlfriend where he lives and I got a boyfriend where I live. He got together with his girlfriend while I was still single and would always say things like how much he wished she was like me, how he thinks I'm perfect, etc.

    I'm very happy with my boyfriend, and continued to keep in touch with my friend because we get on well. After New Year's Eve, however, the friend and I were talking about what we did and he told me he'd gotten completely stoned and that he and all his friends spent the evening getting high.

    I'm not one of those people who goes around telling people what to do with their bodies. No, I don't drink, smoke or take drugs, but it's never stopped me forming friendships/relationships with people who do, or have done any of those things. My friend, however, had been becoming lazier and lazier with school, complaining a lot more, and generally turning into a very boring person. Before he had been intelligent, sensitive, talkative and hard-working but now he was nothing like the guy I knew. I cut off contact.

    I didn't speak to him for quite a while, but one day he got hold of me and asked why I hadn't been talking to him. I told him that I had issues with him not only taking drugs, but glorifying it in a really immature way. He told me that it was a mistake, that his oldest friends had felt exactly the same as me and that he'd stopped following the "cool crowd". I was really pleased to hear him sounding like his old self and things were as before.

    Recently we haven't talked so much because I quit Facebook and MSN. I saw him on my first day in the school, however, and it was...such a shock. I'd forgotten how tall and good-looking he is, and I turned into a stammering, blushing wreck. He looked delighted to see me and hugged me straightaway. He and his girlfriend had already broken up. He asked me if I wanted to go out somewhere during my time here and I said yes. We swapped email addresses after seeing each other a few more times.

    I still hadn't received an email yesterday and I was out shopping with the sister and he came up in the conversation. She said that his ex-girlfriend (her best friend) was well shot of him, that he was an idiot, and that he's been taking drugs consistently for quite some time. I told her what he'd told me, and she laughed and laughed. I couldn't believe he'd lied to me.

    I received an email from him just now, inviting me out, offering to take me out to eat, whatever I want. Honestly, I couldn't care less whether he takes drugs or not, as I'm probably not going to see him again. I care about whether he's lying to me. Question- do I ask him about in the email, which could lead to cutting off contact again? Do I go out with him and then ask him, which could cause an awkward situation? Do I completely ignore it, but which would be very difficult for me? What dó I do? I really want to see him but I can't bear to think he's lying to me.
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    Someone, help me!
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    If I were you I'd go and meet him one last time - you seem to want to, and if you don't you'll probably regret it. You're sister, as a friend of his ex is likely to have a negative view of him if her friend had problems with him.

    Arrange perhaps to have a friend text you sometime into the meet so that if it isn't going well you can claim an emergency/forgotten prior engagement. I'd also arrange to meet somewhere quite busy so that any awkward moments would be eased out by background noise/changing conversation to something where you are (people-spotting etc).

    Also tell your boyfriend you're meeting up with an old friend first and throw your boyfriend into conversation with him - just to remind him that you're there as friends.

    Hope that helped!
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    (Original post by zovija)
    If I were you I'd go and meet him one last time - you seem to want to, and if you don't you'll probably regret it. You're sister, as a friend of his ex is likely to have a negative view of him if her friend had problems with him.

    Arrange perhaps to have a friend text you sometime into the meet so that if it isn't going well you can claim an emergency/forgotten prior engagement. I'd also arrange to meet somewhere quite busy so that any awkward moments would be eased out by background noise/changing conversation to something where you are (people-spotting etc).

    Also tell your boyfriend you're meeting up with an old friend first and throw your boyfriend into conversation with him - just to remind him that you're there as friends.

    Hope that helped!
    Thankyou, yes, that really does help! But do I ask him about the drugs thing? And now, or when we meet up?

    But thankyou so much for replying!
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Thankyou, yes, that really does help! But do I ask him about the drugs thing? And now, or when we meet up?

    But thankyou so much for replying!
    Perhaps see how it goes when you meet as to whether to mention it. If he really is ashamed of himself he might apologise for his behaviour or just not want to mention it. If it becomes clear that he's lied to you maybe just tell him that you thought you were better friends than that.

    I wouldn't try too obviously to bring it up though - although you clearly only have his best interests at heart you don't want to be seen as prying.
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    (Original post by zovija)
    Perhaps see how it goes when you meet as to whether to mention it. If he really is ashamed of himself he might apologise for his behaviour or just not want to mention it. If it becomes clear that he's lied to you maybe just tell him that you thought you were better friends than that.

    I wouldn't try too obviously to bring it up though - although you clearly only have his best interests at heart you don't want to be seen as prying.
    Hmmmkay. Okay. Yeah. Sleeping dogs lie and all that. Okay, thankyou so much
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Hmmmkay. Okay. Yeah. Sleeping dogs lie and all that. Okay, thankyou so much
    No Problem
 
 
 
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