I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half now, but I'm getting the feeling all the effort is becoming one sided, and its my side! Basically he went to bath uni in september and we both come from bristol so at the moment we're really not that far away from each other. Yet for some reason I'm just not happy with how things are going between us. Since september I go every weekend to see him (on a gap year working at the moment) yet since then he's only come back twice. Once for his dad and the other time to see his best friend (who's a girl) to dance at bristol city. He's never offered to see me and I've brought it up before n he says he'll come back one weekend for me but never does. Its the same thing with phone calls/skype/texting. It always seems to be me texting him first during the day and if I wait to see if he'll text me then I just never get one. When I try n arrange a time to phone him or skype him something always comes up last minute. He says he hasn't got the money to come see me yet goes out 2-3 times a week with his uni friends so clearly he has some money.
I don't want to seem like a clingy girlfriend but I just need advice as to whether I'm blowing this out of proportion or he really is just acting like he doesn't care anymore?
I understand that he's got a lot on as he's doing a chem degree but what happens with I go to do medicine in southampton in september? I can see it all falling apart. He says he'll come visit me the first couple months to make it up to me but its easy to say that now when he's not having to make the commitment yet.
What should I do? Any advice good or bad is welcome, I just need pointing in the right direction!
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- Thread Starter
- 10-04-2011 18:49
- 10-04-2011 20:00
This is quite a dilemma.
I would personally tell him exactly how you feel, but not in an angry way so you start blaming him for everything. Tell him you feel things have changed, and you understand he has a busy life style, and you just want to make sure he is still happy with what you have together.
I was in a similar situation earlier this year. He had uni and I work full time, but I still tried so hard to see him and talk to him. But it was so frickin hard to catch him! In the end, I decided it was best we call it a day. But I'm not saying this is what you should do. Chances are he is trying hard to fit everyone in his lifestyle. He will have met so many people at uni, and yet he can't ignore everyone back home.
So basically, just let your feelings just spontaneously combust and see what he says.
Hope this helps a teeny bit
- Thread Starter
- 10-04-2011 21:54
Did he agree with you that you needed to call it a day? I'm feeling I'm getting in the same situation as you've described. I've dropped hints, told him straight done everything to let him know that without communication this isn't going to work yet not talking all week and expecting me to come on the weekend, he can't see my issue with this :/ It wasn't always like this either, the longer he's been at uni the less he seems to care.
Thank you for what you've said it has been helpful
- 10-04-2011 22:40
For us, it was more of a mutual decision - we could both see the problem. I get the feeling he thinks he's got you now so he doesn't have to put any effort into it anymore, and that you'll come running. If you've already spoken to him about it I guess he's not listening, which is a lack of respect. Personally, I think you need to give yourself a break and let him go. Have some time to yourself without feeling like you're neglecting him. Single life is quite a bit more satisfying than it seems. But it's your call love