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Your views on marriage and weddings?! watch

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    This thread is just for curiosities sake.

    How long to you think is ideal to be with someone before getting engaged? (I mean, how long would YOU want to be with someone before engagement, I know it is different for different people)
    How long do you think an engagement should last? (again, how long would YOU want to be engaged)
    Do you want to get married?
    If yes then do you want a wedding? or just sign the register?
    Would you want to be married in a church?

    Would be interesting if you say what religion you follow, especially keen to hear from atheists.

    I myself am an atheist.
    I think you should be together for a fair few years before getting engaged.
    I don't like the idea of a long engagement, people seem to get engaged before they have real plan to get married, this is not for me. I think a year is longest I would want to be engaged for.
    I do want to get married but I don't want a wedding. Would rather spend the money on a very long luxurious honeymoon. After all getting married is about you and your partner, not about entertaining family and friends.
    If I was to have a wedding, a small one, I wouldn't have it in a church. It would feel hypocritical of me as an atheist to do so. Stately home would be just as nice.
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    (Original post by Smophy)
    How long to you think is ideal to be with someone before getting engaged?
    How long do you think an engagement should last?
    Do you want to get married?
    If yes then do you want a wedding? or just sign the register?
    Would you want to be married in a church?
    I think engagement comes when the time is right, I don't think you can state however many months or years because it will change depending on the couple!
    I, like you, think that an engagement should be about a year, the intention should be to actually get married, not just be engaged for years then think about marriage!
    I want to get married, and am very traditional in my views about this. I'd definitely want it in a church
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    This.
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    1. Some get married within weeks of meeting each other and are very stable as a couple, some dont get married until after being together for 15+ years, I cant say there's an ideal when both extremes have produced satisfactory results.

    2. However long it takes to plan the wedding.

    3. Absolutely not. I can't bear the responsibility, not this type anyway. The fact that there's family pressure makes me not want to get married even more.
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    I am getting married in August. Our engagement has been 2 and a half years long, and we are having a civil ceremony in a beautiful hotel with our closest friends and family present.

    We had been together about six months when he proposed to me, but I very clearly remember how I felt at that moment, and there was really no other conceivable answer than 'yes'. I would have felt wrong and over-cautious to say 'no', and it would have made us feel like there were flaws in our relationship when there really, really aren't! Some people were snotty and critical of the engagement - I was 19, and it took my mum in particular a little while to come round to the idea. His parents were absolutely over the moon, and both sets of parents are now very happy and enthusiastic about the upcoming wedding, especially my mum, who is really getting into the idea of 'mother of the bride'. :P
    Despite the relatively short period of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' before the engagement, we were living together, and we had known eachother for years beforehand. As it stands, we will have been 'together' for three years, come August, and after 2 and a half years of waiting, it's clear that getting engaged quickly wasn't a mistake. We could have got engaged yesterday, and I would have felt the same as I did 2 years ago.

    For the purpose of the thread's original point, I would consider myself an atheist.
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    Either her dad is paying for it, or it's straight to the register office baby!
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    [QUOTE=Smophy;30802588]This thread is just for curiosities sake.

    How long to you think is ideal to be with someone before getting engaged? Like... 20 years or so. At least.
    How long do you think an engagement should last? As long as it takes you prepare the wedding haha
    Do you want to get married? Nope

    I'm an atheist.
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    One benefit of having a wedding I suppose is the presents :P My partners mum recently got married and instead of gifts, as they have everything they need etc, they said they would just accept money (rather cheeky if you ask me lol). Well they got just short of £4,000!!!

    That would pay for a rather nice honeymoon. I think it would be really cheeky for me to say "I'm not having a wedding but I am getting married so please give me money" :P If only haha
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    Don't believe in marriage per say. But everyone who says that succumbs to it in the end because it is that universally accepted instutution which stamps a commitment and gives that 'long term, forever and ever lovey dovey' label.

    I could love girl to pieces, die for her happiness etc and not feel the need to 'marry' her but society, she herself, the world wouldn't see the officiality of our union without some sort of accepted social definition. Even if you aren't religious or w/e marriage holds a certain appeal which allows you to verify your feelings and agree to start a life together as a sworn off couple.

    I think marriage provides people with that security they need in a long term relationship. Personally if I was in love with a girl i'd (in that moment in time) want to be with her forever. I wouldn't think 'matriage, weddings omnomnom' but I could see us growing old, having kids, getting a mortgage and being together, traveling, kissing, going to B&Q, doing grocery shopping. And if getting married is part of her plan then yeah i'll go for it. But I don't see it making any real difference. I'd love her the same either and everyway. Regardless of what our marital status was.

    Atheist.
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    How long to you think is ideal to be with someone before getting engaged? Different for every person
    How long do you think an engagement should last? As long as it needs to/needs not to.
    Do you want to get married? Yes
    If yes then do you want a wedding? or just sign the register? I want to go all out crazy, splashing money out like it's water. You only get married once so why not. Then go on a honey moon to a place which is amazing but nobody has ever heard of.
    Would you want to be married in a church? No, because I'm Muslim...
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    (Original post by pooo)
    Don't believe in marriage per say. But everyone who says that succumbs to it in the end because it is that universally accepted instutution which stamps a commitment and gives that 'long term, forever and ever lovey dovey' label.

    I could love girl to pieces, die for her happiness etc and not feel the need to 'marry' her but society, she herself, the world wouldn't see the officiality of our union without some sort of accepted social definition. Even if you aren't religious or w/e marriage holds a certain appeal which allows you to verify your feelings and agree to start a life together as a sworn off couple.

    I think marriage provides people with that security they need in a long term relationship. Personally if I was in love with a girl i'd (in that moment in time) want to be with her forever. I wouldn't think 'matriage, weddings omnomnom' but I could see us growing old, having kids, getting a mortgage and being together, traveling, kissing, going to B&Q, doing grocery shopping. And if getting married is part of her plan then yeah i'll go for it. But I don't see it making any real difference. I'd love her the same either and everyway. Regardless of what our marital status was.

    Atheist.
    You share pretty much the same opinion as me.

    The only reason I wish to be married is because of the view of society as shallow as that sounds. It doesn't make any difference to the relationship so that is really the only reason. It sounds childish to say my boyfriend and I think people view it as less significant than to say my husband. Tbh I do, it's jut sub-consciously built in.

    For example, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Yet someone could of been with their partner for a lot less but if they say "I have been married for a *insert length of time"" and it seems to sound better than been together for five years. If any of that makes any sense at all. It is like their relationship is more respected by society.

    I know a couple who got engaged after being together around a year. They have been together around 4 or 5 yrs now I think but still not married and no plan of getting married in the near future. They are our good friends yet I get the impression that they think something is wrong with our (me and my bf's) relationship as we have not got engaged. I see it as quite the opposite if anything. We are stable and know (as much as you can ever know) that we will be together for ever and love each other blah blah blah so we do not need that reassurance in the form of a proposal. If your going to be together for ever, which is the point of marriage, then I don't see what the rush is.
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    I'd want to be with someone at least a year or two before they proposed. I'd want the engagement to be at least a year as well. I'm Catholic and do want to get married in a church. I can't really be bothered with the whole huge, expensive wedding malarkey but it's more than signing a bit of paper to me and so I'd want to get married in a church and have small celebrations
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    One year, two years, it's nothing. You don't have the time to see your loved one's faults, the ones that will bother you afterwards. I actually think people should get married on their deathbeds, after a long life of knowing their gf/bf's faults and still loving him.
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    (Original post by Smophy)
    This thread is just for curiosities sake.

    How long to you think is ideal to be with someone before getting engaged?
    How long do you think an engagement should last?
    Do you want to get married?
    If yes then do you want a wedding? or just sign the register?
    Would you want to be married in a church?

    Would be interesting if you say what religion you follow, especially keen to hear from atheists.
    Agnostic myself, wife is a Christian..... though not really a fanatical one.

    Length of being together : I doubt it makes a difference tbh, when the time is right just pop the question? Previously I had a fiancee whom I dated for 3 years before we were engaged for 2 years... I missed our registration slot once, and finally she broke it off 3 weeks before the actual wedding day.

    My wife, we were together for 16 months before she popped the question just after New Year's Day

    How long an engagement should last : No set time really, many people I know are legally engaged for 21 days only because after that they straight away go for a civil ceremony. Some may have an actual wedding some months down the road. Also know of 3 couples who waited 3 years for their wedding day as they wanted to be married on 8th August 2008.

    Our wedding took place after 2 months, originally wanted it to be on 11/11/2011, but decided against it for logistical reasons.

    Want to get married : Res ipsa loquitur

    Wedding : Always wanted one, the ideal one would have been a really expensive one held in a 5* exotic resort. My wife on the other hand didn't want hundreds of people at our wedding and she didn't want anything extravagant... I didn't really put anything into the planning of it as I was really busy much of the time leading up to the wedding.

    Church : Definitely.
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    Athiest and proud of it.

    I don't think i'd want to marry - that dsnt mean i dnt want to spend my life with someone
    I jst don't need a piece of paper telling me so
    I think the idea of being man and wife (or wtv) brings on a new pressure to the relationship sometimes making it strained cuz every1 has certain expectations whereas if your jst with that person, the pressure's off - ur with that person cuz u choose 2 b, ur not obliged 2 b n u still feel you hav ur freedom. Who knows, perhaps wen im seriously old i may marry that person - anything can happen. But yeah to me it jst seems like the marriages of today are more a business transaction where you join your money and property n wtv n its less about the couple and their feelings for each other. I would even have children with the man outside marriage - tho obv you'll have to choose the man very carefully b4 doing this!
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    I'm meant to be getting married in the summer and I'm absolutely terrified about it. All the arranging ****, all the people there, the family arguments, the religious relatives angry it's not in a church, the non-religious relatives angry they have to travel, the family arguments a bit more, the fact some have weird diets, the talking to people, the finding clothes and shoes, etc, argh argh argh :banghead:

    So far, for me, weddings are ****ing awful. :nothing:


    To answer the actual question, I was with her 3.5years when I asked. I think that's about right, long enough to be sure, but not too long that people start getting weirded out.
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    fun question.
    catholic but not a strict one.
    I do want to get married.
    but i'm not up for the big white wedding...
    maybe a quiet one with just immediate family, in a church in a romanic setting.
    engaged afer a few years i think.
    and engaged forat least a year....
    but it's all relative i suppose.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I'm meant to be getting married in the summer and I'm absolutely terrified about it. All the arranging ****, all the people there, the family arguments, the religious relatives angry it's not in a church, the non-religious relatives angry they have to travel, the family arguments a bit more, the fact some have weird diets, the talking to people, the finding clothes and shoes, etc, argh argh argh :banghead:

    So far, for me, weddings are ****ing awful. :nothing:


    To answer the actual question, I was with her 3.5years when I asked. I think that's about right, long enough to be sure, but not too long that people start getting weirded out.
    That is exactly why I do not want to have a wedding. Even when i think about maybe having a small wedding with just a few close family i start to panic thinking, "i would invite my brothers, but they would want to bring their partners yet me and partner can not stand one of them but i can't just not invite her and invite the other one, plus then my partner would have to bring his brother who is a complete knob and would ruin everything". Urghhh it makes me feel all panicked just thinking about it. I just couldn't do it. plus there is the problem with a small wedding as to where do you draw the line. I mean there are always those family members that would hold it against you for years if they were not invited.

    Neither me or my bf are the sociable type either so the actual day, going round talking to people and dancing in front of everyone etc would absolutely kill us. It just would not be enjoyable at all.
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    I'm an atheist. I would personally want to be with someone a good while before considering marriage. At least 5/6 years prolly. I'm also in the "engagement is a step to marriage, not an 'in between' relationship status", so I'd only plan to be engaged for the time it took to plan a wedding. I wouldn't want to get married in a church. As the OP says, I would feel hypocritical to do so, and there are so many lovely wedding venues nowadays its not just like the only beautiful place to get married is in a church.
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    I don't plan on ever getting married. I guess that's partially because all the couples I know that could be called my 'role models' in terms of relationship are not married, despite having been together for ages.
    I'm also really sceptical about the idea of two people staying together until they die, of course there are very successful examples and I'd love to have that kind of relationship myself one day, but it just seems somewhat unrealistic in this day and age and I'd feel like a hypocrite saying 'I do'. I'm agnostic if that matters.
 
 
 
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