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Whats my bf's problem?! Is it him/me? help! watch

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    In the beginning things were great (isn't it always? Sigh.)

    His moods change very quickly and at times he'll snap at me even though I've not done anything wrong. I feel like i have to tread on egg shells around him now because of how things are already and I don't want it to 'flare up'. Sometimes I feel like a can't be me cos he criticises me a lot inc my opinions, he doesn't have to agree with them just show some respect at least.

    Same thing goes for if I'm unhappy with something, sometimes I'll hold it back for the sake of not causing conflict. Feel like there's no point in telling him because he acts like he doesn't care and even if i do we just air it but the issues aren't resolved. Eg, I only really get to talk to him in the evenings and lately he'll say he's tired and just wants to go to bed BUT then has the cheek to say we hardly talk and that he could give me more of his time if he wanted to but 'clearly i dont need it'

    My bf says really hurtful things when he's angry (totally unprovoked) and it makes me feel like ****. He said to me 'do you really think I want to say those things? Do you think i enjoy it?' but then when i ask him why he does it then, he says he doesn't want to talk about it??!

    Sometimes there's an undertone when he says something like during a conversation he was going to say something about me and then stopped, when i told him to just tell me he goes ' nah its okay, you wont like it'. I'd rather he just be honest with me cos he leaves me with the feeling that he thinks bad of me?

    He says that I don't show any emotion in our relationship and although it's selfish sometimes he feels like he has to provoke a reaction out of me. I told him that I really don't know what he wants from me because last time when I was upset and I cried he told me to stop being a baby and grow up and then when I don't show any emotion he get's pissed off.

    Also that I'm quite distant and not clingy at all? That I don't question him..? for eg, he said to me ages ago that he doesn't really talk to girls but on his fb a significant percentage of the small amount of friends that he does have (cos he doesn't really use it) are girls....and just because I didn't question it, it means I don't care? I trust him a lot, I know he'd never cheat on me so I don't need to question who he's friends with unless I see an obvious problem somewhere.

    There's more but that's just the jist of it really. Everything I've written in this post I told him yesterday and he said he didn't know what to say. All he said was 'i wont be mean anymore.' It really pisses me off that all he could come out with was that, like that's really going to solve everything?

    I love him to pieces and I really want this to work but I dont know what to do? If he didn't want to be with me he would have left already but I just dont feel like i'm wanted anymore. I'm not into playing ignoring/ emotional/ controlling games, I just want an honest relationship. Help!
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    Personality disorder?:ashamed2:
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    He's a ****.
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    Two stops short of a shortbread from the madhouse.
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    if i was you ,i would take a break from him and let him sort out his head, life is to short to be getting messed bout by a fella that doesnt know his own mind
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    sounds a little intense. I wouldnt want to be with a girl that was like that, so don't know why a girl would put up with it from a guy.
    break up with him, see what happens, if he likes you he'll ask for you back, and try to change his bullish attitude towards you
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    I'm pretty sure his response will be that 'we' don't need one. I don't want to force one upon him if he feels he doesn't need time apart from me?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm pretty sure his response will be that 'we' don't need one. I don't want to force one upon him if he feels he doesn't need time apart from me?
    Write him a long letter or email about all of your feelings about him and the situation.

    It sounds silly but it means you can spend the time to say exactly what you feel in a controlled way as well as showing you care.

    Then he can read it and start thinking about what you can both do to change. It's a lot easier than just having heated discussions all the time!
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    you need better cake, sweetie. dont settle for dry bread
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    He sounds depressed. My ex was like that, everything I liked was 'gay' and 'rubbish' and he would criticise everything I did. He stopped doing it after a long time though. Not sure what advice to give as you seem so in love with him.
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    Invest in 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'...might give you/him some insight.
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    (Original post by ApplePi)
    Write him a long letter or email about all of your feelings about him and the situation.

    It sounds silly but it means you can spend the time to say exactly what you feel in a controlled way as well as showing you care.

    Then he can read it and start thinking about what you can both do to change. It's a lot easier than just having heated discussions all the time!
    That's actually a really good idea, thanks! Although the problem is more focused on resolving the issue i.e. taking active steps once we tell each other that there's a problem with something...cos that's what we keep going around in circles with.
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    (Original post by goddogit)
    you need better cake, sweetie. dont settle for dry bread
    This.

    Don't stay in a relationship you're miserable in. Either work something out, talk to him honestly if you can or dump him. To be honest, from the way it sounds, looks like getting rid is your only option.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's actually a really good idea, thanks! Although the problem is more focused on resolving the issue i.e. taking active steps once we tell each other that there's a problem with something...cos that's what we keep going around in circles with.
    Yeah I know exactly what you mean...

    Maybe if you kept up an email thing that you didn't speak about in conversations it would help to resolve the problems underneath? When you speak directly to each other everyone stops listening to each other!

    You might as well give it a go, it's worked for me :P
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    (Original post by ApplePi)
    Yeah I know exactly what you mean...

    Maybe if you kept up an email thing that you didn't speak about in conversations it would help to resolve the problems underneath? When you speak directly to each other everyone stops listening to each other!

    You might as well give it a go, it's worked for me :P
    Really? Do you still do it when you need to or did you do it for a while until your problems were resolved?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Really? Do you still do it when you need to or did you do it for a while until your problems were resolved?
    Those particular problems were resolved, we've learnt how to listen to each other a bit more now so don't really need to it!
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    You need to say all this to him, not me.
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    I have..."Everything I've written in this post I told him yesterday and he said he didn't know what to say" which is why I'm now here.
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    You aren't going to like this, but you need to tell him that if he doesn't change rapidly, then your relationship will be over.

    Loving him isn't enough. Noone deserves to put up with that.
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    (Original post by ApplePi)
    Write him a long letter or email about all of your feelings about him and the situation.

    It sounds silly but it means you can spend the time to say exactly what you feel in a controlled way as well as showing you care.

    Then he can read it and start thinking about what you can both do to change. It's a lot easier than just having heated discussions all the time!
    This.

    And if it doesnt work:

    (Original post by goddogit)
    you need better cake, sweetie. dont settle for dry bread
    This ^ and This v

    (Original post by Oranges)

    Don't stay in a relationship you're miserable in. Either work something out, talk to him honestly if you can or dump him. To be honest, from the way it sounds, looks like getting rid is your only option.
 
 
 
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