I can't help but lead this guy on?

I didn't really fancy this guy that much last summer. but he was besotted by me. and tbh i enjoyed the attention. we began meeting up, and i loved spending time with him... soon i was very attached to him. we met up loads, but i was always wary of what i was getting into, trying my hardest to remain distant. my friends didn't like him. and i kept telling myself it's just a casual summer relationship due to uni starting soon. but we met up once a week when went to uni. i'm not used to guys paying me much attention and he was addictive. when other guys came on to me, i never cheated on him. in my head it was always short term.
he began getting very serious. saying he loves me. seen a future together, wondering where we should live after i finish uni. saying he wants me to be his wife. this scared me, i was 18 at the time, 19 now. but i was secretly thrilled to have someone care about me so much.
i confided in my mum a little, saying i shouldn't lead him on, even though i love spending time with him. she kept telling me it'll run it's course, we'll drift apart, don't break it off abruptly. so i kept looking forward to meeting up with him. and me being distant made him think i was playing hard to get, and made him want me more.

i began to get very insecure and unhappy and clingy. and too dependent on him. i started to really care about him but i also began to pick fights with him. then he barely had time for me, began to be distant, and i was so unhappy. he also stood me up several times, and we argued over silly stuff. i broke up with him. even though it hurt. i also felt relieved to be free in a sense.
i missed him so much. he was heartbroken and so was i. but i had felt trapped getting 'tied down.' and it was like he was getting bored of me. but i was still in that unhappy rut for a few months. we kept in contact. he kept begging for me back. even though i was desperate to meet up, i always said no, cause i didn't want to lead him on. i was too young to settle down. i think about him all the time.
then one day recently he asked again to meet up, i agreed, thinking i'll see how it goes as friends. but ofcourse i couldn't help but kiss him etc. but it was also awkward.
then he acts barely interested the whole week. and i felt embarrassed, then i thought well at least i know it's the right thing being single. then he's in contact again, being very flirty (but we were flirty even when we were broken up). And i know that i want to be single and 'free.' but a big part of me wants him as well. but every time i think, i should cool it before it goes too far, i just feel guilty and that i don't want to let him down and so flirt back. it makes me happy talking to him again in that way. help.

I know. i think i'm scum too.

Reply 1

iCrackMyselfUp

Cock teasers are the worst kind of women.

Reply 2

sbarrie2

'tl;dr, cool story bro (stool bory cro), trollolollololol, Get back to the kitchen'

Likely responses.

Reply 3

FrostyLemon

You obviously aren't into him that much otherwise you would just be with him. You're basically using him to boost your own ego and feel better about yourself, which is understandable to a certain extent but in the long run it's just not going to work and you are messing with his brain. Just let him go... I know two people in this situation right now and it's so ****ing annoying to watch.

Reply 4

bestofyou

Original post by sbarrie2

'tl;dr, cool story bro (stool bory cro), trollolollololol, Get back to the kitchen'
Likely responses.

Reply 5

Hey TSR

What goes around, comes around. Beware.

Reply 6

sbarrie2

Original post by Hey TSR

What goes around, comes around. Beware.

Swings and roundabouts (cliches get me off)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

but i seriously am really attached to him. i think of nothing but him.
i just don't want to be in a relationship this serious so young. or in a relationship at all.