I'll keep this as short as possible.
I'm with my boyfriend of almost a year now, and I still feel really insecure and weird about his past with girls. We've got a bit of an age gap so I suppose it should be kind of anticipated, but the scale on which he seems to bring up (a lot) seems more than I could handle. He has briefly mentioned a few times about how many girls he had "had" when he was younger, whereas I'm only in my second relationship with him. I just feel like I'm inadequate, and I don't want to be another notch on his belt, so to speak. Even yesterday, he mildly flirted with a group of girls in front of me. He thinks it's nothing when he does that, or when he talks about an ex (one particular one), but it really bothers me. The fact that we're in an LDR makes it a bit more shaky for me. He doesn't give me any reason not to trust him but I think sometimes that if he can do that in front of me...?
Also, I know he loves me but I feel like after all his past flings or whatever, I feel like the word's a bit devalued. Whenever he compliments me I feel like it's nothing to him and it's a lot to me, because he's so used to it. I'm a fairly shy person as well, in contrast to him. I don't know, I just feel a bit stupid with him to be honest. We've had two completely different upbringings and lives and everything but.. I don't know. I think I just need some tough love if possible?
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How to stop being so insecure about boyfriend's past? watch
- Thread Starter
- 11-04-2011 20:19
- 11-04-2011 20:21
First of all, have you told him about how much this whole thing bothers you? Communicate
- 11-04-2011 20:22
you're obviously not another one of his flings or you wouldn't have lasted this long. he's committed to be in a long distance thing to you so he's obviously not just in it for the sex.
if you don't like him talking about his ex's tell him that and he'll stop. personally i find it really interesting talking about a partners past relationships but i can see that some people wouldn't.
basically talk to him about it. but don't hit him with it all at once.Last edited by didgeridoo12uk; 11-04-2011 at 20:25.
- 11-04-2011 20:26
How big is this age gap? Has he been married before or something
- Thread Starter
- 11-04-2011 20:30
I haven't spoken to him about it because I don't want to sound trivially silly... I do notice that I go a bit quiet afterwards though, I'm not sure he notices. It's more that he says it in a way that sounds a bit like he's showing off and it's not as if I can say anything back, and also it makes me feel like I'm inadequate because I haven't had x many numbers of one night stands or whatever.
How could I mention it to him without sounding needy or demanding?
Age gap is 5 years, 18 and 23 btw.
- 11-04-2011 20:31
Sounds like he just feels comfortable talking to you, hes not lied about his past or anything and doesnt see it as a problem, people like talking about ex's and stuff. Just mention to him that it bothers you a bit, if your insecure just talk through it