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Gay guy dating a straight guy? How do I mention the "r" word without scaring him off? watch

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    So recently I've been dating a guy who claims to have always considered himself as being straight (He's 19, I'm 18), but is now uncertain.

    I've known him, and liked him, for a couple of months, and about 2 months ago we were both at a party, and under the influence of alcohol, we ended up dancing. Nothing too much happened, but it was enough to make this guy leave the party (having never been in that situation before).

    He phoned me the next day, and we arranged to go out for a drink the next week. We've been dating since then, and it has been lovely (we even shared our first kiss two weeks ago) - but I have no idea how to bring up the "r" word (relationship). I don't wanna scare him off, and also have no idea how to tell how comfortable he is with the situation at the moment (I haven't been pushing anything because I want him to come to terms with however he feels without being pressured). I've asked him how he feels we should act around mutual friends (we're on the same course at Uni), and he said that he would be happiest if we acted more as friends around other people. Also, he doesn't know how to talk to his family about what is going on at the moment (to be fair - neither do I).

    My question(s) is(are), should I bring up the "r" word, to see where he feels we are at the moment, and if so, how should I go about the conversation? I have never dated anybody before him, so I have no idea what I should do/say

    Thank you in advance for any advice
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    He doesn't sound like he's fully accepted he might be gay yet, so give him the time he needs to accept that. If you try and bring things up too fast, like the relationship, and talking to your friends/parents about it, he might get freaked out.

    Basically it sounds like you are already doing the right things by giving him time so just keep at it :gah:
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    Don't bring up being in an official relationship or anything like that yet. It's only been 2 months. Give him more time, I guess wait until after both your exams when it will be less stressful, then maybe ask if he wants to talk about how he's feeling about stuff.
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    Walks like a duck? Quacks like a duck? It probably is a duck.
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    Obvious troll.
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    By "r" i thought u meant rimming
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    (Original post by Paradoxymoron)
    So recently I've been dating a guy who claims to have always considered himself as being straight (He's 19, I'm 18), but is now uncertain.

    I've known him, and liked him, for a couple of months, and about 2 months ago we were both at a party, and under the influence of alcohol, we ended up dancing. Nothing too much happened, but it was enough to make this guy leave the party (having never been in that situation before).

    He phoned me the next day, and we arranged to go out for a drink the next week. We've been dating since then, and it has been lovely (we even shared our first kiss two weeks ago) - but I have no idea how to bring up the "r" word (relationship). I don't wanna scare him off, and also have no idea how to tell how comfortable he is with the situation at the moment (I haven't been pushing anything because I want him to come to terms with however he feels without being pressured). I've asked him how he feels we should act around mutual friends (we're on the same course at Uni), and he said that he would be happiest if we acted more as friends around other people. Also, he doesn't know how to talk to his family about what is going on at the moment (to be fair - neither do I).

    My question(s) is(are), should I bring up the "r" word, to see where he feels we are at the moment, and if so, how should I go about the conversation? I have never dated anybody before him, so I have no idea what I should do/say

    Thank you in advance for any advice
    It depends if you're willing to keep quiet (at least for now). Don't force yourself to be silent on the topic just to appease him: you're in the relationship as well, so your happiness matters too! Ask yourself if you can give him more time. If you can, then continue doing what you're doing until you come to a point when you feel like you honestly need to talk about a relationship (again, only you can make this determination).

    Best of luck!
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    (Original post by United...)
    By "r" i thought u meant rimming
    HAHA.

    I love this. And you.
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    (Original post by United...)
    By "r" i thought u meant rimming
    You sound disappointed :P
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    Don't, let it flow naturally.
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    ...Rimjob?
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    (Original post by magnum.opus)
    You sound disappointed :P
    I was a little expecting some sly ways of dropping in the idea of anal... could always use the ideas on the bird haha she wont budge.
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    (Original post by draikzer)
    HAHA.

    I love this. And you.
    Thanks for the love man appreciated.
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    (Original post by United...)
    I was a little expecting some sly ways of dropping in the idea of anal... could always use the ideas on the bird haha she wont budge.
    Well the thread starter and his boyfriend are a gay couple, so I think anal slurs are appropriate whether there was mention of rimming or not: don't let that stifle your creativity
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    Something that came to my head straight away: He might just be using you as a dive-in to his recently discovered sexuality. Just like a friend helps a friend. So you might be deeply disappointed.

    But instead of asking him about a relationship I would simply ask him: "So how do you feel about us?" (if it really bothers you).

    But I don't get why you would need to pin down where you are with him. You are both at uni and are not going anywhere any time soon. I had the best experience with girls with whom we never talked where we are at. It just doesn't matter, there is something between us and that's all that counts.

    We had been ****ing for one year. But have also always been good friends. We never tried to get together seriously, but we also never stop ourselves from making out. We just act like each of us feels. While I had a 6 months relationship we stopped. And now it's up again.

    I feel closer to this person than to anyone. I can always be myself and she can be herself, because we simply accept each other 100%.

    I don't know if you could get used to this idea with him. But I could imagine that he, since he's unsure anyway would much prefer just to let things go their way. At least for now.
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    I am inclined to agree with most people here, give him some time to discover himself and to figure stuff out, you may feel a bit impatient but you are both a couple and from what you said you are doing well, so there is really no need to put a name on it, that would not really change anything. Just go with it.
 
 
 
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