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Should I tell/how to tell my parents I was raped. watch

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    This is the same OP who wrote this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...highlight=rape last week. On Friday I told my GP and my personal tutor/programme leader about being raped, and they were really helpful. My personal tutor and programme leader said I can take as much time off as I need, and suggested I go home to my family (I live about 3 hours way for uni) if I feel that will help. I do think some time away would help, but I haven't told my parents I was raped. I've talked to them on the phone since it happened a few times and I've just pretended that I've been fine etc, and I feel terrible for lying to them. I wish I had told them in the first place but after it happened I was just in shock and wanted to act like it had never happened.
    Because my course doesn't have an easter holiday and I'm supposed to be on placement, if I go home for a while then they will know something is wrong. Part of me wants to tell them because I need support but the other part doesn't because telling them will upset them too much, and they will be hurt that I didn't come to them in the first place. Another thing is, my brother lives abroad and he's coming back at the end of the week for a couple of weeks for Easter. It'll be the first time my parents will have seen him since January so it's supposed to be a happy family time, and I don't want to take that away from them by telling them I've been raped. So I don't know how I should go about this? If I do go home should I tell them the truth or just tell them I've been going through a bad time and needed some time away from uni?
    And if I do tell them I've been raped, how do I get the words out? It was daunting enough talking to my GP and my personal tutor and they aren't people I really know, so telling my family will be a lot worse. Has anyone who's been through a similar experience got any advice?
    Thanks x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the same OP who wrote this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...highlight=rape last week. On Friday I told my GP and my personal tutor/programme leader about being raped, and they were really helpful. My personal tutor and programme leader said I can take as much time off as I need, and suggested I go home to my family (I live about 3 hours way for uni) if I feel that will help. I do think some time away would help, but I haven't told my parents I was raped. I've talked to them on the phone since it happened a few times and I've just pretended that I've been fine etc, and I feel terrible for lying to them. I wish I had told them in the first place but after it happened I was just in shock and wanted to act like it had never happened.
    Because my course doesn't have an easter holiday and I'm supposed to be on placement, if I go home for a while then they will know something is wrong. Part of me wants to tell them because I need support but the other part doesn't because telling them will upset them too much, and they will be hurt that I didn't come to them in the first place. Another thing is, my brother lives abroad and he's coming back at the end of the week for a couple of weeks for Easter. It'll be the first time my parents will have seen him since January so it's supposed to be a happy family time, and I don't want to take that away from them by telling them I've been raped. So I don't know how I should go about this? If I do go home should I tell them the truth or just tell them I've been going through a bad time and needed some time away from uni?
    And if I do tell them I've been raped, how do I get the words out? It was daunting enough talking to my GP and my personal tutor and they aren't people I really know, so telling my family will be a lot worse. Has anyone who's been through a similar experience got any advice?
    Thanks x
    I would say do go home, and say that you have had a bad time and needed a break and gained permission. If they try delving too deep then just say you aren't ready to discuss/don't know how to tell them. and That in time you will talk to them. They will understand, but fretting about it will not help you in any way. :hugs:
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    All you need to know is that your parents, and brother, love you, and I'm guessing they wouldn't want you going through all of this pain and agony just so that they can have a happy easter break. It's going to be difficult, but with your family around you to support you, it will hopefully make it easier for you to bear. I'm guessing your family would want to know so that they can help you in any way they can, and won't think of you negatively for having dampened the tone of the holiday - it'll be you and your welfare and happiness that they are concerned and care about.
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    don't worry about ruining there family time or anything as I'm sure they would prefer to support you than you suffer alone and pretend to be happy. decide whether or not to tell them based on what you think will be best for you
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    Perhaps you could tell them you were sexually assaulted, as that doesn't necessarily mean rape, but is still extremely serious and will let them know the kind of thing you are going through, and the kind of support you need.

    I hope you are feeling better OP, I'm glad you were able to talk to your GP/tutor, the time off will really help you.
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    Obviously I don't know your parents, but from most of the parents I do know I think they'd want you to tell them. They'll want to support you and help you through this difficult time and I'm sure they'll understand why you didn't tell them immediately if you tell them the same reasons as you've put on here
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    (Original post by samconly)
    Its only rape if you dont enjoy it...
    ****.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    they will be hurt that I didn't come to them in the first place. Another thing is, my brother lives abroad and he's coming back at the end of the week for a couple of weeks for Easter
    I'd go home ASAP and not waste any time in telling them myself. They're your parents, they're there to give you love and support whatever the weather, and the situ re: your bro is unfortunate but life's too short to go round worrying about the perfect time for this or that, particularly if you don't feel you're coping that well dealing with this on your own

    I tend to advocate honesty in such scenarios but I don't know you or your parents so I don't know what's best in terms of what you tell them. You may feel it best to tell them you were seriously assaulted or something and leave them to use their imagination and/or ask if anything else happened and then tell them or not if it feels right at the time..

    Well done for being brave enough to let staffers know, that takes guts and I hope you can resolve the issue and pursue justice if possible
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    Perhaps you could tell them you were sexually assaulted, as that doesn't necessarily mean rape, but is still extremely serious and will let them know the kind of thing you are going through, and the kind of support you need.

    I hope you are feeling better OP, I'm glad you were able to talk to your GP/tutor, the time off will really help you.
    I will probably do this...I hate saying the word rape. I just don't know when to tell them - do I tell them over the phone or wait till I see them and be like "can we sit down and talk"...they've tried phoning me a couple of times in the last few days, and it sounds stupid, but I haven't dared answer. It's like, I want to tell them so I can go home for a few weeks, but when I tell them I know theyll ask me a million questions like "who did it?", "why didnt you go to the police?" etc which I can't deal with answering right now....ughh I dunno, I think I'm just gonna play this one by ear.

    And thankyou , talking to my GP and tutor has helped as I don't have to worry about getting in trouble with uni which has relieved some of the stress.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I will probably do this...I hate saying the word rape. I just don't know when to tell them - do I tell them over the phone or wait till I see them and be like "can we sit down and talk"...they've tried phoning me a couple of times in the last few days, and it sounds stupid, but I haven't dared answer. It's like, I want to tell them so I can go home for a few weeks, but when I tell them I know theyll ask me a million questions like "who did it?", "why didnt you go to the police?" etc which I can't deal with answering right now....ughh I dunno, I think I'm just gonna play this one by ear.

    And thankyou , talking to my GP and tutor has helped as I don't have to worry about getting in trouble with uni which has relieved some of the stress.

    Perhaps it might feel a little impersonal if you are particularly close to your parents, but if you're struggling to get the words out or about facing their reaction and onslaught of questions, it might be possible to ask your tutor or GP to inform them of what's happened?
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    You could try writing it in a letter and giving it to them?
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    only you know your parents. if they're understanding tell them/ if they're unlikely to be comforting forget it. sorry to hear about this. good luck all the best.
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    I wouldn't until you feel comfortable about it, well more comfortable than you do at present. Continue talking to a GP at the moment.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the same OP who wrote this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...highlight=rape last week. On Friday I told my GP and my personal tutor/programme leader about being raped, and they were really helpful. My personal tutor and programme leader said I can take as much time off as I need, and suggested I go home to my family (I live about 3 hours way for uni) if I feel that will help. I do think some time away would help, but I haven't told my parents I was raped. I've talked to them on the phone since it happened a few times and I've just pretended that I've been fine etc, and I feel terrible for lying to them. I wish I had told them in the first place but after it happened I was just in shock and wanted to act like it had never happened.
    Because my course doesn't have an easter holiday and I'm supposed to be on placement, if I go home for a while then they will know something is wrong. Part of me wants to tell them because I need support but the other part doesn't because telling them will upset them too much, and they will be hurt that I didn't come to them in the first place. Another thing is, my brother lives abroad and he's coming back at the end of the week for a couple of weeks for Easter. It'll be the first time my parents will have seen him since January so it's supposed to be a happy family time, and I don't want to take that away from them by telling them I've been raped. So I don't know how I should go about this? If I do go home should I tell them the truth or just tell them I've been going through a bad time and needed some time away from uni?
    And if I do tell them I've been raped, how do I get the words out? It was daunting enough talking to my GP and my personal tutor and they aren't people I really know, so telling my family will be a lot worse. Has anyone who's been through a similar experience got any advice?
    Thanks x
    I once had a problem similar to that, maybe a lot worse.

    Explaining it to parents helped me A LOT. I can stress enough the huge mental disturbance I went through before telling it.

    But, I didn't have the gut to look into their face and explain it. I think, it is very normal. I wrote in a piece of paper (took me about 4 sides, as I remember). I explained everything that happened to me.

    Believe me, when you keep writing, it automatically comes out and you also have the gut. I found it difficult to give it to my parents, but finally managed. While they read that, I went out of the house as I thought I would feel very miserable.

    I cannot explain the happiness it brought me from the time I handed that it. Felt like, I won more than a million pounds in lottery. Now I feel, nothing bad happened to me and I'm a new person. And. thanks god, it is not an on and off feeling, I'm really happy.

    For me (and for you, after reading your OP), telling things to parents helps a lot. So, try, Good luck (and no, your brothers arrival isn't a problem. Tell that early to your parents and all of you can have a good time). Well done for telling your GP and P. leader
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    hi my name is isabella I'm 13 i was raped by my step dad when i was 4 until 9 or 10 and i never told my mom and i don't know how to I've been sad and crying alot my friends think I'm happy but deep down i won't to kill myself
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    (Original post by Liam 09)
    ****.
    what dose that mean no one likes being raped
 
 
 
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