lying

help! i think i love my boyf and i am happpy wiv him when i am actually with him. but he is not at uni and in some respects leads a complely diff life to me. we see each other at work(where we met) and a couple of times a week. there is this lovely guy, at uni who i am bit obsessed with-total instant mutual attraction. he asked me out-what should i do and is this wrong?

Reply 1

mousey

2

Why is this about lying? Do you want to go out with this guy and lie to your boyfriend about it? If that's the question then yes it's wrong. I suggest you take a long look at your relationship and see if it's what you really want. The fact that you're a bit obsessed with a guy atuni suggests a problem to me. I wouldn't do anything with this guy before breaking up with your boyfriend, he probably deserves more than that. xx

Reply 2

ellewoods

10

Be careful.

Love and lust / infactuation are very different things, and it is possible to love one person and lust after someone else. :eek:

Think carefully and get your priorities right, otherwise you will end up with nothing.

Good luck, hope you work out whats best for you :smile:

Reply 3

Doops

Think carefully and get your priorities right, otherwise you will end up with nothing.

i agree wid ellewoods - be careful about wat u do - if things go wrong wid the new guy ur bf is unlikely to take u back so u mite not end up wid anyone. Think about wat u really want and whether u really want to gamble wat u already have.

Reply 4

willey

4

loobylou1987

help! i think i love my boyf and i am happpy wiv him when i am actually with him. but he is not at uni and in some respects leads a complely diff life to me. we see each other at work(where we met) and a couple of times a week. there is this lovely guy, at uni who i am bit obsessed with-total instant mutual attraction. he asked me out-what should i do and is this wrong?

Your boyfriend deserves someone better than you. For even thinking bout going with this guy whilst you say you love your boyfriend is wrong. Either you don’t know the meaning of Love or u just don’t want to be in a relationship at uni, either way break up with your boyfriend first if u decide to get with the other guy.

Reply 5

fruitcake

2

yeh you obviously dont love your boyfriend if you are obsessed with another guy!! if u really loved him you wouldnt even be thinking bout getting with someone else. so dont lie to youreself. if this other guy is really nice and you think it would be better with him in the long term then go out with him, but two timing is never good and its so selfish and cowardly. its ok to have transient crushes but if youre actually considering going out with this guy then youve got a problem with your current boyf you need to sort out...

Reply 6

Catski

Hang on, there's nothing wrong with finding other people attractive whilst in a relationship! Mutual attraction happens to all of us and can be really strong, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks any less highly of her boyfriend.
However, its important that she sees mutual attraction as nothing more than skin deep, if she wishes to stay with her boyfriend rather than the other guy.

Reply 7

fruitcake

2

yeh i know, like i said its ok to have transient crushes...
but she actually said she was a bit obsessed with someone, theres a difference

Reply 8

willey

4

Catski

Hang on, there's nothing wrong with finding other people attractive whilst in a relationship! Mutual attraction happens to all of us and can be really strong, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks any less highly of her boyfriend.
However, its important that she sees mutual attraction as nothing more than skin deep, if she wishes to stay with her boyfriend rather than the other guy.

Of course there is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive in a relationship, but this guy has asked her out and she is actually asking us what she should do, clearly if she loved her boyfriend she wouldn’t need to even ask that question.

Reply 9

Catski

willey

Of course there is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive in a relationship, but this guy has asked her out and she is actually asking us what she should do, clearly if she loved her boyfriend she wouldn’t need to even ask that question.

I see your point but I'm not so sure. I think young relationships sometimes get clouded with this kind of thing and she wants reassurance. I know I would wonder, but it wouldn't mean that I didn't love who I was with.
Obviously it all comes down to her personal decision, but at the end of the day there's nothing that says she intends to act on the guy asking her out.

On the other hand, it does seem like she doesn't feel she has much in common with her boyfriend so maybe if she DOES want to stick with them there's some work to be done at that relationship.

Reply 10

fruitcake

2

she seems to see him quite alot anyway... at work and two or 3 times a week apparently... i only see my boyfriend every other weekend and even then for a few hours and even though i sometimes fancy other people i would never act on it

Reply 11

MNBStyle

9

loobylou1987

help! i think i love my boyf and i am happpy wiv him when i am actually with him. but he is not at uni and in some respects leads a complely diff life to me. we see each other at work(where we met) and a couple of times a week. there is this lovely guy, at uni who i am bit obsessed with-total instant mutual attraction. he asked me out-what should i do and is this wrong?

You barely know this new guy thoe,
So is it really worth dumping ya bf then this new guy not being all hes cracked up to be???

Reply 12

mousey

2

That's not really the issue, if she wants to be with other guys she shouldn't be with her boyfriend, whether it turns out that this guy is better or not. xx

lying is bad

mousey

That's not really the issue, if she wants to be with other guys she shouldn't be with her boyfriend, whether it turns out that this guy is better or not. xx

Absolutely well said Mousey - if its just a crush, fine, if she's actually considering and / or wants to be with the other guy, it's not fair on her boyfriend whatsoever.

Reply 15

willey

4

ellewoods

Absolutely well said Mousey - if its just a crush, fine, if she's actually considering and / or wants to be with the other guy, it's not fair on her boyfriend whatsoever.

yep, boyfriend deserves more respect

Reply 16

Poica

14

If you have a serious crush on someone else - let your boyfriend go. It's only fair.

Reply 17

Clairehayz

5

Stay with your b/f and forget about the other guy becuase as soon as you go out with him he will just be an ordinary guy and the instant attraction will fade, however if you think the difference between you and your b/f will disadvantage you in any way and you will be come unhappy then do the decent thing and tell your b/f, break up if you have to.

DO NOT lie to him or the other guy about ANYTHING, no matter how great it feels.

Reply 18

Unregistered

OP

hey guys thanks for all your feedback. i think i should prob say that "obsessed" was bit strong-but more of an attraction. i have talked to my boyf about everything and altho we have issues, i have realised that what we have is special but that we do have things to work out and i hope it goes ok. i have also explained this to this other guy and we now no where we stand, so no bad feelings. i dont know where my relationship will go-i hope it works out, i have realised that it was a silly crush no more and i love my boyf but at least no one is being hurt and i will have no regrets. thanks guys.

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