One of my very best friends has gone off the rails recently, but I don't know what I can do.
He has huge potential, and an offer for a top 50 world university, but he is not getting into action at all. He always smoked a lot of weed, but said he would give up 3 months before the exams. When he didn't he ended up getting arrested for possession! His parents then said he had to stop, and he said he would and I really believed him. But now he is smoking more than ever - even in school which he had never done before - and is not working at all. He is saying it's too late to work and he will just take a gap year and go to a different university. But not so long ago he was so against a gap year, and he really, really, wanted to go to the great uni he has a (pretty easy) offer for.
I really want to help him, but I have a reputation for being a bit bossy and in the past I have had serious arguments with my friend when he says I should mind my own business and not get involved in his affairs (I tried to get him to quit smoking, for example.) Relationship advice I've given him in the past has also fallen on deaf ears, though he often asks for it and expects my approval if he eventually follows it. All of this has lead to me come to the conclusion I can no longer give him advice, because he just does't want or use it. Today I thought we'd made a breakthrough and I'd inspired him to work, only to see him baked out of his mind at lunchtime.
Part of me feels like it's hopeless and he just has to follow his life path through. But another part feels like I'm letting him down if I don't try and do something. The only other friend who he might listen to seemed reluctant to do anything when I broached the subject with him. Our other best friend doesn't really get involved in personal affairs - he leaves people be. One other friend is also really worried, but he won't listen to her either.
Sorry this is all a bit long-winded - I'm trying to organise my thoughts into something comprehensible. Should I try and convince him, should I try and blackmail him (e.g. helping him study if he gives up weed,) should I try and go above him (parent or teacher) or should I leave him alone?
It doesn't help that he now spends most of his time with other people who smoke weed, and I feel abandoned. This guy is supposed to be my best friend, but he cares more about getting high and while he really wants me to go on holiday with him it seems that it's only because he wants to hang around with the cool stoners, and his mum will only let him go if I do too. He's so flaky and a bit of a social tart. I really care about him, but recently he hasn't given me reason too...
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Should I help a friend in serious need? watch
- Thread Starter
- 12-04-2011 20:05
- 12-04-2011 20:26
erm ive been in a similar position myself. today, my friend is great, doing good of his ambitions, has a steady girlfriend, isnt suicidal anymore, and studies in a top 10 uni in the world, if im not mistaken. (an ivy league) if you werent anon, i would pm you.
its got to be dealt with very carefully. you have to do what you think is right keeping in mind he doesnt think he's had enough of you, what with all your 'dont do it's that you mentioned he doesnt like. om me if you want to talk about it properly. x
- 12-04-2011 20:49
Are you a guy or a girl? If the latter, then use your feminine charm, if you're the former then remind him of your brotherly love for him
- 13-04-2011 11:06
say what you think. then leave it, you tried.