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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Pretty similar, I think we're probably going through the same thing.

    I hope you guys have learnt that cheating is about the biggest mistake a person can make in life! It wasn't ultimately why me and my ex broke up but it's easily the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I will never stop hating her for it.




    Also, to the peeps saying anyone feeling this way is a ***** and to man up, grow the **** up, never having loved someone like this does not make you a big man it makes you a naive little brat A real man is passionate.

    Cheating is bad, I wish I hadn't done it. Had lots of other factors involved though, mainly because I wanted to break up with him and he wouldn't let go of me. Are you happy in your current relationship? If it upsets you so much you don't seem like you've totally moved on yet.

    Ignore those who are talking crap, guess they've never been in love.
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    (Original post by Agony Aunt)
    Cheating is bad, I wish I hadn't done it. Had lots of other factors involved though, mainly because I wanted to break up with him and he wouldn't let go of me. Are you happy in your current relationship? If it upsets you so much you don't seem like you've totally moved on yet.

    Ignore those who are talking crap, guess they've never been in love.
    My current girlfriend is living in America atm, and will be for at least a year. To be honest, I do get all those same feelings for her as I did my ex and more, and that's really something.. so it is just that distance that is allowing me to dwell on the past. If we were together I would be on cloud 9 and never look back, but it'd probably still hit me from time to time.

    Still, I am happy generally, it's just scary having this massive raw nerve lingering beneath the surface.
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    (Original post by SimpleJane)
    You'll always be affected by her as she was a big part of your life for a long time BUT yes it does get easier as time goes on. Even the deepest of emotions can be conquered with time. Memories become more blurred, you forget the little things etc so things do ease up emotionally. How long ago was it when you split? With the whole photos issue etc, after having a very bad break up with my boyfriend of three years, I was the same and it took me just over a year and a half to move on properly and be happy again. Now I can see him in person, people can talk about him I could even see him getting on his current girlfriend and feel nothing because people do move on eventually. This WILL happen for you, you just have to give it more time. As always these things are easier said than done. In some ways your already half way there, you say you have another girlfriend who must care about you so focus on her as she deserves your feelings now

    Despite her being a **** and cheating, don't regret anything. At the end of the day, you may have learnt the hard way but you've probably learnt a lot from this relationship even if you can't see this now. View it as an experience and learning curve in your life and focus on the future with your new girlfriend

    Good luck, I know how much it sucks and so do a lot of other people.
    you say that the OP will have learnt from the relationship. learnt what? that women are evil!!!? or that he just lacks the style and charisma to hold on to a foxy chick?
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    (Original post by Redreynard)
    you say that the OP will have learnt from the relationship. learnt what? that women are evil!!!? or that he just lacks the style and charisma to hold on to a foxy chick?
    At the end of the day I don't think long term relationships are as much about style and charisma as they are personality types, style and charisma will get you your flings, of which I had too many following this break up.

    I have learnt not to ignore signs, I could have told you from day 1 that this girl had it in her to do everything she ended up doing, I think people are very good at instinctively picking up on personality traits very quickly and if you ignore them you're setting yourself up for ****.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is what I'm afraid of, knowing that somebody I once knew so well, so intimately, is fading away. It's not even that I miss, her I don't, it's just that feeling of loss.. loss of time, loss of life, loss of love. It just feels so tragic..
    Look at the positive side, instead of regretting losing time, think that you have enjoyed these 3 years of your life you have spent with her. It's like enjoying 3 years at university, with lots of friends, parties and so on, but at the end you graduate and move on, but the most important is to keep in mind the good souvenirs instead of thinking "Oh I wasted 3 years of my life at uni" :cool:.

    Focus on your new girlfriend, and it wouldn't be bad to make plans for serious relationship
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    (Original post by goddogit)
    seems unlikely now, but slowly the pain gets tolerable, until you stop noticing it anymore.

    advice: think of this everytime you miss her.

    "I miss my ex. my aim is getting better' x
    actually good advice to OP. Like someone else said, thing like songs do still remind you of them. In my case, when i wanted to tell her, she started changing. Luckily i asked her if she liked someone and was bloody well surprised to hear someone else's name. Anyway, i have become a tong believer of "whatever happens happens for the best". Last time i saw her i found that she's turning into a tart. I was really in love with her, unlike anyone else before. But i' never want to be with someone like what she is now. The thing that gets me through it is that the person that i cared for so much and had that special connection with isn't there anymore..,.
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    it never hurts any less. you just get better at dealing with the pain until its tolerable. stay strong.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Btw guys, just so we're clear, I don't miss my ex or want to be with her at all, it's just dealing with the memories.
    This is so true for me, too. My ex and I broke up almost five months ago after having been together for over four years. Most of the time I don't want to get back together with him, because he cheated on me lots (with one of my best friends...) and generally treated me terribly when I put my all into the relationship, but occasionally something will remind me of him and I end up in a downward spiral. The other night I dreamt about him, out of nowhere, and I ended up crying a lot for most of the following day. I still think about him every day, too, even though I don't want to - but I s'pose that's normal after having spent so long with him.

    Posting in threads like this before, though, I realised just how many of us there are out there. So many people go through devastating break-ups at this sort of age - often more devastating because we were young and idealistic, expecting to stay with our first real love forever - but most people get over it fine. It sounds like you're already a lot of the way there, having found a new girlfriend, and I'm sure the memories will continue to fade until they don't stir up as much emotion as before. Be easy on yourself, and yeah - remember that most people go through this at one stage or another, and they all end up okay.

    Ultimately, feeling like this isn't a bad thing - it's a sign that you cared enough in the first place. "I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all."
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    (Original post by ash92:))
    aThe thing that gets me through it is that the person that i cared for so much and had that special connection with isn't there anymore..,.
    Yeah this is the same in my case, although I find this actually makes it harder. When we broke up I actually felt like I was mourning the death of the girl she used to be, as she had changed so so much in just 1 term of uni: stuck up, cold, passionless, thoughtless, insensitive. Wow. I am pretty numbed to it now but at the time it was just horrific to see this person you absolutely adored suddenly become a completely different person, and one that you really don't like.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah this is the same in my case, although I find this actually makes it harder. When we broke up I actually felt like I was mourning the death of the girl she used to be, as she had changed so so much in just 1 term of uni: stuck up, cold, passionless, thoughtless, insensitive. Wow. I am pretty numbed to it now but at the time it was just horrific to see this person you absolutely adored suddenly become a completely different person, and one that you really don't like.
    woah OP, we have a lot in common! yeh insensitive, thoughtless, immature, cold, over-flirtatious, etc. I guess the hardest thing for me was accepting that all those 'signs' and hints meant nothing at all...Mourning her death?! yeh, i guess maybe you shouldn't use that idea then. but yeh mate, try to forget about her and accept that it was meant to be - and for good reason too It took me about 3 months to get out of that hurtful phase. Hope it happens to you soon
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is so true for me, too. My ex and I broke up almost five months ago after having been together for over four years. Most of the time I don't want to get back together with him, because he cheated on me lots (with one of my best friends...) and generally treated me terribly when I put my all into the relationship, but occasionally something will remind me of him and I end up in a downward spiral. The other night I dreamt about him, out of nowhere, and I ended up crying a lot for most of the following day. I still think about him every day, too, even though I don't want to - but I s'pose that's normal after having spent so long with him.

    Posting in threads like this before, though, I realised just how many of us there are out there. So many people go through devastating break-ups at this sort of age - often more devastating because we were young and idealistic, expecting to stay with our first real love forever - but most people get over it fine. It sounds like you're already a lot of the way there, having found a new girlfriend, and I'm sure the memories will continue to fade until they don't stir up as much emotion as before. Be easy on yourself, and yeah - remember that most people go through this at one stage or another, and they all end up okay.

    Ultimately, feeling like this isn't a bad thing - it's a sign that you cared enough in the first place. "I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all."
    well said

    EDIT: come on people, cheer up! watch my sig some of it's boring but other bits are quite funny Just try to enjoy life and prioritise with the things that matter most at present.
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    Just imagine watching your ex take a really huge dump, solved!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah this is the same in my case, although I find this actually makes it harder. When we broke up I actually felt like I was mourning the death of the girl she used to be, as she had changed so so much in just 1 term of uni: stuck up, cold, passionless, thoughtless, insensitive. Wow. I am pretty numbed to it now but at the time it was just horrific to see this person you absolutely adored suddenly become a completely different person, and one that you really don't like.
    Just read through this thread, I can relate 100% to what you're saying. I'm in a very similar situation OP. How someone can change into a completely different person...it still shocks me now several months on. My r'ship was 5 years long. I think some of the advice posted on here is really great though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At the end of the day I don't think long term relationships are as much about style and charisma as they are personality types, style and charisma will get you your flings, of which I had too many following this break up.

    I have learnt not to ignore signs, I could have told you from day 1 that this girl had it in her to do everything she ended up doing, I think people are very good at instinctively picking up on personality traits very quickly and if you ignore them you're setting yourself up for ****.

    you have learnt a good lesson. the philosophers' lesson, the importance of the truth. see the clues, see the reality.
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    (Original post by Lu-x)
    Just read through this thread, I can relate 100% to what you're saying. I'm in a very similar situation OP. How someone can change into a completely different person...it still shocks me now several months on. My r'ship was 5 years long. I think some of the advice posted on here is really great though
    Hey, also a third year medic here

    What's worst is that the girl she was.. I would have stayed with forever.. it really feels like she destroyed something that should never have died. Love like that does not come along everyday. I can't help but feel she threw away a once in a lifetime relationship..

    I will just try and build that again with my current gf. I think/hope it can be done, but nothing will ever change the fact that the way things ended with my ex was just wrong. It should never have happened, she did the wrong thing and I'm not used to people doing the wrong thing, I grew up with everybody pulling through when it really mattered so I always believed she would.. but she didn't. I still can't understand that.

    I think we just have to force ourselves to connect the person we loved to the person they are now.. if we seperate them it really does feel like they died and it'll never stop hurting. If we connect them we will simply be indifferent to what they have become. She is not my type anymore, just a stuck up, obnoxious brat and that's nothing to mourn over - we have to tell ourselves they were like that all along, we were just kidding ourselves.
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    She was your first love, but as hard as it is to imagine, you will fall in love again and you'll be happier Until that happens, it is likely you will hold onto this, but when you find the right replacement, you will forget about her. You'll be able to hear her name and see her picture and not feel much at all... you might still get a slight feeling of nostalgia, but you'll feel free and you will have moved on. Part of falling in love with someone is allowing yourself to though, so when somebody amazing comes along, grab them with both hands and don't dwell on the past too much.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, also a third year medic here

    What's worst is that the girl she was.. I would have stayed with forever.. it really feels like she destroyed something that should never have died. Love like that does not come along everyday. I can't help but feel she threw away a once in a lifetime relationship..

    I will just try and build that again with my current gf. I think/hope it can be done, but nothing will ever change the fact that the way things ended with my ex was just wrong. It should never have happened, she did the wrong thing and I'm not used to people doing the wrong thing, I grew up with everybody pulling through when it really mattered so I always believed she would.. but she didn't. I still can't understand that.

    I think we just have to force ourselves to connect the person we loved to the person they are now.. if we seperate them it really does feel like they died and it'll never stop hurting. If we connect them we will simply be indifferent to what they have become. She is not my type anymore, just a stuck up, obnoxious brat and that's nothing to mourn over - we have to tell ourselves they were like that all along, we were just kidding ourselves.
    It's so tough going through this sort of thing and having medicine to deal with too. Keep on hanging in there

    After my breakup, I came to realise that I was mourning the loss of someone who simply didn't exist any more. It was deeply saddening because I grew up with this person, spent 5 years of my life with him. But people change, he changed. And there was nothing that I could have done about that. In fact I fought until the end for us, and I'm glad I did because now I cannot blame myself for anything that happened. I suppose I feel some resentment that he let himself be changed by this whole new lifestyle in halls. But then obviously our relationship meant that little to him. So I'm not going to waste any more time getting cut up about what happened. Some things are just not meant to work out, but it takes time and new relationships for us to be able to see it in hindsight.
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    (Original post by Lu-x)
    It's so tough going through this sort of thing and having medicine to deal with too. Keep on hanging in there

    After my breakup, I came to realise that I was mourning the loss of someone who simply didn't exist any more. It was deeply saddening because I grew up with this person, spent 5 years of my life with him. But people change, he changed. And there was nothing that I could have done about that. In fact I fought until the end for us, and I'm glad I did because now I cannot blame myself for anything that happened. I suppose I feel some resentment that he let himself be changed by this whole new lifestyle in halls. But then obviously our relationship meant that little to him. So I'm not going to waste any more time getting cut up about what happened. Some things are just not meant to work out, but it takes time and new relationships for us to be able to see it in hindsight.
    Yeah it really affected my grades for the first few months after, not too bad now though.

    You're definitely right, sometimes you need to push yourself to make the effort in a new relationship to truly get over the last. I know it can be done. It's hard though, especially if you're a very nostalgic person, which I am... sounds like we've had similar experiences though!

    I actually just ****ed up BIG time an texted her, she replied and was nice enough, but I went from pretty much fine to instant breakdown in about 3 seconds lmao... won't be doing that again, hopefully just a minor setback.
 
 
 
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