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promiscuity and self worth in women Watch

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    Over the past month or two, I've come to the conclusion that promiscuity and low self worth are connected. I used to think that women who slept around alot were sexually liberated etc, but in the majority of cases of (young) women, I don't think that's true.
    My friends who sleep around alot often desire a relationship but settle for one night stands and the crappy amount of affection that brings. It leaves them feeling cheapened as a result.
    I find it funny when I hear the complaint "why don't I ever get a nice guy", well if you don't place a high value on yourself, how can you expect another person to?
    I understand this is true for some guys as well but I only really have close female friends.
    So, what do you think? Do you think low self worth and promiscuity often come hand in hand?
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    I have a really detailed, somewhat intelligent sounding answer floating around in my head, but I lack the patience to type it up.
    I will paraphrase with the word: Sometimes.
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    (Original post by penniroyaltea)
    Over the past month or two, I've come to the conclusion that promiscuity and low self worth are connected. I used to think that women who slept around alot were sexually liberated etc, but in the majority of cases of (young) women, I don't think that's true.
    My friends who sleep around alot often desire a relationship but settle for one night stands and the crappy amount of affection that brings. It leaves them feeling cheapened as a result.
    I find it funny when I hear the complaint "why don't I ever get a nice guy", well if you don't place a high value on yourself, how can you expect another person to?
    I understand this is true for some guys as well but I only really have close female friends.
    So, what do you think? Do you think low self worth and promiscuity often come hand in hand?
    Couldnt put it better
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    Sometimes, but at the end of the day some women do not want a relationship, and their promiscuity may be unconnected to their self worth because maybe they dont attach the same meaning to sex...
    But then again i can see how for a lot of women they are trying to feel loved...
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    I don't think this is always true. I think some women are able to have sex without getting overly emotionally attached to someone and therefore do not feel rejected etc if it doesn't work out. Not everyone is looking for a relationship, if you can have casual sex without it affecting your self confidence then good for you. I feel more sorry for women who hold out for Mr Right, have no independence or life experience and put so much importance on being in a relationship. There's more to life.
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    There certainly is a large number of women who do this, also many who just like sex.

    The thing is, a high majority of men will happily have a one night stand, but would not have a relationship with a sexually promiscuous woman.. hypocritical maybe, but from my experience, that's how it is.
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    (Original post by penniroyaltea)
    Over the past month or two, I've come to the conclusion that promiscuity and low self worth are connected. I used to think that women who slept around alot were sexually liberated etc, but in the majority of cases of (young) women, I don't think that's true.
    My friends who sleep around alot often desire a relationship but settle for one night stands and the crappy amount of affection that brings. It leaves them feeling cheapened as a result.
    I find it funny when I hear the complaint "why don't I ever get a nice guy", well if you don't place a high value on yourself, how can you expect another person to?
    I understand this is true for some guys as well but I only really have close female friends.
    So, what do you think? Do you think low self worth and promiscuity often come hand in hand?
    Well said! :gfight:
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    For many women, what you are describing is true. However, they don't have to be young - women seek approval and affection irregardless of age. Perhaps when they are 35 they label themselves "liberated", but I know plenty who are actually looking for a husband, yet they have fallen out of favor in the regular dating game and sleep with a lot of men in a hope to ensnare one of them into commitment. You see these women on holiday - very provocatively dressed (as it is the only way to get attention in your late 30s), so much more 'experienced' than younger girls - which can be a preference of men when it comes to sex, but not in terms of relationships.

    So yes, sometimes low self esteem and promiscuity goes hand in hand. I wouldn't say self worth - it gives the idea that a woman is born with a certain amount of points and every time she has sex she loses a few of them. We were made to have sex and people do, so the entire "she sleeps around, she has no respect for herself" is mostly something you hear from jealous females or guys that aren't getting any. What I do agree on, for both sexes, is that sex can be an instant refill of approval. Women may want to go home with a guy if they are hung up on another, they are feeling like crap or they want to feel attractive. Men do the same thing - I don't know how many times I've heard guys say that if you're feeling down after breaking up with a girl, you go out, get hammered, and try to get another girl home. It is the same concept, but somehow guys make it out to be less sad and pathetic when it's about them.

    So yes, sometimes, for both sexes. Sometimes a person is not looking for a relatonship, sometimes you meet someone you get along with but who lives somewhere else or there is another obstacle to a relationship. There are many enough reasons why people behave like they do, and honestly, I don't care too much how others spend their sexual lives. For most women, the main reason why we attach ourselves to one guy (apart from the hormones and stuff) is that it takes more for us to have great sex and there is a huge chance that bringing a random douche back from a club, will not create a great adventure. So for most of us, sleeping with the same guy several times (whether it'd be a relationship, lovers, fwb) is preferable, but some think otherwise. If I see a young girl dancing in a bikini on a table, it is probably just a faze. Sad for her, but it's not really up to me to stress over.
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    hmm its a tough one really.
    some women can detach their emotions from sex and if men can have one night stands then women can too.
    however most women cant because there is a chemical relased during sex which makes a woman feel like she is in love with the man.
    also i think it really does depend on the age group and the guys in question, im 21 and i know loads of relationships that started as a one night stand- i guess its just my age group? but i cant imagine an older guy wanting a potential life partner to 'put out' sexually on first meeting.
    at my age guys (generally) dont seem to be thinking about marriage and looking for life partners so from what my male friends say they dont seem to care if a girl sleeps with them on the first date/meeting- if he likes her he likes her if he doesnt he doesnt, simple.

    i think in terms of womens self esteem being low due to sleeping around- i think it really depends on the woman, on the situation and on how the one night stand goes.
    ive had a few one night stands, but i dont make a habit of it cos i know the dangers.
    im always careful, i never expect anything more and i always always make sure i 'know' the guy a little bit before hand.- and i dont have low self worth at all. in fact quite the opposite.

    so in short, it depends.
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    More important question: Is the low self-worth you see in these women because of the sex itself or because they've grown up in a society and among peers that insults them for acting that way? No doubt there may be women who have sex for validation reasons, girls with underlying issues potentially, but I think society has a big in hand in most things that make women feel bad.
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    Makes sense.
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    it depends on the person. some people project their low self esteems onto their personal life, and sleep around for that feeling of worth and acceptance. other people do it just to enjoy themselves...
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    I don't think you can make a blanket statement and say that's always the case. Sure for some women at certain times in their lives they resort to casual sex in an attempt to make themselves feel better, even though it doesn't help long term. However equally there are some women who at certain times in their lives choose to have casual sex as it fits their needs and those women are full of self worth, they just happen to be realists and don't want/ can't have a proper relationship at a certain time but still have physical needs and urges they want to take care of.
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    (Original post by DiZZeeKiD)
    I feel more sorry for women who hold out for Mr Right, have no independence or life experience and put so much importance on being in a relationship. There's more to life.
    You're getting + rep for that. So true.

    I can't believe how many girls I've met at uni who are so obsessed with the idea of being in a perfect relationship when they're, like, 18 or 19. Some of them just let their lives get dominated by their relationships or their desire for one; they have no independence whatsoever because they cling onto their relationships and become so needy to their boyfriend who is a law unto himself in that situation. It gets to a point where they have no identity as an individual.
    One of my best female friends is a prime example; she's been more or less in different relationships for the last 6 years and she's only 19. She insists she's completely straight but with no guys on the firm, she's started seeing a girl just because it was someone there for her. :facepalm2:

    If people can't learn to live with themselves then they'll never learn to live with others.
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    I'm probably in the minority of males for thinking this but it is an opinion shaped by my own experiences. Had I been brought up elsewhere and been exposed a different women i'd naturally think differently.


    I think ONS are perfectly acceptable and okay so long as both parties fully comprehend and are okay with what it means. I know so many girls who are in tears of regret the next day because they feel humiliated and ****e (which seems odd to most guys).

    Alot of women, imo, are not built for it and therefore when they do engage in it, it hurts them, makes them feel used and tricked. It's not their fault and it's not the dudes fault. A guy will never explicitly say 'i want a shag, just for one nightm you'll do, come home let me *** inside you then please leave, I'll prolly not want a chat or a hug after, in fact I may just want you to leave straight after. Don't think for one second I care about your ex, or that you have a dog and like making cakes. I just want you for one night only. I wouldn't take you home to my rents and my aspirations of a girlfriend wouldn't be with someone like you.' (of course not all are like this, i'm just describing your typical one). If you can handle that sort of casuality then go for it - none of my friends could.

    A lot of the time getting a woman home and then out of her clothes requires persuasion in which case (my opinion) it shouldn't have happened at all. If a girl is out for casual sex, she'll let you know and feel free to pursue it. If she is not sure then it's better to avoid than to risk bruising her confidence and ego. If you take a girl home and even moments before entering her if she says no, it's a no. I've had girls come home with me on various occasions and just chat, kiss and sleep (maybe i'm uglier in my room light but i'd like to think a women still has a choice and can come for comfort (a lot have a billion issues they need to get off their chest and what they really crave is a hug and a heart to heart with no fear of being judged, they think sleeping around will help, but it doesn't))

    I'm not answering your question well. My GFs sister has just gone through a break up and going out with her is a nightmare, she attracts sleezeballs and they insists that they are good guys to her and she goes back everytime, against our say and then calls my GF the next day in tears. For some people it isn't simply a 'drunken mistake' that you get over. It chips away at her confidence and she's loosing her own self respect. She is begining to think she doesn't deserve to 'find love' like her sister and that all guys are dicks (even though she is meant to be the better looking more attractive out of the two). She even slept with a friend of mine and I wanted to punch him after seeing her state when I realised what he was doing was within his right. All of us get up to it at some point in her life. She had agreed to go hone with her, he had gotten a shag, he was happy to give her breakfast wave her goodbye and never think about it again, where as she was falling deeper and deeper into depression.

    I know you will all accuse her of being dumb and weak ( I did to start) but the more I talked to my female friends the more I realised how different our genders perspective of sex and ONS were. Where we guys (in my group of friends atleast) see it as a simple score, no big a deal, some of my female friends see it very differently as though they are being objectified or conquered. One even said she'd rather sell her body for cash than engage in sex casually (honestly) because she wasn't getting anything out of it. She craves more than to be someones quick dirty ****, she'd sooner make some benefit out of it.

    Sorry for the long spiel. Maybe i'm just friends with weirdos but I think ONS really need to be defined Perhaps girls need to learn to accept them/not engage in then (which in my opinion is hardly fair at all, girls cannot help that their life experiences/mentality have shaped their sexual preferences so.) But till an equillibrium is reached, guys need to keep it in their pants in reapect of protecting our female citizens sexual confidence and emotional well being. If you can handle what comes with ONS go for it. Just stay safe and don't hurt anyone.

    Sorry once again for holding such an extreme and perhaps inaccurate view of the situation, but it helps me explain and inderstand the experiences I have had/seen happening to my friends.

    EDIT:

    Could I just add, society seems to pressure women into thinking ONS and casual sex is a norm when in a lot of the cases it's not suited to their mental and emotional well-being. Why encourage something which is so intrinsically impossible for a large section of female society?

    You are essentially tricking(?) Women into living by the rules of men (=have loads of casual sex - women are biolically designed to want long term where as guys want to spread their seed about as much as possible). Women know what you want before you engage in anything. It is OKAY to have lots of casual sex and sleep with whoever you want to long as you stay safe and out of harm from them and yourself.
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    Total bull. I have never associated low self-esteem/self-worth with sex.

    We never apply this logic to men, so why do we apply it to women?

    Why are men who sleep around confident, whilst women who sleep around are insecure and cheap?

    Oh thats right, because we're locked in a misogynistic, slut-shaming society, where the very idea of a woman having lots of sex because she actually enjoys it is abhorrent.
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    Makes for interesting reading
    I think there are elements of truth in all the
    Comments and women are also individuals
    ~
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Total bull. I have never associated low self-esteem/self-worth with sex.

    We never apply this logic to men, so why do we apply it to women?

    Why are men who sleep around confident, whilst women who sleep around are insecure and cheap?

    Oh thats right, because we're locked in a misogynistic, slut-shaming society, where the very idea of a woman having lots of sex because she actually enjoys it is abhorrent.
    There's about a million threads explaining the reason why the case is different for men and women.
    FYI: the biggest slut-shamers are women.
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    Why dig up a 2011 thread?? :confused:

    (Original post by Poppyfield675)
    Makes for interesting readingI think there are elements of truth in all theComments and women are also individuals~
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Total bull. I have never associated low self-esteem/self-worth with sex.

    We never apply this logic to men, so why do we apply it to women?

    Why are men who sleep around confident, whilst women who sleep around are insecure and cheap?

    Oh thats right, because we're locked in a misogynistic, slut-shaming society, where the very idea of a woman having lots of sex because she actually enjoys it is abhorrent.
    You're late.

    I ordered a pointless feminist rant no later than 10 posts into the thread.

    if you keep this up, I'm really going to have to think about whether or not to keep you on.

    edit: did not see this thread is from 5 years ago
 
 
 
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