My girlfriend and I have had to break up after 2 years of being together. We met at uni and ended up together after a few years of being close. Very few of our friends know and it's been kept largely secret for a few reasons.
We both completely and utterly love each other. However, she's older than me and comes from North America where she'll be returning to after a year. She's currently home on a short break.
I finally decided to tell my parents. My mum, although she likes my gf, can't approve as she's older than me by a few years and I'd likely end up moving to Canada rather than staying in the same country (UK) as my parents.
This may seem a little odd but I'm from an Indian background and traditionally at least one child, usually the youngest son takes care of the parents when they get older. I can't abandon them totally. My gf completely understands this but held out hope that my parents would come to Canada with me and the age thing would be pushed past.
She's at a stage in her life where she wants to settle down with a partner and get married. My mum knew this before I mentioned anything and basically told me I had to tell my gf because it won't be fair on her to string her along. As a result she wants to break up and try and become friends again for the next 12 months before we part more or less permanently, to make it easier on us both and to have a friendship left over.
I literally can't do this. I'm completely mentally shatted and unable to think straight right now. I can't see my life without her. She equally has been in tears but she knows we will have to do it sooner or later. I want to continue for a year and make it the best year possible and be with her as long as I can. She thinks that will just make things even harder as we'll get even closer (if that's possible). I've ultimately agreed to try and go back to being friends but it's so hard.
I can't think of anything else, she's constantly on my mind. She's someone who I would think is out of my league and is completely unique. I honestly don't think I'll meet anyone like her and I'm losing the love of my life.
When I woke up I was so ****ing depressed. It's like there's a massive hole in my life which she's occupied for the last 2 years. Everything is reminding me of her.
How do I deal with this? Is what we're doing right? Is this how everyone feels? Will I get over it? I guess I'm just looking for reassurance or a silver lining or the knowledge that I'll be okay again...
Most relationships breakdown for good reasons but in this one it's all the other things around us forcing us into this. It's horrible .
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Broke up after 2 years, still in love, thoroughly depressed watch
- 13-04-2011 17:14
- 13-04-2011 17:15
Take your right hand and move on.
Or go against everyone and **** your whole life up. Maybe she's worth it.Last edited by righteous; 13-04-2011 at 17:17.
- 13-04-2011 17:28
well matey you sound like your in the pits;
creating friendship is going to be virtually impossible if your that close and cause more pain than good. if your going to split up you need a few months to move on, which means no real contact with her.
on the other hand you could talk to her and maybe think about moving out there. you said the youngest usually looks after the parents, so you could go to Canada and be the exception.
The silver lining is, its your choise. Most people usually go where there heart is in these cases because either way your going to have mess to clear up.
Its your life. therefore your choise. not your families.
Im sure your parents love you enough to support you with what ever you do, even if they don't always approve.
- 13-04-2011 17:31
Why doesn't your ex want to come to the UK to live with you? Also, how old are your parents and how old are you and your ex? If you don't mind me asking?
- 13-04-2011 17:40
- 13-04-2011 18:30
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 13-04-2011 18:39
She's always been set on going back home to Canada. She's very close with her family and I never wanted to get in the way of that. I've asked her and she'd think about it but I think the age thing is a big issue, again it's an Indian thing. I'm 23 in July, she turns 28 in October so 4-5 years, though looking at us she looks younger than me and her age would indicate. I don't want her to come here, for us to break down and then be stuck/have to start back at the bottom when she returns (as it is in our profession).
- 13-04-2011 18:46
if it was an option, which it sounds like it is other than your parents, and you really want to be with her, what i would do is go to canada... you could have most of your life with her, and enjoy it, and look after your parents when they need it, by visiting them back in the UK, or bringing them out to canada, they should respect your decisions too, and if its this heartbreaking to be apart, then dont be, be with each other, if its what you both want
like choly7 said, you can cross the other bridge when you get to it
- 13-04-2011 19:17
I wish it was easy as that but i have a responsiblity to stay with my parents, I can try and persuade them to come to Canada at best really
- 13-04-2011 19:17
when I say stay with, I mean close-ish by.
- 13-04-2011 19:19
What are people's views on breaking up 1 year prior to actually seperating? Good or bad?