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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    Toto - :gasp:

    Anon 44 - Just tell her it's great that she is being more open about it and that you're here for her Just the fact that you care and it doesn't change anything is enough
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    There's this guy I like who feels the same way about me. I'm scared of starting a relationship with him because I wouldn't know if/how I'd tell him about my ED. I'm trying to convince myself I don't like him because I'm petrified that he'll be 'put off' me if he finds out about it

    Has anyone ever been through a similar thing?
    If so, how early in the relationship did you reveal your ED to them?
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    (Original post by Vixen47)
    There's this guy I like who feels the same way about me. I'm scared of starting a relationship with him because I wouldn't know if/how I'd tell him about my ED. I'm trying to convince myself I don't like him because I'm petrified that he'll be 'put off' me if he finds out about it

    Has anyone ever been through a similar thing?
    If so, how early in the relationship did you reveal your ED to them?
    Spoiler:
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    There's this girl I've liked for quite some time, somebody I felt I could really relate to, and last year for Haloween (perhaps the worst choice of date imaginable tbf) I was about to ask her out, having began to have a turn of fortunes foodwise, exercise-wise and just in my general outlook on life. Instead I panicked because we went to Pizza Hut and I'd thrown myself in the deep end too soon, causing a major relapse. I've regretted it ever since.


    If he's worth it he'll understand. We should never throw away our opportunities for greater happiness in life simply because we're afraid of losing them. Not to say you can't be happy without him of course, but if you feel it's right then I wouldn't let yourself think that an ED would make you any less in his eyes. Sorry I can't help you more than that.
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Vixen47)
    Has anyone ever been through a similar thing?
    If so, how early in the relationship did you reveal your ED to them?
    I'm currently in a relationship with a guy of 3 months and I was worried about this exact same thing when we were first meeting up. We arranged to go to the cinema for our first date, and then I suggested going to a restaurant for our second date. I made sure it was a place I was comfortable with (it had it's nutritional values online.. such a Godsend ) and we had a fantastic time.

    It was after the first date and before the second date that I told him, because I really liked him and didn't want to throw myself into a relationship holding something back which might "put him off". He simply said "I like you a lot, it doesn't matter that you're unwell right now".

    As Riku said, if he's worth it he'll understand. Before I told my boyfriend I just thought 'would I really want to go out with someone who would reject another person just for being unwell?'
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    I don't think it's ever a bad idea, in ANY scenario, to state that you are anxious or concerned about someone. It proves that you care about that individual enough to bring it up, even though the reaction received may not necessarily be overtly positive.

    All that matters is that you approach it with sensitivity, but definitely state your concern for those you hold dear if you feel they're doing something detrimental to themselves.
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    I've broken again:
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    Mum keeps feeding me potato, pasta and white bread to help me gain (don't need to gain I've got a huge belly even though everywhere else gone skinny-*** there I said it)......ate bread and butter and soup before for no reason other than I was in company (I'd had lunch!)...in fact lately I'm just eating crap for the sheer hell of it while convincing myself it's part of exposure therapy, hardly the healthy diet I mull on about all the time...girls laughing at me in the street when they were thrusting sample pizza pies in my face and I couldn't handle it so freaked out on them...can't finish this essay. I'm on a bit of a low. Didn't help that we had a semester evaluation form (PDP) to fill out and it just made me realise-I love this course, but I'm so goddamn lonely.
    And it really DOESN'T help that we have pasta carbonara again tonight, and it looks like there's leftovers for tomorrow no doubt. Frankly cheesey pasta is what the old Tom had, the weak baby Tom who'd get bullied all the time, could never grow up, never be a man and handle his own problems. Whoever I was a few years ago before this ****y divorce, even if he was still a bit of a big kid, at least he was strong enough to cope without being mollycoddled to death. I don't have a clue who the new Tom is exactly, but I'm scared of ever going back and change, compromise, seems impossible despite much effort to connect with my inner self and find it. In any case, exercise phobia essentially is a fear of being unable to lose weight. Whatever other spin I put on it that's what it boils down to. Maybe it'd be best to be forever scared to make sure I can't send myself right back down to hell.
    I really don't want to die.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I've broken again:
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    Mum keeps feeding me potato, pasta and white bread to help me gain (don't need to gain I've got a huge belly even though everywhere else gone skinny-*** there I said it)......ate bread and butter and soup before for no reason other than I was in company (I'd had lunch!)...in fact lately I'm just eating crap for the sheer hell of it while convincing myself it's part of exposure therapy, hardly the healthy diet I mull on about all the time...girls laughing at me in the street when they were thrusting sample pizza pies in my face and I couldn't handle it so freaked out on them...can't finish this essay. I'm on a bit of a low. Didn't help that we had a semester evaluation form (PDP) to fill out and it just made me realise-I love this course, but I'm so goddamn lonely.
    And it really DOESN'T help that we have pasta carbonara again tonight, and it looks like there's leftovers for tomorrow no doubt. Frankly cheesey pasta is what the old Tom had, the weak baby Tom who'd get bullied all the time, could never grow up, never be a man and handle his own problems. Whoever I was a few years ago before this ****y divorce, even if he was still a bit of a big kid, at least he was strong enough to cope without being mollycoddled to death. I don't have a clue who the new Tom is exactly, but I'm scared of ever going back and change, compromise, seems impossible despite much effort to connect with my inner self and find it. In any case, exercise phobia essentially is a fear of being unable to lose weight. Whatever other spin I put on it that's what it boils down to. Maybe it'd be best to be forever scared to make sure I can't send myself right back down to hell.
    I really don't want to die.
    You are being so brave, you need to keep it up to keep living. I can't really say what you look like, but you are probably going through a bad dysmorphia moment. Cheese isn't bad (unless you're lactose intolerant.) Pasta isn't bad. The only thing that is bad is what is going around your head. Ask yourself which is worse, having anorexia or having a potato? Puts things in perspective and is an easy shove in the right direction.

    Also; Jesus, how many eating disordered Toms are there?!

    You're a Tom
    Toto is a Tom
    I'm a Tom
    One of my friends who developed an ED was a Tom
    Another person I know who was ED in the other direction was a Tom....

    EDIT:

    Also mentioning I had a very weak moment today too. I kept insisting I needed to have food, kinda pushed to the side and ignored. Ended up going a little gaga later.

    Me


    Key is to get over it an move forward.



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    (Original post by Riku)
    I've broken again:
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    Mum keeps feeding me potato, pasta and white bread to help me gain (don't need to gain I've got a huge belly even though everywhere else gone skinny-*** there I said it)......ate bread and butter and soup before for no reason other than I was in company (I'd had lunch!)...in fact lately I'm just eating crap for the sheer hell of it while convincing myself it's part of exposure therapy, hardly the healthy diet I mull on about all the time...girls laughing at me in the street when they were thrusting sample pizza pies in my face and I couldn't handle it so freaked out on them...can't finish this essay. I'm on a bit of a low. Didn't help that we had a semester evaluation form (PDP) to fill out and it just made me realise-I love this course, but I'm so goddamn lonely.
    And it really DOESN'T help that we have pasta carbonara again tonight, and it looks like there's leftovers for tomorrow no doubt. Frankly cheesey pasta is what the old Tom had, the weak baby Tom who'd get bullied all the time, could never grow up, never be a man and handle his own problems. Whoever I was a few years ago before this ****y divorce, even if he was still a bit of a big kid, at least he was strong enough to cope without being mollycoddled to death. I don't have a clue who the new Tom is exactly, but I'm scared of ever going back and change, compromise, seems impossible despite much effort to connect with my inner self and find it. In any case, exercise phobia essentially is a fear of being unable to lose weight. Whatever other spin I put on it that's what it boils down to. Maybe it'd be best to be forever scared to make sure I can't send myself right back down to hell.
    I really don't want to die.
    There is no food that can't be made better by the addition of cheese. I try to accept it and move on.

    Be strong, Tom.
    • #50
    #50

    I feel horrible, horrible, horrible. I've been trying to fight this cold but I think with me relapsing in the past few days it was going to be a losing battle.

    Spoiler:
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    I just want to rant, and mope, and moan, but I don't want to annoy anybody with my stupid pathetic problems I've got a lot on my agenda and because of depressive phases I'm getting nothing done, I call it a successful day if I get out of bed and have a shower. Now, I wasn't doing the whole binge/purge thing for a whole two weeks, and I was really proud of myself, and I thought maybe what I thought was bulimia was really just a stupid phase, but for the past few days I've just been stuffing myself with absolute crap (doesn't help that my mum does the Christmas chocolate shopping early) and today I went shopping specifically for a binge I just feel so ill and broken and I can't cope with life, and I want to do nothing. I have no energy. Sorry about the rant, I know we always tell each other to be strong but there are times when I just can't. I've considered speaking to a doctor about the ED for the first time today. Whether I'll do it is a different matter.
    • #65
    #65

    (Original post by TotoMimo)

    I'd love to open up the floor now to all and any input here into this very diverse topic, to hear perhaps your own stories or any input or advice you can give myself, my peers and anyone else potentially developing one of these insidious conditions.

    All my love to everyone and the absolute best of luck in your own daily battles, regardless of what they may be!
    You may want to check out http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/ - which is specifically for men with ED's, also bodygossip are a fab charity working on body image and self esteem. There's a great website called somethingfishy which has forums for ED's.

    I'm 'recovering' from bulimia, which I wholeheartedly believe is a very different pathology to anorexia in a lot of respects, and there's huge debate in the psych community about it...but meh.

    Anyhoo point is I've been on group programmes, intensive therapy and know a lot of people struggling with anorexia and the resounding thing that everyone always comes back to is that if you want to get better you have to commit to change, you have to figure out why restricting is so important and then figure out a way to let it go. It's not easy, by golly it's not easy... but ultimately you can recover. I know two people who've recovered fully from anorexia and no longer have any symptoms, I also know one who's recovered fully from bulimia. It is possible.

    If you're not accessing secondary level psychiatric services at the moment, then talk to your GP to get an assessment from you Community Mental Health team, most counties have some form of ED help and if they don't they'll transfer you to somewhere that does. I used to go to STEPS in Bristol and cause I lived outside of the county the NHS paid for me to have a taxi every day... support is there you've just got to fight for it.

    One of the most helpful ways to start though is to make a 'food and feelings chart' - it's the first thing they'll ask you to do if you seek treatment for your ED anyways so you can get started now.

    It involves creating a table on a sheet of paper, with columns for TIME, WHAT EATEN, WHERE EATEN, WHO WITH, LEVEL OF HUNGER and HOW YOU FEEL. Try and keep track of everything as specifically as possible - including stuff like chewing gum and drinks - essentially everything you consume. If you do it over a period of time you'll be able to see patterns you can work on. There's also a really good book series for self help mental health called 'Overcoming' look on amazon for 'overcoming anorexia' - it's essentially self help CBT although I would highly recommend seeking someone professionally to deliver CBT/Therapy as it helps to be held accountable by someone who know what they're talking about.

    Best of luck, you can get through this. also whoever negged you is a ****.

    xxx
    • #65
    #65

    (Original post by Vixen47)
    There's this guy I like who feels the same way about me. I'm scared of starting a relationship with him because I wouldn't know if/how I'd tell him about my ED. I'm trying to convince myself I don't like him because I'm petrified that he'll be 'put off' me if he finds out about it

    Has anyone ever been through a similar thing?
    If so, how early in the relationship did you reveal your ED to them?
    I tend to drop it in casually, vaguely early on. Just mention it in conversation like it's not a big deal, because it isn't really it's something you struggle with but it's not your identity.

    I found it's easier to tell them early, that way a) you'll know if they can deal with it (some people can't but that's their problem not yours) and b) you don't risk them 'finding you out' - which having been through that - bf of four months waiting outside bathroom door for me following hearing me purge - is not pretty.

    I generally start off with referring to it as 'problems with food' rather than medical terms, and then graudally ease in... 'uncomfortable with food...' etc. There's also BEAT which has resources for people in relationships with people with ED's that you can show him if he feels overwhelmed.

    You should tell him, but dont make a big deal out of it - you are you, your ED is just an evil voice inside your head that has it coming at some point! don't let it dictate your openness with you bf

    xxx
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    You are being so brave, you need to keep it up to keep living. I can't really say what you look like, but you are probably going through a bad dysmorphia moment. Cheese isn't bad (unless you're lactose intolerant.) Pasta isn't bad. The only thing that is bad is what is going around your head. Ask yourself which is worse, having anorexia or having a potato? Puts things in perspective and is an easy shove in the right direction.

    Also; Jesus, how many eating disordered Toms are there?!

    You're a Tom
    Toto is a Tom
    I'm a Tom
    One of my friends who developed an ED was a Tom
    Another person I know who was ED in the other direction was a Tom....

    EDIT:

    Also mentioning I had a very weak moment today too. I kept insisting I needed to have food, kinda pushed to the side and ignored. Ended up going a little gaga later.

    Me


    Key is to get over it an move forward.



    .
    Thanks Antiaris. It does kinda put things in perspective. Don't know whether it's body dysmorphia really. Pics may help (apologies for the wind-swept roamer look going on) :rolleyes:
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/albu...ictureid=15135
    I just can't understand why there's such a difference between the me in company and me alone. I can eat for England if someone's there with me, when left to my own devices food's quite clearly my enemy. It just kinda highlights the fact that even though I have mates elsewhere, in uni I feel so alone. Lunch is just hell. Part of the reason why I'm staying at home, can barely trust myself to cook.
    Spoiler:
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    (What kind of anorexic doesn't know how to cook!? I just feel like a slob tbh.)

    And I really don't know how to move forward. Right now there is only me, and the food, and the work (uni), and the walk to the work, and sometimes this or a whine to someone. There never really feels time for anything productive or-well, fun!
    But I have to work. I have to do well, my grades are pretty much how I've justified my self-worth in the family since time immemorial. It's nigh-on impossible (like shaking, can't sleep at night from the guilt, choking sensations) to lower the bar.

    If I were you with needing to eat and being pushed aside, no-one can physically prevent you from getting something. If you want it enough you'll get it, there's always a way. Although sometimes it helps not to be placed in the centre of things, helps us to remember everyone has a struggle to fight and it can't all be done by someone else.
    You're right though, there seem to be a lot of disordered-eating Toms out there! All the more reason to stand together against this, eh?

    ED aside, completely agree with you wih the cheese thing Sentiment. I would hate to be lactose intolerant : O
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    You are being so brave, you need to keep it up to keep living. I can't really say what you look like, but you are probably going through a bad dysmorphia moment. Cheese isn't bad (unless you're lactose intolerant.) Pasta isn't bad. The only thing that is bad is what is going around your head. Ask yourself which is worse, having anorexia or having a potato? Puts things in perspective and is an easy shove in the right direction.

    Also; Jesus, how many eating disordered Toms are there?!

    You're a Tom
    Toto is a Tom
    I'm a Tom
    One of my friends who developed an ED was a Tom
    Another person I know who was ED in the other direction was a Tom....

    EDIT:

    Also mentioning I had a very weak moment today too. I kept insisting I needed to have food, kinda pushed to the side and ignored. Ended up going a little gaga later.

    Me


    Key is to get over it an move forward.



    .
    Tom is one of the best names there is
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    We seem to be having bad days?

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    I want to be healthy now - got up to a BMI of 19 and this is just where I want to stay. But it won't stop going up. Yesterday I had some really terrible news about a family member back home and that combined with stressing over a test, thinking I was pregnant (missed 2 periods), my computer breaking, my printer breaking and seeing a cat get run over caused me to completely break down and question everything.

    Irrational me: This would never have happened if I wasn't eating... Lead to guilt... I felt like I really should have dinner, as that is the healthy thing to do, but my state of mind was such that I couldn't figure out if I was full, and before I knew it.. well.. yeah Kept going



    Things will hopefully calm down over the weekend and a fresh start soon!! Don't give up guys!!!!
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    We seem to be having bad days?

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    I want to be healthy now - got up to a BMI of 19 and this is just where I want to stay. But it won't stop going up. Yesterday I had some really terrible news about a family member back home and that combined with stressing over a test, thinking I was pregnant (missed 2 periods), my computer breaking, my printer breaking and seeing a cat get run over caused me to completely break down and question everything.

    Irrational me: This would never have happened if I wasn't eating... Lead to guilt... I felt like I really should have dinner, as that is the healthy thing to do, but my state of mind was such that I couldn't figure out if I was full, and before I knew it.. well.. yeah Kept going



    Things will hopefully calm down over the weekend and a fresh start soon!! Don't give up guys!!!!

    huggles dear. I'll rant about life when I've finished practicing my guitar. Why does Shalott have to be so quick?
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    Yo guys.

    I don't know if this goes here but:

    Its not that I'm eating too much. Its that I'm eating too little. Whenever I eat a meal, I take my time eating it, and well, I eventually get full with half/quater of the meal left and I end up throwing it away.

    Its likely because since I've come to uni... my food routine has become really crap. What can I do?
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    We seem to be having bad days?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I want to be healthy now - got up to a BMI of 19 and this is just where I want to stay. But it won't stop going up. Yesterday I had some really terrible news about a family member back home and that combined with stressing over a test, thinking I was pregnant (missed 2 periods), my computer breaking, my printer breaking and seeing a cat get run over caused me to completely break down and question everything.

    Irrational me: This would never have happened if I wasn't eating... Lead to guilt... I felt like I really should have dinner, as that is the healthy thing to do, but my state of mind was such that I couldn't figure out if I was full, and before I knew it.. well.. yeah Kept going



    Things will hopefully calm down over the weekend and a fresh start soon!! Don't give up guys!!!!
    You do know post ED people are supposed to go to BMI 20-25 otherwise there is greater risk of relapse, right?

    People from look can't really tell the difference between BMI's anyway. (Unless you got to low BMI in adolescence, therefore you catch up with growth and stuff. Seriously, aged 5 years from BMI 19 -> 20)
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    I never made the Tom correlation.

    Perhaps the Toms of the world are destined to be inherent overachievers with wit and charm, handsome and talented, but fate requires us to have a flaw of some sort and so ED is our folly?



    Haha, so, so modest... :P
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    I have been ****ed over by yet another guy. I got on the scales this morning and the numbers had gone down and I thought 'great, this is all I've got again now if I haven't got him'. It's ****ing pathetic.

    I'd spoiler this but I have no idea how, if anyone would like me to if you could tell me how then I'll do it.

    Sorry for the negativity but I just want to curl up on the floor and cry like a baby.
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    I have been ****ed over by yet another guy. I got on the scales this morning and the numbers had gone down and I thought 'great, this is all I've got again now if I haven't got him'. It's ****ing pathetic.

    I'd spoiler this but I have no idea how, if anyone would like me to if you could tell me how then I'll do it.

    Sorry for the negativity but I just want to curl up on the floor and cry like a baby.
    As a guy I can tell you that guy's are douches. We really are.

    How can what somebody else is affect what you are? You are no less lovely, no less amazing, no less YOU due to that guy being cruel. You don't need to prove that you ARE something with a number, that you ARE good. You are good already. The number is something completely separate. You prove nothing with that number. It. Is. Meaningless.

    The guy has knocked your confidence in your non-number self, we can see that. What you need to do is to PROVE that you have more to offer. You aren't offering anything with that low number, you are just taking things away.
 
 
 
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