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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you have some sort of meal plan? Do you see a dietician? Both of those could help you both come off the supplements and understand what a normal healthy amount of food is which is a really important part of recovery.
    I don't have a meal plan, and I have seen dieticians in the past but not for a while. The thing I'm more worried about is that, I expect a 'normal' amount of food is going to be SO much more than I usually eat, I will just end up being intimidated and feel like giving up. Because although the general food anxiety is nowhere *near* as bad as it has been, I still get stressed when I eat a lot or feel full, or eat new things and so on. So even a meal plan with good amounts of good food all planned out, I feel like I'm not ready for a fully 'normal' diet yet.
    • #68
    #68

    (Original post by Amwazicles)
    I don't have a meal plan, and I have seen dieticians in the past but not for a while. The thing I'm more worried about is that, I expect a 'normal' amount of food is going to be SO much more than I usually eat, I will just end up being intimidated and feel like giving up. Because although the general food anxiety is nowhere *near* as bad as it has been, I still get stressed when I eat a lot or feel full, or eat new things and so on. So even a meal plan with good amounts of good food all planned out, I feel like I'm not ready for a fully 'normal' diet yet.
    You don't have to do it all at once. I can totally understand being afraid of a normal diet atm but it is something you can work up to. How about starting off with a meal plan based on less calories than you need but what you think you can manage then making up the rest of the calories you need in supplements then gradually increasing the food and decreasing the supplements? You don't have to do it in one big jump.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You don't have to do it all at once. I can totally understand being afraid of a normal diet atm but it is something you can work up to. How about starting off with a meal plan based on less calories than you need but what you think you can manage then making up the rest of the calories you need in supplements then gradually increasing the food and decreasing the supplements? You don't have to do it in one big jump.
    I see what you mean. But I've never done a calorie-counting type of diet plan, and I really feel like I don't want to, because I know I'd just end up more stressed out about it, and end up forgetting things anyway. :erm: Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm just shooting down your every suggestion..
    • #68
    #68

    (Original post by Amwazicles)
    I see what you mean. But I've never done a calorie-counting type of diet plan, and I really feel like I don't want to, because I know I'd just end up more stressed out about it, and end up forgetting things anyway. :erm: Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm just shooting down your every suggestion..
    No need to appologise! Certainly don't start calorie counting if you don't. It's best to get away from calories I just mentioned calorie counting cos that's how a lot of people do it. Have you ever used an exchange based meal plan? For examples of what I'm talking about check out this site: http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/mealplans.html and for what servings/exchanges are this link: http://www.joyproject.org/whatised/normaleating.html Basically if you have a look at what a normal amount looks like by the number of exchanges then start with a small number and add in one each day or week till you've got enough. The idea isn't to count the calories in what you're eating, it's just each meal plan is based on a rough number of calories so you'd make up the rest with supplements. Am I making any sense yet lol? I still recommend seeing if you can see a dietician to help you with this though unless your mum has a really healthy relationship with food and can help you do it.
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    Amwa, oddly enough I am the other way. Governed by numbers as opposed to my body, I no longer have any knowledge of what constitutes a normal human portion either.

    I know that a meal should be between 350g and 450g for an average adult. But that's a number. I don't know what it really IS.

    I know how many calories are in everything and for each meal, have a set "number." It's sad because I place quotation marks around it for a reason; because foods are numbers to me. So I'll say, "I'm having a 230 and a 210 and a 45, so that's about 500 kcal". I add stuff up that way, and whether or not it's an ENORMOUS, BELLY HURTING pile of food or a morsel of nibblage, that's what I'll eat.

    It's weird because I have a great appetite too, but when it comes to numbers, I rarely deviate. If I've not had my specific numbers but my stomach aches with being full, I still plough on and eat my numbers. If I am hungry but I've made up my numbers, I won't eat.

    You're in an enviable position to be able to answer your body's call, and I say, to an extent, go with it!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No need to appologise! Certainly don't start calorie counting if you don't. It's best to get away from calories I just mentioned calorie counting cos that's how a lot of people do it. Have you ever used an exchange based meal plan? For examples of what I'm talking about check out this site: http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/mealplans.html and for what servings/exchanges are this link: http://www.joyproject.org/whatised/normaleating.html Basically if you have a look at what a normal amount looks like by the number of exchanges then start with a small number and add in one each day or week till you've got enough. The idea isn't to count the calories in what you're eating, it's just each meal plan is based on a rough number of calories so you'd make up the rest with supplements. Am I making any sense yet lol? I still recommend seeing if you can see a dietician to help you with this though unless your mum has a really healthy relationship with food and can help you do it.

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Amwa, oddly enough I am the other way. Governed by numbers as opposed to my body, I no longer have any knowledge of what constitutes a normal human portion either.

    I know that a meal should be between 350g and 450g for an average adult. But that's a number. I don't know what it really IS.

    I know how many calories are in everything and for each meal, have a set "number." It's sad because I place quotation marks around it for a reason; because foods are numbers to me. So I'll say, "I'm having a 230 and a 210 and a 45, so that's about 500 kcal". I add stuff up that way, and whether or not it's an ENORMOUS, BELLY HURTING pile of food or a morsel of nibblage, that's what I'll eat.

    It's weird because I have a great appetite too, but when it comes to numbers, I rarely deviate. If I've not had my specific numbers but my stomach aches with being full, I still plough on and eat my numbers. If I am hungry but I've made up my numbers, I won't eat.

    You're in an enviable position to be able to answer your body's call, and I say, to an extent, go with it!!
    Thanks for the replies I feel like any kind of specific meal plan (even one that's not quite so defined, like #68 posted) is just never really going to work for me. I am extremely variable in my eating habits, and I know that's not ideal, but I can't control it anyway. Some days I feel fine, and I consciously think at dinner "I am going to finish off this plate, whatever it takes", and I do. But some days I am just really anxious and I know that I couldn't possibly eat a full meal, whatever incentive I had.

    Toto, I see the point you're making, and it does seem valid. But at the same time, I know that I need to put on weight, and clearly - seeing as I'm not putting on weight as it is - I need to eat more than I do at the moment in order to do that. I don't want a fixed calorie-controlled diet plan, because I know I couldn't possibly stick to something as rigid as that, and it'd end up making me feel worse. But I know I have to something, I can't just live my life relying on prescribed supplements to *maintain* me at an already unhealthy weight. :/
    • #70
    #70

    wow. this kind of hit home. I'm 91lbs currently also. and worried. I've been in and out of hospital for my potassium levels, wired up to an ECG (machine that tracks your heart) as the defeciencies really effect that. I just had a blood test done and I'm low on it again. jheeeez. I know its best to take them, but I literally vom from the taste and it feels like I take one step forward and two back. At the mo I sort of try not to think about it which I don't know is better or worse. So recovery is on the backburner. I (like you) am an over-achiever, despite getting good grades I'm resitting to get a few A*s in there... and it feels like i don't have the time/energy/willpower to recover soo I'm just getting on with what I've known for the last 3 yrs of my life.

    End of, really.
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    Triggering thoughts:

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    I feel great because I know i'm suffering enough now.... I feel like nothing is complicated because i'm paying for being such an awful person and the pain from starving and binge-purging shows me this. I don't want to be in the way any more, and while I can keep walking and opening my eyes no one needs to know. I'm sorry this is so triggering but it's something i've been feeling for a while now and I have no one to talk to.
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
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    I feel great because I know i'm suffering enough now.... I feel like nothing is complicated because i'm paying for being such an awful person and the pain from starving and binge-purging shows me this. I don't want to be in the way any more, and while I can keep walking and opening my eyes no one needs to know. I'm sorry this is so triggering but it's something i've been feeling for a while now and I have no one to talk to.
    -glomps-. i also feel like crap too C. German teacher giving us too much work. Darent tell him because a friend has already told him shes not coping, her mother got emailed, she asked him why, he yelled at her. She cried. Aaand its getting to the point im struggling to sleep/eat.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -glomps-. i also feel like crap too C. German teacher giving us too much work. Darent tell him because a friend has already told him shes not coping, her mother got emailed, she asked him why, he yelled at her. She cried. Aaand its getting to the point im struggling to sleep/eat.
    Sorry to hear that snow I hope things start to get better for you

    Edit:

    and i've just realised something. Every time I consider going to the doctors about this... ED tells me i'm too big to burden anyone with this problem as i'm not physically weak. So I starve, and then forget why i'm starving and decide to get better, binge and then i'm right back where I started. For a month now... so now it's actually a bad thing when I think about getting help.
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    I had an eating disorder in school; not so serious that you could call it anorexia nervosa, or bulimia nervosa, but it was kind of a combination of the two. It only lasted 3/4 years and at my lowest I weighed about 7 stone, about 17BMI. I'm just going over this in case you think my comment sounds a bit simplified - my disorder probably wasn't as advanced as some peoples'.

    The main thing I found was that for all the advice on how to eat right and how to not be afraid of food etc I was given, the only thing that made a difference was for my actual life circumstances to change. Only when my life started getting better and less difficult to cope with was I able to start eating normally again. Dunno what anyone else who used to have an ED thinks about this? True?
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    Sorry to hear that snow I hope things start to get better for you
    ty dude. and before anyone asks 'why can't you tell him?' im terrorfied of him, and cant tell whether he's being serious or not. if i make a mistake, he'll take the piss
    • #29
    #29

    Actually contacted the uni counselling service. Can't quite believe I did it. This is going to be the first time I've ever opened up to/told ANYONE. Scared.
    • #69
    #69

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Anon 69, get out of the habbit. I know it is much more difficult to get out of the habbit on a binge week, so eat enough on the restriction weeks. Try and normalise from there.
    It's become a routine sometimes it's 10 days of binge, 5 days of starving...but you get the picture. I'm to dependent on my weekly strong-will and mood: if I start the week positively, i will control my food intake. If something bad happen at the beginning, i literally loose control and binge like crazy, eating all my favorites sweets until i feel dizzy or pass out of sugar high.

    it's very frustrating to be so weak regarding this problem
    • #71
    #71

    Hi. I wouldn't say that I have an eating disorder - but I'm starting to feel I might be on my way to developing one. I'm constantly being told I'm too skinny and that I'm becoming anorexic, but I always just brush it off, as, although I know I'm very slim, I don't think that I'm incredibly skinny. When I look in the mirror, I see a slim girl, not a thin one - but when I see photos of myself and videos, I can see that I look thinner than I appear to myself in the mirror.

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    Today I randomly decided to have a look at some thinspiration websites - and it really disturbed me. When I first heard about those kind of sites, I was sickened - but today I found myself looking at some of the pictures thinking, "My hips stick out a lot more than hers," "My ribs are much more prominent," "My waist is much more defined," "I've got a much flatter stomach", almost as if I was saying, "I'm not even anorexic and I'm doing better than these girls" - and having those thoughts terrifies me. Obviously some of the pictures I thought were horrifically thin - the ones of really skinny legs, and the ones where you can count every single rib, and I would never want to look like that - but with many of them, I was thinking, yeah, you shouldn't ever let your stomach get any bigger than that. Months ago, I would have never thought like that.

    I'm on anti-depressants which have made me lose my appetite and feel sick if I eat much, but even before I was on them, when I was very depressed I wouldn't eat - partly it was a way of salvaging something, like, "Today's been a rubbish day, I may as well at least get thing out of it", but partly it was like a way of making myself feel worse, like punishing myself by depriving myself of food - but also it was like a source of pride, so that I could say I hadn't eaten anything or hardly anything all day. And I'm starting to get an idea of what people mean when they talk about taking control through restricting food - I feel liberated by never being hungry, and when I look at the tiny portion of food I eat, I feel somehow pleased with myself for getting by on the bare minimum and always resisting the option to put more on my plate. Once food's on my plate, I feel like I don't want it anymore anyway. I feel as if, in the midst of my crap life that's not getting better, at least I've achieved something by having fewer calories.

    I obsessively check how my stomach looks in the mirror, and feel annoyed if it's not as completely flat as it normally is, and I actually like the feeling of having my ribs and hip bones jut out so much and want to emphasize it. I still enjoy the taste of food and I want to be healthy, but I know I'm not getting enough nutrition - and I feel guilty and as if I've let myself down when I eat more than I normally might.


    Wow, I'm sorry this has been so long...but writing all this down is actually making me realise I've got something of a problem. I guess I came in here to see if anyone could give me an opinion of whether I might have something to worry about or if I was over-reacting - but I think from writing all this, I've realised I'm right to worry.
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    Been a strange few days. Had another dodgy shift with work, choice of McDonalds or no lunch, just got hungry, went in and ordered within a few minutes. Record (still tasted awful, but I was looking for energy to keep ticking over, not a luscious feast). Last night I was out with mates, clearly had a few too many and not enough to eat to compensate, rather than collapse and faint like I was about to I had something and felt alright, didn't particularly dwell on it and had a great night anyway. Trying to get past the mentality of doing things like this means I'm a liar and never had or have issues, might as well say we're not deadyet, therefore we're not trying hard enough.
    Had my first go at yoga on Thursday, so surreal being in harmony with mind and body, I started panicking but will definitely give it another try, strongly recommended. Going to take some time-out in general to get to know myself a bit better, because underneath a disguise of obsession and fear I remember a guy I kinda liked and it'll be nice to catch up and see what's new.
    Also-awesome paintings, Antiaris. The idea of a lone boat approaching the incoming wave head-on particularly moved me.

    :hugs:
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    Riku, interesting post.

    I think it's weird because recovering, we seem to forget what normality is and we're a bit like a first-time driver... we only have two speeds - Foot down to the floor or STALLED. All or nothing. We forget what our bodies tell us and go by what our minds have pre-determined that we want or need.

    How often do ED sufferers know what their entire day... hell, WEEK'S worth of eating will be like, on the Monday? I'll tell you, a freaking LOT. How can you know what your body will need at 3.49pm on Thursday? We don't. The ED THINKS it knows though.

    You'll learn, I'll learn, how to listen to our body and it's voice once more.
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    Okay, before I ask my question I want to stress how I do not intend to offend anyone by it, and if you are offended I sincerely apologize. It's just something I've wondered for a while.

    When those of you with anorexia and bulimia see people who are overweight or obese, what are your true thoughts? Do you think they are disgusting? Do you in a way envy them?

    Again, if you've been offended by this question then you have my sincere apologies.
    • #72
    #72

    (Original post by green chica)
    Okay, before I ask my question I want to stress how I do not intend to offend anyone by it, and if you are offended I sincerely apologize. It's just something I've wondered for a while.

    When those of you with anorexia and bulimia see people who are overweight or obese, what are your true thoughts? Do you think they are disgusting? Do you in a way envy them?

    Again, if you've been offended by this question then you have my sincere apologies.
    I know these thoughts are disgusting but...
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    Honestly, I love seeing obese/overweight people. Because I feel like I'm so much better than them. I think that they must envy me and it almost makes me forget about my disorder because at least I look ten times better than them. To me 'curvy' is something that the media created so the fat people that fund the industry feel better about themselves. I've never seen a person look more attractive overweight than say bmi 20.

    I'm sick. I know.
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    (Original post by green chica)
    Okay, before I ask my question I want to stress how I do not intend to offend anyone by it, and if you are offended I sincerely apologize. It's just something I've wondered for a while.

    When those of you with anorexia and bulimia see people who are overweight or obese, what are your true thoughts? Do you think they are disgusting? Do you in a way envy them?

    Again, if you've been offended by this question then you have my sincere apologies.
    I think sometimes those with EDs see a thin person and envy them because they immediately assume they're happy. Maybe the opposite is true for some people when they see overweight people?

    For me - when I see someone who is 'curvier' I envy them because the majority of the time they look happy or at least much happier than I am. I see a great beauty in that.
 
 
 
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