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    Conversely, my answer to the question is that, I genuinely see every build of person and envision them to be the ideal and perfect versions of themselves. This sounds like a crock but it's absolutely true.

    When I see my dad (who is apparently a bit overweight), my sister, who is allegedly obese, or my mum who is underweight... I see them as perfect representations of who they are. Amazing, attractive, bright and genuine people. I have fallen in love with girls who were incredibly thin and girls who were termed "morbidly" obese.

    How odd I should be an incredible hypocrite and let numbers dictate how I think I appear; for example, I will look on a scale, and see a smaller number, and for some inexplicable reason, I will see myself in the mirror and believe myself to "look a bit better today" even if the number is mere bits of a pound difference.

    It is illogical.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Conversely, my answer to the question is that, I genuinely see every build of person and envision them to be the ideal and perfect versions of themselves. This sounds like a crock but it's absolutely true.

    When I see my dad (who is apparently a bit overweight), my sister, who is allegedly obese, or my mum who is underweight... I see them as perfect representations of who they are. Amazing, attractive, bright and genuine people. I have fallen in love with girls who were incredibly thin and girls who were termed "morbidly" obese.

    How odd I should be an incredible hypocrite and let numbers dictate how I think I appear; for example, I will look on a scale, and see a smaller number, and for some inexplicable reason, I will see myself in the mirror and believe myself to "look a bit better today" even if the number is mere bits of a pound difference.

    It is illogical.
    I owe you rep - I wish more people had views such as yours
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    (Original post by green chica)
    Okay, before I ask my question I want to stress how I do not intend to offend anyone by it, and if you are offended I sincerely apologize. It's just something I've wondered for a while.

    When those of you with anorexia and bulimia see people who are overweight or obese, what are your true thoughts? Do you think they are disgusting? Do you in a way envy them?

    Again, if you've been offended by this question then you have my sincere apologies.
    Honestly? If I just see someone who is overweight or obese in passing, I don't really think anything. If I see someone I know who is overweight or obese, I see them as people and their body doesn't register. My cousin is apparently morbidly obese (as is my mum, actually) and they're incredibly beautiful and all I see is what they're like as people. I think my thoughts change when I see people eating though. That's when I become aware of people's sizes. I've thought some shamefully catty things when I've seen people (of any size) eating. Tbh, I feel envious of everyone who isn't me. I assume that they're far happier than I am regardless of their size and if I see someone curvy, I think of how attractive they are and wish I could look like that while simultaneously thinking that it's fine for them but not for me. Stupid.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know these thoughts are disgusting but...
    Spoiler:
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    Honestly, I love seeing obese/overweight people. Because I feel like I'm so much better than them. I think that they must envy me and it almost makes me forget about my disorder because at least I look ten times better than them. To me 'curvy' is something that the media created so the fat people that fund the industry feel better about themselves. I've never seen a person look more attractive overweight than say bmi 20.

    I'm sick. I know.

    (Original post by briesandwich)
    I think sometimes those with EDs see a thin person and envy them because they immediately assume they're happy. Maybe the opposite is true for some people when they see overweight people?

    For me - when I see someone who is 'curvier' I envy them because the majority of the time they look happy or at least much happier than I am. I see a great beauty in that.

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Conversely, my answer to the question is that, I genuinely see every build of person and envision them to be the ideal and perfect versions of themselves. This sounds like a crock but it's absolutely true.

    When I see my dad (who is apparently a bit overweight), my sister, who is allegedly obese, or my mum who is underweight... I see them as perfect representations of who they are. Amazing, attractive, bright and genuine people. I have fallen in love with girls who were incredibly thin and girls who were termed "morbidly" obese.

    How odd I should be an incredible hypocrite and let numbers dictate how I think I appear; for example, I will look on a scale, and see a smaller number, and for some inexplicable reason, I will see myself in the mirror and believe myself to "look a bit better today" even if the number is mere bits of a pound difference.

    It is illogical.

    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Honestly? If I just see someone who is overweight or obese in passing, I don't really think anything. If I see someone I know who is overweight or obese, I see them as people and their body doesn't register. My cousin is apparently morbidly obese (as is my mum, actually) and they're incredibly beautiful and all I see is what they're like as people. I think my thoughts change when I see people eating though. That's when I become aware of people's sizes. I've thought some shamefully catty things when I've seen people (of any size) eating. Tbh, I feel envious of everyone who isn't me. I assume that they're far happier than I am regardless of their size and if I see someone curvy, I think of how attractive they are and wish I could look like that while simultaneously thinking that it's fine for them but not for me. Stupid.
    Thank you all for your very honest answers! I have a feeling that if I asked someone I knew from my real life that had an ED, they wouldn't be as honest as you guys, so thanks! + rep for each of you for the honesty.

    @Anonymous - Why do you not find people who have a BMI above 20 attractive? Have you always been this way, or is it because of your ED?

    And, TotoMimo, marry me?
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    (Original post by green chica)
    Okay, before I ask my question I want to stress how I do not intend to offend anyone by it, and if you are offended I sincerely apologize. It's just something I've wondered for a while.

    When those of you with anorexia and bulimia see people who are overweight or obese, what are your true thoughts? Do you think they are disgusting? Do you in a way envy them?

    Again, if you've been offended by this question then you have my sincere apologies.
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Honestly? If I just see someone who is overweight or obese in passing, I don't really think anything. If I see someone I know who is overweight or obese, I see them as people and their body doesn't register. My cousin is apparently morbidly obese (as is my mum, actually) and they're incredibly beautiful and all I see is what they're like as people. I think my thoughts change when I see people eating though. That's when I become aware of people's sizes. I've thought some shamefully catty things when I've seen people (of any size) eating. Tbh, I feel envious of everyone who isn't me. I assume that they're far happier than I am regardless of their size and if I see someone curvy, I think of how attractive they are and wish I could look like that while simultaneously thinking that it's fine for them but not for me. Stupid.
    This is exactly me. I can find things about pretty much any human which I will hate myself for not having. Be that physical, appearance, or some personality or intelligence thing, I always find something. :dontknow:

    Spoiler:
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    In terms of actual size/weight specifically (and I know I am a terrible person for saying this, and I almost wasn't going to, but I feel like I should be honest if I'm going to answer the question at all):
    When I see massively overweight people, I find myself getting annoyed at them - it's their fault, and they should be more responsible and look after themselves, as it's obviously not that difficult to be healthy. This makes me a bad person because it's clearly not as simple as that, but something in my mind can't help seeing it as simple lack of willpower and overindulgence. I think partly because I've never known what it's like to be overweight and having trouble losing, only the other way round, so I can't help but think of how easy it really is to lose weight, and how little they must be trying t be putting it on or staying overweight.
    When I see extremely skinny people, I have a slightly weird mix of emotions. I think my first thought is to judge how skinny they are compared to me. Then if I 'decide' I am skinnier than them, I can feel smug and better than them. This is strange because my 'eating disorder' (I'm never sure whether to really call it that anyway) is nothing to do with weight really, but it does seriously affect my weight. So I get some kind of sick satisfaction from thinking that people might see me and be shocked or impressed by my weight in some way. It's not the main ( or even a) reason for my eating issues, but it can't help but become something at the forefront of my mind, purely because I know that I *am* underweight, and so I can't help think about it.
    If I see people who I deem skinnier than me, then I get jealous in a similar way. It's as if - although I've never observed anyone overtly skinny get much attention about it, nor me, particularly - I am jealous that they may be getting more attention (whether it's obvious or not) than me, just because they are skinnier. It's like I think "I have had tons of issues, I deserve a bit or attention/recognition for that, and why should someone else get it just because they are skinny too, for whatever reason".


    I feel really horrible having written that. :sad: I may come back and edit/delete :erm:
    • #71
    #71

    I know it sounds bad, but when I see fat people, particularly horrifically overweight people (but even people who just have a slight paunch), I feel disgusted, and feel that I'm superior to them. I feel that I must have greater willpower, greater regard for my health, and am more attractive, and that I stand out more, because pretty much everyone is fat these days, so being thin makes me more noteworthy. Similarly, I feel a pang of envy when I see someone thinner than me.
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    You know that point in the cycle where you do so well, put on a couple of pounds, then notice and panic and just KNOW everything's going to slip again and you start stopping yourself eating again? How do you guys get around it?
    I'm trapped, I'm never ever going to get out of this circle and I wish I could get out, this isn't a life being caught like this.
    With every fall the depression gets worse and the self-hatred more intense.
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    Greenchica, I am incredibly flattered, and I kiss you upon the hand on bended knee!

    Awamz, the "competitive" element of anorexia is a prevalent one, especially with those in the early stages. Have you been suffering long?

    Whilst I eat my prawn cocktail salad from Marks and Spencer for >100 kcals, and see my sister down a rustlers burger, I used to have catty thoughts of "how dare you put that in your body! THE MG OF FAT! THE CALORIES!" But now, I think nothing of it.

    I am sadly still at the point in my life where I gauge things daily. like step-by-step.

    Life is not like that. You cannot gauge things like a set of stairs. I might weigh 100lbs one day and 96 another, then 104 another day. Does man 43 on the train see me on monday and think "what a skinny dude!" then on tuesday balk in disgust, saying "What a fatso!"....

    er, no!

    Think of life more like a flowing river than a staircase. So what if a person eats ten burgers one day. One day is a mere droplet in the ocean that is their lifetime. And moreover, it is like the petrol poured into a car.

    How ludicrous does it sound that a man and his wife go on safari - and they keep a diary. They visit the plains of Africa, the lush forests, the local civilisations. The diary reads: Today we used one gallon of petrol. Tomorrow I hope we only use half a gallon of petrol. DAY TWO: Oh MY GOD. WE USED TWO GALLONS. Tomorrow I'm not going to drive anywhere in case we use a gallon of petrol. DAY THREE: We only used half a gallon of petrol. Thank god for that. DAY FOUR: We used a gallon of petrol. I'm sickened at the thought.

    How stupid does that sound? For all the amazing sights and sounds to see on a wonderous trip of life, to focus on the fuel for the journey?
    • #72
    #72

    (Original post by green chica)
    x
    Over about 20 I just see their fat/flaws. Since I've had this disorder since I was about eleven (with a childhood of never feeling happy with my body), I don't remember ever thinking of someone of upper-normal/over-weight as attractive. When I was a kid I idolised very slender/thin people (with an older sister who's tall and thin and barely eats) It's completely my own neurosis but that's just the way I'm wired, I guess.
    • #73
    #73

    (Original post by green chica)
    Okay, before I ask my question I want to stress how I do not intend to offend anyone by it, and if you are offended I sincerely apologize. It's just something I've wondered for a while.

    When those of you with anorexia and bulimia see people who are overweight or obese, what are your true thoughts? Do you think they are disgusting? Do you in a way envy them?

    Again, if you've been offended by this question then you have my sincere apologies.
    I'm bulimic and when I see overweight people I don't feel disgusted by them at all, in fact it sometimes makes me feel a little better about myself because I can physically see that I'm a lot smaller than them.
    When I see people eating though, it's a whole different story. I completely judge people and feel disgusted when I can see them eating, and it's worse when they're bigger sized people. Some really nasty thoughts go through my head and I hate this part of me.
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    Lol guys this last page shows that you're really crazy!! sorry to say that but having nasty thoughts because some people are eating (it's part of life...our body needs it!!) and enjoying it at the same time, is just mental!

    Sort out your life! Seriously is just psychological...stop being disgusted by food. with effort and perseverance, you can change your "eating [it's more a mental] disorder".

    I sincerely wish good luck to everyone of you who is trying to get out of this trap...don't give up! your health (body) in 10 years will thank you for that.

    and feel pity for all those who don't want to change because they think that they're right (in not eating enough) and other people are inferior to them

    my sister used to suffer from anorexia for over 6 years...I've constantly criticized her to the point we stopped talking to each other [for nearly 4 years]...one day she came to me and thanked me for all my effort and told me it didn't go to waste...she pull herself together and now is back to a normal life (since 18 months) and is going to have a nice little baby in hopefully 4 months...
    • #30
    #30

    I hate my bulimic self. 10 years of eating disorder and I cannot escape. My therapist is even shocked by the severity of my bulimia and thinks I should go IP. (I went IP age 15 against my will). I want to stop and to let go of the bulimia, but every time I fail. It's too scary to NOT vomit, too scary to keep food down and too scary not to have the crutch, the relief of bingeing and purging. I can't help myself and nobody else can help me. My therapist just says I need to be motivated.

    I am failing medical school and am so close to being kicked out. I hate myself for being so pathetic. Every time I need to study I just b/p and b/p and b/p.

    I often think about how I would like to die. I often wish I would have a heart attack in my sleep. Sometimes bulimics die of heart attacks, RIGHT? I wish that happened to me.

    I used to be an underweight bulimic. It used to be a very effective way to lose/maintain underweight BMI. Slowly and I don't know how, my weight has crept up and I am now at the top end of normal and I look SO FAT. I want to cry every time I see a photo of myself. I only wear dresses and leggings now because I look TOO FAT in jeans or trousers. I tried my old methods of weight loss and nothing happens. I am stuck as a fat **** and a bulimic headcase. I can't stop vomiting now because then I will get even fatter. It feels like there is no way out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate my bulimic self. 10 years of eating disorder and I cannot escape. My therapist is even shocked by the severity of my bulimia and thinks I should go IP. (I went IP age 15 against my will). I want to stop and to let go of the bulimia, but every time I fail. It's too scary to NOT vomit, too scary to keep food down and too scary not to have the crutch, the relief of bingeing and purging. I can't help myself and nobody else can help me. My therapist just says I need to be motivated.

    I am failing medical school and am so close to being kicked out. I hate myself for being so pathetic. Every time I need to study I just b/p and b/p and b/p.

    I often think about how I would like to die. I often wish I would have a heart attack in my sleep. Sometimes bulimics die of heart attacks, RIGHT? I wish that happened to me.

    I used to be an underweight bulimic. It used to be a very effective way to lose/maintain underweight BMI. Slowly and I don't know how, my weight has crept up and I am now at the top end of normal and I look SO FAT. I want to cry every time I see a photo of myself. I only wear dresses and leggings now because I look TOO FAT in jeans or trousers. I tried my old methods of weight loss and nothing happens. I am stuck as a fat **** and a bulimic headcase. I can't stop vomiting now because then I will get even fatter. It feels like there is no way out.
    Your metabolism has begun to throw in the towel. Happens in Anorexia, happens in bulimia. Don't worry, it's not over.

    Gonna give you a couple of tips I use to get myself out of the cycle;

    Eat strong flavoured foods. Your brain gets the signals sooner when it REALISES that it is eating and you can get back into a 'normal' mindframe.

    Keep things individually portioned.

    Eat little and often (how often do we hear this!) Just make sure you don't get to a 'ravenous' stage.

    When you feel like purging do something intensive that takes your mind off of it. My own vice, painting and cooking, for example.

    The most important thing though, don't give up. It's over before you've even started if you give up.

    Spoiler:
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    Personal weight thing;
    I have no issue with people and their weight, they are who they are. People are personalities to me, not arbitrary numbers.

    My issue is that I don't see that applying to myself. For some reason I feel that if I became overweight I would be gross, slimy, cruel, un-kind, malicious, i.e. douche-ish.


    @destination unknown; Eating disorders are classed as mental disorders. It isn't a thing about wanting one thing or another, it's more about brain chemistry they are finding. (Some think there are genes, etc.)

    Spoiler:
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    Good stuff! Managed another thing on my cooking bucket list, smoked salmon and leek soufflé!

    Might be entering a baking competition on Sunday in London, with a chocolate tart shell surrounding a dark chocolate-rose mousse on a bed of roasted hazelnuts, studded with redcurrents/cranberries.
    • #44
    #44

    (Original post by destination unknown)
    Lol guys this last page shows that you're really crazy!! sorry to say that but having nasty thoughts because some people are eating (it's part of life...our body needs it!!) and enjoying it at the same time, is just mental!

    Sort out your life! Seriously is just psychological...stop being disgusted by food. with effort and perseverance, you can change your "eating [it's more a mental] disorder".
    That really doesn't help...It's not "just psychological", it's a recognised mental disorder, with a genetic link and neurological symptoms. It's not a case of being disgusted by food - if you hang around the food forums for more than 10 minutes, you'll see that many people on this thread are the most regular posters there. It's like telling an insomniac to "just sleep more" or telling a drug addict "just stop taking drugs" - your body and brain won't let you without a ****load of willpower and often professional help.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate my bulimic self. 10 years of eating disorder and I cannot escape. My therapist is even shocked by the severity of my bulimia and thinks I should go IP. (I went IP age 15 against my will). I want to stop and to let go of the bulimia, but every time I fail. It's too scary to NOT vomit, too scary to keep food down and too scary not to have the crutch, the relief of bingeing and purging. I can't help myself and nobody else can help me. My therapist just says I need to be motivated.

    I am failing medical school and am so close to being kicked out. I hate myself for being so pathetic. Every time I need to study I just b/p and b/p and b/p.

    I often think about how I would like to die. I often wish I would have a heart attack in my sleep. Sometimes bulimics die of heart attacks, RIGHT? I wish that happened to me.

    I used to be an underweight bulimic. It used to be a very effective way to lose/maintain underweight BMI. Slowly and I don't know how, my weight has crept up and I am now at the top end of normal and I look SO FAT. I want to cry every time I see a photo of myself. I only wear dresses and leggings now because I look TOO FAT in jeans or trousers. I tried my old methods of weight loss and nothing happens. I am stuck as a fat **** and a bulimic headcase. I can't stop vomiting now because then I will get even fatter. It feels like there is no way out.
    Anon, you sound just like my friend, even down to the details of medical school and only wearing dresses and leggings! I'm afraid I don't have any advice but if you are anything like my friend, you're an amazing person and you will have wonderful friends who really want you to get better, and are totally willing to support you in any way they can. But don't do it for them, do it for yourself!
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by Anonymous)



    Anon, you sound just like my friend, even down to the details of medical school and only wearing dresses and leggings! I'm afraid I don't have any advice but if you are anything like my friend, you're an amazing person and you will have wonderful friends who really want you to get better, and are totally willing to support you in any way they can. But don't do it for them, do it for yourself!
    Wow, that is strange. Are you also a med student perchance? Maybe you are my friend?
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    Hi everyone, sorry for sort of jumping in the thread again when I haven't really posted since the first page, but I need some moral support today I had to buy some new work trousers today which meant facing the inevitble 360 changing room mirrors...I was disgusted I've been getting a bit rubbish with my eating again recently, my boyfriend says I'm 'skinny as ****' but I just don't understand how anyone could say that when I can see the same thing and all I see is flabby lumpy disgusting bits everywhere. I haven't eaten yet today nor do I have the hunger or desire to, even though I feel drained and horrible. Can someone please tell me that making the noodles and veg I was going to make for dinner doesn't make me a really horrific person? I just don't want to go back to that place after so long of being ok.
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    Oh god, I hate changing rooms. They never make ANYBODY look good. The lighting is yellow, directed to hit shadows into the worst of places, whilst reflecting at angles that can only go from perverse to 'oh bloody hell, I didn't even know I had something there.'

    Work this into your head from this day forward;
    Does food make you a bad person? Did eating destroy somebody else? Did it upset somebody?

    We are judged by how we treat others. Treat yourself in the same way that you hope other people treat themselves. Treat yourself kindly, be kind to others, THEN you will NEVER be a horrible person.
    • #44
    #44

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wow, that is strange. Are you also a med student perchance? Maybe you are my friend?
    I don't do medicine, no...3rd year Psychology, if that gives anything away?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That really doesn't help...It's not "just psychological", it's a recognised mental disorder, with a genetic link and neurological symptoms. It's not a case of being disgusted by food - if you hang around the food forums for more than 10 minutes, you'll see that many people on this thread are the most regular posters there. It's like telling an insomniac to "just sleep more" or telling a drug addict "just stop taking drugs" - your body and brain won't let you without a ****load of willpower and often professional help.
    Next time read ALL my post and not only the part where I criticized!
    Same goes to the 9 people who gave me a negative rep.

    For your last sentence, I do and don't agree a the same time.
    Sometimes, people suffering from a disorder just need something (an event...) to trigger the desire to change no matter how hard it is.

    I've volunteered for 2 months in a rehab center so I've met some addicts that no matter how much help you gave them (& support from their loved ones), they always blame the fact that they're trapped and can't get away of their disorders...so being optimistic and having a fighting spirit are essential for a change...if not you can get all the professional help or willpower you want, it won't make a difference.

    Whereas one patient was in this rehab center for approx 2 years without any improvement!! One day he received a letter from his mum telling him she has a cancer and has up to 1 year to live. She added that she wants to spend quality time with her little boy.
    I had 2 weeks left in my internship, but I saw some mad improvement in this lad...we kept contact via facebook and he told me he left the center after only 5 weeks. So proud of him

    Oh and the fact that all people who have some disorder (eating, drug...) blame the genes is just bull****! Stop giving excuses, you can reshape who you are..I was a very aggressive person (nearly got kicked out of school...both my parents have a this character), I taught myself patience by reading books written by experts and a lot of hardwork to apply the concepts to real life...but I still managed to change my behaviors.
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    (Original post by destination unknown)
    Next time read ALL my post and not only the part where I criticized!
    Same goes to the 9 people who gave me a negative rep.

    For your last sentence, I do and don't agree a the same time.
    Sometimes, people suffering from a disorder just need something (an event...) to trigger the desire to change no matter how hard it is.

    I've volunteered for 2 months in a rehab center so I've met some addicts that no matter how much help you gave them (& support from their loved ones), they always blame the fact that they're trapped and can't get away of their disorders...so being optimistic and having a fighting spirit are essential for a change...if not you can get all the professional help or willpower you want, it won't make a difference.

    Whereas one patient was in this rehab center for approx 2 years without any improvement!! One day he received a letter from his mum telling him she has a cancer and has up to 1 year to live. She added that she wants to spend quality time with her little boy.
    I had 2 weeks left in my internship, but I saw some mad improvement in this lad...we kept contact via facebook and he told me he left the center after only 5 weeks. So proud of him

    Oh and the fact that all people who have some disorder (eating, drug...) blame the genes is just bull****! Stop giving excuses, you can reshape who you are..I was a very aggressive person (nearly got kicked out of school...both my parents have a this character), I taught myself patience by reading books written by experts and a lot of hardwork to apply the concepts to real life...but I still managed to change my behaviors.
    I can agree with you when people are at risk of an eating disorder or have only just begun to enact the behaviours, say those following the dodgy let's go on a diet path usually preceding it, but after a point it is a genuine chemical imbalance that requires medical support and treatment to address. Some people with EDs reach a point where their brain has shrunk from the loss of essential fat that they're unable to compute much except the obsessions that have been ingrained in them for months beforehand; emotions such as optimism, hope, empathy, fear, the brain can't recognise them, they're not felt. Others, not only on the restrictive spectrum but those suffering from Bulimia, Compulsive Eating and Binge Eating Disorder for example, reach a point of such gross electrolyte imbalances and cardiac weakness that they're dizzy and light-headed and are trying their best to ignore gripping chest pains that they can't understand. Add to that that some AN sufferers enter a state of starvation where their vital organs shut down and leptin/ghrelin levels have been skewed to the point where the mind just doesn't register hunger anymore. None of these have the physical or mental energy to even consider an alternative, but it isn't for one minute through them "not trying hard enough", at its worst it's a physiological impossibility that requires inpatient treatment and refeeding before their brain and heart give in and it's far too late. Even following weight gain to the safe limit, it requires significant "refeeding" of both body and mind for normal cognitive processing to recur.
    Pretty much all long-term sufferers, even those away from the danger zones, have had their mind wired through unconscious behavioural conditioning over the course of their lives to a specific interpretation of events such as "what will happen if I eat X". These often contribute to other psychological conditions such as anxiety or depression that may have preceded the ED and are almost certainly exacerbated by it. I repeat, it's unconscious, it's habit, an involuntary movement, you don't even know you're doing it until you're told so. How can you possibly begin to change something that's becomes so habitual that you can't think of any other way it could have been done?
    I appreciate the gesture, and I'm glad you've managed to overcome your own anger issues through positive self-help guides, but this is perhaps a bit more complicated. If you need to know more, the Minnesota Experiment and the work of Pavlov might help explain what happens when an ED really takes hold.
 
 
 
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