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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by Riku)
    Fishcake, McCains (missed them more than I realised) and peas tonight, even with a chip butty! Alone in the house! I didn't even remember what a chip butty tasted like so that in itself was a wonder.
    I don't know where these sporadic bursts of exposures are coming from, frankly it scares me in case I end up wrecking my health after all, but I'm just getting so so sick of denying myself everything, food and play, and choosing to prolong a life of misery rather than risk a life with a bit of fun and a few laughs. Chip butty, Advent chocs, full fry-up, the pie and the Toffee Yum-Yum-where's it going to end? Two slices of cheesecake? Chocolate fudge? Telling myself that I'm just as damn good as those other kids in my year and perfectly capable in my own right even without having a pristine diet as if the very act of indulgence automatically made you the village idiot? Believing that I, who despite admittedly being out of top shape from lack of training still walks bloody everywhere and used to be a gym rat, am not going to keel over walking up the stairs because I had a burger sometime in the month when I find it quite plausible for my mates to get away with getting wrecked every other day and throwing in a Maccies with a cherry on top and remain f*****g prime athletes, because "they're not me"? Who knows where it'll end? The fear, that exhilirating feeling of being alive, it's kinda thrilling.
    Now if I'd move this from being about getting essentially cheap thrills from food and start taking action against unhealthy workaholism to allow myself to make the most of the next four potentially amazing years, we'd truly be getting somewhere. I think this'll do for now.
    It's true, food is just really nice. Don't overthink it, just enjoy it. The more your body becomes nourished, the more your mind will be.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    What IS normality?

    What IS the norm?

    I would LOVE someone to pipe up with a numerical value for it, be it a dress size, height, weight, or some other dimension which dictates a template to which we should be. Because if you should find this magical number, tell me who it was that dictated or determined that number in the first place.

    How heavy/tall/grey should an elephant be? Is a centipede with two extra legs a disgusting abomination or an exceptional miracle?

    I might seem like I am being abstract here, but think about it.

    The only thing we have in common is we are all human beings, right? That's it. The rest of it, we're unique. TOTALLY unique.

    "I should be ten stone, I am eleven stone. I must be overweight."

    No - eleven stone is perfect for a Billy/Joanne/Mick or whoever you are. You are the perfect representation and version of who you are, not necessarily WHAT you are.

    The norm is a BMI of 18.5-25
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by nutrition2012)
    The norm is a BMI of 18.5-25
    I'm sorry but BMI is a bit of an arbitrary bull**** scale anyway.
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    (Original post by nutrition2012)
    The norm is a BMI of 18.5-25
    I meant, more, psychologically. But BMI should not be the be all, end all.


    ED-sufferers always tell themselves they'll start their recovery tomorrow and fall into the daily habits. We infuriate and frustrate ourselves by teasing our senses, looking at tasty things we then purposely avoid.

    Since starting my recovery I've flip-flopped between "normal life" and "anorexic routine" which makes when I falter into the latter even MORE frustrating, because you KNOW what you're missing. Getting to have crisps and cake and cereal then falling back into the routine is gutting because you've learned to re-love life again then BAM! Back to misery.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I meant, more, psychologically. But BMI should not be the be all, end all.


    ED-sufferers always tell themselves they'll start their recovery tomorrow and fall into the daily habits. We infuriate and frustrate ourselves by teasing our senses, looking at tasty things we then purposely avoid.

    Since starting my recovery I've flip-flopped between "normal life" and "anorexic routine" which makes when I falter into the latter even MORE frustrating, because you KNOW what you're missing. Getting to have crisps and cake and cereal then falling back into the routine is gutting because you've learned to re-love life again then BAM! Back to misery.
    Do you know why you might do this to yourself?

    If you could maybe understand the reason and try to solve or approach it, maybe that may help?

    Have you been to a psychiatrist or psychologist to help you?

    I've heard CBT is quite useful sometimes
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    Yeah, if you look through the thread you'll know this is an ongoing emotional turmoil caused and catalysed by past stimulus of being an overachiever in life, and having achieved my ambitions, leaving my horizons empty (and thus creating a daily goal-centric, obsessive compulsive lifestyle for myself).

    I attend a psychiatrist weekly
    • #75
    #75

    Hi, i have a close friend who about 3 years ago developed an eating disorder that she told me about, but school and her parents found out and she went through therapy and seemed to be better.

    However recently i can tell she's lost a lot of weight (i think about a stone) and she looks like she's going back into old habits, as i never ever see her eat anything. She drinks a lot of water which i think may be to fill her up due to not eating.

    Does an ED ever go away? I was wondering whether you think i should mention this to someone because i can't understand why she hasn't gone back to therapy as it's clear she's losing weight so surely her parents must know. Please help me, should i talk to her about it?
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    Anon, an ED never truly disappears. Most mental illnesses never truly get "eradicated", but rather, a person learns to tame them more.

    If you think about it, it's a knowledge, a mental conditioning, a set of reasoning (rational or otherwise) - it would be like trying to "unlearn" something you've learnt. Could you forget how to ride a bike? Probably not, but you could try never being near a bike again! It's these kind of compromises you need to make to stifle an ED.

    You could definitely consider talking to your friend. When an ED takes hold, whether it's the first or the hundredth time, you become the best of liars; to others, and to yourself. Perhaps she herself is tricking herself she's healthy/healed and hasn't become aware of slipping back again...
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    First up - Fudge, you are incredibly brave and definitely smart to post what you've posted here. It takes real guts to admit you have problems, because the first stage is acceptance you have a problem. The second stage is letting others know.

    Some EDs form through reasons related to vanity, and others do not. Yours appears to be a bit of everything.

    The truth is you're at that point where your ED is trying to "re-teach" you how to let it take over your life again. Don't let it. It's saying "starve, starve!" but your true humanity is saying "Christ, you're starving, instinct tells you eat, for god's sake!" and as such, you're "re-feeding" the starved body. At the moment these feelings will be mostly physical but will soon develop into deep-seeded emotional musings that will envelope your day-to-day routine and have you neglect everything else.

    First up, do you have friends or a family member you can talk to about this with? Having a supporter is 100% your best possible help. To be able to vocalise what you're feeling and update it as and when these anxieties arise.
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, i have a close friend who about 3 years ago developed an eating disorder that she told me about, but school and her parents found out and she went through therapy and seemed to be better.

    However recently i can tell she's lost a lot of weight (i think about a stone) and she looks like she's going back into old habits, as i never ever see her eat anything. She drinks a lot of water which i think may be to fill her up due to not eating.

    Does an ED ever go away? I was wondering whether you think i should mention this to someone because i can't understand why she hasn't gone back to therapy as it's clear she's losing weight so surely her parents must know. Please help me, should i talk to her about it?
    Does an ED ever go away?
    I guess it's possible, eventually, but it can take many years and even then there may be scars

    Yes, I would talk to her about it. She may or may not wish to open up to you about what's going on. Accept that may happen, but don't think she is trying to hurt you or anyone else. She may feel trapped.

    Therapy doesn't solve everything.
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by nutrition2012)
    Do you know why you might do this to yourself?

    If you could maybe understand the reason and try to solve or approach it, maybe that may help?

    Have you been to a psychiatrist or psychologist to help you?

    I've heard CBT is quite useful sometimes
    I've seen 2 psychiatrists and countless psychologists, therapists etc. I can't say therapy has helped me much so far.
    • Welcome Squad
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    First up - Fudge, you are incredibly brave and definitely smart to post what you've posted here. It takes real guts to admit you have problems, because the first stage is acceptance you have a problem. The second stage is letting others know.

    Some EDs form through reasons related to vanity, and others do not. Yours appears to be a bit of everything.

    The truth is you're at that point where your ED is trying to "re-teach" you how to let it take over your life again. Don't let it. It's saying "starve, starve!" but your true humanity is saying "Christ, you're starving, instinct tells you eat, for god's sake!" and as such, you're "re-feeding" the starved body. At the moment these feelings will be mostly physical but will soon develop into deep-seeded emotional musings that will envelope your day-to-day routine and have you neglect everything else.

    First up, do you have friends or a family member you can talk to about this with? Having a supporter is 100% your best possible help. To be able to vocalise what you're feeling and update it as and when these anxieties arise.
    Thank you for your reply, , , but It's so tempting to just give in overall.
    I'm just confused as to what i want- I don't want to eat, but i do.
    I don't want to care about what i look like, but i do.
    I have a few friends, but they don't understand.
    And i could never discuss such a thing with family. They'd just try to control me like they did before.
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    Personal experience and shamefully so but...

    Spoiler:
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    you know you're enduring an ED when you consume 1600 calories in one day and think it's a "Binge day".
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Personal experience and shamefully so but...

    Spoiler:
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    you know you're enduring an ED when you consume 1600 calories in one day and think it's a "Binge day".
    TSR won't let me rep you anymore! But I 100% agree.
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    Toto's post just made me think.
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    I genuinely can't remember the last time I consumed more than 1000 calories in one day. Even before my relapse I didn't go over 1000. Well, that's healthy! :s
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    (Original post by ChunkyFudgeLover101)
    Thank you for your reply, , , but It's so tempting to just give in overall.
    I'm just confused as to what i want- I don't want to eat, but i do.
    I don't want to care about what i look like, but i do.
    I have a few friends, but they don't understand.
    And i could never discuss such a thing with family. They'd just try to control me like they did before.

    Fudge, I'm currently going through something similar in recovery. I decided to let myself try and not be so obsessively healthy in my choices from time to time and it explodes into what now feels like a "binge":
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Yesterday it was half a Yazoo Strawberry Milkshake, I'd ordered a chilli jacket as the main, not enough chilli made me desire more protein, ended up with 2 slices of garlic bread (?), gobbling one of my mate's KFC Chicken Strips the moment he asked and then an inexplicable Ben and Jerry's Core Fudge Sundae. Major sugar cravings. It's not actually the total calories now for me but the idea of empty calories, junking myself up for the sake of it like it's a contamination.


    But I digress. Every post becomes about me when it's not, it's about you, I've got to stop that and my therapist says as much...
    Anyway, it seems we're going through the same battle of conflicting urges and feel the need to "fight fire with fire", as it were. Many people with EDs or at risk have a tendency towards all or nothing mentalities-if we can't have it all, we won't let ourselves have any. This triggers the starve-binge cycle, when really all we want is normalcy.
    But then, I think as Toto already mentioned, what is "normal?" What is wrong being a unique and interesting individual who stands out from the rest of the crowd and gets noticed for daring to be their own person? Are we all supposed to conform to some robotic routine-work, rest, eat, sleep, repeat? Strive for the same basic goals and aspirations and never question what our purpose is and who we ourselves want to be?
    You don't have to follow either path, forcing yourself to become the same as the "beautiful" people, nor having to prove yourself as different and "special" by being "thin". (And again, I understand the feeling of thinking you can reshape your identity by dropping a few stone-wayy before orthorexia kicked in as the half-way house for me, I'd got sick of being known as the cuddly-bear and thought my life would change for the better if I lost the pounds ASAP. As you know, it doesn't.)


    I have a few friends, but they don't understand.
    And i could never discuss such a thing with family. They'd just try to control me like they did before.


    Hard as it may be, lying to your family that things are OK when they're still not won't make things any easier-the longer the game's kept up, the deeper the hole we dig. Perhaps if you could find some research or general leaflet on EDs and show it to your mum, would it help if she had some solid evidence that what you're suffering is real? Alternatively, have you looked into therapy or talking to your GP about this? There's tons of support out there if you're willing to open up and reach out. It's hard when families and friends can't understand why we behave as we do-but then, who can blame them? Do we really know why ourselves?

    I wanted to be healthy and happy. And i achieved this new perspective in life, and i was okay, I accepted who i was, and didn't hate myself as much as i had.

    Remember this, you said it yourself. Recognise yourself as a beautiful person in your own right as you are. Some things can never change, and some things don't need changing.
    :hugs:
    • Welcome Squad
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Fudge, I'm currently going through something similar in recovery. I decided to let myself try and not be so obsessively healthy in my choices from time to time and it explodes into what now feels like a "binge"
    :
    It's awful, when it happens. Trying to be normal, then the immense guilt when you just go slightly OTT and eat quite a lot.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    The guilt builds, and i Just feel immensly like a failure- huge,but not, Gah Its so confusing. i either go from one extreme to the other. Its awful- (i didn't want to leave this open for everyone to see, in case it caused some kind of trigger.

    Spoiler:
    Show

    Yesterday it was half a Yazoo Strawberry Milkshake, I'd ordered a chilli jacket as the main, not enough chilli made me desire more protein, ended up with 2 slices of garlic bread (?), gobbling one of my mate's KFC Chicken Strips the moment he asked and then an inexplicable Ben and Jerry's Core Fudge Sundae. Major sugar cravings. It's not actually the total calories now for me but the idea of empty calories, junking myself up for the sake of it like it's a contamination.
    :console:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    , I understand how you must feel. , I was so depressed and so angry, looking at myself in the mirror. I went to KFC, and ordered- a bucket. (my friends were there- but i bought it soely fore myself) I ended up eating 6 chickens and 2 bags of chips, whilst my friends sat there and called me 'Fatty'. , I then went home and did some bad stuff., :'(., Sugar cravings are the worst. Is that good then? so you're not concerned for calories/ restricting? or is this a way of counting how many you have left? Like say eating 5 bags of maltesers to take up your amount you're restricting?

    But I digress. Every post becomes about me when it's not, it's about you, I've got to stop that and my therapist says as much...
    Sharing is caring,theres nothing wrong with talking about yourself- at least you get your emotions out and don't bottle it up.

    Anyway, it seems we're going through the same battle of conflicting urges and feel the need to "fight fire with fire", as it were. Many people with EDs or at risk have a tendency towards all or nothing mentalities-if we can't have it all, we won't let ourselves have any. This triggers the starve-binge cycle, when really all we want is normalcy.
    Omg, yes.

    You don't have to follow either path, forcing yourself to become the same as the "beautiful" people, nor having to prove yourself as different and "special" by being "thin". (And again, I understand the feeling of thinking you can reshape your identity by dropping a few stone-wayy before orthorexia kicked in as the half-way house for me, I'd got sick of being known as the cuddly-bear and thought my life would change for the better if I lost the pounds ASAP. As you know, it doesn't.)
    I can't get back to that place of feeling beautiful. As much as i want to, it's too hard. It makes me cringe when people say oh, your pretty, its as though they're intentionally saying it to make you feel bad? It hard to explain....

    It's hard when families and friends can't understand why we behave as we do-but then, who can blame them? Do we really know why ourselves?
    :cry:

    Thank you so much for replying, it was nice to talk to someone who understands what its like. :console:
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Personal experience and shamefully so but...

    Spoiler:
    Show
    you know you're enduring an ED when you consume 1600 calories in one day and think it's a "Binge day".
    TOTO!! I thought you were the sensible, daddy figure here!
    • #50
    #50

    Feeling ugly, dumb and/or worthless are triggers for my b/p. But how on earth do I avoid feeling like that in the first place?
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    TOTO!! I thought you were the sensible, daddy figure here!
    Unfortunately, as with everyone with an ED, I have momentary lapses. When I do lapse, thankfully it lasts mere days now, as opposed to months as before.
 
 
 
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