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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Unfortunately, as with everyone with an ED, I have momentary lapses. When I do lapse, thankfully it lasts mere days now, as opposed to months as before.
    You're only human, and you do so much for everyone here, we should all be here for you when you need us. Just try to remember your goal and what you've been working so hard for and how far you've already come. We're all rooting for you!
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    TOTO!! I thought you were the sensible, daddy figure here!
    This thread is a family unit?!

    Jesus, one of the most dysfunctional family unit's in the galaxy. So long as I'm not the Grandmother I'm okay. On that note, my hazel-rose tart came in the top 6 of the baking competition!

    Gonna pop in something about weight redistribution.

    When we gain weight during ED recovery we tend to build the fat stores around the vital organs as those are the areas which need the most energy for healing and protection. When our leptin levels have normalised the weight redistributes to where we hold it naturally. Now this is the thing; Usually people say that this is gradual and happens over time.

    Dammit, I don't believe that any more.

    Back to one of my pre-ED issues, finding trousers that fit. My weight went back to it's natural areas in ONE WEEK when I was baking away (15 eggs I've been through!). My waist dropped an inch, my ass gained 3 or something. Not saggy, but bloody annoying having my trousers buttoning up everywhere except the crotch.



    Kay, people, junk happens. We eat junk food. Is it bad? Not as bad as people think.

    "Yesterday it was half a Yazoo Strawberry Milkshake, Calcium, Phosphorus, vitamin D/C/A/B, Casein... I'd ordered a chilli jacket as the main, Capsium, vitamin C/A in the chilli, Potassium, Vitamin A/B/C/E in the potato not enough chilli made me desire more protein, ended up with 2 slices of garlic bread (?) Full o' Vitamin B, with garlic compounds being found to help heart health. Cravings for Carbs get mixed up with cravings for protein as they both provide insulin responses., gobbling one of my mate's KFC Chicken Strips Protein, Vitamin B, Vitamin E, Magnesium, Phosphorous... the moment he asked and then an inexplicable Ben and Jerry's Core Fudge Sundae Pure yumminess with goold doses of calcium and all of those useful milk compounds.. Major sugar cravings. It's not actually the total calories now for me but the idea of empty calories, junking myself up for the sake of it like it's a contamination.

    Sugar cravings are natural, they generally happen when we crave ENERGY. You might not have noticed but your ear lobe was flashing red as your energy levels were so low like a camera!

    There are very few 'empty' calories. The only one I'd tend to avoid is alcohol, but even then it's been found to be helpful in moderation!
    • #75
    #75

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does an ED ever go away?
    I guess it's possible, eventually, but it can take many years and even then there may be scars

    Yes, I would talk to her about it. She may or may not wish to open up to you about what's going on. Accept that may happen, but don't think she is trying to hurt you or anyone else. She may feel trapped.

    Therapy doesn't solve everything.
    Thank-you to yourself and Toto for replying.

    Wow reading through this thread, you lot are all so incredible and i admire how strong you are even though it must seem so hard, but hey, everyone has their off days!!

    I spoke to my friend yesterday and she admitted that she has lost a lot of weight buy she doesn't talk to me any more because she feels like i'm 'watching her', what does one reply to this?? I told her that i'm trying to understand and i just want to be there for her if she needs a friend or anything but she seemed pretty reluctant to talk to me about it. I don't know whether to just back off and basically watch her relapse again or be persistent and make her eat.

    Would you rather someone take a back seat and watch you harm yourself and be pretty annoying/in your face but try and help you recover. I know i'm obviously no expert but i don't want to just watch this happen because it ruined her GCSE's and may ruin her A-Levels too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank-you to yourself and Toto for replying.

    Wow reading through this thread, you lot are all so incredible and i admire how strong you are even though it must seem so hard, but hey, everyone has their off days!!

    I spoke to my friend yesterday and she admitted that she has lost a lot of weight buy she doesn't talk to me any more because she feels like i'm 'watching her', what does one reply to this?? I told her that i'm trying to understand and i just want to be there for her if she needs a friend or anything but she seemed pretty reluctant to talk to me about it. I don't know whether to just back off and basically watch her relapse again or be persistent and make her eat.

    Would you rather someone take a back seat and watch you harm yourself and be pretty annoying/in your face but try and help you recover. I know i'm obviously no expert but i don't want to just watch this happen because it ruined her GCSE's and may ruin her A-Levels too
    I think I can understand the dilemma you're going though because it's kind of the same problem deciding whether or not to tell your friends about having an eating disorder. On the one hand you really want someone to talk to about it so that they understand why you behave how you do, and also you feel bad supposedly being close to people but keeping such a huge secret from them. On the other hand, you don't necessarily think you want to get better and you think if you tell people they'll always be bringing it up, breathing down your neck, making a big deal out of it if you don't eat dinner one day, and that if they see you start to lose a lot of weight they'll eventually get so worried about you that they'll feel it's their duty or obligation to tell your parents/someone of authority in your life and you'll eventually be forced into treatment against your will and your life could fall apart completely. At the same time you feel bad essentially asking your friends whom you KNOW care about you to basically stand by and watch as you slowly kill yourself. I don't know what the answer is, but I know if I told my friends about it I would want them to basically act as if they didn't know and trust that I had enough control over it (which of course is debatable in itself) to get myself help when I can tell I really need it.

    I hope that helped you understand a bit better what might be going through your friend's mind, I really think it's so great that you're trying so hard to do the right thing for her. You must be a really true friend.
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    Can't. Stop. Bingeing.
    But as you said Antiaris, maybe it's not as bad as I'm making out. The fact I consider eating two crackers a binge just goes to show how mired I am in disordered territory. And the amount of good stuff in a freaking KFC? Well, that's an eye-opener.
    I'm just getting really lonely at university. I'm deliberately shutting myself off from the true student experience-clubs, societies, gigs, nights out-in order to get the best grades possible, and to fill the void I'm either deliberately not eating, eating within what seem like defined parameters but are really entirely fluid, and eating for the sheer sake of it. I just destroyed my chances of making friends in the Disability Support Network by freaking out on the buffet table, straight from the fruit to the fruitcake. Then getting concerned about there maybe being mayo or butter on the premade sarnies (where's the logic? Maybe it'd help to stop looking for some when these things are clearly illogical).
    But anyway, it's not the constant eating that really bugs me. It's not even the fact I've gone from zero-tolerance of empty calories to deliberately ordering white bread with everything. It's that I'm choosing to lock myself out of the Student House of Fun just so I can get a First, when my parents and family have said outright to my face they'd prefer me to just enjoy myself. I'm lying to myself and saying it's their fault.
    Antiaris, I don't really know who I am anymore, I'm largely defined by my current mental state, who I was and what I can do for others in the same boat. How can I strive to be the best at being myself when I don't know what that is? How can I pluck up the courage to go out when for the past 18 months I've been "that shy kid who gets the panic attacks and eats really healthily?" I'm depressing myself trying to break out of depression, and I've gotta find some other way round it than just bloody walking away from the problem or venting it out on here.

    That's me done with. Nice work with the baking! :fives:
    You're probably getting over self-conscious about your weight and figure from being around the kitchen for so long. Besides, what size trousers you fit doesn't change the fact Grandma Antiaris bakes some of the most rootin'-tootin' pies you'll ever lay your eyes open, pard'ner!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Feeling ugly, dumb and/or worthless are triggers for my b/p. But how on earth do I avoid feeling like that in the first place?
    I think a lot of people here can relate to that, so you're not alone. :hugs:

    Have you had (or are you having) any help for your B/Ping? One of the things that talking therapies in particular can help with are looking at why you feel like that, and finding ways to help you overcome those feelings.

    Are you at uni at the moment? If you are, are you in any societies or sports clubs? One of the things I find is hate I tend to shut myself away from people when I feel ugly or worthless, but then too much time alone means more time focusing on those eating disordered thoughts too, if that makes sense?

    I know it's not easy though. All I can offer is that it can get better. x

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I spoke to my friend yesterday and she admitted that she has lost a lot of weight buy she doesn't talk to me any more because she feels like i'm 'watching her', what does one reply to this?? I told her that i'm trying to understand and i just want to be there for her if she needs a friend or anything but she seemed pretty reluctant to talk to me about it. I don't know whether to just back off and basically watch her relapse again or be persistent and make her eat.

    Would you rather someone take a back seat and watch you harm yourself and be pretty annoying/in your face but try and help you recover. I know i'm obviously no expert but i don't want to just watch this happen because it ruined her GCSE's and may ruin her A-Levels too
    I think a balance is a good thing. Unfortunately with eating disorders, when it comes down to it if a person refuses point blank to get help or to help themselves, there is not much that people can do until a certain point. And that can very, very hard to watch.

    But on the other hand, it is good to be in a natural atmosphere with regards to eating. So don't feel like you have to try and make your friend eat. Let her know that if she wants to talk to somebody you can be there to listen, let her know that you're not going to judge her and that it's your decision, and if she's still reluctant, leave it at that. If food or weight comes up in conversation, talk about it as naturally as you would to anyone - personally for me, I find it much easier to eat with my friends if we're talking normally and in a relaxed atmosphere, because feeling like you're being 'watched' can make you self-conscious and anxious enough anyway I guess!

    And if you feel that things are out of control for her, remember there are always teachers (or other professionals) that you can talk to. I know that seems like a difficult or impossible option sometimes, but sometimes it can be the best thing for somebody. And even if you don't want to mention names, it can give you somewhere to talk about it and get some advice.

    You sound like a very good friend. Look after you.
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by Liv1204)
    I think a lot of people here can relate to that, so you're not alone. :hugs:

    Have you had (or are you having) any help for your B/Ping? One of the things that talking therapies in particular can help with are looking at why you feel like that, and finding ways to help you overcome those feelings.

    Are you at uni at the moment? If you are, are you in any societies or sports clubs? One of the things I find is hate I tend to shut myself away from people when I feel ugly or worthless, but then too much time alone means more time focusing on those eating disordered thoughts too, if that makes sense?

    I know it's not easy though. All I can offer is that it can get better. x
    Thank you I've had to take a year out because of depression, and I'm only slowly getting help for that... but when I finally get a psychologist sorted I will tell them about my food issues, as I think the two things are linked somehow.
    It's true though that the more time I have, the more time I spend thinking about food... It's so annoying.
    :hugs: x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you I've had to take a year out because of depression, and I'm only slowly getting help for that... but when I finally get a psychologist sorted I will tell them about my food issues, as I think the two things are linked somehow.
    It's true though that the more time I have, the more time I spend thinking about food... It's so annoying.
    :hugs: x
    I think you're right, they are more than likely linked. I know for me the eating disordered thoughts are definitely related to depression at least (and it's a vicious cycle because when you're in the eating disordered mindset it's also harder to get out of the depression because of the effects of restriction/binging/purging on your body).

    I ended up having a year out of uni because of mental health related things (although in a different way - I intermitted after one week of my first year and then started again the year after!) and it was the best decision I could have made, so I hope it goes well for you. x
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    I was arguing whether or not to write in this thread and whether or not to be anonymous but after reading through every page and kept on thinking how good and brave you all are for writing here I thought I would give it a try.

    So ehm, hi. There is really only one person that knows about this and it feels odd for me to even write about it here. I can not really tell when this started properly. I have however always felt bad, had it really hard growing up due to the situation I had at home. I was always very aware of how I looked like and being told often as a kid, by people that I should had been able to trust, that I was ugly and fat and it went straight into me. I guess I was around 13-14 when I started to lose a lot of weight. I remember so often coming home from school almost fainting as I hadn't been eating all day. I remember once I got a piece of chocolate from my friend and I had it in the pocket of my jacket for really long and I was so proud over myself for not eating it.
    I lost a lot of weight during a rather short time. I was never super skinny though and I guess that is why people never properly reacted, or bothered to. I don't know.
    Eventually that stopped though and even though I maybe didn't gain all the weight back I started to eat properly again.
    And then now, for a bit more than a year ago, it just all came back, but worse. Not only did I start eating less but also I so often threw up after eating.
    Working full time and studying full time makes me so tired (obviously) and I tend to use that as an excuse for not eating properly.
    I hate the panic being so obsessed with food and what I eat and throwing up if I eat too much (in my mind). I hate going to the store spending ages looking at the shelves and wanting something that can have as little as 4 calories more than another thing and still not be able to chose that as there is something with less. And I hate to endlessly calculate in my mind, what I have been eating and how much I have left. And yet still I rather do that than hate myself if the scale isn't showing a minus.

    And then again.. I mean, I understand this isn't a healthy behavior but then again I am even too afraid to let my other half know as I am so afraid he would just look at me and laugh as I am not even close to being skinny which always makes me just question myself and this all over and makes it so much easier to keep on going like this. So I don't know.
    • #75
    #75

    (Original post by sentiment)
    I think I can understand the dilemma you're going though

    I hope that helped you understand a bit better what might be going through your friend's mind, I really think it's so great that you're trying so hard to do the right thing for her. You must be a really true friend.
    This really did help, thank you so much!! I guess i just don't want to watch anything happen to a friend if i can help prevent it, even though i know i can't control what she does/eats. I'm going to keep an eye on her but try not to nag her anymore!!!

    I hope you get better soon
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This really did help, thank you so much!! I guess i just don't want to watch anything happen to a friend if i can help prevent it, even though i know i can't control what she does/eats. I'm going to keep an eye on her but try not to nag her anymore!!!

    I hope you get better soon
    Thank you you deserve a medal!
    • #76
    #76

    I hate myself for eating and then I hate myself for starving myself and throwing up. You can't win
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    This thread is a family unit?!

    Jesus, one of the most dysfunctional family unit's in the galaxy. So long as I'm not the Grandmother I'm okay. On that note, my hazel-rose tart came in the top 6 of the baking competition!
    Yup. if you think this place is one huge colection of mildly mad people, you need to meet my friends.
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    I'm so tired of this endless cycle :cry:
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    I'm so tired of this endless cycle :cry:
    A million, billion hugs for you. The cycle is not endless, it may feel like it but you are still in control of your fate, so to speak. You can take control and tell your ED to go and suck it. Hugs again.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    OMG I think I love Toto even more now!

    I accidentally stepped on my PS1 Crash Bandicoot Warped game. I was not pleased! Did any of you guys play Croc? I always used to cry when Croc died because there was a fainting sequence and he was so cute! I wasn't a huge Spryo fan but that's because I was rubbish at it! I'm still searching for a PC version of Abe's Odyssey! That was an amazing game!
    Totally off topic and a while after you posted.. But if you'venot found it yet, Steam just had all the Abe games in one package deal on sale the other day so they're definitely on there

    I also need to post a proper post, but I can't because my boyfriend is sat pretty close and he doesn't know about what it is I want to say..
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    can someone remind me to please never look in the mirror again.
    • #10
    #10

    Im in mixed moods today.

    Yesterday I ate properly (1600cals) and kept it all down because i knew i had an exam today I wanted to get a first in. Its the first day in 3 years!

    So the exam was really difficult but Id prepared well and I was happy with it. But on the way out I saw my tutor (who knows everything about me, but hasnt seen me for a while) and he gave me an absolutely horrified look.

    Maybe its because i was wearing black skinny jeans and a baggy black top, id stayed up all night studying...but Im just worried because they are keeping a very close eye on me, im towing the line at not going into IP but only just.
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    Feel like a fraud being on here. I'm obese.
    I recently lost 5lbs, I was really happy, and still am, depsite how I lost it...
    I feel stupid about it, because I know I'm going to carry on like this for the next two weeks, then I'll binge because it's Christmas, then I'm working again, which is the perfect excuse to carry on eating like this.
    I don't even feel hungry/the urge to eat. so I don't. and it's working, but I KNOW it's so bad...
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    (Original post by Ruthie!)
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    Feel like a fraud being on here. I'm obese.
    I recently lost 5lbs, I was really happy, and still am, depsite how I lost it...
    I feel stupid about it, because I know I'm going to carry on like this for the next two weeks, then I'll binge because it's Christmas, then I'm working again, which is the perfect excuse to carry on eating like this.
    I don't even feel hungry/the urge to eat. so I don't. and it's working, but I KNOW it's so bad...
    Dude, you're not a fraud being on here. ED's dont discriminate - they hate everyone.
 
 
 
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