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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

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    Yo Ruthie. Love your posts on the baking threads! Don't worry, you ain't no fraud.

    The definition of an eating disorder in my book is when you see that you have issues with your eating patterns, and the effects it has on your over all mental health. The important thing is that you recognise that it is NOT RIGHT. Once you've faced that hurdle you can make plans on how to face that little demon.

    Are there any other underlying issues bothering you at the moment? Stressed? Bored? Edgy? Worried? Angry?

    Don't worry, you can flush them out with us.

    If you feel like you are going to binge simply distract yourself before you have the chance to.

    Write a note to yourself telling you that you should eat considered amounts of food, not simply starving yourself. (Your metabolism will screw up crazy like.)

    Tell yourself that you are worth treating with care. Treat yourself kindly.
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    I hate that I feel fat. All the time. I had to buy size fourteen shorts today because size twelve didn't fit me, and I've become really paranoid, more than usual these last few months. I feel like the weight is slowly creeping on me from nowhere. I don't eat that much, but it's probably my poor diet of pasta and bread that's piling on the pounds. I truly feel disgusting.
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    Not eating is making me so tired :facepalm2:
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    I've gone to running nearly 7 miles a day, 5-6 days a week, it's taking over everything. I've put on a couple of pounds in the last month or two (still haven't got a high enough BMI however) and people tell me I look "healthier" but it's like that word has just flipped something in my brain and I feel the cycle is about to start all over again. Just waiting for the food intake to go down and to fall into that stupid stupid trap again
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I've gone to running nearly 7 miles a day, 5-6 days a week, it's taking over everything. I've put on a couple of pounds in the last month or two (still haven't got a high enough BMI however) and people tell me I look "healthier" but it's like that word has just flipped something in my brain and I feel the cycle is about to start all over again. Just waiting for the food intake to go down and to fall into that stupid stupid trap again
    :console: Disenchanted... your poor heart. At a low bmi you're going to be doing so much damage to it with heavy physical activity. I know you won't stop doing it just because I said that, but please be careful. Even if it means running half a mile less a day/week.

    You're not alone with the "healthier" thing though - loads of girls in the clinic I went to had issues with being told that just because it translated to them that they had put on weight - but they would rather people didn't notice. You just have to remind yourself that these people are complimenting you, imagine if they did the opposite and said "God, you look so sick and tired" - you would probably be really offended!
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    The scary thing, Brie... at one point, to be told I was "sickly" and "near death" was some kind of official pat on the back that I was "doing the ED correctly."

    That was before my actual comprehension of what I was doing to myself, and "Doing the ED correctly" was akin to the phrase "the nicest way to murder someone" or "the most morally right rape". It's an oxymoron, it's incorrect, a contradiction.
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    Not eating is making me so tired :facepalm2:
    E, this isnt supposed to happen. We're not supposed to have two german studying peoples who resort to starving when **** goes down, living in the German learners soc. thread. Not eating will make you feel absolutely knackered, a friend of mine does that, then wonders why she doesnt sleep very much, is always tired and is off school so often.


    Is it wrong that I find it hysterical that the deputy head of 6th form thinks another friend is anorexic, just because shes really slim. The lass in question is 5 foot nowt, size 3 feet, she never was going to be huge, tbqh.
    • #50
    #50

    Cannot. stop. thinking. about. it.

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    I'm unable to have a conversation right now because my mind screams FOOD FOOD EAT EAT EAT EAT. Tempted to cook a 5 course feast right now, at night. What is wrong with me. I'm sweating because it's so hard to try and not go to the kitchen. What to do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Cannot. stop. thinking. about. it.

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    I'm unable to have a conversation right now because my mind screams FOOD FOOD EAT EAT EAT EAT. Tempted to cook a 5 course feast right now, at night. What is wrong with me. I'm sweating because it's so hard to try and not go to the kitchen. What to do
    If you have enough will power to simply type out those few sentences you have the will power to simply serve yourself a single decent portion of something for yourself.

    ED's aren't about denial, they are about control. In effect by being 'out of control' you ARE in control because you aren't following set food rules, you are following YOUR self imposed rules.

    I know this is probably too late as I was asleep when you posted, but for future incidents take this to heart.
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    :console: Disenchanted... your poor heart. At a low bmi you're going to be doing so much damage to it with heavy physical activity. I know you won't stop doing it just because I said that, but please be careful. Even if it means running half a mile less a day/week.

    You're not alone with the "healthier" thing though - loads of girls in the clinic I went to had issues with being told that just because it translated to them that they had put on weight - but they would rather people didn't notice. You just have to remind yourself that these people are complimenting you, imagine if they did the opposite and said "God, you look so sick and tired" - you would probably be really offended!
    Thank you. I know it's a compliment but my silly head can't see it that way and the stupid thing is I KNOW it's not an insult, but to me it means I'm losing if I put on weight. Truth is, I'm losing to the ED if I lose weight, so it's a constant battle.
    Thanks for picking me up a little though, always helps when someone listens
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    E, this isnt supposed to happen. We're not supposed to have two german studying peoples who resort to starving when **** goes down, living in the German learners soc. thread. Not eating will make you feel absolutely knackered, a friend of mine does that, then wonders why she doesnt sleep very much, is always tired and is off school so often.


    Is it wrong that I find it hysterical that the deputy head of 6th form thinks another friend is anorexic, just because shes really slim. The lass in question is 5 foot nowt, size 3 feet, she never was going to be huge, tbqh.
    Not you too! :hugs:
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    I wish that I could just have a normal relationship with food, but I feel terrible if I eat so then I go and throw it up or to save my time/teeth I just don't eat. It's nice to be in control of one thing at least, and lying about it is oddly satisfying


    I think hysterical is definitely the word :lol: People don't seem to realise that there's more to anorexia than just the fact that someone is slim
    • #50
    #50

    triggertriggertriggertriggertrig ger
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    I don't think I'm ready for recovery just yet. Purging gives me some kind of sick satisfaction, I'm almost proud of myself for doing it. It's the only thing I'm good at.
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    Not you too! :hugs:
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    I wish that I could just have a normal relationship with food, but I feel terrible if I eat so then I go and throw it up or to save my time/teeth I just don't eat. It's nice to be in control of one thing at least, and lying about it is oddly satisfying


    I think hysterical is definitely the word :lol: People don't seem to realise that there's more to anorexia than just the fact that someone is slim
    mm, yet the girl who doesnt sleep is probably the one with the ED. I haven't seen her eat in months.
    • #77
    #77

    I been slipping in and out of my ED for around a year now. When I first started seriously restricting, I read some article about how just 6 months of starvation could seriously harm your body. I kind of laughed at it because I thought by 6 months I'll be skinny and pretty and I won't even have to do this anymore. A year later, I can't ever imagine being happy with the way I look. If I'm happy with my hips one day, I'll be traumatised by my thighs even more. It's like the thinner I get, the more I need to lose.
    I got to my worst stage a few months ago, where I was counting my calorie consumption at around 400 a day. I kept a food diary in my bedroom to make sure. I was in the kitchen checking the calories on tea that night when my mum came down and told me that she'd read my diary. I fainted right then and there, making her even more scared! It was pretty crazy.
    After that I started eating again, just because I was afraid of the confrontation, but since then I've lost a hold on that. I feel better in myself when I haven't eaten all day. I feel confident and pretty and people just seem to like me more. I know it's psychological. I realise that people can't tell whether I've eaten 600 calories or 1000 calories today, but it just feels like I'm a better person if it's the former.
    I'm probably going crazy :rolleyes: It's just nice to write it all out. I don't keep a food diary anymore you see
    • #30
    #30

    I think I've lost a few pounds and I feel so much better.

    Isn't it weird that losing or gaining a few pounds makes such a difference to how you feel about life?
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    I have officially gained a half pound at my latest weigh-in! To celebrate, a picture of me wearing my new EPIC DINO HAT!

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...g?t=1323361438

    FOOD IS THE TASTIEST MEDICINE GUYS!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I have officially gained a half pound at my latest weigh-in! To celebrate, a picture of me wearing my new EPIC DINO HAT!

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...g?t=1323361438

    FOOD IS THE TASTIEST MEDICINE GUYS!
    Congrats! You're really inspiring and I do love the hat!
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    BMI has gone up to 20.6

    apparently this is good
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    Hi I'm new here Just wanted to say you are all an inspiration. I'v been battling anorexia for a few years now - it developed during university but i never lost enough weight to be taken seriously until this august when my bmi dropped down to 14. I've been receiving treatment and I've managed to gain up to a bmi to 15.5 - I now its not enough but I've been managing to maintain for a month now, although its been hard, but i feel so proud of myself. I hope to start gaining again soon once i've had some time to sort my head out (i've been suffering from depression as well).

    Anyway, recently i decided that i wanted to work in mental health and help people, using my experiences for good I'm going to take a graduate conversion diploma in psychology next september (well, if i get accepted!). I'm nervous as its been a year and a half since i graduated, but its given me a push to keep motivated. Knowing that I need to keep my strength in order to volunteer and gain wor experience between now and when i start studying again has made me feel like i'm allowed to eat again. I started eating breakfast again last week because i felt so positive. It's been ages since I ate breakfast!

    Sorry to ramble, but I feel so good about it, I really wanted to share it!

    again, you're all amazing Stay strong!! xx
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    Oh ffs. A confession for you all. I'm the world's ****tiest anorexic/orthorexic:
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    a) I apparently need "a bit more meat on me" but at the same time I'm almost overweight (or skinny-fat in BF%, anyway I have a belly, am ridiculously flabby and get puffed climbing a flight or two of stairs and doing 20 press-ups, that can't be good).
    b) I claim I'm "restricting" and yet probably eat around 2500-3000 cals per day. I doubt I ever have a day below 2000. When I get hungry I eat, and not always sensible things. Hunger feels dangerous, a threat which must be crushed, usually with food. I'm being told to "gain weight" and follow this advice like there's no tomorrow despite being well over 10 stone and 6'. The moment I feel a rumbly in my tummy I head to the kitche
    c) I claim I'm "eating healthily" but have king-size bowls of porridge for breakfast etc. and just downed tuna MAYO at the pasta salad bar. I'm "fat-phobic" when most of sandwiches are pre-packaged ready-meal style and primarily have mayonnaise or some other dodgy vegetable oil as dressing. I'm eating next to no protein compared to this. I like to add dollops of brown sauce on my bangers and mash, I like pigs in blankets, cheese is one of my favourite foods, I like to add Parmesan to big dishes of spag. bol., chocolate fudge is on my mind a lot. I do not know what healthy eating really is, I choose the "healthy options" in the nearest cafe, restaurant or chain-store and mainly eat out when my parents haven't cooked soemthing up, thinking this is a healthy practice. I can't cook, I can't even make poached egg on toast, beans on toast is tasking, I'm yet to make a full packed lunch. My entire appearance of being nutritionally aware like my love of classical literature is largely a lie fabricated by my pretentious ego to give myself some sort of rise in status above my working-class background and get me noticed by people apparently "above" me socially and intellectually in the dramatics society.
    d) I claim I have self-control but don't notice If I can't sleep, I will eat. If I haven't slept well, I will eat. like to stuff myself silly with bread and potato. I cannot even stick to a cake every other day. I just binged yet again on a giant orange and cranberry muffin, followed by advent choc, followed by the icing on said muffin, after lasagna. I was promising myself to hold back from indulgence until my birthday on Sunday and have not even managed that. It's a wonder I haven't developed diabetes during recovery.
    e) I claim to be a "compulsive over-exerciser" but cannot run a mile, in fact I'm scared to break a sweat. The most I do of the average day is walk to and from university, that's because I live at home and have to. I need to catch my breath when I run upstairs. I need motivation to go to the gym, if I'm tired or ill I skip it, if I feel a twinge in my chest I will leave the weights in case I've hurt something. I spend most of my day sitting on my ass either reading or on the computer, mainly the latter.

    Despite this food makes me feel anxious and depressed though not at the time, though sometimes it also seems my best friend. I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I don't understand why I've replaced a still very strong network of family and friends with food, even in my worst moments I was never this obsessive. I'm afraid of food and afraid of my appetite and I really do feel these habits-or the stress and frustration along with them I'm trying but failing to contain within so as not to hurt those I love-these are going to kill me.

    Rant over.

    Toto, Cinamon, awesome! : D
 
 
 
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