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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    I've got to do an assignment tonight so I bought a fruit salad and a sandwich. Turns out I'm allergic to kiwi fruit and I've just spent an hour throwing up and feel like crap. Seriously, I eat a fairly 'normal' meal and then my body rebels. For the last few days I've been fighting the urge to binge/purge and now my body has decided to purge for me. It just makes this whole exercise in eating normally so I can do my assignment with a clear head and it's all gone to s**t. :/
    not good on you kiwi fruit thing. I cant pick strawbs without coming out in this hideous blotchy rash, yet I can eat them fine. I feel delightfully on edge this evening. Havent a clue why and have felt like this since half 12 this afty.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    not good on you kiwi fruit thing. I cant pick strawbs without coming out in this hideous blotchy rash, yet I can eat them fine. I feel delightfully on edge this evening. Havent a clue why and have felt like this since half 12 this afty.
    Do you know why handling them causes a reaction and not eating them?
    Nothing's happened to make you feel this way (on edge, that is)? Or is it just a general 'strange' feeling? Not a disassociation thing, I hope?
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Do you know why handling them causes a reaction and not eating them?
    Nothing's happened to make you feel this way (on edge, that is)? Or is it just a general 'strange' feeling? Not a disassociation thing, I hope?
    Dad reckons its the hairs on the plants that set me off. Original source shower gel results in the same reaction, great fun when that flared up during my second GCSE Bio exam.
    No, suddenly came on at half 12 walking back from the co-op with a friend, its like when you know theres something your supposed to have done, but cant remember what it is. It's not a I'm not in my own body thing. Last time i felt like this, i had a panic attack a few days later, so this'll be fun if the voices in my head go mental in the middle of a german lesson. Sir will think its his fault, or if it happens in chem at the end of the week, the teacher will think i've gone completely mad.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Dad reckons its the hairs on the plants that set me off. Original source shower gel results in the same reaction, great fun when that flared up during my second GCSE Bio exam.
    No, suddenly came on at half 12 walking back from the co-op with a friend, its like when you know theres something your supposed to have done, but cant remember what it is. It's not a I'm not in my own body thing. Last time i felt like this, i had a panic attack a few days later, so this'll be fun if the voices in my head go mental in the middle of a german lesson. Sir will think its his fault, or if it happens in chem at the end of the week, the teacher will think i've gone completely mad.
    Is there anything that will calm you/ take your mind of it? Like doing something artistic/ making lists/ even focusing on something 'normal' like cleaning/ sorting through your wardrobe? (Seriously, this is the one thing that helps me to avoid going mental- menial activities that require no thought but a lot of focus.) And you get to feel all acomplished when you're finished.
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    The odd thing I've found is that if someone says, "let's go for lunch!" and we're right outside the place, and lunchtime is NOW - I'll just go for it.

    But if someone makes a plan of "lunch on Tuesday" or whatever, I think about it, I fret, I start to try to figure out calorie calculations, I try to factor, then I try to reason, then I make up excuses not to go, then I end up frazzling my mind.

    IT'S LUNCH.

    How odd that I do this when in the former scenario I just DO IT!
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The odd thing I've found is that if someone says, "let's go for lunch!" and we're right outside the place, and lunchtime is NOW - I'll just go for it.

    But if someone makes a plan of "lunch on Tuesday" or whatever, I think about it, I fret, I start to try to figure out calorie calculations, I try to factor, then I try to reason, then I make up excuses not to go, then I end up frazzling my mind.

    IT'S LUNCH.

    How odd that I do this when in the former scenario I just DO IT!
    It's because you rule with your tummy and your instinct, not the weird things in your brain that have manifested there... The ED monsters They whisper to you, and multiply quite rapidly and without you knowing. If you do something spontaneously, they don't have time to tell you their ideas. But let them fester, and they will tell you all sorts of things. Oh, and they're quite good at maths, too.
    This is why recovery takes so long - ED monsters don't die easily. But you can eradicate them one by one!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's because you rule with your tummy and your instinct, not the weird things in your brain that have manifested there... The ED monsters They whisper to you, and multiply quite rapidly and without you knowing. If you do something spontaneously, they don't have time to tell you their ideas. But let them fester, and they will tell you all sorts of things. Oh, and they're quite good at maths, too.
    This is why recovery takes so long - ED monsters don't die easily. But you can eradicate them one by one!
    I'm imagining Toto in a videogame-esque scenario battling ED monsters with a ray gun. In my head they look like the blubbery monsters in House of the Dead.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The odd thing I've found is that if someone says, "let's go for lunch!" and we're right outside the place, and lunchtime is NOW - I'll just go for it.

    But if someone makes a plan of "lunch on Tuesday" or whatever, I think about it, I fret, I start to try to figure out calorie calculations, I try to factor, then I try to reason, then I make up excuses not to go, then I end up frazzling my mind.

    IT'S LUNCH.

    How odd that I do this when in the former scenario I just DO IT!
    Funny you should mention this. I just got invited for a college reunion curry night. Dying to go, but I know curry night=heavy piss-up.
    Now I love my real ale, but one thing I've learn over the last year is nothing makes me lose it over food than a drink-considering a lot of these guys knew me as "that guy in the gym most lunchtimes" and not the anxiety-ridden, OCD-driven neurotic I currently am a lot, things could get awkward. If I don't drink, I'm gonna look a wuss and start getting the airheadead "man-up"s coming my way which'll piss me off no end. If I do have a few, here's a high probability of a quiet one turning into, "NO! GET BACK, LAMB JALFREZI, KEEP YOUR FILTHY, CALORIFIC, SALTY, SATURATED CLAWS OFF ME! NOOOOO!"
    Don't really want that to happen, tbh. I'd rather just talk to people, have a good time and perhaps get a bit messy.
    What to doooo?

    Liking what Anon's said though : )
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    I'm imagining Toto in a videogame-esque scenario battling ED monsters with a ray gun. In my head they look like the blubbery monsters in House of the Dead.
    http://oi43.tinypic.com/30iub9v.jpg I just made this :rofl:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    http://oi43.tinypic.com/30iub9v.jpg I just made this :rofl:
    This needs to be at the front of the thread. This is now the thread's flag and standard. :rofl:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    http://oi43.tinypic.com/30iub9v.jpg I just made this :rofl:
    Me again... Feel free to download and add guns or other weapons
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Is there anything that will calm you/ take your mind of it? Like doing something artistic/ making lists/ even focusing on something 'normal' like cleaning/ sorting through your wardrobe? (Seriously, this is the one thing that helps me to avoid going mental- menial activities that require no thought but a lot of focus.) And you get to feel all acomplished when you're finished.
    You will not believe how much I wanted to sit and play major scales all the way up and then back down the fretboard of my guitar at half 11 last night. If my acoustic guitar's strings didnt turn my fingers black, I'dve done it.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    You will not believe how much I wanted to sit and play major scales all the way up and then back down the fretboard of my guitar at half 11 last night. If my acoustic guitar's strings didnt turn my fingers black, I'dve done it.
    But you're feeling better today, I hope.
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    But you're feeling better today, I hope.
    noope. Still feel as anxious as ****. Was given the choice of doing past exam Q's on protein synthesis & HIV, or making a flowchart in bio this am. Went for the questions as they were a serious of really short things to focus on, rather than one big thing to get distracted on/ preoccupied with making it look pretty.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    noope. Still feel as anxious as ****. Was given the choice of doing past exam Q's on protein synthesis & HIV, or making a flowchart. Went for the questions as they were a serious of really short things to focus on, rather than one big thing to get distracted on/ preoccupied with making it look pretty.
    get out your guitar right now and play until dogs are howling!
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    get out your guitar right now and play until dogs are howling!
    very tempted, will try and concentrate on this biology on coral bleaching I need to do, then play scales until my fingers explode, THEN do the translation.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    very tempted, will try and concentrate on this biology on coral bleaching I need to do, then play scales until my fingers explode, THEN do the translation.
    Good idea!
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    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Good idea!
    otherwise my translation will be absolutely pants, and sir will take the micky/ get worried.
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    Making a Yuck or Yum list. So far my "exposure therapy" has been just that, diving into situations that scare the hell out of me, calculating how this is going to kill me, then doing it anyway to prove it won't. Except then I feel guilty or panic. Seems a bit pointless if I'm not enjoying it, not thinking about whether I actually like what I'm having but am just testing myself, in fact that's almost punitive and counterproductive. Certainly wasting a lot of valuable time, this semester's just whizzed by!
    Also I've noticed I pretend to be indecisive, saying "I don't mind" or "I'll have it if you are/don't want it" when really that means "I'm dying for this, but am really afraid of having it and need your reassurance and approval beforehand".
    So no more, I'm going to try and make up my own mind. Only way to turn food back into a friend is stop deciding what to have based on its chemical composition and start asking 3 questions:

    a) Do I need it? (i.e. am I hungry?)
    b) Do I like it? (Am I eating this simply because it's there? Would I have this if I didn't give a s**t about the macros or cals?)
    c) Do I want this now, or can it wait until later?

    Can't believe I haven't done this already. Am I just really slow on he uptake with how to properly use a food diary? When I was doing them in therapy most of my "feelings" were actually excuses not to have it.

    Still really unsure with the curry night too : /
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    Been told I don't have an eating disorder because I love food
 
 
 
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