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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

    • #46
    #46

    Period has returned after weight gain and has been a massive trigger
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    One Christmas, I ate an entire box of those chocolate orange variety segments! They're heavenly.. I long for that again - just eating because I like the taste of something. :^_^: No other reason.

    I want this Christmas to be different though.. For 4 years I have had unhappy Anorexic Christmas's and this year I want a happy one. I'm psyching myself up for it as well.. There are 365 days in a year and I've restricted my intake every single day. 1 day out of 365 where I relax around food and eat with my family will NOT make a difference at all! Everyone eats lovely food at Christmas and I should be no different. No one will judge me! No one really cares if I eat chocolate and turkey. (So long as it's not together...but why do I imagine that would be quite nice?)
    :jumphug: Best Christmas resolution I've heard yet :yep:

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    We've had one of those before. Anyone else find the smell of a box of roses at 9am make them feel really ill?
    Not when you've got in o that habit of : "Hmmm... what to have for breakfast... *sees box of Roses*"
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    (Original post by Lily Academia)
    :jumphug: Best Christmas resolution I've heard yet :yep:



    Not when you've got in o that habit of : "Hmmm... what to have for breakfast... *sees box of Roses*"
    mm. A friend of mine was like that yesterday.
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    (Original post by Lily Academia)
    I think this thread is a good place to be but would like to point out that eating an entire Choc orange is custom around Christmas, don't feel too bad about it.
    Those things are designed to be eaten in one sitting
    Haha! Thanks for saying that - Christmas makes me feel so guilty in general to be honest! I certainly don't wish it was Christmas every day!! ;D See what i did there?
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    Big long post about it on the Healthy New You thread but basically, all my disordered habits and anxiety around food comes back to the same thing-I don't know how to cook, so even though I'm so obsessive about being healthy to my family, when nothing's available I eat crap or nothing at all. So as a New Year's Resolution I was going to learn, and also how to make a decent packed lunch (rather than trekking to buy stuff/eating out). BUT I'm not sure whether this'll finally help me establish good eating habits and cut my mum and dad some slack some nights when cooking's inconvenient, or finally give myself the power to have complete control over my diet and send me spiralling into an ED. What do you all think?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Big long post about it on the Healthy New You thread but basically, all my disordered habits and anxiety around food comes back to the same thing-I don't know how to cook, so even though I'm so obsessive about being healthy to my family, when nothing's available I eat crap or nothing at all. So as a New Year's Resolution I was going to learn, and also how to make a decent packed lunch (rather than trekking to buy stuff/eating out). BUT I'm not sure whether this'll finally help me establish good eating habits and cut my mum and dad some slack some nights when cooking's inconvenient, or finally give myself the power to have complete control over my diet and send me spiralling into an ED. What do you all think?
    ypu wpnt know if you don't try.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Big long post about it on the Healthy New You thread but basically, all my disordered habits and anxiety around food comes back to the same thing-I don't know how to cook, so even though I'm so obsessive about being healthy to my family, when nothing's available I eat crap or nothing at all. So as a New Year's Resolution I was going to learn, and also how to make a decent packed lunch (rather than trekking to buy stuff/eating out). BUT I'm not sure whether this'll finally help me establish good eating habits and cut my mum and dad some slack some nights when cooking's inconvenient, or finally give myself the power to have complete control over my diet and send me spiralling into an ED. What do you all think?
    like someone mentioned you wont know if you dont try.
    However, if I look at myself, cooking my own meals helps me a lot, most of all because i know exactly what's in them and what's not. Also planning for about a week ahead what to eat and cook makes me alot calmer. I dont know if it is the healthiest of behaviours but at least for me that planning and being able to cook for myself makes me eat more, as in, in a healthy way and not too little as it too often happens when I dont do this.

    Good luck, i really hope it will be easier for you!

    (sorry if spelling errors and such, writing from my phone)
    • #75
    #75

    Hi, i've posted here before about a friend who has and ED and basically relapsed. The thing is that she only talks to me about it so i obviously want to be there for her...but, it makes me feel weird, like i should be doing the same thing.

    She's a lot thinner than me so i feel like i should be restricting because she is, i don't know where this mindset has come from but she tells me how she keeps from eating and how she hides things from her parents (which i obviously try and stop her from doing) and now i've strangely started doing the same thing. I don't know whether to tell her if what she's saying is making me feel like this, because she only has me to talk to about it...

    Aaahhhhh, what would you do if someone told you that what you were saying to them was basically causing them to start doing the same thing!?
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    Anon, it's a tough situation to deal with. Clearly you want to help her but if her behaviour is now causing you to do the same thing, you perhaps need to spend a little less time with her.

    Sounds really rough like you are abandoning her somehow, but as they say, a broken crutch is no crutch at all!


    I have a personal dilemma too.

    Today for the first time in about four months i have eaten what I would consider an absurd amount.

    Spoiler:
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    For several weeks I have been drinking a lot of alcohol and getting rather down on myself. I was perhaps purposely dumbing my mind from reality but I was getting more and more sick. I checked my weight and I actually had plummeted in weight to a mere 95 or so pounds. This was scary.

    Today I woke up and said, "Screw it, I need to do something." As a lot of my family are now finished up work, they're having cooked breakfasts etc - I joined them. Then for lunch a party of us went to a big indian buffet that just opened up; I had a few BIG plates, including cake and ice cream. Stuffed, I headed home and we watched some films, where I had a few pieces of popcorn then for dinner I simply had a couple of sandwiches with a wee packet of walkers baked crisps. But calculating in my head I've got to have eaten about 3000 kcals in total. I'm freaking out and at that point where I'm burping and it's... well, let's put it this way, there's no room for gas. I AM FULL. SO FULL.

    But I'm freaking out. It's like I was so desperate to stick it to the illness I was simply feasting despite feeling no hunger. I'm scared because despite the fact I've been eating less than 1500 kcals every day and being a drunkard for the past week and a bit, I know that there are at least two other "feast events" coming up this week...


    Hmph. And my mum says to me "you've hardly eaten, you only had pieces fer yer tea."
    • #75
    #75

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Anon, it's a tough situation to deal with. Clearly you want to help her but if her behaviour is now causing you to do the same thing, you perhaps need to spend a little less time with her.

    I have a personal dilemma too.

    Today for the first time in about four months i have eaten what I would consider an absurd amount.
    I'm gonna stop being such a wuss and meet up with her before Christmas, i'm sure she'll understand and hopefully still talk to me about how she's feeling but without so many details!!

    As for your dilemma, this is what you should be like at Christmas. Christmas is a time of celebration and being with family and i guess situations like that just come with it, but you shouldn't feel guilty. I know you're thinking who is this person, they don't understand at all but i know that eating less than 1500 kcals a day is not healthy. And neither is substituting food for alcohol.

    I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and hope that you can manage to enjoy Christmas as i'm pretty sure that you deserve it

    Could i please just ask you how you 'spoiler' something!??
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    To spoiler, use the [ ] keys to create an opening tag [text ] and closing tag [/text]
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    like this

    Hope that helps.
    You sound a good friend, but remember you can't help others if you don't help yourself! All the best and have a great Christmas.

    -----Need. New. Coping. Mechanisms.
    My 2 worst behaviours right now:
    1. Bingeing (I know how to stop this, but any more pointers would be great)
    2. Late night laptop-bash. Back from the curry night and it was great (first successful practice of intuitive eating in this situation, usually I just end up bingeing but got it just right tonight) but now I'm struggling to sleep. Yay. Would be nice to have a decent filling meal and still get a good night's sleep, always seems to be a choice between weight loss through diet or weight loss through insomnia and resultant stress. Although it's not just with food-everytime I'm nervous about something, I end up either with the GP, at a therapist/counsellor, or on the computer. It's practically an Internet addiction : /
    What to do instead, peepz?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Need. New. Coping. Mechanisms.
    Everyone is different - but I normally do some sort of craft when I'm struggling. Some people I met liked watching a comedy or going on the internet as a way to better cope with feelings but I personally need to do something practical. I would say do the opposite to what you would automatically do if you feel anxious - instead of isolating yourself for example, see friends or family. Go for a walk or browse the shops.
    • #75
    #75

    (Original post by Riku)
    Hope that helps.

    -----Need. New. Coping. Mechanisms.
    It does thankyou very much!!
    Hope you have a lovely Christmas
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    Everyone is different - but I normally do some sort of craft when I'm struggling. Some people I met liked watching a comedy or going on the internet as a way to better cope with feelings but I personally need to do something practical. I would say do the opposite to what you would automatically do if you feel anxious - instead of isolating yourself for example, see friends or family. Go for a walk or browse the shops.
    Thanks Brie. Old habits die hard, I guess.
    :hugs:
    ----
    Spoiler:
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    specifically my fear of fat. I hate it. I panicked on cashews today. I'm terrified of even EFAs Yet Mum still cooks with saturated/trans fats sometimes-she's started buying butter, always something with beef, "bit of cheese on top", making chicken jambalaya with chorizo tonight which I'm terrified of, etc. : / what to do? I'm trying to explain to her what healthy fats are but don't know how to explain without sounding like I'm OCDing. I don't feel supported in being a healthy eater, they still bring in cakes even though they know I'm at a bingeing phase. I'm so close to giving in and just letting myself slowly die. Don't want to really, but I don't think anyone's going to let me do otherwise.
    • #64
    #64

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    I'm having some problems, thought I'd spoiler it as I don't know what can trigger people.

    At uni I lost a bit of weight, doctor said I had an ED (which I kinda knew, but didn't admit it, but I'm starting to admit it now (even if it is just to myself)) Anyway, now I'm back home I've started putting on weight, and it's making me really stressed. I find I either eat a lot, or nothing. It's tricky not being able to decide what I eat like at uni. All I can think about is going back to uni and losing weight again.
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    Frustrated, infuriated and exhausted, I returned from weigh-in today at the therapists to find out I have dropped weight again; back to the seven stone mark.

    For a man my height (5'7") this is absurd.

    I explained to her that I've been avoiding my meal plan in favour of a more "Screw it, I need to gain so caution to the wind for Christmas!" approach. But she helped me realise I was constantly self-sabotaging. I overestimate my calories SO MUCH, purposely, that I was 1000 a day LESS just through shaving 40s, 50s etc here and there ("I had an alpen light bar, so what, that's 100" - er, no. It's 63.)

    She said to me, as I have lots of buffets and parties to go to that I should simply go mental. There is no such thing as too much when your bmi is less than 16. I explained that when I do go mental, I cannot understand I am full.

    You other ED sufferers will notice that the stomach pains you get, you can't distinguish whether it's hunger, satiety, or overindulgence any longer. I will literally eat until I cannot eat any more, but still have food left on the plate and think "I need to finish this, it is a portion" because I forget how to let my body dictate things as opposed to calorie counts or scaled portions.

    She says your body is not healed yet, so don't expect your mind to understand those sensations. EAT. BE MERRY. IT IS CHRISTMAS. When our bodies are healed, our minds will finally realise how much we were killing them.
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    Rang the services for a re-referral on account of beginning to binge and more advice on how to deal with uni lunchtimes/eventually living out. I know it's not just overeating because I can't actually stop myself now and sometimes it's hand straight in jamjar-style rather than specific treats or snacks. Still pending whether I'll get through but I'm seeing the docs about it on Friday, hopefully they can put a good word forward : )
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    Anyone else dreading Christmas day?
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    Weird question but have any of you experienced pica (eating indelible things, things that aren't food) in your ED?
    I've been trying to figure out where my problems started in childhood (to see if I'll ever be normal :sigh: ) and have noticed that my pica (I compulsively eat my own flesh in scab and other forms, it is disgusting, I know) is something that I have had for as long as I can remember, but relates to my obsession of purity in food (if I'm eating myself I'm a self sufficient machine, so surely I don't need anything else, sort of thinking) and my self harm. This really scares me that as a pre-schooler I can remember thinking this. I guess that all of the chambers in my anorexia 'gun' were filled long before I started to really think about weight. Ugh.

    On another note, I told a friend about my relapse. She listened but doesn't really understand because she comes from a rather horrible home and sees my life as pretty perfect. Am psyching myself up to fill out the uni counselling form in January.
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    (Original post by sophiemay20)
    Anyone else dreading Christmas day?
    yup. Not looking forward to xmas at all, theres one present under the tree I want to open, not so fussed about the rest. And theres FAR TOO MUCH food in the house.
 
 
 
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