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    I've never posted here before, but what the heck.
    I'm 15, and a recovering bulimic. I'm 5'0'' and weight about 37 kgs. I feel fat ALL the time, but am trying to push that out of my mind. I'm on holiday in Paris right now, and have only puked twice. Which isn't much of an accomplishment, seeing as before coming here I had only purged once in about 3 months. But I miss the feeling of being empty, of having a sore throat.
    More than anything, I want to exist solely on black coffee and cigarettes and I don't think my shrink will be able to help me. At all. I also have mild anxiety disorder.
    Sorry to rant.
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    (Original post by xAditi)
    I've never posted here before, but what the heck.
    I'm 15, and a recovering bulimic. I'm 5'0'' and weight about 37 kgs. I feel fat ALL the time, but am trying to push that out of my mind. I'm on holiday in Paris right now, and have only puked twice. Which isn't much of an accomplishment, seeing as before coming here I had only purged once in about 3 months. But I miss the feeling of being empty, of having a sore throat.
    More than anything, I want to exist solely on black coffee and cigarettes and I don't think my shrink will be able to help me. At all. I also have mild anxiety disorder.
    Sorry to rant.
    -hugging-. Babes 37kg is tiiny, thats not even 6 stone. You could have purged every day, and you haven't, so yes, it is an achievement. Lots of coffee + anxiety = bad times. I've consumed a can of relentless before a mock speaking exam. I didnt feel like I was in my own body, which was fun - not.
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Weigh once, take the scales away soon after. You like to weigh yourself because you can? You CAN'T.

    Wait until you're in a better mental state anyway, you are putting yourself in danger by weighing in the first place. Are you sure you aren't weighing yourself to feed the eating disorder? What exactly would you do with the information if you had your weight? If you are surviving so long why do you need your weight to prove it?

    Food for thought. (Punning it up man, yeh)



    Squiff, please give us something to work with here.

    What triggered you?

    Be careful, we know that alcohol sets you off. Be careful....
    My nan came round and made a comment about my face getting podgy, saying i should lose weight around my face. My mum went mad and I obviously refused to eat.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    So in my head I want to show her, she thinks I should lose weight, fine, I will and i've started. She'll regret the day she made a comment about my face. To be honest I want to stop, i've fainted already and I know I shouldn't start this again, I just don't want everyone to think i'm fat - which clearly people do.
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Weigh once, take the scales away soon after. You like to weigh yourself because you can? You CAN'T.

    Wait until you're in a better mental state anyway, you are putting yourself in danger by weighing in the first place. Are you sure you aren't weighing yourself to feed the eating disorder? What exactly would you do with the information if you had your weight? If you are surviving so long why do you need your weight to prove it?

    Food for thought. (Punning it up man, yeh)
    I don't think that would work- unless I destroyed them, I'd just weigh myself again. I've thought about using the 20p scales in the Doctor's, but they're not in a busy area, and I could just go back and back

    I'm not really sure why I want to. Tbh, it's probably because there are lots of things going on right now and I want to be in control of something (oh my, a rare moment of clarity ), but I would also like to be healthier and things. I need my weight to prove it because I like knowing numbers and things. Also, I don't knoe. I know it would hurt me at the moment (I've gained weight over Christmas) but really, I want to hurt myself. I've been abstaining from self harm and things, and **** it, I want to hurt myself. But that's not really a good reason, is it. Hmm.

    That was a longer response than I'd planned
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -hugging-. Babes 37kg is tiiny, thats not even 6 stone. You could have purged every day, and you haven't, so yes, it is an achievement. Lots of coffee + anxiety = bad times. I've consumed a can of relentless before a mock speaking exam. I didnt feel like I was in my own body, which was fun - not.
    Not so tiny, with my height! Thank you
    Been there. Try going to school on 200ml of hard liquor because your parents discovered your ed. Not. Cool. At all. I lived on black coffee and vomit for like 2 months. Life is hard.
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    (Original post by ZZ9)
    I don't think that would work- unless I destroyed them, I'd just weigh myself again. I've thought about using the 20p scales in the Doctor's, but they're not in a busy area, and I could just go back and back

    I'm not really sure why I want to. Tbh, it's probably because there are lots of things going on right now and I want to be in control of something (oh my, a rare moment of clarity ), but I would also like to be healthier and things. I need my weight to prove it because I like knowing numbers and things. Also, I don't knoe. I know it would hurt me at the moment (I've gained weight over Christmas) but really, I want to hurt myself. I've been abstaining from self harm and things, and **** it, I want to hurt myself. But that's not really a good reason, is it. Hmm.

    That was a longer response than I'd planned
    Then I think you have answered your own question about what to do.

    Don't weigh yourself. All it would do is cause harm.

    @Squiff; You've mentioned your grandmother a few times if I remember. She sounds kinda... like a horrible person. I would say no offence, but there is no way for that to be non-offensive.

    Do you feel you need to prove something to her?
    To prove her right?
    Because by trying to lose weight you are just doing exactly what she wants.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    My nan came round and made a comment about my face getting podgy, saying i should lose weight around my face. My mum went mad and I obviously refused to eat.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    So in my head I want to show her, she thinks I should lose weight, fine, I will and i've started. She'll regret the day she made a comment about my face. To be honest I want to stop, i've fainted already and I know I shouldn't start this again, I just don't want everyone to think i'm fat - which clearly people do.

    Your nan is horrid. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. One time, this girl who sat next to me in IGCSE-2 and is tall and skinny like a stick but fairly ugly said I was fat and that was my main motivation to stop eating. I used to write all over my hands "you're an ugly whore you don't deserve food you have to starve, disappear" and my target weight and how far I was from it. I understand the desire you feel to SHOW HER, but don't. You'll lose control, and it isn't worth it.
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Then I think you have answered your own question about what to do.

    Don't weigh yourself. All it would do is cause harm.

    @Squiff; You've mentioned your grandmother a few times if I remember. She sounds kinda... like a horrible person. I would say no offence, but there is no way for that to be non-offensive.

    Do you feel you need to prove something to her?
    To prove her right?
    Because by trying to lose weight you are just doing exactly what she wants.
    Hmm i just think that if i lose a lot of weight again it'll prove that i didn't need to and that she was wrong in what she said. Maybe i'm using it as an excuse to be how i used to be, I'm not sure.
    (Original post by xAditi)
    Your nan is horrid. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. One time, this girl who sat next to me in IGCSE-2 and is tall and skinny like a stick but fairly ugly said I was fat and that was my main motivation to stop eating. I used to write all over my hands "you're an ugly whore you don't deserve food you have to starve, disappear" and my target weight and how far I was from it. I understand the desire you feel to SHOW HER, but don't. You'll lose control, and it isn't worth it.
    She's made me feel so conscious and horrid though, so like you said, it's motivation. I want to write a reply saying that i'm not going to restrict again and i'm not going to let her get to me, but i can't i think it would be a lie. sorry
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    (Original post by squiff93)

    She's made me feel so conscious and horrid though, so like you said, it's motivation. I want to write a reply saying that i'm not going to restrict again and i'm not going to let her get to me, but i can't i think it would be a lie. sorry
    Don't apologize to me, hon. You're hurting yourself. I can't even believe I'M saying this, because I'm actually on your side of the fence. I've spent the past day discussing how gross I am with my best friend and he just goes "don't bother starving, it's just genetics, and you aren't that fat" and I'm just like ****ing hell you aren't helping.
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    Toto - you know that you won't have actually gained 4lb's.... your body will definitely have retained a lot of water from the christmas goodies. I'm glad to hear you aren't going to over-exercise... and don't restrict to compensate either matey
    I don't know why I'm going to use the word "Sadly", but Sadly, the weight stayed on me; sodium/water bloat usually subsides within a few days.

    I reckon my body's just had a panic mad-grab at those calories and just super-converted 4lbs in one day just to teach me a lesson!! Haha.
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    Im sorry to write on here, and i should really start a new thread, but i really need some advice.
    Ive lived with a lovely, beautiful girl suffering with anorexia last year, and this year another close friend has been suffering.
    She has got very thin and gone from size 14 to size 8 and shes about 5'8.
    She exercises alot, and feels the need to work off everything and more.
    She says she doesnt care about weight its more about how she looks in the mirror.
    She only eats salad, veg and fruit.
    Im not sure if she skips meals, but i know if she slipped up and ate a chocolate bar if she didnt have time to work it off she would have no qualms about skipping food to compensate.
    she claims to still eat three meals a day, but as i say tiny portions of fruit veg or salad.
    she buys alot of food but its all in her cupboard.
    shes SO moody all the time and snappy.
    Shes fainted on more than one occasion out of the blue.
    She hasnt had a period for months and months.

    what do i do. what do i say. she wont listen to anyone around her who love her. i just want her to be safe and healthy shes such an amazing person but shes hurting herself.

    im not sure if shes annorexic, or just has a varient of an eating dissorder? or what.
    but i feel like theres nothing i can do.
    she has to want to help herself. and at the moment she doesnt.
    i would just never forgive myself if something happened.

    thank you
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    (Original post by xAditi)
    Don't apologize to me, hon. You're hurting yourself. I can't even believe I'M saying this, because I'm actually on your side of the fence. I've spent the past day discussing how gross I am with my best friend and he just goes "don't bother starving, it's just genetics, and you aren't that fat" and I'm just like ****ing hell you aren't helping.
    Awh well if you ever want to talk about stuff i'll support you. And your saying it because it's much easier to know the 'right' thing to do than to actually do it. Other people can be so insensitive and often say the wrong things, even when they have the best intentions at heart.

    I feel like such a phoney for being on this thread, i'm no longer underweight, nor do i make myself sick. But I have issues with my body, self esteem and food which all seem to have flooded back
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    Awh well if you ever want to talk about stuff i'll support you. And your saying it because it's much easier to know the 'right' thing to do than to actually do it. Other people can be so insensitive and often say the wrong things, even when they have the best intentions at heart.

    I feel like such a phoney for being on this thread, i'm no longer underweight, nor do i make myself sick. But I have issues with my body, self esteem and food which all seem to have flooded back

    That'd be great. I honestly feel like people don't get it. Every time I make a comment about how I look they'll just be like "shut up, you're fine," and I'm like no, I'm not.
    Yes, he does have good intentions. He makes me eat whenever we're together, but he never says I shouldn't purge or starve or cut. When he saw that I was cutting again, all he said was "don't, it'll make you uglier" and I get that it was a joke, I just didn't find it very funny. He's the only guy who has seen me naked and he DOES say that I'm not fat but he never says that I'm thin. As a result of which I don't think I am. The problem is, I'm so focused on his approval, and I'm never going to get it.
    Yeah, I don't think I'm underweight either. 5'0'' and 37kgs is normal, I believe. I don't purge much anymore, or starve. But I have no self esteem what so ever. Which seems pathetic, given the seriousness of the issues some people are dealing with.
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    (Original post by xAditi)
    That'd be great. I honestly feel like people don't get it. Every time I make a comment about how I look they'll just be like "shut up, you're fine," and I'm like no, I'm not.
    Yes, he does have good intentions. He makes me eat whenever we're together, but he never says I shouldn't purge or starve or cut. When he saw that I was cutting again, all he said was "don't, it'll make you uglier" and I get that it was a joke, I just didn't find it very funny. He's the only guy who has seen me naked and he DOES say that I'm not fat but he never says that I'm thin. As a result of which I don't think I am. The problem is, I'm so focused on his approval, and I'm never going to get it.
    Yeah, I don't think I'm underweight either. 5'0'' and 37kgs is normal, I believe. I don't purge much anymore, or starve. But I have no self esteem what so ever. Which seems pathetic, given the seriousness of the issues some people are dealing with.
    Your weight isn't actually normal, eventhough you aren't tall you are actually underweight. Therefore you can in no way shape or form look fat, realistically you must look thin!

    Don't focus on his approval it is what you think of yourself that really counts, and to be honest that shouldn't all be down to appearance, especially not a number on a stupid stupid scale!

    I discharged myself from the ED services, and personally think i coped pretty well alone. Unfortunately now i can see myself slipping back into my old ways, this sounds silly but i want to restrict and restrict till i get to the weight i was and till i feel adequate enough to ask for help again.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    Your weight isn't actually normal, eventhough you aren't tall you are actually underweight. Therefore you can in no way shape or form look fat, realistically you must look thin!

    Don't focus on his approval it is what you think of yourself that really counts, and to be honest that shouldn't all be down to appearance, especially not a number on a stupid stupid scale!

    I discharged myself from the ED services, and personally think i coped pretty well alone. Unfortunately now i can see myself slipping back into my old ways, this sounds silly but i want to restrict and restrict till i get to the weight i was and till i feel adequate enough to ask for help again.
    You're right, the only problem is I think horridly of myself unless he thinks otherwise. Which is stupid. But that's the issue.
    In theory, it shouldn't. But in practice? My target weight was 35kgs, but I'm close to that now and it seems to high. I want to be 30. But if I ever get there, I know I'll want to be 25. And so on, until I disappear. It's a cruel cycle.
    I know what you mean. I actually like feeling vulnerable, getting dizzy, snappy, being hungry...

    We need to snap out of this!
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    (Original post by xAditi)
    Not so tiny, with my height! Thank you
    Been there. Try going to school on 200ml of hard liquor because your parents discovered your ed. Not. Cool. At all. I lived on black coffee and vomit for like 2 months. Life is hard.
    I've done an entire day at school and x country on half a yoghurt, but I've never tried it drunk...
    (Original post by squiff93)
    Hmm i just think that if i lose a lot of weight again it'll prove that i didn't need to and that she was wrong in what she said. Maybe i'm using it as an excuse to be how i used to be, I'm not sure.
    She's made me feel so conscious and horrid though, so like you said, it's motivation. I want to write a reply saying that i'm not going to restrict again and i'm not going to let her get to me, but i can't i think it would be a lie. sorry
    Atleast its not just me who restricts to prove a point. Always fun when you're spending 12 hours out and about, do a huge amount of walking and all you've consumed all day is a coffee, because the night previously sir basically had a go because you couldn't finish your meal was fun. Nearly passed out whilst in one of the museums, had i actually done it, atleast two of our group wouldnt've though twice about dobbing me in..

    Edit: Squiffy, don't go and get rat arsed to make you feel better, it doesnt work, and we end up with you posting 'I ****ing hate myshelf, if i were to die now noone would be bothered' and so on.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I've done an entire day at school and x country on half a yoghurt, but I've never tried it drunk...
    Don't try it. I've gone three days on just water. That's my record. Quite pathetic :P
    • #44
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    (Original post by xAditi)
    Yeah, I don't think I'm underweight either. 5'0'' and 37kgs is normal, I believe.
    It's not - it's a BMI of less than 16. You're severely underweight.

    Also to the last few posters - this isn't a game of "look how much I did on so little food" - those who win the game are the ones who lose in real life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not - it's a BMI of less than 16. You're severely underweight.

    Also to the last few posters - this isn't a game of "look how much I did on so little food" - those who win the game are the ones who lose in real life.
    But I'm 15 and have tiny breasts! Shouldn't that be factored in? I'm not skinny or bony physically at all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not - it's a BMI of less than 16. You're severely underweight.

    Also to the last few posters - this isn't a game of "look how much I did on so little food" - those who win the game are the ones who lose in real life.
    Also, according to this calculator: http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitn...eting/bmi.html

    I'm in the 6th percentile, 1% above being minorly underweight.
 
 
 
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