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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I've done an entire day at school and x country on half a yoghurt, but I've never tried it drunk...


    Atleast its not just me who restricts to prove a point. Always fun when you're spending 12 hours out and about, do a huge amount of walking and all you've consumed all day is a coffee, because the night previously sir basically had a go because you couldn't finish your meal was fun. Nearly passed out whilst in one of the museums, had i actually done it, atleast two of our group wouldnt've though twice about dobbing me in..

    Edit: Squiffy, don't go and get rat arsed to make you feel better, it doesnt work, and we end up with you posting 'I ****ing hate myshelf, if i were to die now noone would be bothered' and so on.
    what the actual ****. Since when did i last post on here drunk, erm i think that was a while ago. don't talk to me like i'm a ****ing alcoholic yeah. i have no intentions of getting erm quote rat arsed and ranting on here. actually i had no intentions of ranting, it's an advice thread, i needed some.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not - it's a BMI of less than 16. You're severely underweight.

    Also to the last few posters - this isn't a game of "look how much I did on so little food" - those who win the game are the ones who lose in real life.
    Shes not yet an adult and has size 4 feet, she not naturally going to be 5 foot nowt and 9 stone.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not - it's a BMI of less than 16. You're severely underweight.

    Also to the last few posters - this isn't a game of "look how much I did on so little food" - those who win the game are the ones who lose in real life.
    I hope you weren't refering to me, I just wanted help. My minds a mess and i'm torn between what i want and what i think i want. I'm just confused. Sorry if it came across wrong
    • #44
    #44

    (Original post by xAditi)
    But I'm 15 and have tiny breasts! Shouldn't that be factored in? I'm not skinny or bony physically at all.
    Admittedly BMI is less reliable for children and adolescents, but according to this you're still in less than the 5th percentile. Meaning that you're within the skinniest 5% of 15 year old girls. That's underweight.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    I hope you weren't refering to me, I just wanted help. My minds a mess and i'm torn between what i want and what i think i want. I'm just confused. Sorry if it came across wrong
    Yes. I'm just trying to get my thoughts straight.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Admittedly BMI is less reliable for children and adolescents, but according to this you're still in less than the 5th percentile. Meaning that you're within the skinniest 5% of 15 year old girls. That's underweight.

    That's impossible. My bones should be protruding in that case!
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    I want to get this thread back on track. No offence xAditi but your tone is somewhat pro-ana with some of your comments. You shouldn't be proud of sticking-out bones whatsoever nor use them as an indication of a massive mental disorder.

    I have a belly but I have an eating disorder and I am very underweight.

    Fat is no indication of a massive underlying issue and you should understand you have a large problem, probably moreso than many on here.

    Why? We have accepted we have big issues. You still kid yourself.

    The bubble is powerful but not impenetrable.
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    What the fudge monkering hell happened to this thread?

    Leave for a couple of minutes and it looks like bedlam has set in.

    Please people. Logic.

    @xAditi; You sought out this thread, meaning you had your suspicions about having an eating disorder and/or are severely underweight. We have confirmed these suspicions. All that is left is for you to take this on board. If you want advice, we are here to help.

    Bones protrude sometimes without us noticing. Don't forget that you are looking at you from a different perspective. Also you'd have tiny breasts due to having a low weight, not vice versa.

    @Snowflake and Squiff; Please, don't bicker. It serves no purpose other than to exasperate and infuriate. What was is what was. We live in the present, work on the future and learn from the past.

    @All; Comparing how bad your eating disorders get? Seriously? We USED to use spoiler tags for this sort of thing. Triggering.

    This thing about how bad you all got, here that? Silence? Yup, that's me not caring. It isn't about what was but about getting better.



    One of the most common issues with the eating disordered is perfectionism and competitiveness. Something to prove. Whether it is something to prove to yourself or to somebody else, it still becomes self destructive
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    What the fudge monkering hell happened to this thread?

    Leave for a couple of minutes and it looks like bedlam has set in.

    Please people. Logic.

    @xAditi; You sought out this thread, meaning you had your suspicions about having an eating disorder and/or are severely underweight. We have confirmed these suspicions. All that is left is for you to take this on board. If you want advice, we are here to help.

    Bones protrude sometimes without us noticing. Don't forget that you are looking at you from a different perspective. Also you'd have tiny breasts due to having a low weight, not vice versa.

    @Snowflake and Squiff; Please, don't bicker. It serves no purpose other than to exasperate and infuriate. What was is what was. We live in the present, work on the future and learn from the past.

    @All; Comparing how bad your eating disorders get? Seriously? We USED to use spoiler tags for this sort of thing. Triggering.

    This thing about how bad you all got, here that? Silence? Yup, that's me not caring. It isn't about what was but about getting better.



    One of the most common issues with the eating disordered is perfectionism and competitiveness. Something to prove. Whether it is something to prove to yourself or to somebody else, it still becomes self destructive
    Sorry wasn't trying to emphasize my disorder to be honest or compare my habits with anyone else.

    As for the argueing thing, I know how petty it sounds but I'm literally too angry at that comment, it was just plain rude. Especially since I sorted myself out a lot from those days, A LOT. I simply came to this thread for advice, support from people who understand, not to be labled as a rampent drunk.
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    Antiaris, once again, the most effective mediator. I try to be the voice of reason but Antiaris prevails.

    Comparisons are ridiculous because no person is the same. Should I really be in competition with a girl a foot shorter than me?!

    Christ no.

    Numbers mean nothing, but I am a slave to them. THAT'S the disorder.

    And you too, should recognise that.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    Your weight isn't actually normal, eventhough you aren't tall you are actually underweight. Therefore you can in no way shape or form look fat, realistically you must look thin!

    Don't focus on his approval it is what you think of yourself that really counts, and to be honest that shouldn't all be down to appearance, especially not a number on a stupid stupid scale!

    I discharged myself from the ED services, and personally think i coped pretty well alone. Unfortunately now i can see myself slipping back into my old ways, this sounds silly but i want to restrict and restrict till i get to the weight i was and till i feel adequate enough to ask for help again.
    Squiff, apply what you've said to Aditi to yourself! You don't need to focus on the approval of your nan (who frankly does sound like a *****) nor do you need to spite her by restricting/losing weight again. All you'd be doing by that is what she and your ED wants you to do, it'll achieve nothing. There will be thousands of complete *****es and dicks out there just trying to undermine your efforts and put you down because they're such losers themselves all they can do with their time is try and bring other decent folk down to their level. You're above that, you can prove your worth to yourself by being the best in who and what you are-screw the haters! But really, what's there to prove? All there is to be done really is to simply be, and love being.
    :hugs:

    ------------

    New revelation. I may be eating too much.
    This sounds so utterly counter-productive and ED-driven, but what I mean is, I feel like half the time I'm eating for the sake of it rather than because I want or need to, and that in itself is hindering recovery. I talk a lot about having lost my hunger signals and putting it down to lack of protein, depletion of EFAs etc., but thinking about it it could sometimes just be because, well, I'm not actually hungry? All comes down to being afraid to restrict so just eating to please others or ensure I don't lose anymore rather than I when I want to eat.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Case in point-making porridge today. Consistency on it's become terrible over the last two months rushing it of a morning before heading to campus (usually late and panicky), so it keeps spilling over. Dad ranted about it this morning because I'm repeating the mistakes of the past and he's seen me do a sensible portion and consistency before I started the course so there's no reason for why I keep messing it up now. He also accused me of being "greedy" which is muy triggering but there's a ring of truth in it considering I'm using his food. Fact is the bowl's full to the brim (these are sometimes soup bowls!) and it may just be slightly too big a breakfast for my needs or desires.
    I'm not actually that hungry of a morning and lately I think I've been giving myself too much, then getting incredibly anxious about it and losing my appetite. Often this results in me cowering in a corner from the effects of consistent over-eating and not much gets done to add to my day or help me feel better for a couple of hours. I started this year loving porridge but this whole losing-control-of-portions thing is making me become worried about even that healthiest of breakfasts. It's not just porridge-there's always, [I]always [I] the same response with brekkie (and any other feeding time) of waste-not, want-not even if it hurts. Kinda like I must have it all now because I might never get it again. "No, I'm not hungry right now, thanks" feels dirty to say even though that is not the same as restricting. It's a defence mechanism from when I was underweight and had no sense of satiety or hunger but I don't think it's always necessary now.
    So now, having just been out all day at my sis' panto and having a late but very filling lunch (big pub lasagna plus cake, beer and more cake, not sure whether I'm full or not but I'd assume yes), we only ate a few hours ago so I just don't fancy dinner. This plan is heresy; I'm supposed to eat 3 regular and structured meals every 5-6 hours every day regardless of my appetite, with small nutritious snacks every 2-3 hours to maintain metabolism, otherwise I'm being disordered! NO EXCEPTION!
    ...But what if that force-fed, rigid structure to meals is in itself disordered? Could it be more productive to let one meal slip sometime, accept I'm just not hungry so don't want or need to eat anymore tonight or if I do fancy something then a snack will suffice as I'm going to bed soon? Can I trust myself to do this as a one-off and on the odd occasion when the need arises without turning back to ED, go by what my body tells me rather than a pre-set plan? Well I'm gonna give it a go, hope it doesn't backfire as a binge
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    I have no idea how to get any help. I'm beginning to realise that's what I need- I'm not exactly sure what needs to happen, but it's clear that something does. The thing is though, I'm overweight. That's not an exaggeration, I actually am and like... yeah. I can't really go into my doctor's and say "I do x, y and z, even though I look the way I do" because I'm too scared that she won't believe me.

    But also, I need to sort myself out. I want to loose a bit of weight healthily and just generally be a bit fitter and healthier, but I've got no idea how to actually go about that- I've only ever lost weight by starvation and things. I mean, I know that you have to eat less processed food and just generally a bit less and stuff, but I don't know how, if that makes sense.

    And also, I'm massively scared of making myself unwell again. I played with trying to loose weight a few months ago and it quickly spiraled into not eating and trying to only eat x calories and things (the ****ing gym machines have a "calories burnt" thing :mad:) and I don't want to do that.

    All I want is to be able to take better care of my body by feeding it well and exercising it and things, but it seems to be all or nothing- I can eat lots, or I can starve, and I can exercise lots or I can lay in bed. Siiiigh. More mindless ranting.

    But does anyone know where I could try and get some help?
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    (Original post by ZZ9)
    I have no idea how to get any help. I'm beginning to realise that's what I need- I'm not exactly sure what needs to happen, but it's clear that something does. The thing is though, I'm overweight. That's not an exaggeration, I actually am and like... yeah. I can't really go into my doctor's and say "I do x, y and z, even though I look the way I do" because I'm too scared that she won't believe me.

    But also, I need to sort myself out. I want to loose a bit of weight healthily and just generally be a bit fitter and healthier, but I've got no idea how to actually go about that- I've only ever lost weight by starvation and things. I mean, I know that you have to eat less processed food and just generally a bit less and stuff, but I don't know how, if that makes sense.

    And also, I'm massively scared of making myself unwell again. I played with trying to loose weight a few months ago and it quickly spiraled into not eating and trying to only eat x calories and things (the ****ing gym machines have a "calories burnt" thing :mad:) and I don't want to do that.

    All I want is to be able to take better care of my body by feeding it well and exercising it and things, but it seems to be all or nothing- I can eat lots, or I can starve, and I can exercise lots or I can lay in bed. Siiiigh. More mindless ranting.

    But does anyone know where I could try and get some help?
    Hey, my ED and anxiety have caused me to get quite unfit after being in relatively good shape the last few years and I understand your dilemma. Congrats for me making that first step towards doing something positive for yourself!
    Don't be afraid of the docs, although some seem to believe you don't have an ED unless you're emaciated there are also those who understand the stereotypical ED sufferer is in fact very rare, are very sympathetic and willing to help you however they can. Also have you considered seeing a dietician to get a better idea of how your weekly diet and amount of exercise is right now and your guideline daily calorie allowance (because it's not a hard and fast rule)? Mine's helped loads and I'm returning for a little extra support if possible.
    Along with this thread I'm using the Healthy New You for support, they might be able to help you a little too. There's also lots of useful info on the Health and Fitness stickies about good nutrition and basics of exercise.

    Forgive me if this all sounds patronising, but I think what you might want to do is not look at it as losing weight, restriction, calorie-counting or anything like that because these are all destructive and negative perceptions that you know will trigger you from past experience. General rule, people with disordered thoughts should not diet. It's not about reaching X weight, it's about being happy with who you are and doing everything you can to show how much you love yourself.
    Nutrition is not down to a tee though there's myriad resources out there to give you an idea if you want to dig deeper. Something I harp on about a lot (dietician's mantra) is there are no good or bad diets, only good and bad approaches to food and weight. Instead try to see it as wanting to be a little more conscious with your food choices and general habits (food-wise and elsewhere) for your own benefit. It's a lot more simple than you think-stuff like swapping a chocolate bar for a piece of fruit as a snack most days, and then having a chocolate bar or something nice if you fancy it once or twice a week; choosing natural foods/home-made meals over processed and packaged stuff most of the time but allowing the odd pizza or takeaway in there sometimes; walking to college/work/your mates rather than taking the bus or train; using the stairs rather than the escalator; eating when you're hungry, stopping (mostly) when you're full or have had enough, know that you can come back to it whenever you feel hungry again, allowing the odd indulgence; not getting pissed every night...seriously, it all adds up!
    Oh, and fat does NOT make you fat, nor is it bad for you. You need a bit of all the food groups-carbs, protein, fats to name the basics. Fat in moderate portions is actually incredibly good for you and there's numerous benefits for it despite what you may believe. The only thing which is unhealthy is excess, restrictive eating (i.e. "good" and "bad" foods) and lack of self-care.
    Exercise-wise, you want to choose a sport or hobby you love and can get completely absorbed in the pleasure of simply doing rather than having to reach a certain goal ('cos really, it's a bit of fun at the end of the day). Team games are quite a good choice because they take you outside the exercise "bubble" ED sufferers often get locked in (me included) and helping you contribute to something greater than yourself.
    A bit of this, a bit of that, all in moderation. I waffle because in truth there's no exact science to better health and well-being, it's all trial and error, perseverance and belief. See it as your personal, self-empowered choice for a lifestyle change designed to give you greater content and happiness by taking better care of yourself generally. Half of that's taking care of yourself mentally, remember-healthy mind, healthy body!
    :hugs:
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    Toto, did you know about this?

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1871419

    EDIT; Found you are up for 3 of them! Congrats!
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Toto, did you know about this?

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1871419
    Wow, I'm a candidate?! No, I didn't know this!! Why am I a candidate!?! I'm humbled to heckery!!!
    • #4
    #4

    New Year's Resolution - to get back / maintain a healthier and happier relationship with food
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I want to get this thread back on track. No offence xAditi but your tone is somewhat pro-ana with some of your comments. You shouldn't be proud of sticking-out bones whatsoever nor use them as an indication of a massive mental disorder.

    I have a belly but I have an eating disorder and I am very underweight.

    Fat is no indication of a massive underlying issue and you should understand you have a large problem, probably moreso than many on here.

    Why? We have accepted we have big issues. You still kid yourself.

    The bubble is powerful but not impenetrable.
    I'm sorry, I didn't intend for anything I said to come across as pro-ana at all! I suppose you're right, it's even more crucial to address from a mental perspective that a physical one.
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    Final insight for this year; if I define myself by my mental condition, I become my condition. Spent an hour writing an essay about my ED, anxiety, OCD, then binged.
    You are all so much more than an eating disorder. You are a person before a condition. You are amazing people, ED or none.
    Happy New Year, all the best for 2012 : )
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    I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm going through the same kind of thing, so I know how hard it is.

    I feel I'm at some kind of loose end and I haven't even been properly diagnosed. I have all the symptoms of anorexia except I'm not underweight, i'm a healthy weight from a medical point of view. I also have all the symptoms of bulimia. What I do is if I eat a little bit of anything I can't stop. I go on a complete bulimic type binge where I just put everything I can find into my mouth. I'll lie about things - for example I'll say i'm going for a bath and go and eat on my own. Or i'll take my brother's food and then convince him he ate it. Unlike bulimia, I don't make myself sick. After a binge I'll just not eat for a good 3/4 days and exercise a lot.

    The worse part is I love food so much, . I enjoy cooking as well. It's kind of a no win situation: if I eat I can't control myself and binge and feel awful, if I eat a little I get angry that I have to restrict my portions and if I eat nothing I feel equally as bad and hungry.

    I'm lonely as well. I do have friends, but they're not very understanding. I don't think they mean to but they do leave me out of the picture . Maybe it's because I tend to avoid a lot of social events due to food. But still I just feel I don't have anyone in particular I can really trust

    I hate this thing I've got and everything it's doing to me but at the same time in a strange way, i'm scared to get better. I'm terrified i'll fail my exams but at the same time I hate going to school and can't concentrate on anything but food and worry about people looking at me.

    Sorry this was such a long bloggy reply, but I just wanted to get it out there.
    • #80
    #80

    I'm starving. I haven't had anything to eat since last year...

    (((Keep me anonymous, please!)))
 
 
 
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