Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Just received a letter from psychological services for a screening assessment/session with a therapist for the end of March.. and to be truthfully honest I think I'm going to cancel it and not ask for another appointment. I'm back to the stage where I don't want to get better, and I think my slot should go to someone who's ready. I've been on and off Fluoxetine for over a month because I just can't cope with the way it makes me feel, I'm meant to be going to the doctor soon and I just can't face him right now. Just feel like a complete mess and I don't know how to handle it. Doesn't help either that I've had the flu for the last 11 days, and my body doesn't seem to want to fight it at all.

Also, does anyone have a person that makes fun of their condition? How do you deal with it? My brother (who's 16) continuously makes gagging noises when he passes me and makes comments and jokes about the fact that I make myself sick. It's just so horribly and triggers me all the time.

Hey all

I've been following this thread for a while, because I suspected I might be needing to talk to people who understand before too long...

Potted life history (spoilered for BMI references and triggering websites):



Ta-dah! So here I am. I want to stay safe, and I think talking to people on here and supporting others as well as getting a little support myself will help prevent me from slipping down that path that I reeeeeeeeeally don't want to go down!

In reference to the item in bold, we share the same sign. What I've taken to doing is downloading a website blocker application for my internet browser and listing ANY sites I can think of. Normally I see it as too much of an effort to unblock it again. If I do make the effort though, I'm going to get a website blocker with a password and just spam the keyboard so I can never guess it.

brie, do you browse the internet with firefox. if yes, get leechblock and I think you can put a password in, or at the very least block them from 0000-2359 all week.

I use chrome - I have a website blocker which is why I suggested it. So far I've not needed to make a password to stop any "temptation" to look! If I ever convert to firefox I'll keep this in mind though, thanks!

Please at least try and see what the appointment is like. Maybe you'll feel different by then as moods tend to rise and fall when we go through this. I've gone back to my not-wanting-help stage too, but I know that may change again when my weight's hit a total "low" again. Don't lose sight of the chance of being free from this, and as for your brother, don't take it to heart. You can do this

Sophiemay, that sounds really tough with your brother – re others making fun of your condition That’s really awful! I imagine that he just doesn’t understand how painful it is for you, and I think that many people just don’t understand how these disorders are beyond our control. Maybe to many of them it’s simplified to the point of “why don’t they just eat?”. Do your parents know about your brother, could they possibly talk to him about it? Even if he can’t understand what it’s like to be in your shoes, just to help him understand that what he’s doing is very upsetting for you.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so low you can’t deal with the appointment right now I think what Disenchanted said is a really good point if you haven’t cancelled it already... as these things can take so long to set up, it might be a good idea to hold onto it and see how you are feeling closer to the time. I would really recommend that too... I do wish you all the best with it. And I do hope you feel more on top of things soon too and more able to cope. You really go through peaks and troughs, at least I do. I’m in a trough right now and not sure when I’ll get out of it, but sometimes it’s easier to cope than others.

I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.

Hey Anon I think you're being hard on yourself. Even if you don't think your problems are much, there are lots of things going on there. I can't go into details because I'm not a doctor or therapist so can't say for certain and don't want to misinform you. But that doesn't matter really-whether you can pinpoint a specific set of diagnostic criteria is irrelevant to the fact you're suffering and want, need help! We don't need to compare ourselves to other sufferers, and most of the time this ends up just fuelling our own negative and self-deprecating mentalities. It's easy to forget that there's no prize for who wins at an eating disorder-there are no winners in what can become a game of life and death.
I can partly relate having begun to do similar things myself, although no-one can ever truly understand each other's own inner battles. I can tell you there's a way out of it all that hopefully we can all find together.
Although I know this might sound crazy to you right now, it's not just the over-eating which is the main problem. It's all part of the same parcel that's your relationship to food and self. Your restrictive habits of eating so little are just as much as one-in fact they're almost certainly the physical reason for why you have the moments of overeating. It's the reason that dieting rarely if ever works-it's a natural reaction when someone deprives themselves of something to eventually obsess over it, and when it's something as integral to our survival as adequate nutrition it's a response built on instinct for countless generations. It's a natural impulse and you can't fight your bodily needs, so why beat yourself up about it?

But again that's not the real problem. Why do you feel your weight or how you look decides whether you have the right to eat, determines your own individuality and self-worth? Is it not enough to feel secure in the knowledge that you're an intelligent and unique person? Have you ever wondered if maybe one of the other girls wanted to be you? Just something to think about. You give yourself less credit than you deserve.
It's great that you recognise there feel ready to open up to us on this thread. How would you feel about speaking to someone in person about it, your GP or someone you trust? Would you feel comfortably speaking to your mum about it? I think it'd help if you feel confident enough to tell her how you really feel. It's hard when those we love don't seem to understand what we're going through.

Feel awful. Back home this weekend and just can't seem to stop binging on this "crap" - oatmeal / biscuits / nuts. This has inevitably caused me to throw up (I've probably thrown up twice/three times per day) and I'm feeling god awful - I think the lining in the inside of my mouth is practically wearing away.

It's just so annoying as I am so strict with my diet when I'm in my own flat. I don't buy crap. I don't even stock up the fridge that much (just get the essentials - some fruit, some veg and a pack of meat) so obviously I can't binge. However, whenever I go home, I just can't help myself. I tell my mum not to buy any of this crap but she doesn't seem to understand. Literally do feel like breaking down at times which doesn't help when I have all this ****load of coursework mounting up on my table. Rant over. God I feel pathetic posting in this thread (no offence).. but I don't know anyone personally who has been through this situation.

Thank you so much for your reply. I think you're right about a lot of things.
I don't have anyone to talk to in real life but so far this is OK. I don't trust people, am not 'allowed' to see my GP (haven't even got a clue who my GP is.. My parents are both some kind of medics and both think they know everything themselves and GPs are useless.. I'm still underage so I can't really do anything about it). Don't want to burden my mum with this as she told me lots of times she's so glad I'm acting normal now, I used to be a difficult kid (I'm mildly autistic and always had problems with expressing myself, dealing with people and my self-image, I've had therapy for this at different stages in my life) so I don't want to let her down. My relationship with my father probably couldn't be much worse- frankly, I reckon sometimes he couldn't care less if I'd starve myself as long as he gets his daily dose of TV and wine, so that's not really an option either. But I'll manage
Last week was as usual, today's awful, just hope tomorrow will be better. It's so frustrating that I haven't been able to change things yet, it makes me so angry with myself.

I can't cope with these constant feelings of guilt, shame and never being good enough for much longer. I spend all my time looking at thinspo and obsessing about what I have/haven't eaten and what I can/can't eat. I hate myself so much right now.

I used to be a cutter but I think I've replaced razor blades with not eating. I don't think I have an eating disorder, just dodgy ideas about weight and my body?

I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.

I know no-one has posted in this forum for aaagesss...but just incase anyone is out there..

I have anorexia (2 years this month since) and am starting to really struggle again.

The problem I'm having is that I have relapsed and know that if I don't get help soon I am going to mess up my 2nd year of A levels...but if I hold out at this weight until I've finished A levels then I will be messing up uni and therefore wasting money..

I have been given the option of going inpatient which would mess up my A levels but maybe it would be best to take some time out..? The issue with this is that I have to go in before I turn 18 in May because that's when insurance runs out...

I just feel sooo stuck because school is my life and I can't function without a routine...but I NEED to lose weight before I can recover or even go inpatient..

Any advice?

Thank you so much for your reply. I think you're right about a lot of things.
I don't have anyone to talk to in real life but so far this is OK. I don't trust people, am not 'allowed' to see my GP (haven't even got a clue who my GP is.. My parents are both some kind of medics and both think they know everything themselves and GPs are useless.. I'm still underage so I can't really do anything about it). Don't want to burden my mum with this as she told me lots of times she's so glad I'm acting normal now, I used to be a difficult kid (I'm mildly autistic and always had problems with expressing myself, dealing with people and my self-image, I've had therapy for this at different stages in my life) so I don't want to let her down. My relationship with my father probably couldn't be much worse- frankly, I reckon sometimes he couldn't care less if I'd starve myself as long as he gets his daily dose of TV and wine, so that's not really an option either. But I'll manage
Last week was as usual, today's awful, just hope tomorrow will be better. It's so frustrating that I haven't been able to change things yet, it makes me so angry with myself.

Feel awful. Back home this weekend and just can't seem to stop binging on this "crap" - oatmeal / biscuits / nuts. This has inevitably caused me to throw up (I've probably thrown up twice/three times per day) and I'm feeling god awful - I think the lining in the inside of my mouth is practically wearing away.

It's just so annoying as I am so strict with my diet when I'm in my own flat. I don't buy crap. I don't even stock up the fridge that much (just get the essentials - some fruit, some veg and a pack of meat) so obviously I can't binge. However, whenever I go home, I just can't help myself. I tell my mum not to buy any of this crap but she doesn't seem to understand. Literally do feel like breaking down at times which doesn't help when I have all this ****load of coursework mounting up on my table. Rant over. God I feel pathetic posting in this thread (no offence).. but I don't know anyone personally who has been through this situation.

Go to a GP. I had similar things happening with me. I just curled up in bed, hoping that they would go away.

They didn't. It's a result of your body beginning to shut down. Go to a GP. See your family. Whatever. You are at that critical point where you need to decide. Recover or die.

Choose recovery, please.