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    Anon, eat something. What can starving yourself voluntarily possibly achieve?
    • #81
    #81

    Didn't realise this thread existed so I'll post here too.

    I've been suffering from an eating disorder for the past couple of years and have come to the realisation that I should tackle it now rather than later.

    One on one counselling seems like the best route for me but I've noticed some local therapists seem to be charging extortionate fees (£40-60 a session).

    Will it be worth my money (and time) going to one of these guys? Would a GP be able to refer me one therefore bypassing fees (or making them cheaper altogether), or would posting on ED online forums be better value for money/ more helpful?

    Thanks.
    • #81
    #81

    Also, how can you tell the difference between bulimia/ gerd and a food allergy
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Anon, eat something. What can starving yourself voluntarily possibly achieve?
    He was 'joking'... Coz last year was yesterday.
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    I was aware that "since last year" implied a day ago. I just didn't link a serious mental condition to a fairly tepid joke as warranting a joke post, and took it as genuine.

    I mean, nobody is THAT thick-witted, surely.

    OTHER Anonymous, (Man, it's difficult to keep track of all you Anons), a food allergy is completely medical and involuntary reaction, whereas bulimia is the process of voluntarily purging despite having the rationale that it is illogical to do so.
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    Hey sorry, I'm fairly confused that that was posted because they PM'd me with a warning. I'm anon #6 and I simply posted anon because I thought I'd posted very early on in this thread and indeed I had!

    I'm sorry if that made no sense.

    I don't remember what I said last time but I never quite stuck to posting here despite having little support since I turned 18 and couldnt go to CAHMS anymore.

    Anyway, I haven't b/p since 8th November, after more than a year of it.
    So anyway hi il introduce myself properly another time
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    Kayla, nearly two months with no relapse? Well done, sweetheart!

    And might I extend my formal greeting to you and state you're incredibly brave to drop the "anon" tag here. Long may your recovery continue and you allow us here on TSR to give you the moral support you require to keep up your strength in your days of need.
    X
    • #50
    #50

    Today, I am starting recovery again. I've said it now. I have to stick to my word. After a not so great week between Xmas and New Year's, but I have to pick the ball up again. I am young, I want to travel, I want to get a good education and I want to have a wonderful social life, but I've realised that until I eat better, I can't truly be mentally healthy (although depression and bulimia go hand in hand... I'll also never be free from ED thoughts if I'm not truly happy. But I can do this!).
    What's the use of this, at all? Do I want to look back on my early twenties in about 30 years time and remember it as the time I struggled with an ED? No. I want to remember it as the most amazing time in my life so far. And in order to do this, I need to stay strong. No, I need to become much, much stronger. Starting right now.

    (If I can beat this, so can you, everyone in this thread)
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    Thank you

    Spoiler:
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    Before bulimia I guess I had anorexia which slipped into bulimia after so much restricting, which I guess is understandable. I put on weight from b/p since I was bingeing on things i hadn't had in nearly 2 years and having a lot of it- I stopped counting calories completely. Also the time I wasted doing it meant i never went to the gym.

    Now I feel I may be slipping into my old habits, which I feel is okay at this stage since they don't seem to be nearly as routined and strict (and I had very strict routines, all down to timing. I'd have to start preparing my food at 7:10pm and any later than that and I'd get anxious that I was 'late'.

    At the moment I'm trying to lose weight as I've been really uncomfortable at this weight for a long time, however I've always sort of had food as a comfort, to go home to binge secretly. Now I've stopped that and I'm quite happy. You don't realise how stressful it is when you're in that cycle!

    Yesterday I almost relapsed I've been working really hard at the gym, and last night I had some muesli and milk, which before I would've had as part of a binge I guess. I felt really sick and I thought I'd undone all my work in the gym so I was really tempted to purge but i didn't ...instead I used laxatives (which is bad too I know! )


    If anyone read that, thank you I know it was very long but they won't be as long as that in future

    Oh looking back its not as long as I thought!
    • #82
    #82

    Hi, I've just found this thread so I apologise if this topic has been covered before.

    I'm hoping to go to uni to study medicine next year, my applications going well and it's looking like I'll get the grades, but about 6 months ago I started relapsing into some old habits. I was diagnosed with anorexia 2 and a bit years ago, I've been 'recovered' for just under a year, but then I started turning towards bulimia and now I'm pretty sure I'm relapsing into my anorexia. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's worse than the last time. Anyway, my mum noticed something was up, and mentioned that there's no way I could cope with an eating disorder at uni. But she has no idea of the bulimia, or how bad it's gotten over the past 6 months, and that I've managed to cope with my A levels fine with it (so far). My ED has never really affected my grades, no matter how many times my therapist told me it would.

    I was just wondering really, is anyone ever successful at uni if they're coping with an ED, mild or not? I understand it's always going to be a lot harder than if you're healthy, but surely some people just push through it, manage to motivate themselves to study a lot, and manage to get good grades?

    Obviously studying medicine is really important to me, it's more important to me than anything. If I don't get the grades I have no idea what I'll do, I'd have nothing that means anything to me, (I don't know if this makes sense, I'm kinda rambling) but I just can't recover at the moment. I don't want to. I know that's terrible and I wish I could just be happy and healthy, but being at a healthy weight tends to make me a little suicidal at the moment, and I don't seem to be able to get out of bulimic habits in a healthy way. I also had a pretty bad experience with recovery. I am terrified of people finding out I have an ED, anyone at all, regardless of whether they are a professional or not.

    I feel like this sounds awful, I'm not promoting EDs and I really do wish I could recover. I'm just not ready to even consider it, and I'd like a bit of a warning if I am really destroying all chances of doing something with my life. I'm not looking for something to fuel my ED, I guess I just want to know of peoples experience of dealing with an ED at uni.
    • #46
    #46

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ..
    I can only give my personal experience...

    Since being at home for the christmas holidays I have found that being at home fuels my ED a lot more than being at uni does. However, at uni I have been exposed to a lot of foody situations which, if I wasn't prepared to try and embrace I would have found really tough.

    I don't have any experience with uni ED support services as no one at my uni knows about mine either, but I hear they are very good and I know they would be very helpful to me right now.

    Grades wise, I think i'd be doing a lot better if it weren't for my ED ruling 90% of my energy and thoughts.... but it has actually been a decent distraction and i'm doing ok so far.
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    It is incredible, how, as a sufferer progresses, the percentage "ED mind" to "real mind" changes.

    The resilience of the ED Mindset is absolutely terrifying. Even when you battle the ED thoughts down to being maybe 5% of your overall lifestyle choices/routine, it still takes up a staggering amount of time, effort and energy.

    And to think at one point, ED was all I had in life! Scary stuff.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    What an articulate and succinct way to put it, Antiaris. I never once assumed I had started a "new disorder" but perhaps was worried such a thing might develop as such.

    In some ways I think it started as a "screw you, ED!" - which then got a bit out of hand, and for lack of a better way of putting it, I was enveloped in this... bubble of helplessness as my mind didn't connect the dots. I just continued to eat even though I didn't recognise any feeling of satiation or hunger; I just ate.

    But the fact that I had about <2400 kcals on Christmas day and then perhaps 4500 the following day, that's a mere two days out of my ENTIRE LIFE I've overeaten; yesterday I went back to my standard 2000, but regardless, the aftermath shown on the scales.

    What I cannot fathom however is that the day after my "binge" I as only up one half of a pound, whereas the following day (today) I've gained nearly 4lbs.

    It makes it evident how people easily put on stones and stones with consistent overeating...
    Hi,

    I don't really post much on TSR full stop but I was browsing and noticed this thread and thought I would add my two pence.

    I am a *nearly* recovered Anorexic. I 4 foot 11 inches tall and currently have a BMI of 18 (Not posting my exact weight as it could be a trigger as it looks incredibly low. Bear in mind my height though - I'm pint sized haha) and am looking to be a BMI of 20 which I WILL reach.

    I've been in recovery for around a year now and have gotten from a BMI of 14 where I was literally days from dying to where I am now and I can assure you all IT DOES GET BETTER. It isn't easy and there I some days where I don't want to flippin' move but the drive to get better and to reach that BMI and a healthy body pushes me forward. I spent 7 months in hospital being re-fed and suffered a slight relapse when I was discharged but that is in the past now and I hope to never return to that point. I see a dietician once a month who weighs me (We don't have scales in the house) and monitors my progress. I can also email her whenever I want with any questions or if I'm having a low day etc and she'll get back to me asap which is tremendously helpful and I know I'm lucky to have this where others don't.

    I won't bore you with anymore stuff about my recovery but I just want to say (Don't hate me or give me an ear full of abuse for this because I am merely stating my opinion. I have been where many of you are and I'm concerned for your mental and physical healthy) Toto, why on earth did you eat less than 2400cal on Christmas Day as a recovering Anorexic?! You should be eating 3500cal PER DAY as a minimum as a young male in recovery. When I was in hospital there was a guy of 19 who was admitted and he was so underweight he was fed 5000cal a day. I scary amount of food yes, but part of this was delivered through protein shakes and in liquid form to make it more manageable. I'm a very petite 19yr old female and I was placed on 4000cal when I first went to hospital and now consume 3000cal to gain at a rate of approximately 1lb a week (I sometimes don't even gain that!) so will be likely to maintain on 2600cal when I'm recovered. I'm actually considering upping to 3500cal for a few weeks to rev up my metabolism and gaining. I don't know your stats but you have gotta be considerably taller than me and even if you were to lay in bed all day and do nothing, you need those calories to repair your body! By taking in less than 2400cal to recover, you are supressing your metabolism horrifically and will gain on less than what should be a maintainance amount! Yes, you will gain weight quickly to begin with but you need that weight. Anything below a BMI of 20 isn't ideal. You are at your most healthy between BMI 20-24. Please, please, please increase your intake. I'm not trying to scare you but you need to do something unless you want to be stuck eating a measly amount of calories and gaining weight easily in later life. You need to be healthy! Heck, I don't even know you and I want you and everyone posting here to be healthy! Please, please don't take offence from this because I am not bad-mouthing your efforts at all, recovering from ED is one of the hardest and most commendable things going and you deserve a huge amount of praise for getting where you are today. I want you to be healthy and know how hard it is. If you ever need any advice with increasing or parts of recovery feel free to PM me as I'll be more than willing to help.

    But to all of you, get those calories in and up. Think of your health and think of the future. You don't want to be stuck in this ED hell forever. Good luck guys! (Don't hate on me too much for this lol )
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    (Original post by SketchyStuff)
    Hi,

    I don't really post much on TSR full stop but I was browsing and noticed this thread and thought I would add my two pence.

    I am a *nearly* recovered Anorexic. I 4 foot 11 inches tall and currently have a BMI of 18
    Yay! Someone my tiny height
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    Feels stupid and potentially triggering posting this on here but...how do you all gain/maintain without (yeahh it's extreme but with binging and physical symptoms it's concerning me) diabetic/myriad health problems?
    Not gonna lie, my diet's ceased to be healthy. It's gone from obsessively healthy to trying to be healthy but consistently failing. Not just it doesn't attain perfection or the meal plan isn't precisely met (clearly that's the ED dominating), I'm just eating crap by necessity (probably 25% empty cals each day without even thinking about it and sometimes more trans-fats than real ones). I've flung from one extreme to another, even though my anxiety's started to take me to a more moderate approach psychologically. Kinda like I've been told it's better for me to let go, so I have and try to shrug it it off, but without even a degree of control I'm back at the mercy of everyone else and that's taking its toll physically.
    Spoiler:
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    Christmas cakes and chocolate, then more chocolates and cake, chicken and chips for dinner a few days ago, pizza New Year's Eve, takeaway last night (to be fair Mum was ill and that was a "challenge"), sausage and chips for tea tonight and Mum's actually frying them without even warning me...this isn't really fair anymore. Rantrantwhine.


    The only time I've come close to reasonably healthy eating is with Dad as we learn how to cook together. We had the treats which I really savoured but that's about it. The rest of the time, when I'm at home, it's just what's in the fridge or what Mum says she'll do, which isn't what it once was. She's stressed with work and overtired half the time so I don't want to complain anymore and add any burden on, but there's part of me thinking that our current lifestyle is contributing to that.
    My blood sugars must be going stir-crazy at the moment (dizzy, light-headed, blurred vision, sometimes splitting headaches). I already had quite a bit of sugar in the diet because I like mah fruit (and at least that's naturally occurring good stuff) but now I've re-incorporated treats by the dozen I'm wondering if this is making it worse and I'm just overeating.
    Spoiler:
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    Especially as sometimes I eat the "treats" there and then, in the kitchen, bent over the container. Or out of the jar with a spoon. Whyyyy?

    And of course there's the bingeing which is all part of the same lethal equation.


    I don't want to replace one label ("the healthy kid") with another, being known as the friend first to head for takeout and orders two like a madman.
    Spoiler:
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    (because I did: New Year's Eve, fried egg toastie and chicken burger at the takeaway, both white bread. AFTER the pizza. Plus fruitcake, the only thing I really wanted. I had mild interest in the others but no appetite, being honest it was the fact they were there, I hadn't tried them before and might not get the opportunity again. It all comes backs to the obsession I had with other people's lunch before ED kicked in and even asking if I could have it if they weren't hungry. Jesus, it's only a sandwich!


    It feels like recovery's being shoved down my throat now and is becoming disordered in itself. I know I was discharged but guess I'm finding it really hard to deal with the "reality" of diets now. My support systems have been cut off, therapy's ended, I might not get the referral back to the dietician and haven't heard from the docs anyway-I've just got to get on with it. But there's got to be a limit to how much we can all take, right?

    Plan for this year is to attempt normalcy and stop worrying so much (specifically, eat when hungry or when the mood arises rather than any sort of macro/electrolyte/blood sugar balancing crap). Learning to cook could help with this if I can get Mum's support, but that's a little tricky.
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    I think I have EDNOS. But the thing is, I like it.


    edit: Thanks for the neg, because that will make it better
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    I think I have EDNOS. But the thing is, I like it.
    Why do you like it? Eating disorders hate you, they hate everyone, no question about it.
    EDs are like the friend of very unfortunate children who want to be in your company and will tell people how cool you are, but only if you do exactly what they say. They're friends who will tell you you they love everything about you and then ***** about you behind your back. They say they'll stick with you through thick and thin, yet run for the hills at the first sign of trouble ahead. They will tell you be like this, do this for me, and then you will be great, you will be beautiful-but then tell you you're not there yet, there's one more little thing to do. They're never happy until you're beaten,exhausted and downtrodden and yet never seem to do anything for themselves. And the moment you defy them and say "no, I'd rather do it my way thanks" they turn ugly. Very ugly.
    In short, EDs claim they will make you great but really seek to destroy you. But only because really they're scared of losing you and their power over you, not the other way round. They're weak and cowardly.
    Please don't give yours the power to do this to you. You're better off without it.
    You can be rid of this false friend and meet the best friend you ever will-yourself.
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Why do you like it? Eating disorders hate you, they hate everyone, no question about it.
    EDs are like the friend of very unfortunate children who want to be in your company and will tell people how cool you are, but only if you do exactly what they say. They're friends who will tell you you they love everything about you and then ***** about you behind your back. They say they'll stick with you through thick and thin, yet run for the hills at the first sign of trouble ahead. They will tell you be like this, do this for me, and then you will be great, you will be beautiful-but then tell you you're not there yet, there's one more little thing to do. They're never happy until you're beaten,exhausted and downtrodden and yet never seem to do anything for themselves. And the moment you defy them and say &quot;no, I'd rather do it my way thanks&quot; they turn ugly. Very ugly.
    In short, EDs claim they will make you great but really seek to destroy you. But only because really they're scared of losing you and their power over you, not the other way round. They're weak and cowardly.
    Please don't give yours the power to do this to you. You're better off without it.
    You can be rid of this false friend and meet the best friend you ever will-yourself.
    :hugs:
    But it's the only thing I can count on. I know that when I skip three days' meals, I will be hungry, and then I will feel good about myself for a little while. People, they are not so dependable. I like competing against myself to see how much weight I can lose. I like feeling my ribs and knowing that my stomach is empty. I know it's bad for me and I will do myself harm, but I don't want to get better because it's one of the few things that gets me close to feeling.
    • #37
    #37

    (Original post by Etoile)
    But it's the only thing I can count on. I know that when I skip three days' meals, I will be hungry, and then I will feel good about myself for a little while. People, they are not so dependable. I like competing against myself to see how much weight I can lose. I like feeling my ribs and knowing that my stomach is empty. I know it's bad for me and I will do myself harm, but I don't want to get better because it's one of the few things that gets me close to feeling.
    You need to find help. Please see a doctor or someone who cares for you. You've recognised you may have the disorder. Please take the next step and tell someone
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    (Original post by Riku)
    ...But what if that force-fed, rigid structure to meals is in itself disordered? Could it be more productive to let one meal slip sometime, accept I'm just not hungry so don't want or need to eat anymore tonight or if I do fancy something then a snack will suffice as I'm going to bed soon? Can I trust myself to do this as a one-off and on the odd occasion when the need arises without turning back to ED, go by what my body tells me rather than a pre-set plan? Well I'm gonna give it a go, hope it doesn't backfire as a binge
    [/spoiler]
    I think rigidity during the first stages of recovery is key, but recovery steps up a little when one is able to break from the rigid structure, make rational decisions, not feel bad about it, and continue as normal. As lets be honest, everyday life will throw curveballs at us, and the ability to cope and be flexible is something that a person needs.

    On the other hand, i can imagine many people with EDs genuinely don't feel hunger even when they are, in which case it is important to have that last meal.

    I guess, if you know you have eaten enough according to your prescribed intake, then it would be perfectly ok to not have dinner, but maybe substitute it with a snack instead, so as to not get the 'yes i've skipped a meal' feeling.

    Are you able to share how it went for you?
 
 
 
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