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    • #46
    #46

    I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.
    • #48
    #48

    I can't cope with these constant feelings of guilt, shame and never being good enough for much longer. I spend all my time looking at thinspo and obsessing about what I have/haven't eaten and what I can/can't eat. I hate myself so much right now.

    I used to be a cutter but I think I've replaced razor blades with not eating. I don't think I have an eating disorder, just dodgy ideas about weight and my body?
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.
    You should go :hugs: doesn't matter what you tell them, just go
    • #81
    #81

    Feel awful. Back home this weekend and just can't seem to stop binging on this "crap" - oatmeal / biscuits / nuts. This has inevitably caused me to throw up (I've probably thrown up twice/three times per day) and I'm feeling god awful - I think the lining in the inside of my mouth is practically wearing away.

    It's just so annoying as I am so strict with my diet when I'm in my own flat. I don't buy crap. I don't even stock up the fridge that much (just get the essentials - some fruit, some veg and a pack of meat) so obviously I can't binge. However, whenever I go home, I just can't help myself. I tell my mum not to buy any of this crap but she doesn't seem to understand. Literally do feel like breaking down at times which doesn't help when I have all this ****load of coursework mounting up on my table. Rant over. God I feel pathetic posting in this thread (no offence).. but I don't know anyone personally who has been through this situation.
    • #84
    #84

    (Original post by Riku)
    Hey Anon I think you're being hard on yourself. Even if you don't think your problems are much, there are lots of things going on there. I can't go into details because I'm not a doctor or therapist so can't say for certain and don't want to misinform you. But that doesn't matter really-whether you can pinpoint a specific set of diagnostic criteria is irrelevant to the fact you're suffering and want, need help! We don't need to compare ourselves to other sufferers, and most of the time this ends up just fuelling our own negative and self-deprecating mentalities. It's easy to forget that there's no prize for who wins at an eating disorder-there are no winners in what can become a game of life and death.
    I can partly relate having begun to do similar things myself, although no-one can ever truly understand each other's own inner battles. I can tell you there's a way out of it all that hopefully we can all find together.
    Although I know this might sound crazy to you right now, it's not just the over-eating which is the main problem. It's all part of the same parcel that's your relationship to food and self. Your restrictive habits of eating so little are just as much as one-in fact they're almost certainly the physical reason for why you have the moments of overeating. It's the reason that dieting rarely if ever works-it's a natural reaction when someone deprives themselves of something to eventually obsess over it, and when it's something as integral to our survival as adequate nutrition it's a response built on instinct for countless generations. It's a natural impulse and you can't fight your bodily needs, so why beat yourself up about it?

    But again that's not the real problem. Why do you feel your weight or how you look decides whether you have the right to eat, determines your own individuality and self-worth? Is it not enough to feel secure in the knowledge that you're an intelligent and unique person? Have you ever wondered if maybe one of the other girls wanted to be you? Just something to think about. You give yourself less credit than you deserve.
    It's great that you recognise there feel ready to open up to us on this thread. How would you feel about speaking to someone in person about it, your GP or someone you trust? Would you feel comfortably speaking to your mum about it? I think it'd help if you feel confident enough to tell her how you really feel. It's hard when those we love don't seem to understand what we're going through.

    :hugs:
    Thank you so much for your reply. I think you're right about a lot of things.
    I don't have anyone to talk to in real life but so far this is OK. I don't trust people, am not 'allowed' to see my GP (haven't even got a clue who my GP is.. My parents are both some kind of medics and both think they know everything themselves and GPs are useless.. I'm still underage so I can't really do anything about it). Don't want to burden my mum with this as she told me lots of times she's so glad I'm acting normal now, I used to be a difficult kid (I'm mildly autistic and always had problems with expressing myself, dealing with people and my self-image, I've had therapy for this at different stages in my life) so I don't want to let her down. My relationship with my father probably couldn't be much worse- frankly, I reckon sometimes he couldn't care less if I'd starve myself as long as he gets his daily dose of TV and wine, so that's not really an option either. But I'll manage
    Last week was as usual, today's awful, just hope tomorrow will be better. It's so frustrating that I haven't been able to change things yet, it makes me so angry with myself.

    :hugs:
    • #86
    #86

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Feel awful. Back home this weekend and just can't seem to stop binging on this "crap" - oatmeal / biscuits / nuts. This has inevitably caused me to throw up (I've probably thrown up twice/three times per day) and I'm feeling god awful - I think the lining in the inside of my mouth is practically wearing away.

    It's just so annoying as I am so strict with my diet when I'm in my own flat. I don't buy crap. I don't even stock up the fridge that much (just get the essentials - some fruit, some veg and a pack of meat) so obviously I can't binge. However, whenever I go home, I just can't help myself. I tell my mum not to buy any of this crap but she doesn't seem to understand. Literally do feel like breaking down at times which doesn't help when I have all this ****load of coursework mounting up on my table. Rant over. God I feel pathetic posting in this thread (no offence).. but I don't know anyone personally who has been through this situation.
    Oh gosh the second paragraph is like reading the story of my life:eek:, same situation with me, my mum just buys loads of junk food and I keep telling her not to but of course she doesn't listen to me. She's obese as well and is starting to get a lot of obesity related diseases e.g diabetes and because currently my BMI is in the normal range I eat a lot of the junk food at home so she doesn't, but it's causing me to gain weight/leading to a ****ing eating disorder She also doesn't know that I binge eat when I'm at home and I restrict when I'm away from home, and I really don't want to tell her, I just want to sort it out myself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your reply. I think you're right about a lot of things.
    I don't have anyone to talk to in real life but so far this is OK. I don't trust people, am not 'allowed' to see my GP (haven't even got a clue who my GP is.. My parents are both some kind of medics and both think they know everything themselves and GPs are useless.. I'm still underage so I can't really do anything about it). Don't want to burden my mum with this as she told me lots of times she's so glad I'm acting normal now, I used to be a difficult kid (I'm mildly autistic and always had problems with expressing myself, dealing with people and my self-image, I've had therapy for this at different stages in my life) so I don't want to let her down. My relationship with my father probably couldn't be much worse- frankly, I reckon sometimes he couldn't care less if I'd starve myself as long as he gets his daily dose of TV and wine, so that's not really an option either. But I'll manage
    Last week was as usual, today's awful, just hope tomorrow will be better. It's so frustrating that I haven't been able to change things yet, it makes me so angry with myself.

    :hugs:
    Trust me, if you burden your mum and dad with your difficulties that's only because you absolutely every right to do so-they're your parents, that's what they're there for! Especially as you're under-age, they're legally obliged to look after your best interests. But besides that, not sure about your dad and I understand that might be a touchy subject but I think your mum does really care but just isn't sure how to cope, which is a normal reaction for loved ones of sufferers, but isn't your fault.
    Regardless of whether your parents are in the know medically, if you don't feel comfortable talking to them (and from what you've said your dad doesn't sound worth confiding in anyway) then I'd seriously recommend looking up your local GP in the Yellow Pages or online. You are allowed to see them and get advice on your own, it's just that if you join any medication, enter therapy or the docs consider you at risk then being underage they'll have to let them know as well. So if you were referred, your parents would have to know somewhere down the line but I think if you make the first move it'll show them that for you this is more serious than just a diet. It doesn't have to be a GP, maybe the NHS Triage services, local helplines...?
    I think it's important for you to make that first step though, it's nice that you're hopeful and optimistic for the future but the best way we can help ourselves to change our ways for the better is to make those changes happen. I understand it's incredibly scary and so much easier to just go it alone, but I hope you'll be strong enough to find the help and support you need. EDs are horrible demons to face alone, I know everyone says this of everything but it's because it's true-you don't have to suffer in silence.
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't cope with these constant feelings of guilt, shame and never being good enough for much longer. I spend all my time looking at thinspo and obsessing about what I have/haven't eaten and what I can/can't eat. I hate myself so much right now.

    I used to be a cutter but I think I've replaced razor blades with not eating. I don't think I have an eating disorder, just dodgy ideas about weight and my body?
    What you have described IS an eating disorder. An eating disorder is when you use food to control emotional issues.

    Cutting to starving? Not unusual, but severely awful all the same.

    Darling, don't hate yourself. There are so may things in this world that DESERVE hate, but you are not one of them. You haven't killed, you haven't maimed, you haven't murdered. You don't deserve what you are doing to yourself. You are not bad.

    You need some sort of emotional outlet. Run. Paint. Talk. Write. Sing. Just do it. You don't have to be good at it, just use it to get rid of he stuff inside of you. People seem to think you need to be good at these things to do them, otherwise what's the point? The point is for it to make you feel... let out. The flurry of the soul, the touching of a dream. Whatever. I don't pee to be good at peeing, I piss to let out the water. See what I mean?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.
    Go to a GP. I had similar things happening with me. I just curled up in bed, hoping that they would go away.

    They didn't. It's a result of your body beginning to shut down. Go to a GP. See your family. Whatever. You are at that critical point where you need to decide. Recover or die.

    Choose recovery, please.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know no-one has posted in this forum for aaagesss...but just incase anyone is out there..

    I have anorexia (2 years this month since) and am starting to really struggle again.

    The problem I'm having is that I have relapsed and know that if I don't get help soon I am going to mess up my 2nd year of A levels...but if I hold out at this weight until I've finished A levels then I will be messing up uni and therefore wasting money..

    I have been given the option of going inpatient which would mess up my A levels but maybe it would be best to take some time out..? The issue with this is that I have to go in before I turn 18 in May because that's when insurance runs out...

    I just feel sooo stuck because school is my life and I can't function without a routine...but I NEED to lose weight before I can recover or even go inpatient..

    Any advice?
    No. Just no.

    Doesn't matter about what BMI you are. Doesn't matter if you are ill. If you recognise a problem, FIX IT.

    I won't input in the A-Levels/Health issue, that is entirely a personal decision. When working with things like that I work from the premise:

    Would I regret doing it? Or would I regret NOT doing it?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your reply. I think you're right about a lot of things.
    I don't have anyone to talk to in real life but so far this is OK. I don't trust people, am not 'allowed' to see my GP (haven't even got a clue who my GP is.. My parents are both some kind of medics and both think they know everything themselves and GPs are useless.. I'm still underage so I can't really do anything about it). Don't want to burden my mum with this as she told me lots of times she's so glad I'm acting normal now, I used to be a difficult kid (I'm mildly autistic and always had problems with expressing myself, dealing with people and my self-image, I've had therapy for this at different stages in my life) so I don't want to let her down. My relationship with my father probably couldn't be much worse- frankly, I reckon sometimes he couldn't care less if I'd starve myself as long as he gets his daily dose of TV and wine, so that's not really an option either. But I'll manage
    Last week was as usual, today's awful, just hope tomorrow will be better. It's so frustrating that I haven't been able to change things yet, it makes me so angry with myself.

    :hugs:
    You don't need parents consent to see a GP!

    If you feel a GP could help, seek one out.

    The father issues. He does care. Deep down. Deep deep down. I know it may not seem it at times, but he does. Men of his generation tend not to know how to best show their emotions, or knowing what their emotions are. Give his space, and time. He will appreciate you in some form some day.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Speaking from personal experience with my own Dad. He is... how do I put it?

    A douche.

    I know he's got good intentions, but he is an absolute retard about them. He's a dumb-smart bloke. With the emotional aptitude of a lemon.

    Men like that make mistakes.

    But one thing I will emphasize. Put yourself first in this sort of situation. YOU are more important than the relationship you have with your father. If he is destructive, don't let it hit you. If he is ignorant, don't be phased by his lack of human character.

    Just.. be you. He can jump on for the ride if he wants to, but don't force things


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Feel awful. Back home this weekend and just can't seem to stop binging on this "crap" - oatmeal / biscuits / nuts. This has inevitably caused me to throw up (I've probably thrown up twice/three times per day) and I'm feeling god awful - I think the lining in the inside of my mouth is practically wearing away.

    It's just so annoying as I am so strict with my diet when I'm in my own flat. I don't buy crap. I don't even stock up the fridge that much (just get the essentials - some fruit, some veg and a pack of meat) so obviously I can't binge. However, whenever I go home, I just can't help myself. I tell my mum not to buy any of this crap but she doesn't seem to understand. Literally do feel like breaking down at times which doesn't help when I have all this ****load of coursework mounting up on my table. Rant over. God I feel pathetic posting in this thread (no offence).. but I don't know anyone personally who has been through this situation.
    Plan. Not... precisely. But plan.

    Set a plan in your head on what you can do for the day.

    i.e. 'I will have 2 treats a day' or something along those lines. Don't obsess over these ideals, but hold them.

    Also there tend to be few who do ADMIT to these sort of things. They either try and face it themselves, or collapse at the idea. The thing is that be deciding to post here you have decided to face the issue face one.

    Well on you gal/guy




    Also sorry all for quoting hell of a lot.

    Peace.
    • #50
    #50

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    I'm coping with my upset by eating everything in the house Part of me is hoping my stomach will burst and I'll die.
    • #46
    #46

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Go to a GP. I had similar things happening with me. I just curled up in bed, hoping that they would go away.

    They didn't. It's a result of your body beginning to shut down. Go to a GP. See your family. Whatever. You are at that critical point where you need to decide. Recover or die.

    Choose recovery, please.
    I have been doing a water fast for a week and am not even hungry. I genuinely physically don't want to eat anything! My BMI is 18.5 - so I don't see how my body doesn't have the reserves go on. :s I've never heard of someone getting ill from this at such a high weight.

    I have made an appointment for next week - it seems so far away
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been doing a water fast for a week and am not even hungry. I genuinely physically don't want to eat anything! My BMI is 18.5 - so I don't see how my body doesn't have the reserves go on. :s I've never heard of someone getting ill from this at such a high weight.

    I have made an appointment for next week - it seems so far away
    You know they say lose weight gradually?

    That's the reason why.

    When a person loses a dramatic amount of weight quickly they tend to damage their innards. You need to be in the obese category for a dramatic calorie deficit NOT to muddle your insides and even THEN you need to be eating something to keep your macronutrients up, etc.
    • #75
    #75

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been given the option of going inpatient which would mess up my A levels but maybe it would be best to take some time out..?

    Any advice?
    They say not much is more important than your education, but YOUR health IS one of them!! Tackle the things that could prevent you from an education, before you put your education before those things. Good luck!!
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    I came back to uni and started living on toast again. It's not great, is it :sigh: I actually made an effort today though- I had an apple for breakfast, then pasta with vegetable sauce for lunch and mushroom and onion pancakes for tea (ok, so I only ate one, but I've got the rest in the fridge for tomorrow).

    THREE PROPER MEALS IN A DAY, AT THREE PROPER TIMES. I think I have just won at life.
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    It feels like I'm being teased with recovery dangling for it then to be taken just out of reach. If there is a God, he sure hates me.
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    My first binge-free yesterday-and the first time I'd got the courage to go to the gym and do proper cardio-and I couldn't sleep. Didn't eat any junk (a date and oat slice, essentially pastry yes but I'm beyond considering that real junk), did some exercise, didn't stay up excessively late on the computer, PS3, watching TV etc. like I've got into the habit of, revised, started winding down for bed at bloody 11 to get an early night for once and feel more refreshed. Didn't work.
    Binged on a pack of Tictacs at 3am.
    (I have pretty abd trouble sleeping from anxiety, recent food habits have made it worse. Lack of sleep pretty much always triggers compulsive overeating because I have to knock myself out with carbs or a sugar-rush. Fortunately Mum's now bought a sleep-easy herbal remedy to get my brain to stop whirring about of a night. About time we did something about that, I'm ****ing sick of being a mild insomniac.)
    Today there was a careers convention at campus, I picked the journalism talk-what? I crap one talking to strangers and it takes me 5 hous to write an essay, how am I supposed to make a career out of that? Stupid.
    Don't have a clue what I'm doing with my life.
    Already worked up from having a Flake from my selection box on the train (resisting the urge to bin all Christmas treatsgive them away, it's hard). Cravings hit for a muffin. Muffin's become a baaad binge food. As it happens I managed to talk myself out of it, stick to the PB sandwiches and walk out. Still "binged" on the apple in the way I ate it but yeah.
    So I stopped a binge-only for me to then see this new huuuge Eat Joe's Chicken Balti pot in Starbucks and have that instead, justifying it by me "bulking" in the gym and 2 PB sarnies=not enough proateeen, man. So I do it on dodgy student curry, righttt. (And yet I also know that just eating to grow doesn't work because the surplus protein just goes straight through your bloodstream and is either excreted putting huge strain on the kidney or is stored as surplus fat. Yeah I'm still thinking like that, ffs).
    This could explain how I've managed to put on round half a stone in 3 months. BMI 20 now, I did feel ready to gain but not like this!


    Why oh why did I have to read into sports psychology?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They say not much is more important than your education, but YOUR health IS one of them!! Tackle the things that could prevent you from an education, before you put your education before those things. Good luck!!
    This person is right, i have deferred my place at uni to have inpatient treatment and it was the best decision i have ever made. Education can always wait.
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    Ok want some advice or support on my eating habits again.

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    Looking back I have always had eating issues, I was chubby as a kid and quite greedy for sweets but in my teenage years just ate my 3 meals a day plus around midnight snacked on something, be it a sandwich or a few biscuits and that was it and was in the middle of my healthy weight range, i.e if I am supposed to be between 10-12 I would be 11 stone, when I left home at 17 I ate like a kid living off biscuits and wagon wheels and packs of plain pasta or cornflakes and milk.

    At 21 I lived off plain pasta or packet mash and about twice a week I had a pizza, kebab or curry(no rice or chips though) and was skinny

    In the last few years I naturally gained weight, at first I still ate little yet gained 2 stone in under a month eating packet salads and cheap stuff, but in the last 3 years have been eating more but gaining a LOT of weight, I am now 6 stone overweight and my current eating pattern is starve till I am hungry then binge eat which I need to change, some days I binge eat on the worst foods other days I may just eat a large portion of rice and nothing else or noodles, basically I have im not full till I am full attitude.

    Any advice on this?
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    I don't think there's much that can be more humiliating than hearing the words 'where's this food all gone?' and then having to blame someone else to cover my back. I hate it
    • #86
    #86

    (Original post by sophiemay20)
    I don't think there's much that can be more humiliating than hearing the words 'where's this food all gone?' and then having to blame someone else to cover my back. I hate it
    I know I once ate a whole pack of doritos(the ones for sharing:eek:) and had to pretend I hadn't seen it and went on to eat a full meal afterwards
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    Thinking too much again...
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    Bought a turkey sandwich with some coleslaw, freaked out over the coleslaw on account of having a bit of Muesli this morning therefore eating "too much fat", got both the cal and weight gain worry plus the health anxiety kicking in. So how do I resolve this? With chocolate. Wtf.
    Will I ever find a reasonable amount on guidelines or always feel obliged to stick to the rule-book? Is it between no-fat and fat-fest?


    And who's negged? If it's a phantom troll, I swear you're asking for it. You've got lucky with me, I'm recovering, but one day you're going to lead some poor kid to their grave.
    • #87
    #87

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    Purged again last night after over eating food Actually didn't stop shoving food down my gullet for two hours [mindless eating whilst surfing the web]. Also threw up after a night out (alcohol induced to be fair).

    Esophogaus was on fire after it all (damn pakora / tequila)! Not good
 
 
 
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