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    (Original post by Riku)
    Thinking too much again...
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    Bought a turkey sandwich with some coleslaw, freaked out over the coleslaw on account of having a bit of Muesli this morning therefore eating "too much fat", got both the cal and weight gain worry plus the health anxiety kicking in. So how do I resolve this? With chocolate. Wtf.
    Will I ever find a reasonable amount on guidelines or always feel obliged to stick to the rule-book? Is it between no-fat and fat-fest?
    Riku, I too am experiencing something of an all-or-nothing dilemma. My ED therapist has got me on a 4000 kcal a day eating plan which I am struggling now not to "abuse". I'm now enjoying it a bit too much, I think! But I had a full Indian buffet for lunch today, came home and I had two different kit kat chunkies, and about four cups of tea; dad says it's a roast for dinner but to be honest I think my stomach will explode. Yet it smells good.

    Sometimes I think you think if you've restricted for so long that you literally become desperate just to clamour for anything in sight, and my therapist tells me that's most DEFINITELY the case.

    But I have about 15lbs to reach a BMI of 18, and she wants me to get there within two months now. Obviously my fear is that the food lust will not subside when I get there.

    Moreover it's obviously not distributed yet; I have a flabby round belly and stick arms and legs. But as I've been told by numerous sources, this too is normal.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Riku, I too am experiencing something of an all-or-nothing dilemma. My ED therapist has got me on a 4000 kcal a day eating plan which I am struggling now not to "abuse". I'm now enjoying it a bit too much, I think! But I had a full Indian buffet for lunch today, came home and I had two different kit kat chunkies, and about four cups of tea; dad says it's a roast for dinner but to be honest I think my stomach will explode. Yet it smells good.

    Sometimes I think you think if you've restricted for so long that you literally become desperate just to clamour for anything in sight, and my therapist tells me that's most DEFINITELY the case.

    But I have about 15lbs to reach a BMI of 18, and she wants me to get there within two months now. Obviously my fear is that the food lust will not subside when I get there.

    Moreover it's obviously not distributed yet; I have a flabby round belly and stick arms and legs. But as I've been told by numerous sources, this too is normal.
    (Aw crap. That neg's got me thinking I was eating WAY too much. Both in terms of dietary levels for health and just greed. I had a Milky Way Mini! From my selection box, dammit! dfoidudffu
    Is coleslaw on a sandwich, muesli for breakfast and a Milky Way clamouring for everything in sight now? 0_0 )

    Well Toto, if it smells good-and you're not going to be ill trying to!-then you know what's got to be done. How can you enjoy life too much? The only thing you can do is not live it to the full, and you must remember that ED is a half-life? Recovery might not be truly living, but it's sure as hell better than a world of number games.
    The food lust, like the redistribution, will only occur when you can finally let go of the restriction, surely? I've heard that it's nigh-on impossible to gain even if you're being force-fed if you stress it all off again, which I did for a long time.

    Not sure whether this is a good thing or not, but I've been feeling a LOT less stressed since I stopped forcing myself to gain, to "bulk" for the gym, to eat 4 meals a day, whatever. I've hit BMI 20 now, I just eat (fairly) normally when I'm hungry (and then some at points...), and I'm building up the confidence to properly work out again. I'm much more mindful and in the moment than I've been for a long time. What needs working on the most is emotional and reactive eating-apparently the dietician I was re-referred to said I'm only subjectively binging anyway. It's not actually how much I eat that's a problem, it's the fact I mull over it for hours after. But then we all know that's how this works.

    And yeah with tea...I'm paranoid about it now. It's not even the cals thing, it's the tannins. But surely a few cups when I'm drinking milk and lifting isn't going to destroy our bone structures? (I'm not sure about you, I'm aware it's a looot riskier when underweight).
    Mum won't stop bombarding me with her blessed gift cuppa and I feel threatened by alienation from the family if I say no (umm bit extreme?) and threatened by my body if I say yes. But I quite like tea so am aiming for the latter and hoping for the best.c
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    (Original post by Riku)
    (Aw crap. That neg's got me thinking I was eating WAY too much. Both in terms of dietary levels for health and just greed. I had a Milky Way Mini! From my selection box, dammit! dfoidudffu
    Is coleslaw on a sandwich, muesli for breakfast and a Milky Way clamouring for everything in sight now? 0_0 )

    Well Toto, if it smells good-and you're not going to be ill trying to!-then you know what's got to be done. How can you enjoy life too much? The only thing you can do is not live it to the full, and you must remember that ED is a half-life? Recovery might not be truly living, but it's sure as hell better than a world of number games.
    The food lust, like the redistribution, will only occur when you can finally let go of the restriction, surely? I've heard that it's nigh-on impossible to gain even if you're being force-fed if you stress it all off again, which I did for a long time.

    Not sure whether this is a good thing or not, but I've been feeling a LOT less stressed since I stopped forcing myself to gain, to "bulk" for the gym, to eat 4 meals a day, whatever. I've hit BMI 20 now, I just eat (fairly) normally when I'm hungry (and then some at points...), and I'm building up the confidence to properly work out again. I'm much more mindful and in the moment than I've been for a long time. What needs working on the most is emotional and reactive eating-apparently the dietician I was re-referred to said I'm only subjectively binging anyway. It's not actually how much I eat that's a problem, it's the fact I mull over it for hours after. But then we all know that's how this works.

    And yeah with tea...I'm paranoid about it now. It's not even the cals thing, it's the tannins. But surely a few cups when I'm drinking milk and lifting isn't going to destroy our bone structures? (I'm not sure about you, I'm aware it's a looot riskier when underweight).
    Mum won't stop bombarding me with her blessed gift cuppa and I feel threatened by alienation from the family if I say no (umm bit extreme?) and threatened by my body if I say yes. But I quite like tea so am aiming for the latter and hoping for the best.
    Can't say anything about the reason for the neg, but it was certainly not because you ate far too much, or because you ate too fat fat, or anything
    like that! And it's certainly nowhere near enough to be unhealthy or to have negative effects.

    In fact (although it may not seem like it, either because of overthinking or over-analysing the amounts of everything or whatever!) it sounds absolutely fine and very healthy. A lot of people will be reading what you have eating and wondering what on earth is bad about it (yes, even the chocolate. You're not living off chocolate, you're getting the nutrients you need, chocolate is fine. I would say that it is certainly a good thing for you to have. ). That's not meant to sound patronising so I hope it doesn't, but I'm just trying to say that it is what you said - it's the health anxiety and the eating disorder telling you it's too much, not an objective thing.

    You sound like you're doing really well at the moment, you can see in your posts that you're challenging yourself and becoming more confident and relaxed about it. But your dietician is certainly right.

    And yes, tea is absolutely fine too (again, balance, but it would take a lot of tea to have any negative effects whatsoever). And I say this as a tea addict (honestly, my first phrase as a baby was 'cup of tea' ), my mum and I have always had about 7-10 cups of tea a day (I'm on decaf these days but still!).

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    (Original post by Riku)
    And yeah with tea...I'm paranoid about it now. It's not even the cals thing, it's the tannins. But surely a few cups when I'm drinking milk and lifting isn't going to destroy our bone structures? (I'm not sure about you, I'm aware it's a looot riskier when underweight).
    Mum won't stop bombarding me with her blessed gift cuppa and I feel threatened by alienation from the family if I say no (umm bit extreme?) and threatened by my body if I say yes. But I quite like tea so am aiming for the latter and hoping for the best.c
    Tannins in tea bind with ions with +2 charge.

    Iron II
    Calcium
    Magnesium
    etc.

    If you drink tea with milk the tannins will bind with the calcium IN THE CUP. The science of tea is so awesome that you are making chemical reactions everyday IN A CUP!

    Sorry, getting a chemistry high. Began a kitchen experiment to distil banana oil. It began working, but it was so slow that it wouldn't really have been worth it... Nerd day.

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    Checked my weight today. 71kg at 175cm. BMI 23.18.

    The fact that I have a waist 28-30 inches doesn't matter. The number. Oh, the number.

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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Tannins in tea bind with ions with +2 charge.

    Iron II
    Calcium
    Magnesium
    etc.

    If you drink tea with milk the tannins will bind with the calcium IN THE CUP. The science of tea is so awesome that you are making chemical reactions everyday IN A CUP!

    Sorry, getting a chemistry high. Began a kitchen experiment to distil banana oil. It began working, but it was so slow that it wouldn't really have been worth it... Nerd day.
    Dude, stick some heat underneath the thing being distilled. Gives the molecules more energy, therefore rate of reaction increaes, so speed of the distillation also increases </chemistry nerd> ooh, banana oil, why were you distilling it in the first place?
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Dude, stick some heat underneath the thing being distilled. Gives the molecules more energy, therefore rate of reaction increaes, so speed of the distillation also increases </chemistry nerd> ooh, banana oil, why were you distilling it in the first place?
    Well I had it over the highest burner in my kitchen in the first place, but it still is an enormously slow process.

    Pretty much a sieve full of banana peel (where the most aromatics are found in fruit) over a boiling pan of water, topped with an upside funnel connected to tubing which lead to a siphoning jug. It's a more crude form of how they get lavender oil.

    Steam passes through peel, some heated oil joins it. Water and oil condenses in tubing, drips into jug. Oil being hydrophobic sits on top of water. Syphon off the water, left with banana oil.

    After 30 minutes I was left with I believe 5 drips of liquid and banana scented tubing. Sometimes proper equipment may be needed...

    Did it just to see whether you actually COULD distil banana oil as it is mostly wax based. Proven you could, but with a lot of peel and a long time.

    EDIT;
    Well, either that or I had trapped sugars...

    DON'T DESTROY MY DREAM. ;__;
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.
    You are dying. Your body is physically shutting down, all your fat reserves have gone which is why you are feeling unbelievably cold and your body is burning your muscle to live. But of course I am sure people have told you this. (Also eating food is thermogenic - metabolic processes physically create heat in your body, so not eating cools you further).

    Go to A&E, or just see a doctor, I'm urging you. One of my friends was in this state and she was literally days from death, because you do not feel like that until physically you are very, very, bad, like BMI >14. If not the other things your blood pressure or pulse may be very low which puts you at risk of fainting and they should be aware of that. Please, trust me you have got to a point where you clearly are critical. And if you can manage it, do try and eat something, liquid if its easier - milkshake like yazoo/nesquick (for some reason my friend was encouraged to down a lot of these) hot chocolate (not options!), chicken soup, anything. You need to keep blood sugar and macronutrients up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like i'm dying but I don't know why specifically. I just feel too weak to move and very very cold. I don't think I should go to A&E because I don't know what i'd tell them.


    I sincerly hope that this poster got help and went to A and E as I dont like the sound of this post.
    • #46
    #46

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    You know they say lose weight gradually?

    That's the reason why.

    When a person loses a dramatic amount of weight quickly they tend to damage their innards. You need to be in the obese category for a dramatic calorie deficit NOT to muddle your insides and even THEN you need to be eating something to keep your macronutrients up, etc.

    (Original post by arcadian-archangel)
    You are dying. Your body is physically shutting down, all your fat reserves have gone which is why you are feeling unbelievably cold and your body is burning your muscle to live. But of course I am sure people have told you this. (Also eating food is thermogenic - metabolic processes physically create heat in your body, so not eating cools you further).

    Go to A&amp;E, or just see a doctor, I'm urging you. One of my friends was in this state and she was literally days from death, because you do not feel like that until physically you are very, very, bad, like BMI &gt;14. If not the other things your blood pressure or pulse may be very low which puts you at risk of fainting and they should be aware of that. Please, trust me you have got to a point where you clearly are critical. And if you can manage it, do try and eat something, liquid if its easier - milkshake like yazoo/nesquick (for some reason my friend was encouraged to down a lot of these) hot chocolate (not options!), chicken soup, anything. You need to keep blood sugar and macronutrients up.

    (Original post by Annie72)
    I sincerly hope that this poster got help and went to A and E as I dont like the sound of this post.
    My boyfriend got me lots of fruit and yoghurts and 3 large bars of chocolate ( ) and I feel much much different. I have since been binging on junk food and have gained quite a lot of fat ( :/ ). Thank you for your concerns - I wrote such a really blunt message because I was so scared and felt doomed. This whole thing is so confusing. I was going to go to the doctors but now that i've gained fat I can't.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend got me lots of fruit and yoghurts and 3 large bars of chocolate ( ) and I feel much much different. I have since been binging on junk food and have gained quite a lot of fat ( :/ ). Thank you for your concerns - I wrote such a really blunt message because I was so scared and felt doomed. This whole thing is so confusing. I was going to go to the doctors but now that i've gained fat I can't.
    I am very rarely this blunt, but this bit angered me to the point of infuriation.

    So your body's shutting down, you've eaten a yoghurt and chocolate and now you're all better and miraculously as big as a whale? I'm sorry, but if nothing else, your ED needs addressing RIGHT NOW. You cannot keep making these excuses m'dear.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I am very rarely this blunt, but this bit angered me to the point of infuriation.

    So your body's shutting down, you've eaten a yoghurt and chocolate and now you're all better and miraculously as big as a whale? I'm sorry, but if nothing else, your ED needs addressing RIGHT NOW. You cannot keep making these excuses m'dear.

    Couldnt agree more.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I am very rarely this blunt, but this bit angered me to the point of infuriation.

    So your body's shutting down, you've eaten a yoghurt and chocolate and now you're all better and miraculously as big as a whale? I'm sorry, but if nothing else, your ED needs addressing RIGHT NOW. You cannot keep making these excuses m'dear.

    Please rate some other members before rating this member again.


    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUU-
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    (Original post by Antiaris)

    Please rate some other members before rating this member again.


    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUU-

    Thats exactly what I got!!.Hate the way you cant rep someone twice so quick.Stupid system
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    Just spent the whole weekend in bed with a chest/throat infection (yep, both are infected, I guess that smoking really isn't good for you) reading and I'm just really, really ready to fight this/get treatment. Honestly, this is the first time in my ED/mentally ill life that I've really wanted treatment. But I really don't see how I can continue with my first year of uni and tackle this at the same time. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A QUITTER, I DON'T WANT THIS TO RUIN MY EDUCATION. I just feel so lost, like I really am not enjoying my course, am so bored and despondent about the whole degree/uni but I don't want my family to see me give up. They think that starting uni has been so good for me when in reality it has bought all of my issues back to the front of my life. I just wish I could go and check myself into a hospital and just ignore the real world for a while but I know that I can't do that, I'm not sick enough. My BMI is stable and though I idealise the idea of suicide I know I would never actually attempt/ do it. I just feel like if my family knew I was still feeling this way (something that at my worst they blamed on a doctor prescribing sedatives to me at eleven, not any actual issue) they would just see it as me running away from life.
    Can somebody tell me in simple terms what I should/ can do? I have a GP appointment on friday (for health issues) and I really want to bring it up then but I just don't know what to say.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I'd love to open up the floor now to all and any input here into this very diverse topic, to hear perhaps your own stories or any input or advice you can give myself, my peers and anyone else potentially developing one of these insidious conditions.
    Hi Tommy. I'm new here but I'd like to share my experience. I'm Jaz, 18 and I developed anorexia when I was 15. I've been recovered for about a year and a half now.

    It all started with self-hatred. I'm not going to go into too much detail; we could be here talking for hours and hours. I was overweight -- at 14, I was a size 16 and about 13 stone (at least) so I decided to hit the gym and eat healthily because I only liked pizza and chocolate. Dropped to a size 12 by the next summer. Then I got injured, thus I couldn't go to the gym. I restricted what I ate until it became an obsession.

    Work became a distraction from my illness so I was extremely studious in year 12. My hair was falling out and I couldn't style it as I wanted. I had to cut it short with lots of layers to hide the fact that I was balding. My boobs had become non-existent although previously I had been a 34D. I didn't feel like a woman. I had crushes on so many guys but they just saw a rake. I couldn't ever enjoy myself. I didn't really have friends because they would ask me out to dinner and I just couldn't do it. My feet were constantly swollen. My bones stuck out everywhere. I'd lost sensation in my toes.

    Then there was the excessive exercising. Not only was I surviving on about 400 calories a day, I would wake up at 6am to climb up and down the stairs at home about 100 times and take laxatives. I lied to my parents about what I was doing. I became a compulsive liar who said she loved her mum but kept hurting her.

    After my AS Levels, I decided enough was enough. I was going to turn 17 but I hadn't had a boyfriend in over 2 years, hadn't been able to go to parties and drink, wasn't allowed to go on holiday because my BMI was a measly 16 and I couldn't get travel insurance. There was so much I wanted to do. I wanted to go through what a normal teenager does. So I started eating. I went from having 400 calories in a day to having 500 calories just at dinner, not to mention all the other meals. My parents always cooked my favourite things and would let me choose flavours and such.

    Then I fell victim to the refeeding syndrome -- when your body is suddenly fed with so many calories that it doesn't know what to do and you still lose weight. CAMHS hospitalised me. Whilst in general hospital for 10 days, I lost over 7kg...then they said I must have refeeding syndrome. Thanks for believing me before, guys!

    I was transferred to a mental unit in Oxford and it was actually a lot of fun because there weren't just people with EDs there. I made friends for life and it is so good to see so many of them living as normally as possible.

    I recovered and I have the record for the shortest recovery time at that unit. I was out within about 2 months; usually people with EDs are in there for at least 3 months without prolonged home leave.

    After that, my relationship with food as been normal. I go to the gym to maintain my figure and weight. I indulge regularly and never deny myself. I admit that I have my fat days but I know deep down that I am not. I am a size 8. And no matter how bad things get, I simply will not do that to myself ever again. I have learnt to love myself after years of trying to destroy myself.

    More importantly, I can't do it because of my mum. She is honestly the only reason why I decided to get better -- initially I couldn't do it for myself because I felt so worthless. I just couldn't let her bury her own child. And what about my brother? He was always so strong but you could see he was always on the brink of tears when he scooped me up on that hospital bed at a pathetic 5 1/2 stone (I'm 5'8"). Even if things are dire and I want to go back and be sick...I will not. I have too much to lose. The past year and a bit since I recovered has been full of ups and downs but I have had the best year of my life, honestly. It's all because I got better.
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    I also forgot to mention that I am now setting up a specialised eating disorders group at my university because there is no support for sufferers. I actually like helping people who are suffering because I just don't want them to regret the time they spend with an ED like I do. I can't believe I wasted 2 years of my life.
    • #72
    #72

    I'm posting this because I'm worried about my friend, or rather her mother's behaviour towards her. She always tells me how her mother tries to bribe her to lose weight (like saying she'd buy her designer clothes if she was smaller) and puts her down. The thing is, my friend may be overweight but she's naturally like that. She exercises a lot (she's a swimmer, does exercise classes, cycles) and doesn't binge on foods. From what I see she eats normal meals. She isn't flabby/spotty/lethargic, she's energetic and has a great fashion/make-up sense (to the point where I, as the skinny friend wish I could pull off the outfits she wears). But it's like she just isn't good enough for her family. They all joke about her weight and she was even taken to a nutritionist at fourteen for diet advice.
    Last week she told me that her mother has been struggling with anorexia since her teenage years. (So that's 40+ years). As an ED sufferer this sickens me, that her mother would let her warped views about self and weight effect how she acts around her happy/healthy/active daughter. How can people be so callous, especially knowing how much an ED hurts?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm posting this because I'm worried about my friend, or rather her mother's behaviour towards her. She always tells me how her mother tries to bribe her to lose weight (like saying she'd buy her designer clothes if she was smaller) and puts her down. The thing is, my friend may be overweight but she's naturally like that. She exercises a lot (she's a swimmer, does exercise classes, cycles) and doesn't binge on foods. From what I see she eats normal meals. She isn't flabby/spotty/lethargic, she's energetic and has a great fashion/make-up sense (to the point where I, as the skinny friend wish I could pull off the outfits she wears). But it's like she just isn't good enough for her family. They all joke about her weight and she was even taken to a nutritionist at fourteen for diet advice.
    Last week she told me that her mother has been struggling with anorexia since her teenage years. (So that's 40+ years). As an ED sufferer this sickens me, that her mother would let her warped views about self and weight effect how she acts around her happy/healthy/active daughter. How can people be so callous, especially knowing how much an ED hurts?
    Anon, this is a saddening thing to hear but unfortunately the ED "bubble" has a "blast radius" that hurts those closest to us too.

    At my very worst I am really ashamed to admit I was making snide comments to people close to me too like, "Hah, are you eating a takeaway AGAIN?" or "Did you not just HAVE a bit of chocolate?" like I was some kind of junk food monitor for the family or something.

    Of course you can condition yourself out of it and as my therapist says to me, the most interesting thing about ED is that it takes roughly the same time to recover from the ED as it did to develop it in the first place. Meaning if you've been enduring it for a year, expect at least that time to recover.

    Sadly it also means that your friend's mother has an ED that is so deep seeded she may never actually "recover" from it and your friend herself may find that she simply needs to accept and endure the issues are not hers, but her mother's.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Hi Tommy. I'm new here but I'd like to share my experience. I'm Jaz, 18 and I developed anorexia when I was 15. I've been recovered for about a year and a half now.

    It all started with self-hatred. I'm not going to go into too much detail; we could be here talking for hours and hours. I was overweight -- at 14, I was a size 16 and about 13 stone (at least) so I decided to hit the gym and eat healthily because I only liked pizza and chocolate. Dropped to a size 12 by the next summer. Then I got injured, thus I couldn't go to the gym. I restricted what I ate until it became an obsession.

    Work became a distraction from my illness so I was extremely studious in year 12. My hair was falling out and I couldn't style it as I wanted. I had to cut it short with lots of layers to hide the fact that I was balding. My boobs had become non-existent although previously I had been a 34D. I didn't feel like a woman. I had crushes on so many guys but they just saw a rake. I couldn't ever enjoy myself. I didn't really have friends because they would ask me out to dinner and I just couldn't do it. My feet were constantly swollen. My bones stuck out everywhere. I'd lost sensation in my toes.

    Then there was the excessive exercising. Not only was I surviving on about 400 calories a day, I would wake up at 6am to climb up and down the stairs at home about 100 times and take laxatives. I lied to my parents about what I was doing. I became a compulsive liar who said she loved her mum but kept hurting her.

    After my AS Levels, I decided enough was enough. I was going to turn 17 but I hadn't had a boyfriend in over 2 years, hadn't been able to go to parties and drink, wasn't allowed to go on holiday because my BMI was a measly 16 and I couldn't get travel insurance. There was so much I wanted to do. I wanted to go through what a normal teenager does. So I started eating. I went from having 400 calories in a day to having 500 calories just at dinner, not to mention all the other meals. My parents always cooked my favourite things and would let me choose flavours and such.

    Then I fell victim to the refeeding syndrome -- when your body is suddenly fed with so many calories that it doesn't know what to do and you still lose weight. CAMHS hospitalised me. Whilst in general hospital for 10 days, I lost over 7kg...then they said I must have refeeding syndrome. Thanks for believing me before, guys!

    I was transferred to a mental unit in Oxford and it was actually a lot of fun because there weren't just people with EDs there. I made friends for life and it is so good to see so many of them living as normally as possible.

    I recovered and I have the record for the shortest recovery time at that unit. I was out within about 2 months; usually people with EDs are in there for at least 3 months without prolonged home leave.

    After that, my relationship with food as been normal. I go to the gym to maintain my figure and weight. I indulge regularly and never deny myself. I admit that I have my fat days but I know deep down that I am not. I am a size 8. And no matter how bad things get, I simply will not do that to myself ever again. I have learnt to love myself after years of trying to destroy myself.

    More importantly, I can't do it because of my mum. She is honestly the only reason why I decided to get better -- initially I couldn't do it for myself because I felt so worthless. I just couldn't let her bury her own child. And what about my brother? He was always so strong but you could see he was always on the brink of tears when he scooped me up on that hospital bed at a pathetic 5 1/2 stone (I'm 5'8"). Even if things are dire and I want to go back and be sick...I will not. I have too much to lose. The past year and a bit since I recovered has been full of ups and downs but I have had the best year of my life, honestly. It's all because I got better.
    I feel lost and upset this morning and this has given me hope. Thank you.
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    (Original post by Liv1204)
    Can't say anything about the reason for the neg, but it was certainly not because you ate far too much, or because you ate too fat fat, or anything
    like that! And it's certainly nowhere near enough to be unhealthy or to have negative effects.

    In fact (although it may not seem like it, either because of overthinking or over-analysing the amounts of everything or whatever!) it sounds absolutely fine and very healthy. A lot of people will be reading what you have eating and wondering what on earth is bad about it (yes, even the chocolate. You're not living off chocolate, you're getting the nutrients you need, chocolate is fine. I would say that it is certainly a good thing for you to have. ). That's not meant to sound patronising so I hope it doesn't, but I'm just trying to say that it is what you said - it's the health anxiety and the eating disorder telling you it's too much, not an objective thing.

    You sound like you're doing really well at the moment, you can see in your posts that you're challenging yourself and becoming more confident and relaxed about it. But your dietician is certainly right.

    And yes, tea is absolutely fine too (again, balance, but it would take a lot of tea to have any negative effects whatsoever). And I say this as a tea addict (honestly, my first phrase as a baby was 'cup of tea' ), my mum and I have always had about 7-10 cups of tea a day (I'm on decaf these days but still!).

    Thanks Liv. I' just really annoyed. I'm barely allowd by my body to challenge the thoughts though-almost every time I have a treat it backfires and I feel wrecked the next day, usualy fro sleeping trouble.
    Like eysterday I was quite lenient with my diet, but it backfired and I had insomnia, despite winding dow for ages and having a herbal remedy. So today I binged.
    Seriously think I might need SSRIs. I can't have beta-blockers because my pulse is already too sow as it is (or was, probably not the way I've been going abut laely...)
    Good to know tea's back on the cards and yeah, decaf too! I've quit coffee entirely, not for ED reasons but the palps and jitters are unbearable.
    :hugs:
 
 
 
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