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    I know i haven't posted here for a while but someone on my facebook just posted this
    http://cadaverouscorpse.tumblr.com/p...ecome-anorexic
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Doctors appt on Tuesday morning - actually going to go this time

    :afraid:
    Good luck Cinnie! It'll go fine, I know it's hard but the more honest you are the quicker people can help
    :hugs:

    ______________

    3 days behaviour free! (And incidentally the first two involved three-course meals for my sister's 18th, today a takeaway. Wahey for moderation!)
    • #48
    #48

    I feel really down tonight. Really bad. Got myself a subway (mistake number 2) on the way back home from a night out (mistake number 1) and now I feel terrible. I can't be like other people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel really down tonight. Really bad. Got myself a subway (mistake number 2) on the way back home from a night out (mistake number 1) and now I feel terrible. I can't be like other people.
    A night out isn't a mistake, why should it be? Everyone has them. Why shouldn't you be allowed to go out, you're no less deserving than anyone else in the world. Also, there are a lot worse things to get after a night out than Subway - try rolling up to a greasy kebab or chicken place instead, a lot worse! You can be like other people, you are like other people - just allow yourself some freedom in life. Think rationally, I'm sure you're an intelligent person. Read back what you wrote, if one of your friends said that to you..you'd think, crazy person. Get a good nights sleep and stop panicking xx
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    I've booked an appointment with my academic adviser because I've decided that I don't want to do my degree anymore. I want to do Psychology (or Psychology and Philosophy). I'm not going to make the same mistake of picking universities that are too far away. My only issue is the UCAS deadline has passed and I'm not sure I want to transfer because I need a break. I think I might drop out and then wait until next year and apply then. I actually feel a bit more relieved now I have a plan of action. I love my university but my degree isn't for me. It's odd because I don't find it easy at all (it's bloody difficult) but I don't feel like I'm being challenged or thinking in the way I'm used to. I'm not getting that 'ugh, I can't get my head around this but it's so interesting!' feeling, I'm getting 'I can't think about anything and this is boring anyway.' I don't know if it's my fault but I think my problem is that I don't care enough about what I'm studying to want to get all intense and obsessive about working. And I really miss having that drive to succeed and it's gone now because I'm so apathetic. My therapist thinks I should go to my GP and adjust my meds. I know I'm struggling with depression but I think my course is actually making it worse because I thought I'd love it and everything would be amazing if I got here but it didn't happen. I want to do something worthwhile and I think my love for literature is being destroyed. So yeah, I think I'm going to drop out and take some time off and try to sort out my head and get a job if I can manage one and just take a break from education for a while.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I've booked an appointment with my academic adviser because I've decided that I don't want to do my degree anymore. I want to do Psychology (or Psychology and Philosophy). I'm not going to make the same mistake of picking universities that are too far away. My only issue is the UCAS deadline has passed and I'm not sure I want to transfer because I need a break. I think I might drop out and then wait until next year and apply then. I actually feel a bit more relieved now I have a plan of action. I love my university but my degree isn't for me. It's odd because I don't find it easy at all (it's bloody difficult) but I don't feel like I'm being challenged or thinking in the way I'm used to. I'm not getting that 'ugh, I can't get my head around this but it's so interesting!' feeling, I'm getting 'I can't think about anything and this is boring anyway.' I don't know if it's my fault but I think my problem is that I don't care enough about what I'm studying to want to get all intense and obsessive about working. And I really miss having that drive to succeed and it's gone now because I'm so apathetic. My therapist thinks I should go to my GP and adjust my meds. I know I'm struggling with depression but I think my course is actually making it worse because I thought I'd love it and everything would be amazing if I got here but it didn't happen. I want to do something worthwhile and I think my love for literature is being destroyed. So yeah, I think I'm going to drop out and take some time off and try to sort out my head and get a job if I can manage one and just take a break from education for a while.
    It's obvious you've thought over this - a lot - and that in itself is indicative of how you're not acting on caprice. You've got bloody awesome results so I think waiting until the 2013 cycle or later is a good idea. (Although if you do apply again in 2013 - we WILL BE IN THE SAME CYCLE. And without sounding facetious or anything, that would be a little bit cool )

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I know a few people (adults, as it turns out) who have taken English degrees and have regretted it because they're constantly 'analysing' any literature they come across and can't help it. That's not to say an English degree can't enhance your reading experience (my English Lit teachers seem to have READ EVERY BOOK OUT THERE and it's obvious they have benefited from delving in greater depth) but if you're not enjoying something I don't see why you should feel like you should have to continue. Breaks are always good :yep: and I think something like Psychology is actually much more relevant to people who have had struggles of their own - the amount of times I've heard people casually referring to mental illness "Oh, I am SO OCD about stuff like that!" or "I was, like, anorexic like week" makes my blood boil - and in having a personal experience I think people are much more likely to understand a lot of the psychological principles that affect behaviour.


    I have a friend who initially did History at uni, dropped out, and is now doing Psychology because of different things (including but not limited to anxiety and ED mannerisms) and is now so much better off for it. She said she felt 'rushed' during y13 and UCAS and so ended up just taking her favourite subject at the time with next to no thought about where it would lead her/WHY she liked it etc). Obviously that's just her experience - but it might help to know that other people have been in a similar situation and have turned it around for the better?

    I hope you figure things out, and that it works out okay; you are so lovely and strong and I'd hate for you not to realise that and understand that you deserve SO MUCH from life. It seems like you've hit the perpetual February slump (not that January was all that great :shakecane:) but please remember that things will get better. Making plans always help me feel more focused, and there's nothing worse than feeling demotivated/apathetic. From what you've said, it seems like your making the right choice.

    So I really hope things start looking up :jumphug:
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I've booked an appointment with my academic adviser because I've decided that I don't want to do my degree anymore. I want to do Psychology (or Psychology and Philosophy). I'm not going to make the same mistake of picking universities that are too far away. My only issue is the UCAS deadline has passed and I'm not sure I want to transfer because I need a break. I think I might drop out and then wait until next year and apply then. I actually feel a bit more relieved now I have a plan of action. I love my university but my degree isn't for me. It's odd because I don't find it easy at all (it's bloody difficult) but I don't feel like I'm being challenged or thinking in the way I'm used to. I'm not getting that 'ugh, I can't get my head around this but it's so interesting!' feeling, I'm getting 'I can't think about anything and this is boring anyway.' I don't know if it's my fault but I think my problem is that I don't care enough about what I'm studying to want to get all intense and obsessive about working. And I really miss having that drive to succeed and it's gone now because I'm so apathetic. My therapist thinks I should go to my GP and adjust my meds. I know I'm struggling with depression but I think my course is actually making it worse because I thought I'd love it and everything would be amazing if I got here but it didn't happen. I want to do something worthwhile and I think my love for literature is being destroyed. So yeah, I think I'm going to drop out and take some time off and try to sort out my head and get a job if I can manage one and just take a break from education for a while.
    I'm on a psychology degree, I love it but some of the modules are really hard for me to handle (the obvious ones, like clinical, but also we had one on health and motivation that was hard for me to sit through, especially when she went into great depth about eating disorders and self harm :sad:) When I went to my new GP at the start of the year she came out with the great line... 'Oh, you know studying psychology won't cure you, right?' :rolleyes: Stupid woman, I study it because I'm nosy as **** and like to know what people are thinking Having said that the number of people on my degree who have extensive s/h scars or other remnants of a mood/anxiety disorder is very very high and so is the drop out rate.

    Secondly, I've dropped out for a degree that was killing me mentally and changed to this one by taking a year out, it was the best thing I ever did; and probably why I'm still at uni persevering with this degree and not back at home crying into a pillow. If you're passionate about something, it's easy to want to do the work, even if the work isn't easy.
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    Today even though I went circuit training this morning, I came home and rewarded myself with a slice of angel cake and right now I'm in a happy mood for the first time in weeks, cooking a Sunday dinner to surprise my Mum with because I've caused her so much stress. And I'm looking forward to it. I could get used to days like this more often
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I've booked an appointment with my academic adviser because I've decided that I don't want to do my degree anymore. I want to do Psychology (or Psychology and Philosophy). I'm not going to make the same mistake of picking universities that are too far away. My only issue is the UCAS deadline has passed and I'm not sure I want to transfer because I need a break. I think I might drop out and then wait until next year and apply then. I actually feel a bit more relieved now I have a plan of action. I love my university but my degree isn't for me. It's odd because I don't find it easy at all (it's bloody difficult) but I don't feel like I'm being challenged or thinking in the way I'm used to. I'm not getting that 'ugh, I can't get my head around this but it's so interesting!' feeling, I'm getting 'I can't think about anything and this is boring anyway.' I don't know if it's my fault but I think my problem is that I don't care enough about what I'm studying to want to get all intense and obsessive about working. And I really miss having that drive to succeed and it's gone now because I'm so apathetic. My therapist thinks I should go to my GP and adjust my meds. I know I'm struggling with depression but I think my course is actually making it worse because I thought I'd love it and everything would be amazing if I got here but it didn't happen. I want to do something worthwhile and I think my love for literature is being destroyed. So yeah, I think I'm going to drop out and take some time off and try to sort out my head and get a job if I can manage one and just take a break from education for a while.
    Do what you need to do, you know better than anybody else what you need to do.

    Kinda what I did, I haven't started my new course yet but I've already decided it's probably been the best decision of my life. It gives you head time to really understand, well, you. What you want to do, what you enjoy.

    School is a little weird by segmenting subjects. It gives us the impression that we enjoy entire subjects when in fact we may have only enjoyed specific ASPECTS of it. Because we are rushed in making decisions as to what we want to do we then think, "Hey I liked this subject, I'll do it!".

    Ironically I went to East Anglia as well (concrete is amazing, right?!) They are very understanding. I didn't talk about it really with my personal tutor, I just went straight through the office. I'll PM you the person who really is the one who arranges things. You go to get a form and fill it. You confirm, speak with somebody and voila! Easy as. Talk with your personal tutor though, if only to explain.

    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Today even though I went circuit training this morning, I came home and rewarded myself with a slice of angel cake and right now I'm in a happy mood for the first time in weeks, cooking a Sunday dinner to surprise my Mum with because I've caused her so much stress. And I'm looking forward to it. I could get used to days like this more often
    Right on sister! (Is what I would say if I was a woman, but the same sentiment is there.)
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    (Original post by Lily Academia)
    It's obvious you've thought over this - a lot - and that in itself is indicative of how you're not acting on caprice. You've got bloody awesome results so I think waiting until the 2013 cycle or later is a good idea. (Although if you do apply again in 2013 - we WILL BE IN THE SAME CYCLE. And without sounding facetious or anything, that would be a little bit cool )

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I know a few people (adults, as it turns out) who have taken English degrees and have regretted it because they're constantly 'analysing' any literature they come across and can't help it. That's not to say an English degree can't enhance your reading experience (my English Lit teachers seem to have READ EVERY BOOK OUT THERE and it's obvious they have benefited from delving in greater depth) but if you're not enjoying something I don't see why you should feel like you should have to continue. Breaks are always good :yep: and I think something like Psychology is actually much more relevant to people who have had struggles of their own - the amount of times I've heard people casually referring to mental illness "Oh, I am SO OCD about stuff like that!" or "I was, like, anorexic like week" makes my blood boil - and in having a personal experience I think people are much more likely to understand a lot of the psychological principles that affect behaviour.


    I have a friend who initially did History at uni, dropped out, and is now doing Psychology because of different things (including but not limited to anxiety and ED mannerisms) and is now so much better off for it. She said she felt 'rushed' during y13 and UCAS and so ended up just taking her favourite subject at the time with next to no thought about where it would lead her/WHY she liked it etc). Obviously that's just her experience - but it might help to know that other people have been in a similar situation and have turned it around for the better?

    I hope you figure things out, and that it works out okay; you are so lovely and strong and I'd hate for you not to realise that and understand that you deserve SO MUCH from life. It seems like you've hit the perpetual February slump (not that January was all that great :shakecane:) but please remember that things will get better. Making plans always help me feel more focused, and there's nothing worse than feeling demotivated/apathetic. From what you've said, it seems like your making the right choice.

    So I really hope things start looking up :jumphug:
    THAT'S CRAZY LILY!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm on a psychology degree, I love it but some of the modules are really hard for me to handle (the obvious ones, like clinical, but also we had one on health and motivation that was hard for me to sit through, especially when she went into great depth about eating disorders and self harm :sad:) When I went to my new GP at the start of the year she came out with the great line... 'Oh, you know studying psychology won't cure you, right?' :rolleyes: Stupid woman, I study it because I'm nosy as **** and like to know what people are thinking Having said that the number of people on my degree who have extensive s/h scars or other remnants of a mood/anxiety disorder is very very high and so is the drop out rate.

    Secondly, I've dropped out for a degree that was killing me mentally and changed to this one by taking a year out, it was the best thing I ever did; and probably why I'm still at uni persevering with this degree and not back at home crying into a pillow. If you're passionate about something, it's easy to want to do the work, even if the work isn't easy.
    God, I can imagine the ED and self harm lectures. I remember being in Psychology class in sixth form and my teacher saying something about how people with anorexia stared themselves because they wanted to look like models and I was sitting on my hands trying not to rage.
    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Today even though I went circuit training this morning, I came home and rewarded myself with a slice of angel cake and right now I'm in a happy mood for the first time in weeks, cooking a Sunday dinner to surprise my Mum with because I've caused her so much stress. And I'm looking forward to it. I could get used to days like this more often

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Do what you need to do, you know better than anybody else what you need to do.

    Kinda what I did, I haven't started my new course yet but I've already decided it's probably been the best decision of my life. It gives you head time to really understand, well, you. What you want to do, what you enjoy.

    School is a little weird by segmenting subjects. It gives us the impression that we enjoy entire subjects when in fact we may have only enjoyed specific ASPECTS of it. Because we are rushed in making decisions as to what we want to do we then think, "Hey I liked this subject, I'll do it!".

    Ironically I went to East Anglia as well (concrete is amazing, right?!) They are very understanding. I didn't talk about it really with my personal tutor, I just went straight through the office. I'll PM you the person who really is the one who arranges things. You go to get a form and fill it. You confirm, speak with somebody and voila! Easy as. Talk with your personal tutor though, if only to explain.



    Right on sister! (Is what I would say if I was a woman, but the same sentiment is there.)
    Oh, the concrete is AWESOME! (No, really! )
    Oh wow, it's that simple to sort out? Great! xxx

    Just so you know, I love you all!
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    God, I can imagine the ED and self harm lectures. I remember being in Psychology class in sixth form and my teacher saying something about how people with anorexia stared themselves because they wanted to look like models and I was sitting on my hands trying not to rage.
    Hated that :sadnod: I ended up skipping lessons in the end :pinch:
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by diamonddust)
    God, I can imagine the ED and self harm lectures. I remember being in Psychology class in sixth form and my teacher saying something about how people with anorexia stared themselves because they wanted to look like models and I was sitting on my hands trying not to rage.
    Well the good thing is there's none of that, it's all scientific based (for instance I found out the other day that one of the theories on why anorexia is more prevalent in women is because they think that evolution wise, we evolved to 'ignore' hunger more so our kids could eat over us) and if I want to leave the lecture, I can and no-one says anything. Heck, if I don't want to leave my bed in the morning, which I often don't, I don't!

    --

    I'm on the uni cheerleading squad and we've got our first big competition next weekend... I'm so, so frustrated. It's a team sport and we have to work closely together to get everything right - it's dangerous if we don't. We have one section that just won't work out and I am 100% certain that it's not my fault, it's the fault of my opposite in our little group; yet my coach is blaming me. :sigh: There's nothing I can do about it! It's basically the liberty section (for those who know cheerleading, for those who don't it means that your flyer stands on one leg and all her weight goes into the hands of the main base - in this case, me) and my opposite base is meant to reach underneath our flyers foot and push up as hard as possible, taking about half the weight off of me.

    Apart from my side base doesn't, and she just pisses around holding the flyers ankles even though she's been told countless times that it's wrong and she's hurting me by doing this (imagine holding 8.5 stone of unstable weight on one tiny pivot point for about 20 seconds, whilst it wriggles around above you!). Yet she doesn't stop or do it properly. And when the stunt falls, it looks terrible on me because I'm the one who the attention is on on the ground. So stressed out about that... I think what is worse is that in my head the voice tells me that it's all my fault, if something goes wrong it's down to me, I'm the only one responsible for it failing etc.

    And I want to go and stay with my boyfriend for valentines day but my coach is now expecting me at gymnastics tomorrow night until 9pm and I have a lecture at 11am on Wednesday so I can't :cry: I don't know what to do.
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    Way to go DD, follow your heart you know it's something you can stick with for life if it genuinely interests you and makes you happy!
    Spoiler:
    Show

    I have something else I'm screaming to say completely unrelated but I'm gonna practice shutting up for a bit and battling the anxiety on my own. The more I ask for help the more I reinforce the idea I'm incapable of solving my own problems. But I'm going a bit bonkers keeping crazy thoughts in so perhaps expect a barrage of them at some point in the week...
    • #91
    #91

    (Original post by TotoMimo)

    It's surprising how quickly your body retains fat and water when you've restricted so long - a terrifying prospect to someone with an eating disorder - but you must stick with it.
    I've only recently started eating properly i only really ate fruit before and let myself go hungry in between so i was only eating about 600 cals even though that's really stupid. I look slim because of where genetics makes all my fat go but i'm just not really healthy. And i really want to get better and change as i've been like this all my life but i'm really scared of the changes happening.
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    Unfortunately my appointment went pretty badly. He ignored what I kept saying about me restricting but then b/p because I try and challenge my under-eating and then get guilty and binge, leading to me not being able to loose lots of weight, and the extent to which I do restrict has meant that I can put on a lot of weight in one day of binging, and that I only binge because i'm trying to recover from restricting and I can't handle it... and he just kept going on about overeating and being sick and exercising and that's all he put on his notes He weighed me (with a coat and shoes on - what's the point?) and wants to see me in a month if I want. Completely blasé and gave me a number to call up a counsellor that won't be available for a month.
    • #48
    #48

    In a foul mood today. Got up early but I've done nothing but sit in bed since 9am...

    I really really really want to go for a run but I have a cold and I now that I need to rest rather than exercise, especially as I've got such a busy week ahead.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've only recently started eating properly i only really ate fruit before and let myself go hungry in between so i was only eating about 600 cals even though that's really stupid. I look slim because of where genetics makes all my fat go but i'm just not really healthy. And i really want to get better and change as i've been like this all my life but i'm really scared of the changes happening.
    Had you thought that maybe you are slim in the first place?

    Fat is a weird one. Where it lands actually changes how it is used. For instance ass fat acts as a 'liver v.2', removing toxins from your body. I know that is beside the point, but interesting none the less.

    I've been the fruit phase myself, the only way out is to literally FACE THE ISSUE. You may need somebody you know to buy the food (so you won't turn away), but once you've started you can carry on. Odd as it may sound, get something with a short expiration date. You don't want to let it waste now, do you?

    Here is the thing. You have now recognised it as a problem. If you don't face it you've left an issue sit. Do it now, not then.

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Unfortunately my appointment went pretty badly. He ignored what I kept saying about me restricting but then b/p because I try and challenge my under-eating and then get guilty and binge, leading to me not being able to loose lots of weight, and the extent to which I do restrict has meant that I can put on a lot of weight in one day of binging, and that I only binge because i'm trying to recover from restricting and I can't handle it... and he just kept going on about overeating and being sick and exercising and that's all he put on his notes He weighed me (with a coat and shoes on - what's the point?) and wants to see me in a month if I want. Completely blasé and gave me a number to call up a counsellor that won't be available for a month.
    Oh darlin'. Doctors tend not to know how to react if they haven't seen it before.

    My first GP told me just not to be afraid of doughnuts. Seriously.

    He phoned later with a bit more advice and contacted the right people. Don't worry about the counselling as it will take a while. Here in South Wales it takes on average 4 months, I was 6 months as they lost my papers...

    Are you thinking about trying CBT? If you are there are a few self help guides on the net to get you started. It helps with sorting out the SYMPTOMS. I know, I know, the thoughts will still be there but the lack of symptoms will help stop propagating the thoughts.


    ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;


    Had a job interview today to make up the time between now and the start of my course. Dun dun dun, Weatherspoon kitchen. (I know, people HERE know the truth about that place.) It either went brilliantly or awfully.

    "How would you apply what you learned in the pharmacy?"
    "Precision in not killing people."

    Good times.
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    Hi everyone, Please if you haven't already, can you spare 10 mins to take part in my questionnaire for my dissertation. It looks at eating behaviours and unwanted sexual activity. It is completely anonymous so please don't be afraid to fill it in if you're shy.

    Thank you so much!
    http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/777704/Sarah-Murphy
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Had a job interview today to make up the time between now and the start of my course. Dun dun dun, Weatherspoon kitchen. (I know, people HERE know the truth about that place.) It either went brilliantly or awfully.

    "How would you apply what you learned in the pharmacy?"
    "Precision in not killing people."

    Good times.
    Ah, good old spoons. Considering some of the people I used to work with, you'll probably be a shoo in! It's really highly pressured work so make sure if you get the job you keep eating right, those kitchens get so hot...
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Right on sister! (Is what I would say if I was a woman, but the same sentiment is there.)
    Haha, thanks! You haven't single-handedly destroyed your masculinity don't worry :P
 
 
 
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