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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by TotoMimo)

    Separate sidenote - due to the anorexia leaving me with severe osteoperosis, I don't know if anyone remembers I'd fractured my forearm merely by leaning on it? Well I've now fractured my patella (knee bone) getting onto a bus.

    ISN'T ANOREXIA GREAT? (Super sarcasm face)
    1. Ouch.
    2. Ouch.
    3. I remember you doing your wrist in.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Great stuff Outworn!!

    Cinnie, it's trivial; put it this way, YOU know what you weigh, I'm sure like a lot of us you're absolutely anal about the frequency of your self-weighings, although the ignorance of even some medical professionals regarding the complexities of our mental illnesses is startling.


    I was thinking the other day about how I used to sneer at the people on nights out. "Let's go get a curry!" "I'm going for chips".

    I used to think, "God, you've had about eight pints (1600 kcals) and now you want fatty food (X kcals) and you'll probably go home and open a big bag of Doritos (500 kcals) and..." - and I noticed, everyone in our group would do it. And I would be the only one saying to myself "you're all doing yourself an injustice here".

    Everyone but me. I was telling myself everyone but me was abnormal. You know, I was the only one doing things right. By stopping at three beers and eating an apple.

    When you stop and think, you go, "whoa. What's your problem, mate?!" - and that's talking to YOURSELF!!


    Separate sidenote - due to the anorexia leaving me with severe osteoperosis, I don't know if anyone remembers I'd fractured my forearm merely by leaning on it? Well I've now fractured my patella (knee bone) getting onto a bus.

    ISN'T ANOREXIA GREAT? (Super sarcasm face)
    Oh my golly, Tommy! This made me really, really sad. It bloody SUCKS that you're suffering with fractures, it seems so illogical that we genuinely do this to ourselves. Our own bodies, we have starved and mistreated to the point where we can't lead normal every day lives without hurting ourselves.

    Quite captures the horror of the illness.

    You're right about the nights out. I used to be smug when I'd see my mates stuff themselves after a drink and go to bed thinking, ha, I have control, I didn't do that. But then who woke up at 3am, 4am AND 6am with a hungry stomach and suffered a miserable nights sleep? Me.
    Them? They slept til midday, had really fond memories(or completely happy blackspots) about their night and looking back, I was the one losing out.
    • #48
    #48

    Stress is just not good for me.

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    So I add on the stress of trying to plan my meals between now and Monday. So far Sunday is causing me a massive headache, my head KNOWS that I'm going to be up at 3:30am travelling for 4 hours, competing in front of a large crowd at 8am, and then again at 1pm, watching my other squad compete at 2pm and 5pm... not leaving the hall until 7pm, getting home to bed around 10/11pm... so I KNOW that I need to take a lot of high energy foods with me, and a lot of water and so far I have planned... 2 small cartoons of Orange Juice, 2ltrs of water, a banana and a quarter of the pasta bake that I'm going to make for dinner tomorrow night. :sigh: I'm getting anxious because my routine is going to be completely thrown off and I can't think of a way to get my breakfast in as if I eat at 3:30am I will throw up... and I like to have porridge And then there's the constant nag of how many calories I'm taking in, what I'll look like competing, what the other people there will look like (it's a uni cheerleading competition so majority skinny and tanned pretty girls), what if my team loses because I do something wrong because I've eaten too much... ARGH!

    I wish I could just let go :sad:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Stress is just not good for me.

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    So I add on the stress of trying to plan my meals between now and Monday. So far Sunday is causing me a massive headache, my head KNOWS that I'm going to be up at 3:30am travelling for 4 hours, competing in front of a large crowd at 8am, and then again at 1pm, watching my other squad compete at 2pm and 5pm... not leaving the hall until 7pm, getting home to bed around 10/11pm... so I KNOW that I need to take a lot of high energy foods with me, and a lot of water and so far I have planned... 2 small cartoons of Orange Juice, 2ltrs of water, a banana and a quarter of the pasta bake that I'm going to make for dinner tomorrow night. :sigh: I'm getting anxious because my routine is going to be completely thrown off and I can't think of a way to get my breakfast in as if I eat at 3:30am I will throw up... and I like to have porridge And then there's the constant nag of how many calories I'm taking in, what I'll look like competing, what the other people there will look like (it's a uni cheerleading competition so majority skinny and tanned pretty girls), what if my team loses because I do something wrong because I've eaten too much... ARGH!

    I wish I could just let go :sad:
    You need lots of energy, fast?

    Protein too?

    Quick things can include pre-cooked green thai marinated chicken strips. Easy to eat, fast energy.

    Mix together 1 chopped green chilly, 2 chopped garlic cloves, 1/2 stalk lemon grass, cinnamon to taste, 1" of ginger (candied ginger works best!), squeeze of lime, 1 teaspoon brown sugar (if not candied ginger) , toast for short while. Lower heat. Add 1/2 can coconut milk. Take off heat. Tear chicken breasts into strips. Marinate chicken in this solution for one hour. Chuck into oven at gas mark 6 for 18 minutes, or until cooked through (dependent on thickness of breast).

    Chicken breasts ready, just pull them out of the sauce. Protein for muscle repair. Spices for macro-nutrients. Garlic for dilation of blood vessels.

    Coconut milk is an odd one. The fats in it are short and medium chain length, meaning they don't get stored like normal fats but are burnt off immediately as energy as they pass through cell walls so easily, like carbohydrates!

    If you don't want to waste all of that sauce make it a thai curry pasta bake. Fusion food is gorgeous.

    If you worry too much about the competition you won't ENJOY the competition. Feel FREE to enjoy, it's the prime of your life, don't worry.

    Don't think about what the other girls look like. You think people who look the same are going to win? How will they stand out from the crowd?! You've got to make an impression that will stick and the way you do that is being as you as possible.

    Everyone is a little different? I can believe that, but people don't want to be different so they hide that fact. Be a little different, be a little better, and have the confidence to be yourself.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    You need lots of energy, fast?

    Protein too?

    Quick things can include pre-cooked green thai marinated chicken strips. Easy to eat, fast energy.

    Mix together 1 chopped green chilly, 2 chopped garlic cloves, 1/2 stalk lemon grass, cinnamon to taste, 1" of ginger (candied ginger works best!), squeeze of lime, 1 teaspoon brown sugar (if not candied ginger) , toast for short while. Lower heat. Add 1/2 can coconut milk. Take off heat. Tear chicken breasts into strips. Marinate chicken in this solution for one hour. Chuck into oven at gas mark 6 for 18 minutes, or until cooked through (dependent on thickness of breast).

    Chicken breasts ready, just pull them out of the sauce. Protein for muscle repair. Spices for macro-nutrients. Garlic for dilation of blood vessels.

    Coconut milk is an odd one. The fats in it are short and medium chain length, meaning they don't get stored like normal fats but are burnt off immediately as energy as they pass through cell walls so easily, like carbohydrates!

    If you don't want to waste all of that sauce make it a thai curry pasta bake. Fusion food is gorgeous.

    If you worry too much about the competition you won't ENJOY the competition. Feel FREE to enjoy, it's the prime of your life, don't worry.

    Don't think about what the other girls look like. You think people who look the same are going to win? How will they stand out from the crowd?! You've got to make an impression that will stick and the way you do that is being as you as possible.

    Everyone is a little different? I can believe that, but people don't want to be different so they hide that fact. Be a little different, be a little better, and have the confidence to be yourself.
    That sounds gorgeous... might make myself a wrap to take for lunch with those marinated chicken breasts in as I'm a massive fan of the pasta bake I have planned! That seems like a good plan, I'll see if I can grab those ingredients tomorrow - I have chicken breasts coming out of my ears as I buy them in bulk and freeze them Where can I get coconut milk from - aldi? And lemongrass... Think there's a chinese shop in town somewhere. So it just bakes in the oven? And is that one chicken breast or two?

    I dunno, there's just so much pressure on us this year, our coach doesn't think we can do well and last year we crashed and burned so we're all desperate to prove her wrong.. I know I'll relax when I'm there, but it's the run up. I can't sleep, I can't close my eyes without seeing the routine, yet when I'm practicing with my squad it all seems to go to pot
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds gorgeous... might make myself a wrap to take for lunch with those marinated chicken breasts in as I'm a massive fan of the pasta bake I have planned! That seems like a good plan, I'll see if I can grab those ingredients tomorrow - I have chicken breasts coming out of my ears as I buy them in bulk and freeze them Where can I get coconut milk from - aldi? And lemongrass... Think there's a chinese shop in town somewhere. So it just bakes in the oven? And is that one chicken breast or two?

    I dunno, there's just so much pressure on us this year, our coach doesn't think we can do well and last year we crashed and burned so we're all desperate to prove her wrong.. I know I'll relax when I'm there, but it's the run up. I can't sleep, I can't close my eyes without seeing the routine, yet when I'm practicing with my squad it all seems to go to pot
    Hey,

    You can get coconut milk from alot of asian or chinese supermarkets, coconut milk is also very good for potassium levels which are extremely important
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    I love the budding-chefs here
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    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    I love the budding-chefs here
    it's the ED that makes us love food. Can anyone else easily waste an afternoon watching Jamie's 30 minute meals/ Come dine with me. The former is food pr0n imo.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by natalie122)
    Hey,

    You can get coconut milk from alot of asian or chinese supermarkets, coconut milk is also very good for potassium levels which are extremely important
    Alright, sounds like I have a trip to make then - Asian supermarket is over the other side of town. I have a lecture right by it today but I feel really ****e so I don't think I'm going to go :/ I'll just amble up there I think. Gonna have to pick up some chicken breasts as well because I didn't get any out of the freezer :rolleyes:
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    Going to see a GP today. Pretty worried I might end up with a locum doctor who won't know about my previous history and will probably inevitably just put me on some sort of med/or tell me to man the **** up.
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    (Original post by cowsforsale)
    Going to see a GP today. Pretty worried I might end up with a locum doctor who won't know about my previous history and will probably inevitably just put me on some sort of med/or tell me to man the **** up.
    Good luck.

    Will it not be on your notes?
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    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    Good luck.

    Will it not be on your notes?
    No, first time mentioning it to a medic.
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    i thought i'd had a revelation last week, and i've been eating really well for a week, and then today i just snapped. however hard i try i always always go back. it's so frustrating.
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    (Original post by cowsforsale)
    Going to see a GP today. Pretty worried I might end up with a locum doctor who won't know about my previous history and will probably inevitably just put me on some sort of med/or tell me to man the **** up.
    Waste of ****ing time.

    Kept telling me over and over than I shouldn't worry about food, that i shouldn't let it consume me. Also, kept mentioning the fact that I was at a healthy BMI and nowhere near beng underweight (which is such a stupid thing to mention considering the fact I'm asking about Bulimia). However, he did mention that if i wanted to be referred then I might be in a tricky situation as i'm technically still addressed to this practice and therefore can only be referred to a psychiatric centre in glasgow (when i'm based elsewhere for the time being.).
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    (Original post by cowsforsale)
    Waste of ****ing time.

    Kept telling me over and over than I shouldn't worry about food, that i shouldn't let it consume me. Also, kept mentioning the fact that I was at a healthy BMI and nowhere near beng underweight (which is such a stupid thing to mention considering the fact I'm asking about Bulimia). However, he did mention that if i wanted to be referred then I might be in a tricky situation as i'm technically still addressed to this practice and therefore can only be referred to a psychiatric centre in glasgow (when i'm based elsewhere for the time being.).
    UGH! SO unhelpful What's the plan now batman?
    • #48
    #48

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    God, I'm doing so badly at eating anything near a normal amount of calories. I'm net at 900 for the day and I am FULL - and I've eaten breakfast, dinner and lunch! Lunch was a big heavy bowl of pasta as well so I don't get it :sad: How do normal people eat 1500 - 2000 calories?!


    :hugs: Cowsforsale, I hope you find someone who understands and can help you soon.
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    Cowsforsale, your doctor sounds like a total idiot and clearly doesn't have a clue about bulimia and the effect it's having on you. Maybe you could go again and ask for a different doctor, who'll actually be willing to help you?

    Life is extremely weird for me right now.. I find it so difficult to genuinely feel positive about anything. I've just finished a months course of Citalopram, and like Fluxetine, it made my mood and b/p behaviour worse but I've somehow managed to lose a lot of weight whilst on it (now 7st 11lbs). I'm terrified to see my doctor because I've rejected a second appointment from psychological services meaning that they've discharged me from their case load and I know he's mad at me.
    Physically.. I have no energy, the pains in my chest are almost constant, my skin is horrible, my periods have stopped completely, fainting/ light headedness has become way more regular.. I feel that my actions are catching up with me big time, yet I can't stop. I just don't want to exist any more.
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    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    And Tom, I think you sound really quite wonderful.
    Never give up on yourself, you are so worth it.
    Thank you. I'm just trying to remember who I am, I think that's important for a lot of us to break the cycle. x

    ________________
    Cowsforsale, I really hope you find a doctor who understands your problems soon. It's ridiculous how many males are under-diagnosed for EDs and there's stilla terrible stigma around it being the illness of teenage girls, when it can affect anyone. Toto recommended a book called The Invisible Man for us guys and it's an extremely insightful read, helps me understand why I find it so hard to describe my compulsions to pros.
    Sophiemay, there are so many warning signs I can't really offer much more than urging you to seek help immediately. Not meaning to sound callous, but facing an angry doctor could be the least of your problems right now.

    :hugs:


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    Not sure if these are really a problem although they're bugging me and I want to check they're not severe behaviours:
    a) Lowering blood pressure below average, mainly with a healthy diet, never adding salt etc. but perhaps taken to a slight extreme to mimic the effect of a slow, physically fit heartbeat. Pulse being in the mid-50s and averaging 15 min mile walk without kicking up a fuss don't know whether I'm heading towards the fit/athletic range or something which only seems that.
    Yeah, still freaking out over whether my gain is "healthy"/I'm in reasonable shape. Not to mention my current therapist seems to think it's OK that I'm not really trying to lose weight as I'm at a healthy weight, but have been trying to "tone up" for 7 years.
    Apart from that he might be onto something about what drives my ED. Progress is scary.
    b) It's not really conscious b/ping but exercising immediately after a comfort eat. I wasn't aiming to purge, just had to walk home right after biscuit-raid
    c) Related to this, spitting and chewing. I don't seem to do this anywhere else but the fight with the staff-room custard cream pack mustn't look pretty to outsiders : /

    And I may have to leave all of the health support and fitness forums on TSR and everywhere else because every time I suggest something there's always one pro who I'm negged by, proven to be a dumbass and all it does is trigger and reinforce the idea that I'm crap at even having an ED and my idea of disordered is pathetic. I.e. if it weren't for ED I'd be obese. But it's probably about time I gave up this stupid game of playing Mr Healthy anyway. df'ofodibfhbfrgfvrfr
    Yep I reject any status on health, nutrition and fitness. May have had my heart broken but still I'm throwing my life away for one girl, tonight almost literally. Stupid.
    This has never worked in the past, why will it in the future. I need to find my real identity again, what really makes me, not this shoddy replacement
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    I feel ****ing huge. I'm utterly disgusted with myself today.
    • #48
    #48

    Today's going to be a massive challenge, I have a massive amount of food packed with me, including a fair amount of junk (if I took just healthy food my team mates would be like :lolwut: plus sometimes you need some junk! Probably not to the level I've got though) it's an incredibly stressful atmosphere where someone you don't know is always looking at you and to top it off there's the actual competition... Argh

    I'll report back tomorrow as I am actually off to catch the bus in 40 minutes time and this is the start of my day, it ends between 10 and 11pm tonight! :sigh: :yy:
 
 
 
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