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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Reply 3120

Anonymous #98

Really struggling!!!! Went out for dinner tonight as on holiday (I picked a place we always used to go!) anyway. Was feeling kinda worried so checked the calories of my meal online, o find that it was 1400 cals just fo that meal (not including everything else I had today! :s) I'm feeling so guilty, just want to cry! Partially because I ate the food, and partially because i picked the resturant!!! :frown:

Reply 3121

TotoMimo

Anon, you are almost exactly the same stats as me. I will not tell you "you're skinny". You KNOW you're skinny. You should also know how blatantly UNHEALTHILY skinny you are.

I won't feed a negative threading of thought.

Reply 3122

Riku

Anyone feeling rough or down-=try a nice, slow, mindful walk. Forget about the speed, length or cals burnt-tune back in to being one with nature.
Sorry, Zen moment given me a recovery from terrible night's sleep :redface:

I was feeling shattered and low but it's just too nice outside to sit in brooding over nothing.
Well that's revived the energy I need to make the next breakthrough-pub quiz with mates I haven't seen in yonks. Incidentally grill night-fancy some gammon, pineapple, peas-and chips. I fancy chips. Scareddd

Why is it so hard?

Original post by Anonymous

"Guilt" implies that you've done some injustice to someone else that you feel responsible for. You picked a restaurant to go to on holiday. That's neither an illegal nor immoral act. You haven't done anything wrong. If anything you saved your family a bit of trouble in getting some grub!
Do unto yourself as you'd wish to others. Funny thing about disorders, they make us selfish introverts but they're usually a product of too much selflessness to start with. x

Original post by broken_rose

Why is it so hard?

Everything worth fighting for is hard. If it was all easy, we'd probably get a bit bored and take the process for granted. But the process is the only thing that matters-and in this case, it's recovery. It's not about what food and weight challenges you have to overcome even if it seems like that, it's really what you're learning about yourself and your capabilities in the face of adversity. You can do it. x

Reply 3125

Riku

This is gonna sound crazy, but has anyone experienced symptoms of hyperkalaemia or the like? How the hell can I be scared of high blood pressure and low pressure at the same time?
Still eating almost "too healthy", but I'm wondering if that's even possible. I've ended up fearing fruit and veg/potassium sources (thouh still having a lot)because I feel like I need more sodium, and to do that I wanna eat the most obvious source which is some junk. But I can't do that because that'd be emotional eating from anxiety >_<
The alternative is that I've just got a very young heart from looking after myself and stressing less. It's like I'm judgig myself for my own lifestyle choice. If I could accept it's OK to do as I am, then I'd be able to continue pushing the boundaries. But if it's not OK to even have everything in moderation, what is?
Also, if the main reason I'm doing it is to help me live longer, why pick something which over time would do the exact opposite?. Not to mention that just makes me even more afraid of it. Got to teach my body I don't need junk but I can have it whenever I want simply because I want it.

Why's it my body's never been so well and yet my mind's still so often ill?
/ niggle

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 3126

Cinnie

I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry :frown:

My mum is constantly bombarding me with unhealthy food as if I need fattening up, and at 4 she started on dinner. 4PM?!! And then wondered why I just stared at her, shellshocked when she told me it was ready, and then shouted at me 'I can't do anything right i'll just leave it for you to serve yourself'

It's 4pm. Why is this upsetting me so much? I think it's because I have my own routine - I don't want her cooking me dinner!!

Spoiler

All of the food threads that feature peoples daily diets are so triggering because all of the girls eat the same or less than me, or say that they hardly ever eat chocolate e.c.t. e.c.t. and it makes me feel awful.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 3127

.snowflake.

Original post by Cinnie

I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry :frown:

-huggingggg-. Women who 'hardly ever each chocolate' aren't real people imo. (hides and prepares for the neg rep.)

I'm definately getting worse. Having to consume a mug of hot choc and 9 squares of green and blacks to hit my BMR. This is not good.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 3128

Riku

Original post by Cinnie

I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry :frown:

Spoiler

Cinnie, slow down. Breathe. Breeeeathe.
Your mother is not trying to "fatten you up". Having your dinner a few hours earkly isn't going to result in you ballooning either.
Do you honestly think your mother's standing there in the kitchen, twizzling her moustache, and pondering the infinite ways that she can send her beloved daughter to an early grave? Do you honestly think she has the tme in the day to do that? Maybe she put it out early because she's going out tonight and, you kow, needs a life too?
She cares, and she's doing ehr best to help. That might not be perfect, and it probably won't sit well with the disordered mind, but trust her. She hasn't killed you yet, and she won't.
This coming from the guy who spent a year in therapy to be convinced that his pre-package Co-op and Tesco tuna mayo sandwiches were actually less good for him than what Ma was makin' or bkakin'-and not made with the same TLC fo'sho'. As I say, my bout of "othorexia" was majorly confused.
(Incidentally, olive oil? Unhealthy? Perhaps the single damn healthiest type of fat going! You won't find much to beat olive oil. )
Is it wrong for those we love to try and help? Why do we push them away and choose to suffer inside our own often self-inflicted prisons?

Reply 3129

Cinnie

Original post by Riku

Thanks snow and riku

- in response to your previous post that I didn't see - I don't know if this is what you mean but when I go to the doctors sometimes I have high-normal blood pressure and sometimes it's very low, and when I stand up I always black out. Very strange...

And, most of me knows she is trying to help. I just hate that my plan, which consumes 50% of all my thoughts (because it has to, to stop me mindlessly bingeing and to stop me forgetting to eat) is changed.

I do look pretty ill though and I guess she is just scared. I feel better than I have in months and am eating double, just with no bingeing resulting in weight loss. She got annoyed with me earlier because I told her not to make beans with rice because it's not a balanced meal, and now I feel like she's getting revenge or something =/

Reply 3130

Anonymous #48

Original post by Cinnie

I need to go back to uni. I just want to cry :frown:

Spoiler

It's ok, she's not doing it on purpose. Are you allowed to make your own food? It could be nice to tell her that one night a week, you're taking over the cooking when you're at home - but as it's got to be for your family, you can't just do something low cal and tasteless, it has to be good for you all to eat. She gets a night off, you get control, and everyone gets a good meal.

Just before I left for uni yesterday my mum made a joke about how gaunt I'm looking (amazing as I've stayed the same weight for the last three ****ing years) and how I need to stop 'those stupid diets I'm on'. I'm confused as to what she thinks I am :confused:

But she's my Mum so I'll cut her a little slack.

Spoiler

Reply 3131

Pen Island

Hi,
I posted a few weeks ago (page 155, post 3091) looking for some advice, nobody replied but now I really really really actually need help.
I didn't go to the doctors, I couldn't face it. I couldn't tell anybody. I still can't. My eating is getting worse. Now it's always one or two days of less than 1000 calories, then a binge day (when I'll also usually try to throw up after, but my gag reflex sucks so I can't always be sick). Lost a bit of weight I think but nothing too noticable (because of the binge days, no doubt) but I'm getting progressively worse, binges getting less frequent but more attempts at throwing up. More avoiding food. The other day I spent £20 on the train just so I could go to the next town over to get far away from food as possible because I was scared of binging. More and more secret exercising too, which is really bad because instead of spending time revising for my a-levels, I'll spend 3 hours or so jogging on the spot. Food is all I think about, it's seriously starting to interfere with my life. I just don't know what to do :frown:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 3132

Cinnie

Original post by Pen Island

What's good is that you know that you have a problem - you are not convincing yourself that what you're doing is fine. Purging is only going to get worse if you don't do something about it - if you let it carry on you will end up being obsessed with keeping as little down as possible and it will ruin your current life. Sorry to be so blunt, but think of the future, being honest with yourself and realizing that you need help is better than carrying on this way.

Telling yourself that you can't tell anyone is only going to put a huge brick wall up between you and recovery. Apply all of your determination to saying 'actually, I can do whatever I need to do. I CAN beat this'. (Same for anon 48, if you are convinced that you wont starve or binge then you probably won't)

Fake it till you make it. That's the best of my advice.

----

Update: Today is a new day. That is all :smile:

(and I was a complete idiot for thinking my mum is contaminating my food with fat)

And snow, I somehow didn't compute what you'd written last night... thanks for the reassurance. Chocolate is so yummy :drool:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 3133

Riku

Pen-Seriously, take Cinnie's advice. These things thrive off secrecy, and they're double-edged. They'll slowly kill you while taking away your life if you let them, but it works the other way fortunately; if you let your close ones know they can help you get well and keep it together. Of course, the hardest part is that first step. But if you can acknowledge something's wrong (i.e. not in denial), you're not yet a risk to yourself at least.

Cinnie, Yeah, the BP fluctuations. I dunno whether it means I'm super-healthy (apart from being a little crazy from worrying about it...) or gonna pass out any day now. It's confusing :s-smilie:

Was wondering whether we always need to spoiler food. If we try to detach its emotional significance and all nutritional value, or at elast replace them with moderately positive connotations rather than those obviously , why would it be triggering? Fear of the name only creates fear of the thing itself, as Hermione put it :P

Spoiler

I'd still agree with spoilering explicit behaviours etc., and don't want anyone to feel they can't share exactly how they're feeling no matter how bad it is, but I think normalising its discussion could help in our recovery. Just a thought, but obviously it's a very sensitive subejct, we're all at different stages,I'm coming from a slightly different disordered state and am no replacement for a therapist. I know many of us use the Food and Drink boards to outlet these things in a more objective way, me included.
If everyone's against this because it's more triggering tha helpful then let me know and I'll shut up
:colondollar:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 3134

.snowflake.

I personally put food into spoilers/ white text because i know if i see huge lists of food, I can imagine eating all of it; which then makes me panic/ want to rip my skin off. So why exactly I'm looking at a tumblr where all that is posted is pictures of food, I don't know.