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    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by squiff93)
    I phoned the company up and fortuntely they can stop the payments so that I don't receive any more, however I cannot return them and be refunded. They didnt accept my uni adrdress to ship them to so they got sent home, which i meant i wasn't aware of what / how much i was being sent.

    Thing is I was going to try and get myself off this stuff, but over 100 pounds worth of stuff I don't know if I can just chuck it away and waste it. The worst thing aswell is that I now can't afford to go food shopping, I wanted to sort stuff out but now I'm just stuck again.

    Ohwell lesson learnt I guess.
    Health > Wealth

    xxxxx
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by squiff93)
    I phoned the company up and fortuntely they can stop the payments so that I don't receive any more, however I cannot return them and be refunded. They didnt accept my uni adrdress to ship them to so they got sent home, which i meant i wasn't aware of what / how much i was being sent.

    Thing is I was going to try and get myself off this stuff, but over 100 pounds worth of stuff I don't know if I can just chuck it away and waste it. The worst thing aswell is that I now can't afford to go food shopping, I wanted to sort stuff out but now I'm just stuck again.

    Ohwell lesson learnt I guess.
    I would still push for a refund - especially if you didn't know what/how much you were getting, that's not on. Badger them enough and they'll soon give in!

    With regards what to do with them, chuck them down the loo/take them into a pharmacy to get them to dispose of and chalk it up to experience. Saving your body, the risk of your mum finding out and saving someone else from taking them if you pass them on. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would still push for a refund - especially if you didn't know what/how much you were getting, that's not on. Badger them enough and they'll soon give in!

    With regards what to do with them, chuck them down the loo/take them into a pharmacy to get them to dispose of and chalk it up to experience. Saving your body, the risk of your mum finding out and saving someone else from taking them if you pass them on. :hugs:
    Trust me I would never pass them on. I wouldn't do that to someone just in case, you read horror stories about this kind of stuff, I don't understand why I'd gladly take them myself even knowing that they could potentially be really dangerous :/.

    They said they can't refund becuase they are orally consumed, and i was like even if it's in original packeging and they were like sorry we can't refund grrrr.... well as long as i know that no more money will randomly disappear i can work on saving the money that i have, and not doing anything like that.

    feel better than I did last night though knowing it's cancelled
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    Right guys can anyone help me out because I've cocked upw twice big-time in the past week but not sure quite how. Life's getting good and I'm getting mroe relaxed/coping with exam stress pretty well, so I want to really try and END this ****ing cycle for good before it gets really out of hand again. They're quite complciated but I think I've got some faulty lines of reasoning which I can't currently fathom.
    Spoiler:
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    One is about cake at work, the other's about dealing (poorly) with going to Nan's for tea.
    1. Sunday-At work, colleague brought in cakes from a bake sale fundraiser she'd threw the day before. Barely any of them had been touched, there were literally four whole plastic trays of cake left over, and she was going to bin them if no-one had them today. I felt awful for her making that effort and then not getting anything out of it, so tried to help her out by having a slice or two myself...which turned into eating the entire tray ...even though I didn't actually want much if any int he first place : /
    My manager came into the staff room (joint kitchen) and was wondering what the hell I was doing. Could've ended up with a disciplinary for being off-floor if this'd happened earlier during my shift. Fortunately it was at the end of it so that didn't happen. What they did instead was virtually worse, suggested I take the other tray home with me to share with Dad (was visiting him after work). I'd already started nibbling on it so no-one else could take it instead, but had I takebn it Dad might've guessed what I'd been up to, so yeah, I ate ANOTHER whole tray and binned it so that it looked like I'd took it home.
    Turned out they'd staretd to go off anyway, so a few hours later I felt hideously sick yet can't throw it up. Dad had prepared his first ever stab at a roastie especially for me coming round after work, and I couldn't eat mroe than a few bites because I would've puked otherwise. We were also gonna see Avengers but nearly had to cancel it as I was couch-bound for half the evening.
    In the end I threw caution to the wind and sat rather groggily through The Avengers with him, which was fortunately awesome enough for this true believer to make everything all right :P
    I actually told him what had happened as well, and apparently he'd been through a simialr phase as a kid. He was way more sympathetic than I thought about binging and stood with me through being really ill. You learn something enw everyday, eh?
    2. Today-As I say, I'm gong to Nan and Granddad'ss for tea. I've probably mentioned that this still gets me really worried because she makes so much for us even though I know once I'm there I usually get a lot mroe relaxed about things. Also she always makes some really ncie rich pud and even though I've been mroe adventurous with lunch choices and life beyond food lately, today iw anted to play it fairly safe so I didn't stress out too much about the visit.
    I was trying not to eat too much through the day as a result-still eating but no really big meals or sweets. Breakfast was nice and healthy, I wanted lunch to be the same way too. During my Englishs eminar about 4 hours later though I started feeling kinda hungry and because I'm just so confused about wheher this is really my set-point or a healthy weight for me and this being nothing like my pre-ED body and my history, the feeling of hunger's still a real threat and I started getting scared about it. That meant Iwanted some lunch imemdiately, couldn't wait-and the first thing I saw was a yoghurt (fair enough) and a fried chicken wrap, which somehow I convinced myself was the healthiest option because it was the lwoest calorie (the restw ere ajckets, apsata sald etc. logic fail FTL) and would eman elast weight gain at Nan's. *******s.
    Unsurprisingly I felt full after just the wrap but got really frustrated with myself for being an idiot, had a trance moment and ate a flapjack, walked over to the library and got a Twix, and was about to go on another Christmas cake spree but stopped msyelf just in time because I didn#'t want to feel like I did on Sudnay again. But even that emant I felt the need to buy some "real" food 9turkey salad sandwich to compensate.
    Now I feel quite bloated and queasy and worried about the horrendous amount of junk I've just stuck in my body without even wanting to. But more than that, I've possibly ruined my night with my grandparents and certainly wrecked my appetite, so now I'm really ****ting one about seeing them. And I can't even figure out why I did it. It's not like I've been restricting or even making almost anything off-limits, I would've thought waiting until tonight for dessert would be classed as, well, moderation?
    Help?
    • #99
    #99

    Hi. This is my first time posting in this forum and I'm not even sure whether I should be, as I'm only just coming to terms with the idea that I might have a problem. I've been to the doctors about eating problems for the first time today because I had really bad palpitations when I was with a friend and he called a doctor who told me to see my GP. I'm really, really angry with whoever made my bathroom scales, as I've found out today that I'm actually 6 pounds lighter than I thought I was and the whole reason I got into this mess was because I thought that my bmi was much higher than it actually was and now I'm just terrified of eating more than is absolutely necessary to stay upright in case something in me tells me to throw it up. What I wanted to ask really was whether other people had had issues with chest pain and palpitations, particularly when standing? I mentioned them to the doctor, who wrote it down, but didn't say anything about it to me, so I just wanted to know if they've caused anybody real problems, because they're really scary. I feel really bad if I eat because I'm scared and then think that they actually have nothing to do with food and a lot more to do with stress/panic.
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    I have to apologise for my lack of presence lately... Tough days aplomb.

    Firstly, anons, weight of the individual is nothing to do with an ED? You can literally be a 30 stone anorexic or bulimic. Secondly, dysmorphia is a common trait of a disorder; thats seeing someone in the mirror that others do not. If you experience either, go to your gp. And trust me, it is not embarrassing in the slightest... These disorders are surprisingly frequent these days.

    As for me i have reached the cusp of 8 stone... 6lbs away from my minimum healthy bmi. It has been a long 2 year slog. But the weight gain has been all flab to the stomach and face and someone said a very cutting remark to me about it recently. Needless to say when youre hit in your weak spot, you flinch and hide for a day, week... Fortnight. I am aware that in recovery the weightngain is all stomach for storage, but I am finding this exceptionally difficult as i approach this final half stone, still stuffing my face on the 3500 cal a day gain diet...
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I have to apologise for my lack of presence lately... Tough days aplomb.

    Firstly, anons, weight of the individual is nothing to do with an ED? You can literally be a 30 stone anorexic or bulimic. Secondly, dysmorphia is a common trait of a disorder; thats seeing someone in the mirror that others do not. If you experience either, go to your gp. And trust me, it is not embarrassing in the slightest... These disorders are surprisingly frequent these days.

    As for me i have reached the cusp of 8 stone... 6lbs away from my minimum healthy bmi. It has been a long 2 year slog. But the weight gain has been all flab to the stomach and face and someone said a very cutting remark to me about it recently. Needless to say when youre hit in your weak spot, you flinch and hide for a day, week... Fortnight. I am aware that in recovery the weightngain is all stomach for storage, but I am finding this exceptionally difficult as i approach this final half stone, still stuffing my face on the 3500 cal a day gain diet...
    Keep at it Toto! I can't imagine how tought it must be because I've never done it, but you've done so so well to get as far as you have! Just think about all the things you can do now that you couldn't do before you started gaining. Again, I can't speak from experience, but I should imagine it does start getting easier eventually...and think of that job you want to take!

    We're all here for you and all really really proud of you
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I have to apologise for my lack of presence lately... Tough days aplomb.

    Firstly, anons, weight of the individual is nothing to do with an ED? You can literally be a 30 stone anorexic or bulimic. Secondly, dysmorphia is a common trait of a disorder; thats seeing someone in the mirror that others do not. If you experience either, go to your gp. And trust me, it is not embarrassing in the slightest... These disorders are surprisingly frequent these days.

    As for me i have reached the cusp of 8 stone... 6lbs away from my minimum healthy bmi. It has been a long 2 year slog. But the weight gain has been all flab to the stomach and face and someone said a very cutting remark to me about it recently. Needless to say when you're hit in your weak spot, you flinch and hide for a day, week... Fortnight. I am aware that in recovery the weightngain is all stomach for storage, but I am finding this exceptionally difficult as i approach this final half stone, still stuffing my face on the 3500 cal a day gain diet...
    Hallo there! Ain't seen you in a while!

    Don't worry about the comments;

    Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.'

    Any negative comment would be the equivalent of calling a cancer patient baldy. Yes things are a little off, maybe in your own or head maybe in others, but it all part of the recovery process. And just as a cancer patient recovers and regains their hair things in your body will shift back into proper position. You are getting there man, you are soooooo close. You aren't fighting to just gain weight, but you are fighting to get your life back on track!

    You be crazy man if you let it get to you, they be whack. Dog? (I dunno, trying to be more hip and with the crowds)




    @Riku; You're getting stressed at the moment and as your emotional energy builds you finally end up collapsing under the mildest strain. I don't mean this in a negative way, but the dazed mood has become your emotional void, sucking up the energy as it falls. Do you have any emotional outlet of sorts?

    You're a cool man, you just need to find your own flow.
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    *hugs* to everyone.

    I have been invited to a theme park this weekend. I really want to go, but am worried whether my body will cope. I struggle walking long distances these days and am worried that at my current weight,
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    BMI is under 17.5
    , a long day with loads of standing around, walking and roller-coasters is going to be too much for it. I don't want this stupid thing getting in the way of having fun though Don't know what to do.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    *hugs* to everyone.

    I have been invited to a theme park this weekend. I really want to go, but am worried whether my body will cope. I struggle walking long distances these days and am worried that at my current weight,
    Spoiler:
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    BMI is under 17.5
    , a long day with loads of standing around, walking and roller-coasters is going to be too much for it. I don't want this stupid thing getting in the way of having fun though Don't know what to do.
    I went with a massive group to Thorpe Park when my BMI was very low. It was incredible. It made me let go because I was enjoying myself, with my friends. I ate normally because I thought 'everyone else is eating what they want, why can't I?' It was absolutely awesome and I have great memories for that day. You may find yourself enjoying it so much that you end up eating normally, without any fear. x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    I went with a massive group to Thorpe Park when my BMI was very low. It was incredible. It made me let go because I was enjoying myself, with my friends. I ate normally because I thought 'everyone else is eating what they want, why can't I?' It was absolutely awesome and I have great memories for that day. You may find yourself enjoying it so much that you end up eating normally, without any fear. x
    Thanks jazzy, that's good to hear I would definitely eat ok, but was more worried about the physical strain. I'm probably underestimating my strength xx

    Riku,
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    firstly, nice one for going to see the film anyways - I probably wouldn't have had the guts. Secondly, you are eating food because you feel bad that other people have made it and it's not getting eaten? Emotional response = bad. If you have already eaten and feel too full and you don't fancy it, then you can say no, or take a bit for another time. It's as simple as that and you are then no different from everyone else (including the person who made the food - they aren't eating it all just because there is some left)


    How did your nans go? xx
    • #100
    #100

    Certain people on this thread sicken me, going around telling other members that their binges aren't "proper binges" and patronising them about their ED's, as if their own disorder is more important or special. We all have problems and no one is superior to anyone else. You know who you are.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Certain people on this thread sicken me, going around telling other members that their binges aren't "proper binges" and patronising them about their ED's, as if their own disorder is more important or special. We all have problems and no one is superior to anyone else. You know who you are.
    I don't think people do this out of malice, Anon. I believe that people on this thread are just reassuring others who think they've binged to alleviate the feelings of guilt which follow.
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    I don't think people do this out of malice, Anon. I believe that people on this thread are just reassuring others who think they've binged to alleviate the feelings of guilt which follow.
    This.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Thanks jazzy, that's good to hear I would definitely eat ok, but was more worried about the physical strain. I'm probably underestimating my strength xx

    Riku,
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    firstly, nice one for going to see the film anyways - I probably wouldn't have had the guts. Secondly, you are eating food because you feel bad that other people have made it and it's not getting eaten? Emotional response = bad. If you have already eaten and feel too full and you don't fancy it, then you can say no, or take a bit for another time. It's as simple as that and you are then no different from everyone else (including the person who made the food - they aren't eating it all just because there is some left)


    How did your nans go? xx
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    I've been brought up on a "waste not, want not" philosophy. It's only been more recently as my parents came to realise I felt compelled to eat everything and just ignore my hunger and satiety signals, and since they've realised that I actually find it painful to say No to someone, that they've started wholeheartedly saying it's OK to do just that. Now I'm given the choice with everything, and it's such a relief.
    Seeing Avengers post-binge didn't really have anything to do with guts-it was a sanity check. Knowing I'm depriving myself of happiness and opportunity yet not really even knowing why can really drive you insane.
    Besides, it was the least I could do for Stan the Man :P
    Nan's went incredibly well again-I even managed a full meal, plus dessert, some chocs and white wine (I guess to a point my hunger had been numbed, but I can't let binging start justifying skipping meals. That's a slippery slope.) But I'd given time for my body to settle down and my emotional state for the evening was definitely "indulge", not "binge" or SI, which is great


    As for the theme park, I can't see why you're not entitled to a nice day out! If your GP hasn't advised you to stop exercising, there's nothing to worry about regarding the rides. And if you really feel it's too much strain, or are a bit unsure, you don't even have to go on any of the rides? Most of these places have gorgeous parks or spots by a river to simply chill with great company, which is just the ticket for a sunny day ^ ^ but yes, I do feel you’re probably underestimating your own formidable strength-certainly strength of character x





    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Hallo there! Ain't seen you in a while!

    Don't worry about the comments;

    Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.'

    Any negative comment would be the equivalent of calling a cancer patient baldy. Yes things are a little off, maybe in your own or head maybe in others, but it all part of the recovery process. And just as a cancer patient recovers and regains their hair things in your body will shift back into proper position. You are getting there man, you are soooooo close. You aren't fighting to just gain weight, but you are fighting to get your life back on track!

    You be crazy man if you let it get to you, they be whack. Dog? (I dunno, trying to be more hip and with the crowds)




    @Riku; You're getting stressed at the moment and as your emotional energy builds you finally end up collapsing under the mildest strain. I don't mean this in a negative way, but the dazed mood has become your emotional void, sucking up the energy as it falls. Do you have any emotional outlet of sorts?

    You're a cool man, you just need to find your own flow.
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    I really don't understand, man. I have quite a few. I used about 5 just last night to try and get to sleep (exam stress I guess, hasn't happened in a while to be fair. Protip: Lord of the Rings OST isn't the best sound to induce sleep :rolleyes: Seal, however, smoooth...)
    Music's a massive stress-reliever for me, reading as well though not so much these days, which is ironic considering my degree lol. Maybe I just need more time to reignite that one properly.
    What's really annoying is when I want to vent some rage on the drums but might be too tired to even do that considering I have panic attacks if I try and do anything too heavy when feeling groggy. Knowing I've got the outlet and not being able to even use it's sickening.
    You're right in that this is basically a void. If I went straight for food I'd feel nothing except some guilt and worry. If I left it, and no-one was around, I'd start becoming aware of the aching silence (sorry for getting grim. It doesn't help for me to sit and think about things for too long).

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Certain people on this thread sicken me, going around telling other members that their binges aren't "proper binges" and patronising them about their ED's, as if their own disorder is more important or special. We all have problems and no one is superior to anyone else. You know who you are.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    If this was me, Anon, I’m really sorry. I don’t mean it to come out as that. No-one should feel guilty or worried for eating, though. We try and let each other know that because we’ll very often forget.
    Please understand that it’s actually part of my anxious condition and perfectionism to try and appear “superior” and take up some mature wise-man role, when really this is practically being a keyboard-warrior because I’m as in the dark and afraid as everyone else here. Especially when it comes to a lot of the nutrition stuff, considering I’m currently learning how to crack eggs open properly! >_<
    And yes, I agree. I am so pissed off at the doctors for writing me off as just a stress-eater. How can you say a litre of ice cream straight from the freezer isn't a binge...I really don't emsn to trigger btw sorry it had tom come otu
    This was a little problem for me for a very long time, way before it was a big problem. Frankly it’s a nasty habit. No offense or belittling was ever intended by it.
    :hugs:


    Much love to all. I’m not feeling great today but it’s too nice to be stuck in and they just opened Central Perk in town. I reckon a bit of Friends with a couple of friends could cheer me up
    • #100
    #100

    [QUOTE=Riku;37406651]
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    If this was me, Anon, I’m really sorry. I don’t mean it to come out as that. No-one should feel guilty or worried for eating, though. We try and let each other know that because we’ll very often forget.
    Please understand that it’s actually part of my anxious condition and perfectionism to try and appear “superior” and take up some mature wise-man role, when really this is practically being a keyboard-warrior because I’m as in the dark and afraid as everyone else here. Especially when it comes to a lot of the nutrition stuff, considering I’m currently learning how to crack eggs open properly! >_<
    This was a little problem for me for a very long time, way before it was a big problem. Frankly it’s a nasty habit. No offense or belittling was ever intended by it.
    :hugs:


    No Riku, it wasn't you at all. Take care of yourself please. x
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Thanks jazzy, that's good to hear I would definitely eat ok, but was more worried about the physical strain. I'm probably underestimating my strength xx
    Your body will be fine. If I'm being honest, I've lost a lot of weight recently (no relapse -- just stress/family problems and lovesickness) and my BMI is about the same as yours, but I still manage to do everything and go clubbing etc, stuff that would be strenuous. Go and enjoy yourself! x
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    Anyone had any experience with hair-loss? It seems its different for different people (ie delayed body reaction time, amount that actually comes out, regrowth).
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    Kiku, as you can see from my pics in op, i suffered a high amount of hair loss and alopecia-esque cranial scarring/scabbing. Ive been in recovery for over a year now on true gain diets, not even healthy bmi yet, and its still not all back.

    Your body just focuses on restoring the "primary risk factors" first when faced with an ed related death... More "trivial" aesthetics go on the backburner.

    Hence the fact my fat gain, all 20lbs of it, is facial and stomach. The body is in survival mode having faced death for such a long time, and goes "get this all to the organs, damnit;" - my body is not voncerned by things like skin condition, hair restoration, sexual desire returning, and so on... Those come after the "ok, house is built... Now we can paper the walls."
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    Do any of you guys suffer from achey muscles after purging?

    Quite worried that purging is relatively easy for me these days. Starting a new diet soon which would hopefully teach me some better eating habits. On a brighter note, I recently came across this channel on youtube which may be of some use for other sufferers.
 
 
 
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