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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by kikukaede)
    Anyone had any experience with hair-loss? It seems its different for different people (ie delayed body reaction time, amount that actually comes out, regrowth).
    Hey I lost loads of hair when I was anorexic. As Toto said, your body doesn't think aesthetics are that important. Hair growth and renewal requires calories and if you're not giving your body enough, your body will economise and get those calories to the most important places like your organs and your brain. My hair was falling out in clumps, it was horrible. To hide my going bald, I had to chop my hair off and have a boy cut. Not a good look :\ x
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    I see.... I'm just curious to hear anyone's experience with a delayed reaction in hair loss. I'm starting to notice quite a bit of hair coming out in the shower and on my pillow, but I wouldn't say 'clumps'. Also, I'm not even thin right now I'm pretty obese - but I was down at a very low weight a few months ago.

    Idk, I'm beginning to think more and more its completely unrelated, I've just heard of some experiences where people only started to lose their hair after putting the weight back on (like the reaction of the body to the low weight is delayed, or something).
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    (Original post by kikukaede)
    I see.... I'm just curious to hear anyone's experience with a delayed reaction in hair loss. I'm starting to notice quite a bit of hair coming out in the shower and on my pillow, but I wouldn't say 'clumps'. Also, I'm not even thin right now I'm pretty obese - but I was down at a very low weight a few months ago.

    Idk, I'm beginning to think more and more its completely unrelated, I've just heard of some experiences where people only started to lose their hair after putting the weight back on (like the reaction of the body to the low weight is delayed, or something).
    My hair still falls out quite a bit, even though I'm a healthy weight as well. I think it may generally be due to lack of the vital vitamins? My hairdresser is always banging on about it. And iron deficiency. What's your vitamin intake like? x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    My hair still falls out quite a bit, even though I'm a healthy weight as well. I think it may generally be due to lack of the vital vitamins? My hairdresser is always banging on about it. And iron deficiency. What's your vitamin intake like? x
    I am anaemic and I don't take any supplements for it anymore, but I haven't for a long time (like, over a year) but its only now I've noticed my hair coming out. And I don't take any vitamin supplements.

    ....so your guess is probably because of that reason then heh~
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    (Original post by kikukaede)
    I am anaemic and I don't take any supplements for it anymore, but I haven't for a long time (like, over a year) but its only now I've noticed my hair coming out. And I don't take any vitamin supplements.

    ....so your guess is probably because of that reason then heh~
    Yeah, it does take a while for the body to react, but I would say it's because of that my mum's anaemic and her hair falls out quite a lot more than everyone else. x
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    Right I'm sick of this.
    I really do not want to de-rail the thread especially with Toto being in the crucial weight restoration phase, but could anyone, perhaps from a more recovered perspective, could help me with how they deal with maintenance and avoiding relapse, particularly the whole transition from gain diet to maintenance eating, it'd be a relief. This really shouldn't be so complicated. I feel stupid asking this not even being DSM-diagnosed, but it seems that a lot of people find it hard adjusting mindsets and I'm one of those.

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    I'm so confused about whether I'm supposed to be gaining or not. And I feel much comfier at maintenance. I can deal with mild overeating really but not this incessant voice saying I MUST gain. Effectively I've become terrified of losing-which isn't a problem right now
    (BMI hovering between 19.5 and 20 and I think my bf% is very healthy but don't know for certain)
    but if this consistent overeating and stress-eating continues it could cause problems.
    I hate to confess but I feel like I HAVE to eat, when a little part of me doesn't want to gain. And yet I want to live a happy life and be fit, strong, healthy and be able to think straight and I'm getting that and I can't do any of these things being at a low weight so I won't go back, but in its place I've got this idea I have to keep my weight high and as you all know that's led right through to binging and it's impossible to explain to friends who are at much lower (but still healthy) weights due to skinny frames. And it defies all logic because I should be keeping it stable simply by eating when hungry? I dunno
    I'm sick sick SICK of letting this control me, but I've heard so many scare stories about the dangers of restriction that I've gone the other way. I'm having 4 meals today and I don't even know why, I wasn't that hungry
    [It was muesli, a hotdog lol (went with Dad to the pics), just now some spag bol after the drums, fruit+yoghurt as snacks, for dinner it's either beans on toast (probably) or corned beef hash. Spag bol and corned beef hash in the same day at maintenance seems mad. This isn't binging to me but does feel like overeating, what really gets me is the fact I felt compelled to eat it for safety rather than any desire : / ]




    If a doctor could just say to me "you need to gain", or "you don't need to gain, just eat when you're hungry, stop when full and have what you fancy, keep exercising too", life would once again be MUCH simpler. Instead I think I can't go hungry and I'm unable to do vigorous exercise because my heart's at risk-and I love exercise, it helps me de-stress so much. I don't know. Is it worth going back to check?
    • #39
    #39

    Struggling a bit at the moment. Went 17 days without binging but now uni work is getting a bit stressful I'm back to my usual binge- don't eat for a couple days - binge - don't eat and it's really not good.
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    Ugh, have barely eaten all weekend, family drama has got me nauseous and without any kind of an appetite. (Spoilered for talk of domestic violence)
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    My sister's fiance (with whom she has a seven year old daughter) has a drinking problem and on Friday it turned violent. He went on a bender and met her from work in town asking for money and actually swung at her on the tube. Luckily a group of men on the train protected her and alerted the transport police. I had collected my niece from school and my sister called me to tell me to take her to my parent's house if he showed up. The transport police detained him so she could get back on the tube and beat him home. But then he showed up and hit her across the face when she wouldn't let him in the house. I had my niece on my lap in the living room so she wouldn't see anything but she screamed when she heard her mum get hit. He left and we went to a neighbour's (who's a domestic violence survivor) so my sister could decide what to do.
    So they stayed at our other sister's and the next day went to the house (where he was sleeping it off) to tell him it was over and to leave. He responded by pushing her down the stairs and the police had to be called to get him away from her, he was even threatening her when the police were holding him back. She refused to press charges, took all of his stuff to the tip and asked me to stay the night at theirs (she didn't want to be alone in the house).

    Since Friday I've been living off diet coke. On Friday I went out with some friends and got wasted (can't remember most of the night) because I couldn't stop stressing and I needed to get out of my head for a while. I feel so powerless. I couldn't protect her.
    Urgh, my exams start next week and I can't face food at all. How on earth am I supposed to focus on revision?
    • #101
    #101

    Hi,
    I'm really really worried; I have anorexia, and was in hospital for most of last year;
    I then came out, lost all and some more of the weight, and almost got shoved back in again (I should've been... I was doing erm "things" to make my weight look more than it was) but anyway.. I've put on some weight (BMI 15) and I know this isn't enough, but I'm still going.
    I've applied to university, to study medicine, and got a place (!!!) , but I have to do a medical, where I have to get a huge detailed medical history of me filled out and co-signed by a doc.
    Not sure if anyone has any experience of this, but would the uni now reject me on these medical things?
    It'd have in there my weight, height, and thaat I was in hospital last year with anorexia.
    urgh such a mess!!
    • #48
    #48

    I'm gonna try and make this post without a) making myself look like an arse or b) offending anyone... 'cos you're all such lovely people who deserve a lot of happiness and to love your bodies :hugs: (Why do I feel like I broke part b already? Eurgh. I'm so crap at writing tactfully). I'll spoiler for weight and various other things...

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    After being at home for a few weeks, between end of lectures and exams, I've noticed that it's only really at uni that I sabotage my eating habits - I go days without eating, throw food out when I'm cooking it, exercise excessively. But at home I eat 3 solid meals a day; well. Kind of. At home I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day and whatever I'm given for dinner. I have rituals with food, I have to be in the right place to eat it, with everything set out right and if it's not I have a childish tantrum or refuse to eat it on bad days. The intrusive thoughts that tell me I'm fat and I look hideous and my body is horrible are still there but they're muted... It's like I turn around to that voice and say '**** you' as I have two biscuits with my mid morning cuppa. But the voice is just sitting there, waiting for the moment I realise what I'm doing and then it jumps in with the horrible negative things again. Obviously, neither extreme is healthy (I think in the last month I lost 8lbs from being at uni and then put it all back on again when I got home) but which is worse? Where do I stand? I'm not anorexic. Whilst I often think about it and how easy it would be I have never purged. When I exercise it's sensible even though it's an awful lot more at uni. I'm well within the range of a healthy BMI and yet I look at my body and see this massively grotesque figure that shouldn't fit into the clothes I do. But if I look at a picture of myself without being able to tell it's me, I think that it's ok and the body is alright for it's proportions. At uni I spend most of my time trawling tumblr looking up pictures of beautiful thin girls who are fit and healthy, at home I do the same and get upset and stressed/lash out at people when I eat because I know that logically, the extra cookie is neither making me have the body I want nor is eating it 'curing' the thoughts in my head. I don't want a label but I'm so god damn frustrated with where I am and what I'm doing to myself. I'm fed up of this all, but I don't feel like anything real is wrong or I could go to anyone and say 'look, this is happening' because lets face it, despite the wise words of Toto at the top of this page, if I went to a doctor and told them that they'd laugh me out of the clinic with the advice of 'stop worrying'.
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    Anonymous 101 (crikey, agog with anon), the university can indeed decide to refuse your entry if they see your debility or decreasing health as counterproductive and affecting to etc)your attendance/progress through a course (which it is). At my worst state (which everyone including myself always barked "wont be me!") i was spending up to 8 hours a day "tending" to the anorexia (predetermined meal shopping, excessive exercises, etc) and excusing myself from work, social gatherings etc.

    They cant outright say "youre not in because you seem flaky", but they are within their rights to offer "your" position to someone seemingly more consistent... Its all about pass rates mind!

    Next anon... 84 this time i think... Bmi is zero to do with ed. "im not anorexic because" and "i dont have ed, but..." is ed talk. Ed is simply put... Disordered eating. I would have an ed if i could only eat red m and ms. Hell, jack spratt and his wife have eds.

    So please dont belittle or downsize your issues, theyre as significant as anyone here's.
    • #65
    #65

    Just chucking my Anonymous WAH out there... so to speak.

    Very Ill. Lost my Job last week (Well I had an OH write me off as completely unable to work) and I also lost a job interview I went for in an attempt to replace the job I'm off sick from (was off sick because boss was being an arse about my depression - and making it worse). So got about two weeks of half pay left til I have to go on ESA again (woop woop 0_0).

    ED (bulimia) is back with a bang and a half - doc started me on a new SNRI (I've got treatment resistant depression as well) which is making me feel sporadically sick and like I can't eat so my messed up mia head is using that as an excuse to eat chocolate and crap and nothing else. I've managed not to throw up past few days and can feel myself piling weight on so today - seen as I've just woken up feeling really sick, is probably going to go wither way on the extreme scale again. Gonna try not to let it but I'm alone in the house all day so short of locking myself in the box room I'm not sure what to do. Don't want to call my secondary care care co-ordinator person at the ED unit, because I bloody hate the 'medical' approach to treating ED people which they have and I know all I'll end up doing is sitting and talking for an hour about how I feel fat to a bloke I've very nearly punched a few times (intensive day unit programme last year - fun being the only bulimic with seven anorexic girls).

    So yes...just needed to get the angst out to people who get it.
    • #82
    #82

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    I'm really really worried; I have anorexia, and was in hospital for most of last year;
    I then came out, lost all and some more of the weight, and almost got shoved back in again (I should've been... I was doing erm "things" to make my weight look more than it was) but anyway.. I've put on some weight (BMI 15) and I know this isn't enough, but I'm still going.
    I've applied to university, to study medicine, and got a place (!!!) , but I have to do a medical, where I have to get a huge detailed medical history of me filled out and co-signed by a doc.
    Not sure if anyone has any experience of this, but would the uni now reject me on these medical things?
    It'd have in there my weight, height, and thaat I was in hospital last year with anorexia.
    urgh such a mess!!
    Hi

    I'm going to be going to medical school in september (providing I get the grades). I was diagnosed with anorexia a couple of years ago, but I haven't been in treatment for a while. I've been struggling at the moment (with bulimia more this time) and was going to back to the outpatient thing I used to go to, but I decided against it. I'm still not sure whether it's a good idea, I'm hoping I'll get control of it myself, but I was told I'd have to write down the fact that I'd recently been in treatment on my occupational health form. It's bad enough that the uni will see the anorexia, I don't want bulimia on there too.

    I'm really not being helpful, sorry. I don't know, I read a bunch of stuff about how medical students really look down on mental illness within the profession, apparently everyone thinks doctors should be able to deal with stuff better. Personally I think that's ridiculous, and I seriously hope it's not true, but I can't stand the idea of this ed crap affecting my career, and apparently what you put on your occupational health form follows you to F1 application.

    Anyway, I really don't think you'll get rejected post-offer on the grounds of any illness, just like they can't say no to someone because of a disability, so long as it doesn't affect your ability to treat patients (and they'd have to have decent proof that you couldn't deal with it).

    But yeah, my medical records are horrible. Lectures and people think I'll make a great doctor, but some of the people who know about my anorexia (and particularly those who know about my suicide attempt ) seem to think I should go for something a little less stressful. Which kinda makes me laugh because if I didn't have medicine to aim for, I highly doubt I'd eat.

    I don't really know what my point is. I don't think you'll get rejected, I've heard of quite a few medical students have eds. I hope you get better though, and good luck at medical school
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    I always get heavier when I run (9 miles a day) because my legs are always noticeably more muscled. However this doesn't register when I see a higher number on the scales and I've been avoiding weighing ever since I started running loads again after my injury a few months ago. I explained to the doctor today that I don't like knowing my weight; yet she still weighed me and told me what it was and converted it for me. And it was higher than I thought. Such a trigger, it feels like I've failed even though I look thinner. I just can't let go of the concept that increased weight means failure and I'm torturing myself over it any one else get like this after weighing?
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    Maybe it's from a much-needed rise in T levels but for some reason I find lifting practically changes my attitude to food. I actually want to eat, and I'm far more adventurous than I'd otherwise dare...but just one week without training, even when still doing cardio, and I start getting disordered thoughts again anybody else experience similar things?
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I always get heavier when I run (9 miles a day) because my legs are always noticeably more muscled. However this doesn't register when I see a higher number on the scales and I've been avoiding weighing ever since I started running loads again after my injury a few months ago. I explained to the doctor today that I don't like knowing my weight; yet she still weighed me and told me what it was and converted it for me. And it was higher than I thought. Such a trigger, it feels like I've failed even though I look thinner. I just can't let go of the concept that increased weight means failure and I'm torturing myself over it any one else get like this after weighing?
    Definitely know where you're coming from...I've been really focussing on fitness a lot recently and I know I'm gaining muscle and my body is looking better, but I still find that really difficult to reconcile with the fact that I'm not 'losing weight' and the idea of weighing more still scares me even when I look thinner. Clearly it's ridiculous that a number should mean so much when it's so obviously irrelevant to our bodies. Don't really know what to suggest to help other than, if running makes you happy (I think I would be a lunatic without it) then keep running, keep eating and your body will work itself out. And I think gradually you'll get accustomed to the different number on the scale.
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    Definitely know where you're coming from...I've been really focussing on fitness a lot recently and I know I'm gaining muscle and my body is looking better, but I still find that really difficult to reconcile with the fact that I'm not 'losing weight' and the idea of weighing more still scares me even when I look thinner. Clearly it's ridiculous that a number should mean so much when it's so obviously irrelevant to our bodies. Don't really know what to suggest to help other than, if running makes you happy (I think I would be a lunatic without it) then keep running, keep eating and your body will work itself out. And I think gradually you'll get accustomed to the different number on the scale.
    Good on you for improving the fitness and yep, even though the running can reach the point of being compulsive, it's such a great way to forget about everything and clear the mind! Plus the endorphins are always good Best just to avoid the scales at all costs, it's too difficult to deal with.
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    :hugs: to Disenchanted and Sentiment, same conundrum for me at the mo'.
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    Back from docs...BMI's gone up to 20.8! Still getting used to this body yet again, but actually, fortunately, I just feel proud of being fit and healthy
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    (Original post by Riku)
    :hugs: to Disenchanted and Sentiment, same conundrum for me at the mo'.
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    Back from docs...BMI's gone up to 20.8! Still getting used to this body yet again, but actually, fortunately, I just feel proud of being fit and healthy
    Well done you! So you should feel proud, you're winning
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Well done you! So you should feel proud, you're winning
    Guess I am thanks, yeah I've just had a glimpse of the recovered mindset really.
    The more I recover, the more I enjoy being fit, healthy and happy, and doing things I love to battle stress rather than do things to myself I hate...
    The more I realise I wasn't ever "fat", I was fit, strong and beautiful and loved, like we all are. I mean what does how you look matter when it's all about how you feel?...
    And I guess most of all, the more I want to love myself, the less I want to hurt myself be it through restricting, or neglecting my physical and emotional needs just to please others and fit in, or deliberately eating until it's painful and I feel sick and tired.
    Even worrying about my current level of fitness, which is something that can always be improved with time and patience and quality rest, adequate nutrition and recoveryand is largely dominated by your stress levels anyway...it's all a bit silly really.


    Yeah, I'm on a nice natural high and thought I'd share the buzz though there's still the matter of learning how to cook to take care of

    How are you feeling today? x
 
 
 
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