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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Hi there. :hello: Never posted in this thread before (although I'm hoping I might know a few of you if there are any regulars from the mental health forum in general), but I've had some problems with eating on and off for quite a while now (very dependant on my depression, which is my main mental illness), and I thought getting some viewpoints from people in here might be a good idea for me. I can't say I'm particularly knowledgeable about eating disorders (please let me know if I have or end up posting something not generally acceptable to write about on this thread), or even if many of my symptoms coincide with the usual ones, but I know that definitely some stuff isn't right. Made a post the other day in the depression society about some of the eating-related stuff I've got going on now or that happened in the past, so I'd be grateful for any opinions.



    "Hmm, starting to look like eating problems are making a comeback. Didn't eat much yesterday, and not planning to today, despite an improvement when my friend started staying with me. Could anybody take a look at the stuff I've experienced in the past and give any comments (the only time I had professionals semi-properly look at this was when I was in hospital for a couple of months, but they never told me if they reached any kind of conclusion or diagnosis, and besides I think the notes from that time got lost)?

    Unsure if people with EDs would want to read this (nothing graphic, mention of BMI figures or anything though)

    Sometimes, for just a few days up to maybe six months at a time (very unusual for it to last that long) I basically just don't eat, or eat practically nothing. The amount I have in a day could be absolutely nothing, or a couple of biscuits, or on a less bad day the equivalent of say a piece of fruit and a sandwich. I get various and sometimes conflicting thoughts or ideas associated with this. Some of them:

    - guilt if I do eat/sense of victory if I don't, but then more rarely I'll feel proud of myself for managing to eat something proper
    - need to hide eating habits - lying to either over or under-exaggerate how much I've had, and feeling very uncomfortable with eating in the same room as someone else
    - no delusions about being fat - the majority of the time I'm slightly underweight and know it - but sometimes feel satisfaction at the thought of losing weight and becoming more unhealthy, maybe even managing to disappear altogether (this feeling can be particularly persistent)
    - avoiding certain types of food, e.g. that I mustn't eat anything low-fat (weird, I know ), or feeling that one type of food is more 'allowed', like say biscuits (dunno if I'd even be alive without biscuits )
    - when people try and force/beg me to eat just feel completely hopeless - I remember sitting at a table in hospital crying when faced with a plate of food - the fork felt impossibly heavy in my hand, I started feeling dizzy, but with no insight into why I couldn't just put the food into my mouth and eat it
    - sense that whatever was stopping me eating wasn't part of me - something else lurking in my brain or an external force

    Sometimes this just goes on for a few days or a week, and the more serious feelings don't have time to develop, but others it just gets worse and worse over months, and I don't get dragged out of it until there's a strong external change - a big and positive change in living circumstances say, or in hospital it was when I started on olanzapine it just seemed to clear my thoughts and I could eat again.


    So any thoughts? I'm planning on mentioning this to the psychiatrist, especially if it continues, but with so much other major stuff going on I don't know that he'd see it as being such high priority."
    To me it does sound like a form of eating disorder, it sounds like you emphasize control on your food intake maybe as a way of coping with other things which you don't have control of. I think the main things that make it stand out as disordered eating are the associated feelings of 'guilt' needing to lie about how much you have eaten, rules that you have developed with regards to eating, the fact that your 'allowed' certain things and not others for instanse.

    I don't really know what to say to you, you have really helped me in the past and I just wanted to help, I'm no expert. What I would say is it would be worth talking to your psychiatrist about it, because they might be able to give you some insight into it. Also things like this are always better detected early, hopefully you will be able to reverse the behaviours before they do develop into something more serious which is much harder to change, and won't last periods of weeks or months but will just be a constant problem.

    Hope that helped in some way, there are people on this thread that I'm sure could answer this better than me :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -hugging.- It's completely fine not to go every day, actually, isnt that what you're supposed to do, or atleast work a particular part of the body alternate days so that they get a chance to recover? You definately sound in need of a massive cup of tea/ long walk with your ipod/ an episode of a really trashy TV programme.
    YOU CAN DO THIS RIKU, I want this thread full off 'Hell YEAH, IMMA GOING TO UNI' glee on results day. If I can go from a C at AS, to an A overall at A level in german not feeling completely out of reach, despite Sir thinking that I can't, you can do ANYTHING.
    Sorry, momentary slip Snow. Don't worry, we'll have a balloon hanging from every screen and that's awesome! You can get A fo'sho'
    Actually was listening through Alice in Chains just before this happened, about to make lunch (which fortunately, I had, instead of binging on random crap, thank God).
    I need Spotify on my phone ¬ ¬
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Riku close your eyes, ground yourself and breathe. Snow and sentiment are right -it's not an equation, you are not a machine. Things will change and if you don't feel like working out or it just doesn't happen today, or tomorrow, or you chill for a week and recoup - nothing bad will happen. It's ok to listen to yourself sometimes and not put this sort of pressure on yourself xx
    Cheers Cinnie :hugs:






    (Original post by superwolf)
    Hi there. :hello: Never posted in this thread before (although I'm hoping I might know a few of you if there are any regulars from the mental health forum in general), but I've had some problems with eating on and off for quite a while now (very dependant on my depression, which is my main mental illness), and I thought getting some viewpoints from people in here might be a good idea for me. I can't say I'm particularly knowledgeable about eating disorders (please let me know if I have or end up posting something not generally acceptable to write about on this thread), or even if many of my symptoms coincide with the usual ones, but I know that definitely some stuff isn't right. Made a post the other day in the depression society about some of the eating-related stuff I've got going on now or that happened in the past, so I'd be grateful for any opinions.



    "Hmm, starting to look like eating problems are making a comeback. Didn't eat much yesterday, and not planning to today, despite an improvement when my friend started staying with me. Could anybody take a look at the stuff I've experienced in the past and give any comments (the only time I had professionals semi-properly look at this was when I was in hospital for a couple of months, but they never told me if they reached any kind of conclusion or diagnosis, and besides I think the notes from that time got lost)?

    Unsure if people with EDs would want to read this (nothing graphic, mention of BMI figures or anything though)

    Sometimes, for just a few days up to maybe six months at a time (very unusual for it to last that long) I basically just don't eat, or eat practically nothing. The amount I have in a day could be absolutely nothing, or a couple of biscuits, or on a less bad day the equivalent of say a piece of fruit and a sandwich. I get various and sometimes conflicting thoughts or ideas associated with this. Some of them:

    - guilt if I do eat/sense of victory if I don't, but then more rarely I'll feel proud of myself for managing to eat something proper
    - need to hide eating habits - lying to either over or under-exaggerate how much I've had, and feeling very uncomfortable with eating in the same room as someone else
    - no delusions about being fat - the majority of the time I'm slightly underweight and know it - but sometimes feel satisfaction at the thought of losing weight and becoming more unhealthy, maybe even managing to disappear altogether (this feeling can be particularly persistent)
    - avoiding certain types of food, e.g. that I mustn't eat anything low-fat (weird, I know ), or feeling that one type of food is more 'allowed', like say biscuits (dunno if I'd even be alive without biscuits )
    - when people try and force/beg me to eat just feel completely hopeless - I remember sitting at a table in hospital crying when faced with a plate of food - the fork felt impossibly heavy in my hand, I started feeling dizzy, but with no insight into why I couldn't just put the food into my mouth and eat it
    - sense that whatever was stopping me eating wasn't part of me - something else lurking in my brain or an external force

    Sometimes this just goes on for a few days or a week, and the more serious feelings don't have time to develop, but others it just gets worse and worse over months, and I don't get dragged out of it until there's a strong external change - a big and positive change in living circumstances say, or in hospital it was when I started on olanzapine it just seemed to clear my thoughts and I could eat again.


    So any thoughts? I'm planning on mentioning this to the psychiatrist, especially if it continues, but with so much other major stuff going on I don't know that he'd see it as being such high priority."
    Superwolf, you were an absolute legend to me a few months back when I nearly started suffering SI/suicidal thoughts from anxiety, so I really hope you can get both your depression and your eating problems sorted. It sounds like you're suffering disordered eating with high risk of an ED as your mood tips you over the edge, but since you can accept it and recognise it's unusual and unhealthy you're choosing to fight it and get help which is EPIC. Best speaking to a pro about it man. Remember, there's nothing stopping you from having the life you want to lead. "Your mind unguarded is more dangerous than your own worst enemy". Good luck
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    To me it does sound like a form of eating disorder, it sounds like you emphasize control on your food intake maybe as a way of coping with other things which you don't have control of. I think the main things that make it stand out as disorders eating are the associated feelings of 'guilt' needing to lie about how much you have eaten, rules that you have developed with regards to eating, the fact that your 'allowed' certain things and not others for instense.

    I don't really know what to say to you, you have really helped me in the past and I just wanted to help, I'm no expert. What I would say is it would be worth talking to your psychiatrist about it, because they might be able to give you some insight into it. Also things like this are always better detected early, hopefully you will be able to reverse the behaviours before they do develop into something more serious which is much harder to change, and won't last periods of weeks or months but will just be a constant problem.

    Hope that helped in some way, there are people on this thread that I'm sure could answer this better than me :rolleyes:
    Thanks so much for replying, this kind of thing means a lot to me at the moment. :hugs:

    What you've said does make a lot of sense I think - I don't have much control over my moods at the moment and am really slipping with the stuff like uni work which was helping keep my depression under control. And the times where this eating stuff really took hold before were when I felt incapable of doing anything to help myself, like when I was in hospital.

    I'm definitely gonna bring it up with the psychiatrist cos I really do want to stop things getting any further, and in a way it's reassuring to have people on here give me the go-ahead and say it is a problem worth mentioning.

    I hope you're doing ok yourself - don't recall seeing you around for a few weeks.

    (Original post by Riku)
    Superwolf, you were an absolute legend to me a few months back when I nearly started suffering SI/suicidal thoughts from anxiety, so I really hope you can get both your depression and your eating problems sorted. It sounds like you're suffering disordered eating with high risk of an ED as your mood tips you over the edge, but since you can accept it and recognise it's unusual and unhealthy you're choosing to fight it and get help which is EPIC. Best speaking to a pro about it man. Remember, there's nothing stopping you from having the life you want to lead. "Your mind unguarded is more dangerous than your own worst enemy". Good luck
    Glad I could help out.

    Thanks for the support, you guys are awesome. :love:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Thanks so much for replying, this kind of thing means a lot to me at the moment. :hugs:

    What you've said does make a lot of sense I think - I don't have much control over my moods at the moment and am really slipping with the stuff like uni work which was helping keep my depression under control. And the times where this eating stuff really took hold before were when I felt incapable of doing anything to help myself, like when I was in hospital.

    I'm definitely gonna bring it up with the psychiatrist cos I really do want to stop things getting any further, and in a way it's reassuring to have people on here give me the go-ahead and say it is a problem worth mentioning.

    I hope you're doing ok yourself - don't recall seeing you around for a few weeks.



    Glad I could help out.

    Thanks for the support, you guys are awesome. :love:
    Yes I can empathize with that feeling, especially feeling like the problem is not significant enough to tell someone about, but it definitely is, one thing I regret is waiting so long before doing anything about it, friends would mention things to me and I'd shrug it off but I feel that if I had acted straight away things would probably be different now.

    I'm actually doing pretty well at the moment with regards to eating, I've been eating more and haven't purged in about a week. Revision isn't going great, am watching Harry Potter instead of doing any work, but ho hum I love Harry Potter
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    Yes I can empathize with that feeling, especially feeling like the problem is not significant enough to tell someone about, but it definitely is, one thing I regret is waiting so long before doing anything about it, friends would mention things to me and I'd shrug it off but I feel that if I had acted straight away things would probably be different now.

    I'm actually doing pretty well at the moment with regards to eating, I've been eating more and haven't purged in about a week. Revision isn't going great, am watching Harry Potter instead of doing any work, but ho hum I love Harry Potter
    Aw man the amount of times I should've told somebody about my depression... Still, at least we're both getting help now.

    That's great to hear, especially during exam time and everything. And you can revise later - wizardry is important too! :wizard:
    • #104
    #104

    Hi there,

    I've never posted here before, nice to know there's other people with similar issues. I've never been formally diagnosed with an ED..never wanting to be labelled of considered as anorexic, but the doctors know and i suppose deep down i do too.
    My ED was triggered in Year 7, upon moving away from my safe group of friends at primary to a new and confusing senior school. I felt alone, insecure and out of control. Thats when i felt most vulnerable, and controlling my food intake made me feel secure and happy. But then things escalated and..well, i was first refereed to a clinic.
    For a few months i was 'back on track' and seemingly okay, i've always been small..slim, for my height but nevertheless.
    My second big trigger was year 10/11, with the accumulation of exam pressure. This appears to be a common cause in these threads. All through my exams i didn't eat a thing. I felt dizzy, regular fainting..regular trips to the doctors, constant weighing. It was the most vulnerable, scared and alone i have ever felt. On the day of my GCSE results, i drastically underachieved. I genuinely believe my ed had a severe affect on my results. My predicted grades, in comparison to what i achieved were beyond different and i felt crushed.
    So now, after my continued battle i am determined to make my AS results good. Although still 'underweight' (8st 1lbs at 5ft 7") this is a great improvement to my previous self. I feel fresh. Although i have come to terms with the fact that Ana will always be with me, i feel more in control than ever before.

    This is my story so far, thank you for listening. Best wishes to you all xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi there,

    I've never posted here before, nice to know there's other people with similar issues. I've never been formally diagnosed with an ED..never wanting to be labelled of considered as anorexic, but the doctors know and i suppose deep down i do too.
    My ED was triggered in Year 7, upon moving away from my safe group of friends at primary to a new and confusing senior school. I felt alone, insecure and out of control. Thats when i felt most vulnerable, and controlling my food intake made me feel secure and happy. But then things escalated and..well, i was first refereed to a clinic.
    For a few months i was 'back on track' and seemingly okay, i've always been small..slim, for my height but nevertheless.
    My second big trigger was year 10/11, with the accumulation of exam pressure. This appears to be a common cause in these threads. All through my exams i didn't eat a thing. I felt dizzy, regular fainting..regular trips to the doctors, constant weighing. It was the most vulnerable, scared and alone i have ever felt. On the day of my GCSE results, i drastically underachieved. I genuinely believe my ed had a severe affect on my results. My predicted grades, in comparison to what i achieved were beyond different and i felt crushed.
    So now, after my continued battle i am determined to make my AS results good. Although still 'underweight' (8st 1lbs at 5ft 7") this is a great improvement to my previous self. I feel fresh. Although i have come to terms with the fact that Ana will always be with me, i feel more in control than ever before.

    This is my story so far, thank you for listening. Best wishes to you all xxx
    When people refer to it as 'Ana' or 'Mia' it has to be one of the most infuriating things ever, really. It is an illness, not a person. Until you accept that and stop perpetuating those ideas in your mind, you are never going to get better.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    x

    (Original post by Riku)
    x
    Me again - you two both left me feeling more positive than before, so lots of thanks for that - thought I'd tell you I went to the supermarket tonight and while I didn't buy food for proper meals (just not gonna happen at the minute), I did make a real effort to buy as many things as I felt I might allow myself to eat as possible (and tried to make it stuff that should do my body some good). I don't know how long this bit of optimism's going to last, but the food's all long-life anyway, so I'm hoping that short-term at least I can just work on small stuff like getting myself to eat a little more than I have been doing (don't want to push myself too much with anything til I've talked to a doctor about it), and just try and tide things over til Wednesday (psychiatrist time) when I'll see if I can get some proper help for it.


    Edit: just realised I forgot to rep you both :facepalm: (fixed).
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Me again - you two both left me feeling more positive than before, so lots of thanks for that - thought I'd tell you I went to the supermarket tonight and while I didn't buy food for proper meals (just not gonna happen at the minute), I did make a real effort to buy as many things as I felt I might allow myself to eat as possible (and tried to make it stuff that should do my body some good). I don't know how long this bit of optimism's going to last, but the food's all long-life anyway, so I'm hoping that short-term at least I can just work on small stuff like getting myself to eat a little more than I have been doing (don't want to push myself too much with anything til I've talked to a doctor about it), and just try and tide things over til Wednesday (psychiatrist time) when I'll see if I can get some proper help for it.


    Edit: just realised I forgot to rep you both :facepalm: (fixed).
    That's good, I always find food shopping a bit overwhelming, there's so much stuff and I just get completely lost and confused, even though I write a list before I go I start changing my mind and putting things up and putting them down.

    I went shopping with my mum when I went home the other week, and it reminded me how to properly shop, so hopefully next time I go shopping it'll be a successful experience

    Glad to hear your feeling more optimistic
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    That's good, I always find food shopping a bit overwhelming, there's so much stuff and I just get completely lost and confused, even though I write a list before I go I start changing my mind and putting things up and putting them down.

    I went shopping with my mum when I went home the other week, and it reminded me how to properly shop, so hopefully next time I go shopping it'll be a successful experience

    Glad to hear your feeling more optimistic
    Totally agree - you should have seen how long I stood there just looking at packets of rice. But I had a good friend come with me and he was really understanding, pushed me just enough so that I didn't chicken out of buying things.

    Sounds good, having a positive reminder of how to do things. :yy:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Me again - you two both left me feeling more positive than before, so lots of thanks for that - thought I'd tell you I went to the supermarket tonight and while I didn't buy food for proper meals (just not gonna happen at the minute), I did make a real effort to buy as many things as I felt I might allow myself to eat as possible (and tried to make it stuff that should do my body some good). I don't know how long this bit of optimism's going to last, but the food's all long-life anyway, so I'm hoping that short-term at least I can just work on small stuff like getting myself to eat a little more than I have been doing (don't want to push myself too much with anything til I've talked to a doctor about it), and just try and tide things over til Wednesday (psychiatrist time) when I'll see if I can get some proper help for it.


    Edit: just realised I forgot to rep you both :facepalm: (fixed).
    Great news man I find with the bursts of optimism-never question a miracle. Just roll with it. Best of luck for Weds. :hugs:
    ___________

    Sleep pattern's screwed again...hate this feeling :rolleyes: ah well, hopefully it's just one day (2 days before my first exam though, great timing body :facepalms:) I am DETERMINED not to make this worse for myself and treat myself well through the day and whenever this happens again.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Bit of a pointless musing: I want to try this Choc Fudge Brownie McFlurry or takeaway today lol, seems as though last week I ended up having it as part of a binge which doesn't count, but I don't know whether it's a good idea. Hard enough to eat in the first place, plus I hear poor sleep raises insulin resistance by something crazy like 50% which could explain why it's hell eating even potatoes etc. when I haven't slept and I go dizzy and suddenly massively tired (BP checked and it's low but not dangerously so). I just don't know whether to risk any treats today or leave it for a "safe" day, maybe it should be WAY out of the question because it might leave me feeling hideously rough and get in the way of proper rest? But I want it, and not just because I'm tired (I fancied it yesterday, I actually have a list of foods I'm attempting to retry to break away from my self-imposed meal plan, it's getting to the point where that involves chocolate and snacks). And I spend half my life tired so I'm just gonna be always depriving myself working on that assumption. What to do :confused:)

    In better news, last night with went really well! My uncle and aunt were round for tea too so it was a bit of a pleasantly bigger event than expected
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :yy:
    Hey super It's great that you have someone to help you with this - and it's definitely a good idea to make a point about it with your psych because not eating properly really effects your bodies ability to cope with everything so it's a double whammy really. Let us know how it goes xxxx

    (Original post by Riku)
    Lack of sleep will NOT raise your insulin levels by 50%. Getting less than 4 over the course of the night might put it up by a MAX of 20% but a fluctuation of this in healthy people is completely normal and worrying about it will be counter productive. Don't let bro-science and rubbish articles effect your eating decisions - your body is more than capable with dealing with everyday changes in hormones - we are pretty cool that way xx
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Hey super It's great that you have someone to help you with this - and it's definitely a good idea to make a point about it with your psych because not eating properly really effects your bodies ability to cope with everything so it's a double whammy really. Let us know how it goes xxxx



    Lack of sleep will NOT raise your insulin levels by 50%. Getting less than 4 over the course of the night might put it up by a MAX of 20% but a fluctuation of this in healthy people is completely normal and worrying about it will be counter productive. Don't let bro-science and rubbish articles effect your eating decisions - your body is more than capable with dealing with everyday changes in hormones - we are pretty cool that way xx
    I hope so, Cinnie. I feel out of breath just climbing the stairs to my bedroom|! Stupid considering how much I try to do to look after my health (whether it works or not I really don't know), but you know, it's scary hopefully tonight, with a good rest, it'll be sorted. x

    edit: Semi-sorted at least
    I'm asking for referral to Primary Care. Anybody had experience with this in the past?
    I can't even explain my habits. It's not like I've been through anything seriously traumatic like some of you (the divorce was nearly 3 years ago now, come on...) There's nothing to be depressed about! The anxiety I can understand, but I must know I'm only making it worse for myself every time this happens. Could just be exams getting me stuck in a rut, I suppose, but this isn't just about the exams.
    And why must I always use food? I don't see why I think snacking from boredom or being tired is anything to be ashamed of and then go whole-hog and turn it into a binge. Instead of eating until it hurts from feeling lonely, why not go treat myself instead and think fondly of what cool stuff 'm doing this week or when I'm seeing my friends next? It's so easy to forget all the beautiful things we have until it's too late.
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    (Original post by Riku)

    I can't even explain my habits. It's not like I've been through anything seriously traumatic like some of you (the divorce was nearly 3 years ago now, come on...) There's nothing to be depressed about! The anxiety I can understand, but I must know I'm only making it worse for myself every time this happens. Could just be exams getting me stuck in a rut, I suppose, but this isn't just about the exams.
    You don't need a reason to be depressed. Although I've recovered from my ED, I still have depression. No one can figure out why -- the issues with my dad have been resolved as I moved away for uni, I'm not being bullied, I have self-respect and I have a partner who makes me feel good about myself. Sometimes there is no explanation, Riku. Sometimes it just happens and you feel an overwhelming sadness all the time even if there's nothing specifically wrong at the moment. *hug* x
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Guess I am thanks, yeah I've just had a glimpse of the recovered mindset really.
    The more I recover, the more I enjoy being fit, healthy and happy, and doing things I love to battle stress rather than do things to myself I hate...
    The more I realise I wasn't ever "fat", I was fit, strong and beautiful and loved, like we all are. I mean what does how you look matter when it's all about how you feel?...
    And I guess most of all, the more I want to love myself, the less I want to hurt myself be it through restricting, or neglecting my physical and emotional needs just to please others and fit in, or deliberately eating until it's painful and I feel sick and tired.
    Even worrying about my current level of fitness, which is something that can always be improved with time and patience and quality rest, adequate nutrition and recoveryand is largely dominated by your stress levels anyway...it's all a bit silly really.


    Yeah, I'm on a nice natural high and thought I'd share the buzz though there's still the matter of learning how to cook to take care of

    How are you feeling today? x
    That's fantastic to hear, well done you! Seeing an attitude like that on here is so inspiring, you should be massively proud of yourself
    I hope you're still in this mindset! Things still going okay?
    Things are slipping a little downhill for me even after exams; seem to be dealing with a lot of people's problems at once and getting exhausted and overwhelmed...and hating what I see in the mirror.
    Food shopping is becoming an increasingly speedy task; I eat the same thing every single day. Gaaaah, bad patch...it'll pass, it'll pass....I need your awesome attitude!
    • #105
    #105

    First time posting here... I don't really know what to say. I think the thing that I'm most troubled by is my sheer obsession with food. I've wasted whole days and days online looking at food shops, recipes, etc, of things that I am not even going to consider buying or eating. I've taken to tracking every single calorie that goes into my mouth, and every meal time comes with a very bizarre mixture of anticipation and dread.

    I don't think it's an eating disorder, just a diet that I'm maybe a little too obsessed over. This is the first time I've ever said anything about this "out loud" as it were, so I suppose this post is really just for me. I'm finding it really hard with exams and things just now, hopefully I'll feel normal after they're done.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    You don't need a reason to be depressed. Although I've recovered from my ED, I still have depression. No one can figure out why -- the issues with my dad have been resolved as I moved away for uni, I'm not being bullied, I have self-respect and I have a partner who makes me feel good about myself. Sometimes there is no explanation, Riku. Sometimes it just happens and you feel an overwhelming sadness all the time even if there's nothing specifically wrong at the moment. *hug* x
    :hugs: I guess it could be we have too great expectations for the future? The feeling that recovery will bring about some amazing transformation in our lives and we'll learn how to never be tired or upset or afraid ever again,, when it's not really that- it's learning how to deal with these overwhelming emotions and not blame ourselves for them. Not to act but let it be and make the most of what we do have. And I guess, what we both have now, is a hell of a lot better than being three feet under or stuck on a feeding tube. And actually, whatever I've done today, it's still a beautiful day outside and I'm gonna go play. I hope you do too, Jazzy x




    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    That's fantastic to hear, well done you! Seeing an attitude like that on here is so inspiring, you should be massively proud of yourself
    I hope you're still in this mindset! Things still going okay?
    Things are slipping a little downhill for me even after exams; seem to be dealing with a lot of people's problems at once and getting exhausted and overwhelmed...and hating what I see in the mirror.
    Food shopping is becoming an increasingly speedy task; I eat the same thing every single day. Gaaaah, bad patch...it'll pass, it'll pass....I need your awesome attitude!
    Mhhm. Yes and no. Revision week (and two exams today and tomorrow)+being stuck at home all day with Mum on holiday last week=bad recipe for anxiety. Still feeling compelled by my stupid rules of what, when, where I can/can't eat and that's when a binge'll kick in to try and Fix" that if I disobey those rules. But at the same time, I still don't want to hurt myself, it's involuntary, and recognise I was happier/healthier before I cared. That's why I'm seeing the docs for some advice.
    A little concerned because I might stop going to the gym/with fitness regime until this has eased off because it's yo-yoing through vicious cycles where I won't get anywhere and just end up in worse shape by the end of the week than I started, and at worst it's potentially dangerous. Scary thinking of stopping though, even for a break, but probably necessary.
    But you're right, bad patch it'll pass ^_^ be careful! Can't look after anyone if you don't look after yourself first. :hugs:



    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First time posting here... I don't really know what to say. I think the thing that I'm most troubled by is my sheer obsession with food. I've wasted whole days and days online looking at food shops, recipes, etc, of things that I am not even going to consider buying or eating. I've taken to tracking every single calorie that goes into my mouth, and every meal time comes with a very bizarre mixture of anticipation and dread.

    I don't think it's an eating disorder, just a diet that I'm maybe a little too obsessed over. This is the first time I've ever said anything about this "out loud" as it were, so I suppose this post is really just for me. I'm finding it really hard with exams and things just now, hopefully I'll feel normal after they're done.
    Hey, you're not alone, I do similar things and have moments where I've been looking forward to something all day and at the last minute it turns out to be a let-down. Idealising anything doesn't help, you can appreciate everything better when you accept it for what it is rather than what you think it should be.
    Perhaps you need to ask yourself-what exactly is it about meals that make you yearn for them, or dread them? Is there something else missing that you feel food/looking up recipes can fulfil, or something else you're fearing that you can avoid thinking about by worrying about the food instead? Likewise, what would happen if you risked not knowing what its calorific and macro-nutrient profile was and settled for knowledge of, well, whether you think it's tasty or not?


    Having said that, it's quite common for those prone to disordered eating to become more at risk during stressful times like exams and start picking up on more invasive habits and feelings. Are meals the main way that you cope through exam time, your form of relaxation? What else could you do instead-as I posted a few days back, what stuff do you know makes you so thrilled you can lose yourself in it, rather than only make you lose precious time (this does sound like essentially procrastination, with disordered elements coming in?)
    :hugs:
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    Riku, I think it is natural for your disorder to be exacerbated in times of anxiety. Think of it as your body simply magnifying your current emotions.

    I am enduring a rather strange week past and I need to nip it in the bud. Now that I am bmi 18.4(just short of minimum healthy) I am being told to continue on my recovery diet of 3000 calories a day, but I have halted this as I am concerned about my insane cravings and addictions.

    When i was on the hard gain of 4000 I was given loads of fruit, chocolate etc in addition to my proteins etc. And now I crave these sweet foods. I am taking in only 2000 calories a day but these are maybe 2/3 sweet fruits, biscuits and sweets. I am gaining a massive amount of inordinately ratio'd fat, and I dont know if it is solely attributed to my lst weeks diet or my gaining diet over my entire recovery but my lower abdomen is (and not dysmorphically, really) very poochy and flabulartastic.

    I understand my body now desires these refined carbs and pure sugars, and I am now 8st 3, (5'7) so I am hardly obese or anything, but the inherent fat percentage gain has had me recieve many crass comments like, "guess belly IS gonna get ye, haha" and "what do YOU need to gain any weight for?".

    Someone recently even estimated I was about 10st ish.

    Is this a phase of recovery do you think? Or the start of another disorder?
    • #100
    #100

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Riku, I think it is natural for your disorder to be exacerbated in times of anxiety. Think of it as your body simply magnifying your current emotions.

    I am enduring a rather strange week past and I need to nip it in the bud. Now that I am bmi 18.4(just short of minimum healthy) I am being told to continue on my recovery diet of 3000 calories a day, but I have halted this as I am concerned about my insane cravings and addictions.

    When i was on the hard gain of 4000 I was given loads of fruit, chocolate etc in addition to my proteins etc. And now I crave these sweet foods. I am taking in only 2000 calories a day but these are maybe 2/3 sweet fruits, biscuits and sweets. I am gaining a massive amount of inordinately ratio'd fat, and I dont know if it is solely attributed to my lst weeks diet or my gaining diet over my entire recovery but my lower abdomen is (and not dysmorphically, really) very poochy and flabulartastic.

    I understand my body now desires these refined carbs and pure sugars, and I am now 8st 3, (5'7) so I am hardly obese or anything, but the inherent fat percentage gain has had me recieve many crass comments like, "guess belly IS gonna get ye, haha" and "what do YOU need to gain any weight for?".

    Someone recently even estimated I was about 10st ish.

    Is this a phase of recovery do you think? Or the start of another disorder?

    Toto, if you have been advised to eat 3,000 calories a day, why are you ignoring this and only having 2,000? Listen to the doctors please, don't let this recovery slip away.
 
 
 
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