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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by diamonddust)

    Please don't respond to this. I'm already embarrassed. I just needed to get it out.
    :hugs: times a million billion. Don't feel bad; I think you needed to get that out. And now I think you need to leave it on the page and try to move on tomorrow will be a better day, you will absolutely get your A levels and you will ABSOLUTELY get to UEA because you do deserve it and because you are absolutely better than all that crap your ED is telling you.

    Custard, that photo is lovely and you are an inspiration
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    How often do you guys have appointments ??
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I wasn't giving anyone a row!! I was just trying to offer the gentlest of E-Slaps you'd requested!
    For some reason, this post made me well up a little bit more than usual. You're so nice, Toto/Tommy.

    Good luck to all of you, posters and shy readers alike.
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    Bless you <3

    Earlier tonight, trying to make the best
    http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/e...y/Image192.jpg

    Genuinely feeling a bit more positive
    http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/e...y/Image194.jpg

    Since I have been here I have not drank (obviously), SI'd/picked at scabs, refused MP or put up a stink, and tried to be polite and pleasant and not a pain. And I have not puked, and I have DEALT with handling the liquid calories ok (without alcohol in them to make me forget...)

    And tomorrow will be a challenge with solids, but tomorrow is not today.
    :jumphug: Lovely photos hun! You're amazing. *sends you e strength and hugs*

    (Original post by squiff93)
    I feel so bad. Ate 3 rice crackers and sweet potato after 9 it wasn't measured everything about it was bad. I feel fat heavy and sick my eyes are watering I feel like I'm going to start shaking. I dno what to do. I dno whether to be sick or not I hate throwing up but I don't want this in my stomach anymore. I need to punish myself. Cut maybe but people will see it tomorrow. Why am I so bad and fat and weak. Omg I want it out!
    :hugs: You are NOT bad or fat or weak. You need to eat, you can't live without eating. You can do this hun, don't give up and don't give in. :hugs:

    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    I've been avoiding this thread because it makes me all teary and I need to revise but :hugs: to everyone and squiff - fight, never give up fighting your illness - it gets so much easier once you're that little bit into recovery than living with it, trust me :console:
    Hey S! I don't know if you changed your name for privacy reasons or whatever so I won't say but I hope you're ok hun! :hugs:
    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    :hugs: times a million billion. Don't feel bad; I think you needed to get that out. And now I think you need to leave it on the page and try to move on tomorrow will be a better day, you will absolutely get your A levels and you will ABSOLUTELY get to UEA because you do deserve it and because you are absolutely better than all that crap your ED is telling you.

    Custard, that photo is lovely and you are an inspiration
    Thanks so much for your lovely comment. And your e hugs. I needed that! I've been watching a youtube video of a guy taking the mick out of Patti Lupone which has been making me laugh hysterically so I feel slightly better now. I think I keep underestimating how hard it is when I'm so worried about exams and I know I'm not doing enough and my ED hates it when I'm lazy which feels like every single day but hey. I can only do what I can do and if the stupid pooey piece of poo () in my head won't let me concentrate, I'm trying the best I can atm. Anywhoo, tomorrow is another day. :moon: Hope YOU'RE ok and your revision isn't stressing you out! :hugs:
    (Original post by Miss_Scarlett)
    How often do you guys have appointments ??
    Doctor's appointments or general weigh-ins and stuff?
    I'm supposed to see my psych once a fortnight but it works out once a month. I'm not seeing her until my exams are over which will make it two months since I last saw her. I have weigh-in/nurse appointments once every two weeks. :sigh: I don't have a dietician anymore because my dietician left and I refuse on principle to see the other one who said awful things to me when I was an inpatient but yeah... going off on a tangent.

    Hope you're doing ok Miss_Scarlett. :hugs: Haven't seen you around in ages.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)

    Hope you're doing ok Miss_Scarlett. :hugs: Haven't seen you around in ages.
    i feel like a worthless piece of ****
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Hey S! I don't know if you changed your name for privacy reasons or whatever so I won't say but I hope you're ok hun! :hugs:
    Oh God what gave me away?!? And yeah, I was worried that people I dislike would find me and it would cause issues with keeping the peace/preventing the cold war warming up!

    I'm good thanks, you? Definitely a lot healthier than last year, but that's not hard!
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    Great to see you posting custard, I agree you have a lovely smile I really hope that tomorrow is also a good day, if you get panicky think of us all here cheering you on!

    Keep thinking of Reading and the difference you will make to so many people. I am sure there are many on here thinking if custard can do it, so can I.
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    Diamond, you going to UEA?!

    YOU ARE KIDDING ME! The University that I used to go to was UEA.

    The University is AMAZING! Norwich has so many HMV's. The University is FULL of amazing clubs and societies, staff are really nice... Good place to be!


    Sadly I'm going through a rough patch at the moment but I won't go too far into it, incase it dis-heartens people but I am SO proud of people here for pushing through! Some people seem to need a tad more help though....

    The mental health team are supposed to have contacted me back by now. No news for 3 weeks. ( >__>')


    Also Custard, nice seeing you. (-__^) You look tired, but when you smile with your eyes your face glows with an amazing glowiness. ;]
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    I've been avoiding this thread because it makes me all teary and I need to revise but :hugs: to everyone and squiff - fight, never give up fighting your illness - it gets so much easier once you're that little bit into recovery than living with it, trust me :console:

    i dont want it anymore cant i just ignore it. i'm going for a bbq tomz but drinking and not eating i reckon everyones going to point it out again - but i need to get out of my house because im such a fat ***** and i'd probably eat if i stayed in, but alcohol will make me fat, im just always going to be fat. i just want to lose weight so i can lose a bit more and die. that way it seems more accidental than suicide.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    i dont want it anymore cant i just ignore it. i'm going for a bbq tomz but drinking and not eating i reckon everyones going to point it out again - but i need to get out of my house because im such a fat ***** and i'd probably eat if i stayed in, but alcohol will make me fat, im just always going to be fat. i just want to lose weight so i can lose a bit more and die. that way it seems more accidental than suicide.
    Don't let the eating disorder destroy your life! Life after an ED is so worth it - it really is great! And stop calling yourself fat - negative automatic thoughts (NATs) like that only reinforce your ED and beat you down, making you feel worse :console:

    And from what I've been told, multiple organ failure hurts like a ***** to die from. You can beat this and you can live a healthy, happy life, I promise.
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    Don't let the eating disorder destroy your life! Life after an ED is so worth it - it really is great! And stop calling yourself fat - negative automatic thoughts (NATs) like that only reinforce your ED and beat you down, making you feel worse :console:

    And from what I've been told, multiple organ failure hurts like a ***** to die from. You can beat this and you can live a healthy, happy life, I promise.
    i can't live like this anymore. my head doesn't feel like my head, everything in my head is irrational and doesn't make sense. i don't want a life anymore
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    i can't live like this anymore. my head doesn't feel like my head, everything in my head is irrational and doesn't make sense. i don't want a life anymore
    But if you fight you can get your life back! Don't give up hope!
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    I believe that with the right help and support, we can all beat the absolute ****ing *******ing crap out of this mother ****ing *******.


    LOL :hugs:
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    feel like **** too.
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    feel like **** too.
    stupid question perhaps but whats wrong?
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    But if you fight you can get your life back! Don't give up hope!
    yeah true i hope, maybe tomorrow will be a more positive day i just don't know how to do this right.
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    eaten too much. look like a fat bloated pregnant pig. literally. and hate the control this house has over me im always in it so food in the cupboards becomes in my mouth the on my fat thighs hate myself hate the control i think the parents have on me it's like i cant do what i want they wont leave me alone to not eat they're like spies constantly asking where am i what have i eaten hell.
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    (Original post by Miss_Scarlett)
    i feel like a worthless piece of ****
    :hugs: You're not. I promise.

    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    Oh God what gave me away?!? And yeah, I was worried that people I dislike would find me and it would cause issues with keeping the peace/preventing the cold war warming up!

    I'm good thanks, you? Definitely a lot healthier than last year, but that's not hard!
    :hugs: Your sig haha! I remembered your subject because I've always been slightly jealous of Ancient History haha! You get to do Greek and ancient civilisations which is just awesome!

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Diamond, you going to UEA?!

    YOU ARE KIDDING ME! The University that I used to go to was UEA.

    The University is AMAZING! Norwich has so many HMV's. The University is FULL of amazing clubs and societies, staff are really nice... Good place to be!


    Sadly I'm going through a rough patch at the moment but I won't go too far into it, incase it dis-heartens people but I am SO proud of people here for pushing through! Some people seem to need a tad more help though....

    The mental health team are supposed to have contacted me back by now. No news for 3 weeks. ( >__>')


    Also Custard, nice seeing you. (-__^) You look tired, but when you smile with your eyes your face glows with an amazing glowiness. ;]
    You went to UEA? That's so cool! Were you doing History or did you totally change direction? I hope you didn't leave because of illness? :sad: I really really hope I make it there! I keep praying to a God I don't actually believe in that I'll somehow get the grades because it will crush me if I don't. And :hugs: rough patches SUCK. You can push through it though! I'll try and stop posting depressing posts and then you can post here without being triggered!
    I've just realised my usage of Americanisms is directly proportional to the amount of Glee I watch! I clearly watch far too much Glee!
    (Original post by squiff93)
    i dont want it anymore cant i just ignore it. i'm going for a bbq tomz but drinking and not eating i reckon everyones going to point it out again - but i need to get out of my house because im such a fat ***** and i'd probably eat if i stayed in, but alcohol will make me fat, im just always going to be fat. i just want to lose weight so i can lose a bit more and die. that way it seems more accidental than suicide.
    Oh God, that was/is EXACTLY my thought process too. Don't. Just don't. It's painful and scary and it's such a waste of a life. You deserve so much more than this horrible illness. And also, you're NOT fat. I know I'm being a hypocrite but calling yourself fat will just make you feel worse and you don't deserve to feel like that. Don't give in. :hugs:
    (Original post by Miss_Scarlett)
    I believe that with the right help and support, we can all beat the absolute ****ing *******ing crap out of this mother ****ing *******.


    LOL :hugs:
    I love swearing at the ED! ****ing piece of ****! It's so cathartic! It's only recently I've been able to get angry at it because I think this is the most... able(?) willing (?) to live I've been in years and I don't know why. I think it's because I know how far I've come and I even got into the course I never thought I'd stand a chance at getting into and my life can be so amazing if I manage to beat this and chase my dreams. God, I sound like a hallmark card! :laugh: I'm usually so damn negative and I'm sick of it. I'll hate myself if I'm like this years down the line, on the borderline, not 'ill enough' to get help but not well enough to live like a normal person. So I have to at least TRY to get better.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: Your sig haha! I remembered your subject because I've always been slightly jealous of Ancient History haha! You get to do Greek and ancient civilisations which is just awesome!
    Ah well I suppose it doesn't matter too much if users that knew my old username can still recognise me

    And yeah, it's pretty awesome but a lot of unis will let you take modules outside of your subject so you can dabble :yep:
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    Editing this entire damn post.

    I am stronger than this ED!

    Water retention after purging is normal, and as such I've gained water weight. It made me frantic for a moment but we have to ask ourselves, is it worth it? The cycle would just continue.
 
 
 
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