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    I'm really p*ssing myself off at the moment. Have recently become a vegetarian (was a pescetarian during recovery as my family wanted to be sure I was strong enough to be a healthy veggie!) It is due to moral reasons. Anyway, read a thing about pesto not being veggie and was like what the hell? So started researching other things that seem veggie but aren't but there is loads of it is/it isn't out there and I'm starting to get nervous around food again (went to cafe for lunch and had a roast veg baguette -it came with mozzarella and although the guy assured me it was vegetarian I was still really worried!) Anyway, don't know quite how to deal with the nervousness/veggie thing, any other veggies out there who can help? Thanks!
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    (Original post by Green_girl94)
    I'm really p*ssing myself off at the moment. Have recently become a vegetarian (was a pescetarian during recovery as my family wanted to be sure I was strong enough to be a healthy veggie!) It is due to moral reasons. Anyway, read a thing about pesto not being veggie and was like what the hell? So started researching other things that seem veggie but aren't but there is loads of it is/it isn't out there and I'm starting to get nervous around food again (went to cafe for lunch and had a roast veg baguette -it came with mozzarella and although the guy assured me it was vegetarian I was still really worried!) Anyway, don't know quite how to deal with the nervousness/veggie thing, any other veggies out there who can help? Thanks!
    Hello stranger I think I know who you are. No guesses as to who I am -- pretty obvious. Just stay strong hun. Don't be worried about it. Remember that you're veggie for the right reasons, not the wrong ones, and try and stick to it as best you can. It's not the end of the world if you eat something you think is veggie and it isn't. It's not your fault. Don't feel nervous about it. Remember how far you've come and how great life is now! x
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    *hugs* to both of you and you are amazing at getting through your exams with everything that happened.

    l
    ED's came up in my german exam, hence the being in tears over the listening material. And the pre release stuff for my bio exam is also on them. It's not great.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    ED's came up in my german exam, hence the being in tears over the listening material. And the pre release stuff for my bio exam is also on them. It's not great.
    I actually looked at it and thought, oh no, and then thought, hope Snowflake is okay :yep:
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    I actually looked at it and thought, oh no, and then thought, hope Snowflake is okay :yep:
    I didnt look, so got the shock of my life when we heard 'Text 4. Magersucht' (Anorexia). Then though oh god. Hope E. isn't sat in the exam hall bawling her eyes out.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I didnt look, so got the shock of my life when we heard 'Text 4. Magersucht' (Anorexia). Then though oh god. Hope E. isn't sat in the exam hall bawling her eyes out.
    Was pretty triggering but I contained myself- wouldn't have been able to if that'd been the essay though. Fingers crossed it doesn't come up in French tomorrow/Italian on monday. All in all, glad it's over?
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    (Original post by Green_girl94)
    I'm really p*ssing myself off at the moment. Have recently become a vegetarian (was a pescetarian during recovery as my family wanted to be sure I was strong enough to be a healthy veggie!) It is due to moral reasons. Anyway, read a thing about pesto not being veggie and was like what the hell? So started researching other things that seem veggie but aren't but there is loads of it is/it isn't out there and I'm starting to get nervous around food again (went to cafe for lunch and had a roast veg baguette -it came with mozzarella and although the guy assured me it was vegetarian I was still really worried!) Anyway, don't know quite how to deal with the nervousness/veggie thing, any other veggies out there who can help? Thanks!
    :raises hand: I'm veggie (and was through my ED)! The mozarella *should* be vegetarian, especially if they told you it is but really morally speaking you can't be blamed for being mislead and then eating animal rennet... After all, there's no such think as the Veggie Police. A great way to see what's really veggie is to look at Sainsburys food packets and see if they have the veggie sign on (Sainsburys are usually the most clear). Generally speaking what's common in Sainsburys food should be common while you're out.

    Ugh, it is so annoying when the main 'veggie' option on a menu contains pesto... Parmesan cannot be vegetarian to be classified as parmesan! However in some places I've been told that in their pesto they use a different cheese as it's the spinach and pine-nuts that give it most of it's flavour (or so I was told by waiters).
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    (Original post by Etoile)
    Was pretty triggering but I contained myself- wouldn't have been able to if that'd been the essay though. Fingers crossed it doesn't come up in French tomorrow/Italian on monday. All in all, glad it's over?
    if that was an essay question I wouldn't have chosen it. If it was the only decent one, I'dve been a mess. Yup XD. Last day tomorrow.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    if that was an essay question I wouldn't have chosen it. If it was the only decent one, I'dve been a mess. Yup XD. Last day tomorrow.
    If it had been that instead of TV then the examiners would have received a tear-stained semi-rant :L I suppose at least it's something we know about! Same! Last day, then two weeks off, but have an exam monday anyway. Need to make sure I keep in a routine over the holidays so that I remember to eat.
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    (Original post by Green_girl94)
    I'm really p*ssing myself off at the moment. Have recently become a vegetarian (was a pescetarian during recovery as my family wanted to be sure I was strong enough to be a healthy veggie!) It is due to moral reasons. Anyway, read a thing about pesto not being veggie and was like what the hell? So started researching other things that seem veggie but aren't but there is loads of it is/it isn't out there and I'm starting to get nervous around food again (went to cafe for lunch and had a roast veg baguette -it came with mozzarella and although the guy assured me it was vegetarian I was still really worried!) Anyway, don't know quite how to deal with the nervousness/veggie thing, any other veggies out there who can help? Thanks!
    Many restaurants and cafes will lie because they want your custom, but I find most of the time many staff aren't even aware that certain cheeses aren't veggie. Basically you just have to trust their word - stick to places that you know are trustworthy and be sure to doublecheck if you aren't sure or if it isn't made clear. Try maybe finding a veggie/vegan green-grocers in your town? Usually there will be at least one if you live somewhere substantial, and you can be sure anything you buy there will be safe. Also, if the produce is organic it means you can feel good about your fruit and veg too

    In the end, even if you do accidentally eat animal remains, don't let it discourage you or upset you too much. It's not the end of the world.
    • #106
    #106

    Hi, I just wanted to share my story because it helps being able to just get it out of my mind. Never posted here before and I'm sorry if this becomes a rambly-rant.
    I was diagnosed with Anorexia in October 2010 and I'm about to sit my final A Level modules in 2 weeks.
    I have a weird relationship with this illness (well everyone does) because a lot of the time I almost think I am not worthy of the label. I know that I am quite an unstable person, I have terrible mood swings from being perfectly happy to really angry. Little things set me off, like for example one of my parents may hum a tune and it will really irritate me and I can end up breaking things because I want them to stop.
    I am both emotionally needy as well as a loner (odd combo I know). With my friends, if I get left out (it happened quite a lot last year as I joined a group of friends who've known each other since primary so I was the new girl in the group) I would get really upset about it and go through various "They're not my friends, they just use me, I'm always the go-to person when they've got nothing better to do" even sometimes when it wasn't intentional. But then at the flick of the switch there is nothing I want more than to be left alone for days on end. I don't really connect well with other people, and I'm indifferent to things like relationships.
    I've had spells of depressive episodes (it was especially bad before my AS results last year when I had plans to try and end my life) that come and go, but I tend to almost go through more of a rapid cycle now.
    I do have a real obsession with fictional characters. For some reason I identify with them and understand them in a way I don't have with real people. One character (Doctor Ruth Winters in Casualty in case you're curious) I feel could actually be me. I am like her in so many aspects which is scary because she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder (which I know I don't have, but I go through stages of trawling Wikipedia attempting self-diagnoses). But for years now I have desperately wanted to be fictional characters, to get away from my life and live in a different life.
    Sorry I'm rambling/going off the point.
    I was one of few kids who went to my secondary school and I spent three/four years being used by people and drifting from group to group. I am cripplingly shy with new people but when I get to know people well I can become very (and I hate it) outspoken. I cringe at myself all the time. I went through a stage where I was (and still am) good friends with a girl who is beautiful. She was naturally skinny, perfect looks and perfect clothes. I was unfashionable, a bit frumpy and pudgy. I eventually moved to a new set of friends but I was already in a cycle.
    I had lost some weight naturally and was pretty thin. But it was during my GCSE year things started getting serious. I began restricting slightly and lost weight and got taken to my GP who told me to eat a bit more.
    The summer was on/and off skipping breakfast but then eating chocolate bars.
    But when I went back to Sixth Form they spiralled downwards. I had more control- I'm an only child and my Mother is very protective and overbearing and doesn't work much so does all meals for us- and began dumping lunch at school. All my friends knew though I tried to make excuses but no-one ever tried to do anything. I also started working in a clothes shop where I would spend hours waiting in changing rooms serving customers and staring at my reflection in a mirror.
    The tipping point was a school trip in October for 5 days. At home my breakfasts and large evening meals were eaten with my Mother but this trip gave me freedom. I survived on chewing gum, diet coke and the odd mouthfull of sandwich for the whole trip and nearly passed out on several occasions. My teacher noticed (bless her) and tried to talk to me about it and I broke down, but deflected everything. I did notice my friends and my teacher having discussions about me but the thought made me really angry with them.
    I came home & my weight had dropped low (BMI was 15) and the next day my Mother came home from work (her boss is one of my friend's mum who had told her all about it) and the next day I went to see the GP. I was transferred to CAMHS and saw a woman I HATED and continued losing weight before being moved to out-patient treatment in a hospital. They wanted me taken out of school but I refused b/c for me, I cannot handle failure and not going to University is failure. I had to leave school every day to eat lunch in my Mum's car outside the gates and went once a week for appointments with a therapist and dietician.
    This was a year and a half ago. It's been a rollorcoaster ride b/c I was threatened with not being allowed to go to Uni if I didn't recover. So my recovery was not so much choice but force. Now however, I can recognise that I was ill. I looked like I was on drugs, I had no energy to even concentrate in class and I was angry all the time. There were hundreds of arguments and I feel horrible at the amount of times I told my Mother I hated her.
    At the moment I am now on a maintenance plan of sorts (really eating what I want to some extent) and my last ever out-patient appointment is scheduled for June (right after my last A Level exam, party woo!) so I am sooooo close to being free of this place.
    I know I'm not recovered though. I still control everything and I'm always calculating in my head. I've had problems recently as well that I have a crazy fast metabolism and my maintenance plan is making me lose weight. I've lost nearly half of what I put on since I've been in recovery. Now I'm stuck b/c I like how I look even though I know that I look like a walking skeleton but everyday I'm still having "see that fat there" thoughts and then trying to submerge it with rationale. I know I need to put a little bit more on but I just can't make myself do it. Now I'm driving myself crazy with this stupid battle in my head which I really don't need with my exams a few weeks away.
    The main problem I've got is with my stomach. I've got a slightly extra curved spine which causes my stomach to stick out slightly. But because I've 'not got much padding' whenever I eat I notice my stomach stick out more. By the end of the day I feel horrible. I can't wear anything clingy to my stomach b/c I am so self conscious of it. Even though I know I am making it worse because you can see my ribs and hipbones, but it is all I see.
    I'm sorry, I don't even know if there's been a point to this post, but kind of getting it out of my head helps, frees up a bit of space for some revision.

    Feel free to ignore all of this.
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    I was just wondering...I am currently in the depths of Anorexia, and whilst I have recently started treatment in therapy, it's defo taking a toll on my a-levels...I was predicted 3 A*s but with a low concentration and all the other joys this vile illness has brought, I'd say that most of my exams have so far gone preeettttyyy ****. I need an A* AA for my first choice too, and I can almost certainly guarantee that won't happen whilst trying to cope with this at the same time. SO, is it possible for teachers to get in touch with the uni, with proof from say my doctor or my therapist, and tell them about my situation if I do indeed get bad marks? Would the unis take this into consideration? Despite my grades? Or is there no room for leeway? T'would be brill if I could know...I can't believe I've worked so hard, all my life, to get good grades and then just throw it away at the final hurdle :-(
    • #82
    #82

    (Original post by feath)
    I was just wondering...I am currently in the depths of Anorexia, and whilst I have recently started treatment in therapy, it's defo taking a toll on my a-levels...I was predicted 3 A*s but with a low concentration and all the other joys this vile illness has brought, I'd say that most of my exams have so far gone preeettttyyy ****. I need an A* AA for my first choice too, and I can almost certainly guarantee that won't happen whilst trying to cope with this at the same time. SO, is it possible for teachers to get in touch with the uni, with proof from say my doctor or my therapist, and tell them about my situation if I do indeed get bad marks? Would the unis take this into consideration? Despite my grades? Or is there no room for leeway? T'would be brill if I could know...I can't believe I've worked so hard, all my life, to get good grades and then just throw it away at the final hurdle :-(
    Its not quite the same, but I started treatment just before my GCSEs, and my therapist and GP put a bunch of stuff together for me to submit to the exam boards. I don't actually know what effect it had on my results, but I'm pretty sure that evidence for extenuated circumstances must be submitted before the exam is taken. It would be worth checking though.

    I guess if the anorexia and treatment does affect your results and you miss your offer you can explain your circumstances to the uni - they might be sympathetic, particularly as your trying to recover.
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    (Original post by feath)
    I was just wondering...I am currently in the depths of Anorexia, and whilst I have recently started treatment in therapy, it's defo taking a toll on my a-levels...I was predicted 3 A*s but with a low concentration and all the other joys this vile illness has brought, I'd say that most of my exams have so far gone preeettttyyy ****. I need an A* AA for my first choice too, and I can almost certainly guarantee that won't happen whilst trying to cope with this at the same time. SO, is it possible for teachers to get in touch with the uni, with proof from say my doctor or my therapist, and tell them about my situation if I do indeed get bad marks? Would the unis take this into consideration? Despite my grades? Or is there no room for leeway? T'would be brill if I could know...I can't believe I've worked so hard, all my life, to get good grades and then just throw it away at the final hurdle :-(
    Do your school know about your ED? Its probably possible to get special consideration for it, but I do know a friend got it for all her AS exams last year as she sat them whilst ill. What exactly you'd get I have no idea. Special consideration DOESNT appear on your certificate, I had it for a music exam at GCSE, and have it for my AS speaking exam (laptop died, had to sit then entire exam again). Did you mention your ED on your UCAS application, I think telling the university is something you have to do.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Hello stranger I think I know who you are. No guesses as to who I am -- pretty obvious. Just stay strong hun. Don't be worried about it. Remember that you're veggie for the right reasons, not the wrong ones, and try and stick to it as best you can. It's not the end of the world if you eat something you think is veggie and it isn't. It's not your fault. Don't feel nervous about it. Remember how far you've come and how great life is now! x
    Hahaha. Yes I am who you think I am! I've already been TSR stalking you (your Kinks of Exeter is awesome!) Thanks hun! You're right I've calmed down a bit know and am just focusing on reading up on stuff in the future! Can always count on you to be a great help!

    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    :raises hand: I'm veggie (and was through my ED)! The mozarella *should* be vegetarian, especially if they told you it is but really morally speaking you can't be blamed for being mislead and then eating animal rennet... After all, there's no such think as the Veggie Police. A great way to see what's really veggie is to look at Sainsburys food packets and see if they have the veggie sign on (Sainsburys are usually the most clear). Generally speaking what's common in Sainsburys food should be common while you're out.

    Ugh, it is so annoying when the main 'veggie' option on a menu contains pesto... Parmesan cannot be vegetarian to be classified as parmesan! However in some places I've been told that in their pesto they use a different cheese as it's the spinach and pine-nuts that give it most of it's flavour (or so I was told by waiters).
    Again you are right also! I'll try and shop in Sainsbury's more! And now that I've calmed down I realise it's all part and parcel (I've heard it takes some people years to go properly vegetarian due to bad labelling etc) so I'm trying not to be 'fixed' on it!

    Thanks to you both!
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    (Original post by kikukaede)
    Many restaurants and cafes will lie because they want your custom, but I find most of the time many staff aren't even aware that certain cheeses aren't veggie. Basically you just have to trust their word - stick to places that you know are trustworthy and be sure to doublecheck if you aren't sure or if it isn't made clear. Try maybe finding a veggie/vegan green-grocers in your town? Usually there will be at least one if you live somewhere substantial, and you can be sure anything you buy there will be safe. Also, if the produce is organic it means you can feel good about your fruit and veg too

    In the end, even if you do accidentally eat animal remains, don't let it discourage you or upset you too much. It's not the end of the world.
    Oh and thank you too! And yeah I work at my local health food shop which is a plus- employee discount!
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    I do not understand why I think a solution to a binge is eat more protein to slow it and compensate (never works) rather than just stop and start eating again when feeling better?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I do not understand why I think a solution to a binge is eat more protein to slow it and compensate (never works) rather than just stop and start eating again when feeling better?
    I find that the only thing that works for me after a binge is to write down everything i'm feeling in a journal and give myself 30 minutes to chill, shower, do a bit of yoga, e.c.t Sounds a bit lame but you know the only answer is just distraction from food altogether. xxxx
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    I find that the only thing that works for me after a binge is to write down everything i'm feeling in a journal and give myself 30 minutes to chill, shower, do a bit of yoga, e.c.t Sounds a bit lame but you know the only answer is just distraction from food altogether. xxxx
    Doesn't lame at all, sounds sensible! I've started with the diaries again but there's a danger of it consuming the day because I get stuck in rumination cycle's very easily. Not sure how to draw the line with them. x
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    Guys, need some advice if anyone's got any ideas.

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    My determination to get better and get healthy very promptly deteriorated into the worst relapse I have had in years. I am basically struggling to consume anything at all other than water and it's really not helping with my end of year uni exams which will probably be suffering because I am totally braindead all the time. I know I need to eat four or five times what I'm currently getting through in a day but it feels so overwhelmingly terrifying that I don't know how to get started. What's scaring me most is that pretty much every time I have been heavily restricting before, I haven't wanted to get out of the cycle, I've just wanted to drive myself deeper and deeper into it, whereas now I really do want to snap out of it but I feel like I just can't and I don't know what to do to break the cycle. So does anyone have any suggestions for how I can get back to eating even just a little bit more? Sorry for the negativity!
 
 
 
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