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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -huggggggging- I am proud of you. Even if this guy isnt. In less than a week you've trebled what you're eating.
    Can't tell you how much that means to me, thank you xxxxxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, my GP put me on progesterone to 'kick-start' my periods again (having not had a period for just over 2 years) - I got my period with the pill, but once I stopped taking them they stopped again , I think my periods are just taking a while to get back into the swing of things, they were never regular anyway. When I started on the pill, I was really nervous about weight gain, but I don't really think it's affected my weight that much, although I do get weird hungry the few days before my period.
    Yeah, even though I'm doing so much better I do worry about weight gain, especially as I've already reached a healthy weight. When I saw the nurse at the practice she did say it can take time for periods to return. I just have in my head that once they start again my body will have properly healed from all the damage my ED did.
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    Hey all, I just thought I would post in here, I am the new moderator in Mental Health. Usually I am found over in the Mental Health Support Society (What was the Depression Society) but I thought I would pop my head around the door and introduce myself :ciao:
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    Can't tell you how much that means to me, thank you xxxxxx
    -still hugging-
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    Another question for those of us in recovery. Do you find that you get super bloated when you eat even a reasonably sized meal? And how long did it take for your weight to redistribute properly. Having a disproportionately large pot belly is starting to get me down.
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    I've got to stop going on those ****ing stupid Boots machines and weighing/mesuring bf%, they don't even WORK. It's compelling though, even if only every few weeks.
    I even know why I did it. it's 'cos I feel crummy about that last English exam. But I'm convinced I must've ballooned from lunch
    Oh. I had a Hershey's with a sandwich. Because that's really going to make me have gone obese.
    This is not making progress
    Now I feel worried about this curry night, I was looking forward to it..

    And I've done it again. Everything I can to manipulate my body into being a mess. Sugar crash here we come. WHY.


    Gotta turn my attitude back round to badass for summer! Help!
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    Heya I was diagnosed with anorexia about 6 months ago and my weight became so dangerously low I had to leave college and ended up in hospital. I was let out about 2 months ago during the easter holidays and revised at home from then until I took my AS exams which just finshed yesterday. I have improved so much over these last 2 months and although the stress of exams made my weight fall again i've managed to stabilise it again. I still havn't managed to reach that stage where I actually WANT to eat but I'm at the point where I know I NEED to eat otherwise it's very likely I could die, particularly as I've been diagnosed with cardiac arrhythmia.

    But the main problem I still have is I find it SO hard to eat in front of other people particularly people who aren't in my family. And I really really really want to be able to go back to college next week because I've missed out on so much and I've lost contact with so many of my friends and this disease has taken so much away from me, I can't let it take my friends too. But I just don't know how I'm going to be able to make myself eat at college, particularly in front of so many people, and it's going to be even worse now as everyone knows about the issues I've had over the last few months so I just feel as if they're all going to be watching me to see if I'm eating or not. I really could just do with some advice on how to handle all this? I'm sure many people have been in my position and just any advice or help or anything would be so useful thank you <3
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    (Original post by Mia_thompson)
    Heya I was diagnosed with anorexia about 6 months ago and my weight became so dangerously low I had to leave college and ended up in hospital. I was let out about 2 months ago during the easter holidays and revised at home from then until I took my AS exams which just finshed yesterday. I have improved so much over these last 2 months and although the stress of exams made my weight fall again i've managed to stabilise it again. I still havn't managed to reach that stage where I actually WANT to eat but I'm at the point where I know I NEED to eat otherwise it's very likely I could die, particularly as I've been diagnosed with cardiac arrhythmia.

    But the main problem I still have is I find it SO hard to eat in front of other people particularly people who aren't in my family. And I really really really want to be able to go back to college next week because I've missed out on so much and I've lost contact with so many of my friends and this disease has taken so much away from me, I can't let it take my friends too. But I just don't know how I'm going to be able to make myself eat at college, particularly in front of so many people, and it's going to be even worse now as everyone knows about the issues I've had over the last few months so I just feel as if they're all going to be watching me to see if I'm eating or not. I really could just do with some advice on how to handle all this? I'm sure many people have been in my position and just any advice or help or anything would be so useful thank you <3
    Firstly well done on starting to make tracks towards recovery!

    I think what I'd do personally is sit down with a group of my closest friends and explain the situation to them, say you want to come back to college but tell them how hard it is to eat in front of them and exactly what you're worried about. Just ask them to never mention it to you while you're eating, ask if you can totally steer clear of anything to do with food/weight/calories during lunchtime. Tell them you know you have to eat but still don't want to and I'm sure even though they probably won't understand, if they're good friends they ought to be really supportive. See if there's somewhere you can go with one or two people to eat where there won't be loads of other people around - I used to find it reeeally difficult eating in the canteen at college because I felt like everyone was watching me. Might help to get into a 'safe' routine like that which would make it easier in the short term.
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    I'm not convinced my friends really are my friends. All the photographs from the ball are appearing on facebook. I look horrendous in all of them. The ones mum took, I look fat, and have my eyes shut in all of them. In the candids taken by friends, i look fat in them, my face looks really short and i have no neck. The ones taken on an SLR, I look miserable in all of them. I had to be tit taped into my own dress because it's too big. Yet I look like the size of a small elephant in the photographs.
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    Hit what I consider another turning point in recovery today-had a takeaway and stopped when full, which means I enjoyed it Complete difference between indulgence and a binge, for me it's whether you've made food your friend or enemy.

    Hope no-one takes this the wrong way, got to understand I'd more a tendency to binge then restrict than full-on restriction. Plus so many symptoms of blood-sugar problems from messing around with my metabolism all the time. I've kinda accepted that the main reason for my great can be simplified to I'm afraid of my own appetite ha...what that actually means is yet. But I'm more in the moment and recognise my thoughts of Mum and her boyfriend having some secret hatred of me and the like are just that, silly thoughts. It's nice to feel comfortable in this house again
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    I'm disgusted with how easy it is to stumble across pro-ana sites. The messages are vile and damaging. I was feeling low and needed some recovery stories to inspire me to overcome this and what did I find? Diaries and blogs of girls actively promoting anorexia with pictures of unrealistic tiny girls and awful slogans.
    It's just sickening. That's why I like coming to this forum; it's recovery that is celebrated and there's always someone here to encourage you towards that long path to being healthy if you slip up. I could never want to pass on this way of life to anyone else and I honestly don't know how other people can do it, it's really really set me off tonight
    But also what to say what a fantastic network of support this forum is, well done guys. There are some truly inspiring people on here
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Hit what I consider another turning point in recovery today-had a takeaway and stopped when full, which means I enjoyed it Complete difference between indulgence and a binge, for me it's whether you've made food your friend or enemy.

    Hope no-one takes this the wrong way, got to understand I'd more a tendency to binge then restrict than full-on restriction. Plus so many symptoms of blood-sugar problems from messing around with my metabolism all the time. I've kinda accepted that the main reason for my great can be simplified to I'm afraid of my own appetite ha...what that actually means is yet. But I'm more in the moment and recognise my thoughts of Mum and her boyfriend having some secret hatred of me and the like are just that, silly thoughts. It's nice to feel comfortable in this house again
    Aww well done! You should be so proud of yourself, I bet that's an amazing feeling
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Aww well done! You should be so proud of yourself, I bet that's an amazing feeling
    Yeahh it's great although I do wonder sometimes whether I'm pushing myself enough to gain?...Mum can't understand that the gaining diet won't make me get back to my old self. And apart from that, maintenance undeniably stresses me out less now I can do it (I actually feel less hyperactive from eating relatively less, making it easier to relax, meaning quicker and more stable gain!)
    I worry where the line blurs between healthy diet and habits with the odd treat, and essentially avoiding the grittier physical changes of recovery. Or it feels that way. As I say, have made a lot of false and dangerous assumptions in the past from my mind tripping over itself! x
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I'm not convinced my friends really are my friends. All the photographs from the ball are appearing on facebook. I look horrendous in all of them. The ones mum took, I look fat, and have my eyes shut in all of them. In the candids taken by friends, i look fat in them, my face looks really short and i have no neck. The ones taken on an SLR, I look miserable in all of them. I had to be tit taped into my own dress because it's too big. Yet I look like the size of a small elephant in the photographs.
    I obviously haven't seen the photos, but I'm 100% sure that you DON'T look fat in them. The only person that sees that is you, and you're just wrong. When other people look at them, they see something totally different. It's so easy to spend hours poring over photos and picking out every tiny imperfection but you have to have some self restraint and just accept them for what they are - memories of a night that was centred around feeling good and having fun. I'm sure you're absolutely beautiful anyway, inside and out, but don't let a few dodgy Facebook pictures define how you feel about yourself because there is so much more to YOU than your body. Hugs xxxxxxx
    • #81
    #81

    Apologies if this post lacks any tact but what's the difference between being a bulimiac and being a greedy *******?

    I've made through about 5 boxes of breakfast cereal this weekend (this happened last weekend too where I demolished about 4) - I literally am a cereal addict!! I know I should stop buying them as they lead me to binge but I literally can't stop thinking about them and it's too hard to find the temptation..

    Am I a bulimiac because I binge, realise what's happened and relentlessly force myself to purge?
    • #108
    #108

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    Hey guys - I'm after some help. I'm at a really low point tonight and wanted to write it all down. I hope you don't mind.
    I've lost over 2 stone from the beginning of the year. I'm 5'4, and I was 10.5 stone when I started losing weight. I'm now 7stone 10; I'm not badly underweight or anything, but I hate the way I look and feel now. I was so much happier before I lost the weight, and now I'm trapped in a cycle of disordered eating that I can't escape. I am constantly exhausted, physically and mentally - my muscles hurt, I ache when I move, I have no energy or desire for any of my hobbies, my hair is falling out and worst of all I am completely miserable; I used to be fun loving and full of energy, always up for a laugh, whereas now I'm depressed and find it hard to laugh or smile. My family have started treating me differently because they see me as miserable, and my mother tells me she's so worried about me everyday. And yet, despite all this, I can never seem to start eating properly again. I get up in the morning with wonderful intentions, then find myself terrified by the idea of eating a whole bowl of cereal and so a day of restricting begins yet again. I have been trying to add more to my diet, but I've got it into my crazy head that if I eat just a bit more, I'll pile the pounds back on in the space of a week.
    My disordered habits are really annoying me now. I've developed a fear of butter and milk, and so now drink black tea and eat dry toast and crackers and I WISH I could stop this but it's so hard. I don't put butter on my sandwiches and can only have one thin slice of ham. I can't finish a whole plate or bowl of something, and panic if I think I'm eating more than everyone else (I can't possibly finish my plate if another family member doesn't, and I watch them like a hawk to see what and how much they are eating. More than me if fine, less than me makes me panic). I have a deep fear of fried food, but I'd love to eat proper chips again, I just think if I do it, I'll instantly put on a few pounds. I've started becoming so anxious when I have to prepare and eat food that I shake and don't enjoy it, which is so MAD! Eating out is a nightmare and tonight my family had a takeaway - how I WISH I could have joined them laughing around that table with their fish and chips - and I had to sit in the living room with my 'safe' noodles and chicken. I did manage some homemade ice cream, which was good, but still..I finally realised tonight that I CANNOT keep losing weight, I already look horrible and fit in tiny clothes and I'd like to gain some back so my bones don't stick out, my work clothes don't hang off me, I don't have such a drawn, gaunt face and more than anything, I can be me again.
    But I really don't know how to go about it How much should I be eating in a day? The thought of eating more is scary. I know I have to do it, but it's the uncertainty - I've been so good at sticking to below 1100 calories, and now the possibilities are endless and I don't like not having a plan. Is it a good idea to plan meals and snacks? It's like I need someone to say 'this is what you have to eat today, and there is no way around it' - being in charge of my own eating is so frightening.
    Sigh. Any advice is appreciated...everyone on this thread is so strong, and I realise I'm not in a terrible situation or anything, but I'm scared of where I'm going and I want to get better. I want the old me back. But I'm not sure how to do it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Apologies if this post lacks any tact but what's the difference between being a bulimiac and being a greedy *******?

    I've made through about 5 boxes of breakfast cereal this weekend (this happened last weekend too where I demolished about 4) - I literally am a cereal addict!! I know I should stop buying them as they lead me to binge but I literally can't stop thinking about them and it's too hard to find the temptation..

    Am I a bulimiac because I binge, realise what's happened and relentlessly force myself to purge?
    The spectrum of eating disorders is wide and varied, ranging from the brightest purples to the most eldritch of reds.

    In basic terms;

    Bulimia is when you binge (you may feel a disassociation from reality sometimes) and then purge afterwards, purging can be making yourself throw up, over exercising to 'make up' or taking laxatives.

    Compulsive eating disorder is when you binge, but without the purging, or eat continuously without reason.

    EDNOS - Eating disorder not otherwise specified - is the general name for an eating disorder that doesn't fall under a definitive category.



    If you are 'binging' and 'purging' you would fall plainly under the Bulimia category, veering into EDNOS if there are other things associated.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    [spoiler]
    x
    Hey

    It sounds like you're in a good place to start recovering, to be honest. You know deep down that what you're doing isn't right, which is the first step to recovering. I would suggest talking to someone close and telling them that although this has been happening, you want to get better and enjoy life. They may be able to help you through tough times. Honestly, recovery doesn't mean that you're going to balloon and be fat or anything. I'm recovered and still slim and I think a lot of people would get better faster if they saw a survivor and talked to them and realised that the fear of becoming obese overnight just doesn't happen in reality. Life is too short to have an ED. It stops you from enjoying life, but I don't feel like I need to tell you this -- you seem to have realised already. Always here if you need any sort of help at all. x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Hey guys - I'm after some help. I'm at a really low point tonight and wanted to write it all down. I hope you don't mind.
    I've lost over 2 stone from the beginning of the year. I'm 5'4, and I was 10.5 stone when I started losing weight. I'm now 7stone 10; I'm not badly underweight or anything, but I hate the way I look and feel now. I was so much happier before I lost the weight, and now I'm trapped in a cycle of disordered eating that I can't escape. I am constantly exhausted, physically and mentally - my muscles hurt, I ache when I move, I have no energy or desire for any of my hobbies, my hair is falling out and worst of all I am completely miserable; I used to be fun loving and full of energy, always up for a laugh, whereas now I'm depressed and find it hard to laugh or smile. My family have started treating me differently because they see me as miserable, and my mother tells me she's so worried about me everyday. And yet, despite all this, I can never seem to start eating properly again. I get up in the morning with wonderful intentions, then find myself terrified by the idea of eating a whole bowl of cereal and so a day of restricting begins yet again. I have been trying to add more to my diet, but I've got it into my crazy head that if I eat just a bit more, I'll pile the pounds back on in the space of a week.
    My disordered habits are really annoying me now. I've developed a fear of butter and milk, and so now drink black tea and eat dry toast and crackers and I WISH I could stop this but it's so hard. I don't put butter on my sandwiches and can only have one thin slice of ham. I can't finish a whole plate or bowl of something, and panic if I think I'm eating more than everyone else (I can't possibly finish my plate if another family member doesn't, and I watch them like a hawk to see what and how much they are eating. More than me if fine, less than me makes me panic). I have a deep fear of fried food, but I'd love to eat proper chips again, I just think if I do it, I'll instantly put on a few pounds. I've started becoming so anxious when I have to prepare and eat food that I shake and don't enjoy it, which is so MAD! Eating out is a nightmare and tonight my family had a takeaway - how I WISH I could have joined them laughing around that table with their fish and chips - and I had to sit in the living room with my 'safe' noodles and chicken. I did manage some homemade ice cream, which was good, but still..I finally realised tonight that I CANNOT keep losing weight, I already look horrible and fit in tiny clothes and I'd like to gain some back so my bones don't stick out, my work clothes don't hang off me, I don't have such a drawn, gaunt face and more than anything, I can be me again.
    But I really don't know how to go about it How much should I be eating in a day? The thought of eating more is scary. I know I have to do it, but it's the uncertainty - I've been so good at sticking to below 1100 calories, and now the possibilities are endless and I don't like not having a plan. Is it a good idea to plan meals and snacks? It's like I need someone to say 'this is what you have to eat today, and there is no way around it' - being in charge of my own eating is so frightening.
    Sigh. Any advice is appreciated...everyone on this thread is so strong, and I realise I'm not in a terrible situation or anything, but I'm scared of where I'm going and I want to get better. I want the old me back. But I'm not sure how to do it.
    You sound a lot like me. It's really good that you know you can't keep loosing weight and that you know you'll look and feel better if you do change. This is the first major milestone because you're not still in a dream-world where starving makes everything better. Recognise how much of an achievement this already is.

    So now you need to go and tell a GP... or a friend that can help you see a GP. It's so scary, and sometimes they aren't very helpful, but often they are, and they can work out with you referrals onto support. Seeing a dietician will be good because they can work out a flexible diet structure for you and reassure you that it won't all pile on.

    For now, you need to at least work up to maintainable calories. Work out a plan with yourself that allows you to be flexible with different situations. And the weight will not pile on!!! When I increased I was convinced my metabolism was rediculous (as people on here can remember ) ... it was mostly water weight. Promise! The weight comes on very gradually and is part of healing.

    xxx
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    I obviously haven't seen the photos, but I'm 100% sure that you DON'T look fat in them. The only person that sees that is you, and you're just wrong. When other people look at them, they see something totally different. It's so easy to spend hours poring over photos and picking out every tiny imperfection but you have to have some self restraint and just accept them for what they are - memories of a night that was centred around feeling good and having fun. I'm sure you're absolutely beautiful anyway, inside and out, but don't let a few dodgy Facebook pictures define how you feel about yourself because there is so much more to YOU than your body. Hugs xxxxxxx
    Do you have to be so wise?
 
 
 
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