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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    COFFEEE!! Amazing little bugger. Not the midget... And yeah. I used to do that too. Just coffee, coffee, squash, water, lemon & honey, coffee.... repeat. But you're kinda lucky in a way. When I used to get hunger pangs, all I wanted in life was to eat. It really hurt not being able to and not wanting to.

    And crap! Seriously....?? You're kidding! You're gonna be in the worst possible environment!

    Can't you ask for a different flat - like written letter specifying why? I mean this is your ED and the rest of your life!

    Chemistry is the boss. Actually, I can't decide between Bio or Chem. It's one or the other - whichever one I'm not revising for.

    Having the scientific article on ED's was as awkward as an awkward thing.
    especially when miss came out with 'I can't inagine what it would be like to hate food some much that you just didnt eat' and then dreading my AS german resit because I was so scared that ED's would come up in the discussion/ as the only stimulus card I had anything to say for it. Or that I'd say something, use wir (we) instead of Sie (they), and sir to get the right end of the stick, and worry far too much about me, Dad made me put down for the single sex flat. Tempted to see if its possible to change it on my application to a mixed flat.
    Parents dont know that i know they found my diary from last time, nor do they know/notice/care that I'm getting worse.

    Hate biology, it bores me. I'm only doing it because i did maths as well last year, and really couldnt do it.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Having the scientific article on ED's was as awkward as an awkward thing.
    especially when miss came out with 'I can't inagine what it would be like to hate food some much that you just didnt eat' and then dreading my AS german resit because I was so scared that ED's would come up in the discussion/ as the only stimulus card I had anything to say for it. Or that I'd say something, use wir (we) instead of Sie (they), and sir to get the right end of the stick, and worry far too much about me, Dad made me put down for the single sex flat. Tempted to see if its possible to change it on my application to a mixed flat.
    Parents dont know that i know they found my diary from last time, nor do they know/notice/care that I'm getting worse.

    Hate biology, it bores me. I'm only doing it because i did maths as well last year, and really couldnt do it.
    My goodness. You've an uncanny resemblance to my life. Before I proceed to spill my mirror life-history and sibling-parent rivalry.... Do you have a sibling that your parents take care of - seemingly better than you?
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    My goodness. You've an uncanny resemblance to my life. Before I proceed to spill my mirror life-history and sibling-parent rivalry.... Do you have a sibling that your parents take care of - seemingly better than you?
    Younger sister, got bribed to get 3 level 5's in her Y6 sats, I didn't. Got told by my mother that my GCSE results were crap, because of what my best friend got. She got 10A*s and an A. I got 4A*s, 6As and a C. My little sister got a darn site worse than I did, failed to get a grade C in two of her GCSEs, one of these being English.
    Got told my AS's were 'quite frankly crap', BBCCD - admittedly not as good as I though they'd be. An awful lot of oooh, they want high grades for chemistry, don't they? when looking at universities. I've even been asked 'What will you do if you don't meet your MMU offer - despite the fact to meet that I need 30ish UMS in bio and chem and 8 in german to get BBC, which isn't even EEE on my last 3 papers. Unfortunately, dad is likely to be at work on A level results day, and I cannot do crap because she'll be terribly smug if I fail to meet my Sheffield offer.

    Combined with a sarcastic remark from my german teacher after we'd gone out for dinner when we were in over easter for some revision, over what I'd eaten, well more what I hadnt eaten (Normally lunch is just a sandwich for me, this sandwich came with salad and coleslaw) I hate coleslaw at the best of times. I do like salad, but not raw peppers or tomato. and i don't like forcing myself to eat things after I've reached the point of quite pleasently full.
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    Sure. It's a real pain when I can't brush my teeth afterwards because I just want everything out of my mouth, you know? I'll refrain. My teeth are starting to show acid erosion, though I've tried to be careful so... It's like a warning sign and motivation for me to stop...

    Raisins are low calorie? Which kind? Like sultanas or the really tiny ones?
    I can never finish a baked potato and stir fry is a blessing in disguise for ED and non. I can eat a small amount and be full as well as having the necessary nutrients Hakka Noodles is my fav. I love oranges but I know it ruins my enamel.

    By the way, if you don't mind me asking, what were you struggling with last week? (ED or related?) What was wrong? Why did you try and increase intake? What pushed you to it?
    You can use mouthwash if that helps, it's just best not to brush!

    Raisins aren't exactly low calorie but they're small and nutritious, and it's all good calories!

    I've basically just been through my worst relapse in about five years, I got to the point about six weeks in where I'd gradually cut down more and more and was basically struggling to eat anything at all, even though I wanted to I felt like I couldn't. I knew I had to increase my intake (have just finished uni exams as well so it was a nightmare trying to get through revision without eating) but I found it really really hard to know how to go about it, and I have the same problem with getting full really quickly/horrible indigestion etc. I found the best thing for me to do was to focus on getting calories wherever I could and in the smallest portions possible - so even if that meant that all I'd eat in a day was dried fruit, or yoghurts, or even biscuits, at least I was eating and getting my intake up without feeling overwhelmed by the quanities of food as much as the calories. I'm still finding it really difficult but things are significantly better than they were so I just have to keep trying to move in the right direction. People here have been an absolute Godsend when I was getting stuck
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Younger sister, got bribed to get 3 level 5's in her Y6 sats, I didn't. Got told by my mother that my GCSE results were crap, because of what my best friend got. She got 10A*s and an A. I got 4A*s, 6As and a C. My little sister got a darn site worse than I did, failed to get a grade C in two of her GCSEs, one of these being English.
    Got told my AS's were 'quite frankly crap', BBCCD - admittedly not as good as I though they'd be. An awful lot of oooh, they want high grades for chemistry, don't they? when looking at universities. I've even been asked 'What will you do if you don't meet your MMU offer - despite the fact to meet that I need 30ish UMS in bio and chem and 8 in german to get BBC, which isn't even EEE on my last 3 papers. Unfortunately, dad is likely to be at work on A level results day, and I cannot do crap because she'll be terribly smug if I fail to meet my Sheffield offer.

    Combined with a sarcastic remark from my german teacher after we'd gone out for dinner when we were in over easter for some revision, over what I'd eaten, well more what I hadnt eaten (Normally lunch is just a sandwich for me, this sandwich came with salad and coleslaw) I hate coleslaw at the best of times. I do like salad, but not raw peppers or tomato. and i don't like forcing myself to eat things after I've reached the point of quite pleasently full.
    Ouch. Wow. God. That's horrible. I can see how this whole ED thing develops in an environment restricted to you like this...

    You're a really really intelligent, clever, young woman - it's blatantly obvious to me and to anyone else who reads this. You're being forced through a really bad family and social situation that isn't beneficial at all to you.

    I'm guessing you're a very independant, strong in mind person? You sound it because you're trying to control everything. You're a perfectionist, right?

    I've found that shutting everyone away and doing things my way - works. It isn't exactly recommended but in some situations, it's the only way to get out and away and be free.

    Your GCSE's were fantastic! That's a real good score and may I say, your AS levels were pretty good too. Not many people get those kind of grades the first time round.

    This is your life and you can't let them hold you down under like that. You'll drown.

    I've had some pretty brutal teachers myself ever since I started school in this country. I'm asian - brown skin. Because I lived in close-knit stereotypical english communities, I was often the only asian in classes. This didn't faze me because no matter how bad the teacher was, I got the best grades in the district and eventually, they simply ignored me.



    Same with my current Bio teacher. Haven't gotten him fired yet because I can't risk having a crappy sub afterwards. Besides, his snarky comments and expressions are priceless

    Look. This text of my past experience is to just tell you, if you do what you think is right, it's the best feeling you'll ever have. You're clever. Smart. Those that don't agree are.... not worth your breath. Do what you think is best for you because I swear, regrets are the most unpleasant feelings you should never have.

    .......Also, I think you're a star. To go through all that with your family and still fighting strong? Keep going. You're gonna rub those straight A's in your mom's face in August.
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    Thank you.. really. I appreciate this message a lot. I couldn't sleep all night because I was so scared sleeping on the fat would make it accumulate. :/ I know this is crazy but then a huge part of me thinks it's the God Truth. I'm aiming for A's this summer. I need them. But I know I'm wasting energy and time with this ED.

    I woke up after a nap this afternoon and convinced myself I'd gained a few pounds... I hate this.

    I've been like this for years and it's really killing me. My immune system is ruined. My metabolism is ruined. My hair is thinning and my skin is suffering. And it's making me stress even more!

    Do you have any tips on "Eating Normally"? I can't even remember my life before this ED... I'd like any advice.

    I can't eat anything more than two pieces of bread before feeling really full. I know I'm meant to stretch my stomach slowly but... Everytime I try, I end up vomiting involuntarily because I'm just so full.. I have to prepare food myself because I can't trust my parents to make it "Low-fat and organic"... So studying, anything quick, simple and convincing?

    Thank You, again.
    I'm not such the expert when it comes to eating normally, a combination of anorexia and diabetes makes my list of what I consider "safe" foods that I will eat an extremely limited one. I'm struggling terribly lately, and like you, keep becoming convinced that I've put on weight suddenly halfway through the day.
    I totally sympathize because it's so hard! I guess moving away from your "safe" low-calorie foods will be a good place to start. Try a new thing every day.
    That's what I would do if I had the strength right now, but I've been in a bit of a bad place lately and find I hold onto anorexia (or it holds onto me) like a 'friend' during hard times and I don't want anyone to take it away from me, weird as that sounds.
    Starting to pick up though and when I do, that's when the motivation to change and try new things is at its strongest. I WILL kick anorexia's butt and get my life back. Certainly that's my next step. What did you used to enjoy eating but causes you worry now? Make a little list. Try a little bit when you can. Then try a little more.
    An eating disorder is such a complex illness and it can't undo itself overnight. You need strength and perseverance. Every little baby step counts. The more foods you reintroduce, and the less it causes you distress, the more you win. Be strong, remember you need to get the life back that you deserve
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    You can use mouthwash if that helps, it's just best not to brush!

    Raisins aren't exactly low calorie but they're small and nutritious, and it's all good calories!

    I've basically just been through my worst relapse in about five years, I got to the point about six weeks in where I'd gradually cut down more and more and was basically struggling to eat anything at all, even though I wanted to I felt like I couldn't. I knew I had to increase my intake (have just finished uni exams as well so it was a nightmare trying to get through revision without eating) but I found it really really hard to know how to go about it, and I have the same problem with getting full really quickly/horrible indigestion etc. I found the best thing for me to do was to focus on getting calories wherever I could and in the smallest portions possible - so even if that meant that all I'd eat in a day was dried fruit, or yoghurts, or even biscuits, at least I was eating and getting my intake up without feeling overwhelmed by the quanities of food as much as the calories. I'm still finding it really difficult but things are significantly better than they were so I just have to keep trying to move in the right direction. People here have been an absolute Godsend when I was getting stuck
    sounds really great. I'm really happy to hear you're getting better.
    I've also been experimenting with cheap drugstore weight-loss fat burners and metabolism-raisers.

    This has managed to get a good food intake - it's like eating small amounts of food all the time - without feeling guilty. However, I started to depend on them and I started getting a need for more. So 2 tablets a day increased to around 4 or 5 because I wasn't sure what was staying in and what was not when I was purging = money constraints. When I couldn't afford anymore, had to ask mum, she realised I was trying to lose weight and it was humiliating - that look in her eyes that said "Ha. Seriously? You? You'll need a lot more than pills to change that (figure)" .... She ignored me and left it at that.

    So. You can see how events like these cause me to relapse over and over again. I went a month without pills = purging up to 3 or 4 times a day.

    I blagged it off as a bad stomach bug that mum didn't question though I still call on the bug if she hears me to this day. Eating is a horrible feeling nowadays. I feel so bloated with a small amount of food. Now you've said raisins are good calories, I can't eat them now Dammit.

    Did you have family support?
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I'm not such the expert when it comes to eating normally, a combination of anorexia and diabetes makes my list of what I consider "safe" foods that I will eat an extremely limited one. I'm struggling terribly lately, and like you, keep becoming convinced that I've put on weight suddenly halfway through the day.
    I totally sympathize because it's so hard! I guess moving away from your "safe" low-calorie foods will be a good place to start. Try a new thing every day.
    That's what I would do if I had the strength right now, but I've been in a bit of a bad place lately and find I hold onto anorexia (or it holds onto me) like a 'friend' during hard times and I don't want anyone to take it away from me, weird as that sounds.
    Starting to pick up though and when I do, that's when the motivation to change and try new things is at its strongest. I WILL kick anorexia's butt and get my life back. Certainly that's my next step. What did you used to enjoy eating but causes you worry now? Make a little list. Try a little bit when you can. Then try a little more.
    An eating disorder is such a complex illness and it can't undo itself overnight. You need strength and perseverance. Every little baby step counts. The more foods you reintroduce, and the less it causes you distress, the more you win. Be strong, remember you need to get the life back that you deserve
    I can relate to what you've said completely. And Omgosh.... Diabetes? :/ Oh, I'm so sorry. That must be horrible to accommodate with an ED.... Perhaps you've found it easier sometimes?

    What's the list of safe foods you recommend? I'm more ana than mia. They're both close friends but sometimes, one friend can help you through bigger battles than the other.

    I've tried the elastic band technique. The bracelet technique. The.... 2468 technique...

    It's come to a point when I'm questioning how on earth I can regain stability in my life? Will I have a boyfriend? Will I have a social status? ....
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    I can relate to what you've said completely. And Omgosh.... Diabetes? :/ Oh, I'm so sorry. That must be horrible to accommodate with an ED.... Perhaps you've found it easier sometimes?

    What's the list of safe foods you recommend? I'm more ana than mia. They're both close friends but sometimes, one friend can help you through bigger battles than the other.

    I've tried the elastic band technique. The bracelet technique. The.... 2468 technique...

    It's come to a point when I'm questioning how on earth I can regain stability in my life? Will I have a boyfriend? Will I have a social status? ....
    It is really hard, and it's only now that I basically broke down in front of my diabetes nurse begging for help this week that they're finally getting onto my GP to get me referred because he's basically turned me away for a year and said "she's not my problem". Honestly, the attitude to eating disorders in the NHS disgusts me.
    There are honestly days when I just go to bed to avoid stressing about food and injections and all the rest of it because I can't face it and sleeping is easier.
    It must be hard for you having both anorexia and bulimia looks like you're trying really hard too to get over this. I guess introducing things like high-carbohydrate food is a good thing. I'd love to be able to eat things like bread/pasta/rice again without worrying. Or just a small serving of chips alongside what I'm eating for a meal (ie, tiny bit of chicken and a load of vegetables). Or to be able to have a bowl of porridge in the morning, miss it so much.
    Just staple carbohydrates introduced back into your meals might be a start and will certainly help your brain when you have studying to do. My therapist said the reason I find it really hard to follow conversations sometimes is because lack of carbohydrates just starves the brain and makes thinking even of simple things extremely difficult.
    You really do sound like you want to change, and that attitude is key to making a difference. Set yourself goals. Reward yourself every time you achieve something, no matter how small. And keep us updated on your achievements! You can do it
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    Ouch. Wow. God. That's horrible. I can see how this whole ED thing develops in an environment restricted to you like this...

    .......Also, I think you're a star. To go through all that with your family and still fighting strong? Keep going. You're gonna rub those straight A's in your mom's face in August.
    A's in bio and chem, not too difficult, they're not worried about me not meeting my target grades. German... depends on the paper next friday. C, definately, I require 8UMS which is about 8raw marks. Need 65 UMS for a B and 105 for an A. I'd like an A, since I did have to beg for my predicted grade to go up.
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    I've been drinking a lot of hot lemon and honey water... It's meant to be really good for the body but I'm worried about the effects of the lemon on my teeth and.... D'you know anything about that?

    And thank you for taking the time to reply. That was sweet. I didn't expect anyone to say anything and just snub me off as a lunatic.

    ...500cals??? Really? .... Wow. And I know this might be a stupid question, but what is an electrolyte?? How can you know if you've got an imbalance?
    No, it's quite good for you. I would say that if you're worried about your teeth, drink it through a straw so that the liquid doesn't hit your teeth. However, I reckon the honey balances it out and lessens the acidity of the lemon.

    That's alright! We're all here to help one another

    Yep, so you need 500 cals just to keep your brain going. I'd say at least another 500 cals for all your other organs, although it's probably more :P x
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    URGH. WHY can i not bloody focus on anything. I'm writing a german essay, on a topic I've loads to say for, yet I feel I'm writing absolute garbage and I'm scared sir'll be cross with me if it is actually ****.
    • #48
    #48

    Can I ask how old you guys all are?

    I keep getting this stupid thought in my head - I can't have an eating disorder because I'm too old. I'm 22. That sounds ridiculous
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    No, it's quite good for you. I would say that if you're worried about your teeth, drink it through a straw so that the liquid doesn't hit your teeth. However, I reckon the honey balances it out and lessens the acidity of the lemon.

    That's alright! We're all here to help one another

    Yep, so you need 500 cals just to keep your brain going. I'd say at least another 500 cals for all your other organs, although it's probably more :P x
    BMR is usually about 1300+ so it's about 800 more
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I ask how old you guys all are?

    I keep getting this stupid thought in my head - I can't have an eating disorder because I'm too old. I'm 22. That sounds ridiculous
    Yes it is :P you can be any age because it can affect absolutely anyone. No one 'can't' have an eating disorder because of age, race etc. I'm 18 but recovered; was anorexic from 15-16 (started recovery just before 17). Hope you're okay x
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    A's in bio and chem, not too difficult, they're not worried about me not meeting my target grades. German... depends on the paper next friday. C, definately, I require 8UMS which is about 8raw marks. Need 65 UMS for a B and 105 for an A. I'd like an A, since I did have to beg for my predicted grade to go up.
    Me too. They were giving me D's. I threw a fit and demanded my grades go up. I said they were deliberately berating me and would cause me to fail next year. Everyone practically rolled their eyes and made my targets higher. Glad so see I wasn't the only stubborn one.

    And don't worry. You'll totally get the grades
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    No, it's quite good for you. I would say that if you're worried about your teeth, drink it through a straw so that the liquid doesn't hit your teeth. However, I reckon the honey balances it out and lessens the acidity of the lemon.

    That's alright! We're all here to help one another

    Yep, so you need 500 cals just to keep your brain going. I'd say at least another 500 cals for all your other organs, although it's probably more :P x
    But that's a 1000 minimum! I can't intake that much! :/ And hmm.. Your right. I'll drink it through a straw to be on the safe side. So glad I found this thread. I'm feeling lighter (less burdened) already...
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    (Original post by CollateralElement)
    But that's a 1000 minimum! I can't intake that much! :/ And hmm.. Your right. I'll drink it through a straw to be on the safe side. So glad I found this thread. I'm feeling lighter (less burdened) already...
    As Cinnie said, it's actually more than 1000 cals. But there you have it -- your body needs that as a minimum, otherwise it can't function! We're all here to help x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I ask how old you guys all are?

    I keep getting this stupid thought in my head - I can't have an eating disorder because I'm too old. I'm 22. That sounds ridiculous
    You're not too old :P I'll be 21 in September but have been ill since I was 15, it hits people at different ages.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Something interesting to consider.

    Regardless of age the human brain, to function, requires between 510 and 580 calories a day to function ALONE. That means you need to eat at least this per day for your brain to even work beyond basic motor functions (cerebellum is your "subconscious" brain alongside the medulla). On top of this, your liver and kidneys use about 200(ish). That is, to process and filtrate out bad stuff. The body uses these as primary outputs. That means before your lungs, heart, intestines, muscles, skin, hair, ANYTHING is assigned calorie energy for the day, your body already needs like 800 calories.

    To be able.... To think. Costs 800 kcal. To THINK.
    Reposted my own quote from a couple of pages ago as it is relevant now.

    Ps, as for the age thing? I am a 27 year old professional male game developer, with anorexia. If there could be a less typical person fitting the "template", it is me! But I am no longer ashamed, knowing how brutal an ED or other compulsive disorder can ruin a life seemingly beyond control. :-)
 
 
 
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